worth it
October 12, 2024 8:55 AM   Subscribe

Wednesday: I apply to, interview for, and begin an apprenticeship as an electrician. ...I then whittle the fallen log into a tasteful mid-century modern footstool... Friday: I wake up blindfolded and handcuffed to what feels like the mast of a ship [pointsincase]
posted by HearHere (28 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
I chuckled a few times - worth the quick read! I like this: "I use the sewing hook to sabotage the real bachelors’ tuxedos, leaving them completely nude."
posted by davidmsc at 9:10 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I've had weeks like that!

My Swiss Army Knife has come in useful many times...
posted by Windopaene at 9:11 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I have a comically over featured Marlboro branded Swiss army knife and the hook on it has actually come in handy a few times. Used it to pull tension on some thin cord I was using to secure a free standing projector screen and another time I used it for the intended purpose, which is carrying things that have been bundled with twine.
posted by Ferreous at 9:25 AM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I must own 4 or 5 of these pocket knives...Swiss Army Victorinox or something...two are very short, like two inches, promotion merch. The other three have transparent colored casings. A beautiful blue and a green one. I use them all the time. Digging out foot splinters opening resistant childproof meds...pull a wine cork out . I love the tiny useless tweezers and the faux ivory pick
posted by Czjewel at 10:23 AM on October 12 [2 favorites]


For those of us in Western North Carolina, this is a little too close to day to day reality to be funny ha-ha.
posted by rikschell at 10:27 AM on October 12 [2 favorites]


I have a mid-level Leatherman that lives in my bags. It is a "Rebar" that I painted with purple and pink accents and dubbed the "Gay Bar". It's got about a dozen pieces of oddly shaped metal inside it and its main use is probably filing my nails.

Recently I decided to see what life is like if I attached it to my keys, so that it always ends up with me when I'm out, even if I'm just stuffing my keys and wallet in my coat pocket. I don't expect my life to become this sort of torrent of improvisational engineering but it certainly was fun to sit there experimenting with the various non-blade tools while trying to find a more efficient way of picking burrs off of my fall coat than "one at a time with my fingers". At that moment I felt very much like a tool-using mammal.
posted by egypturnash at 11:39 AM on October 12 [2 favorites]


I have the bulkiest heavy duty Leatherman which I keep on my belt most days and it is extremely useful given that a huge chunk of my job is being a facilities manager. I keep a decent pair of tweezers and a sharpie in the sides of the pouch, along with the full bit set they offer.

Lemme tell you, when you're 18 feet off of the ground on an extension ladder and you suddenly need a T15 bit, that thing is a lifesaver. The tweezers I keep on the side of the thing might be used more than any other item in the kit. I keep my nails really short out of habit after working in kitchens for years so having detail grabbers is extremely handy.

At the risk of getting too EDC weirdo, I also keep a constant supply of assorted bandaids in my wallet and being the person who always has bandaids makes you popular. A few weeks back I was riding my bike and saw a toddler walking with his mom slip and scrape his hand. Swung over and gave them a few bandaids and they were extremely happy. I should probably restock them soon
posted by Ferreous at 12:09 PM on October 12 [6 favorites]


I find a Leatherman genuinely helpful, but a phase of my life where I had to fly a lot broke me of the habit of carrying anything I might lose going through airport security. Maybe I should start again.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:27 PM on October 12 [5 favorites]


The day by day usage guide really needs a version from somebody serving in the actual Swiss Army. I imagine military scenerios to be much more geared towards spearing items out of a fondue, tuning cow bells, tensioning watch springs, calibrating ski bindings, bisecting toblerone triangles and lightly threatening people who threaten to disclose banking details.
posted by rongorongo at 12:30 PM on October 12 [11 favorites]


I have a small classic alox victorinox on my keyring on a tiny S carabiner (so I can take it off quickly). it only has the 3 foldouts, along with an aluminium chassis instead of the usual plastic making it very light and thin - it's smaller than several of my keys. I use it daily (mostly at work). The little blade works nicely as a letter/box opener. The flatblade tip will do in a pinch when I don't have a proper screwdriver to hand, and as I keep my nails short it works very nicely as a little lever - getting out network cables, SFP modules from switches, two plastic thingies clipped together etc. I do use the scissors to cut duct tape, that sort of thing. I have a proper set of tools in the office of course, but having some basic little ones that are always on me in unexpected circumstances has saved me a trip many times. The only thing it's missing is the tweezers.

I used to have a larger swiss army knife I'd carry, but it kept wearing holes in my pocket, and it got confiscated one day at the airport when I forgot I'd left it in my laptop bag.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 12:31 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I have the most ridiculous Swiss Army knife. It weights almost half a pound and I think I’ve maybe used 1/3 of its tools. But since it’s so unwieldy I’ve never taken it anywhere, and as a result I’ve had it since the 1990s. And when I really need a tiny pair of scissors or to know which way north is or a corkscrew that is almost useless it’s always there.
posted by lepus at 12:58 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


Not to be That Person, because I did LOL in recognition of myself and others, but... I do actually use a multitool (primarily the Leatherman Skeletool) multiple times a week, for things like opening packages and tightening random annoying loose screws, but also for things like cutting my shoelaces free from the roots they got inexplicably, inextricably entangled in on a walk along the coast.

I don't know if I'd get as much use out of it if it were an actual Swiss Army Knife, though. They're so tiny and yet also so overstuffed!
posted by rhiannonstone at 1:08 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


Gah but the next day homie is putting together some IKEA furniture and the hex keys are missing from the set. He turns to his trusty multitool and is shocked to discover it's only got flat and Phillips heads
posted by potrzebie at 1:43 PM on October 12 [3 favorites]


Inspector gadget has Road flares, multidirectional compass, 200 W spotlight, a foldable fence, and a hawk named stone for long distance recon and special embroidery of a neon rotating Jesus.
posted by clavdivs at 2:13 PM on October 12 [6 favorites]


You know, given the choice of link text, I really thought the tasteful mid-century modern footstool was going to feature more prominently in tfa. Like at least a picture of either an actual tasteful mid-century modern footstool whittled from a fallen log, or an abomination of an attempt at the same.

Also I'm sure I don't want to know how exactly he used the multi-purpose hook to clear his porch of deer droppings. In fact several of his claimed usages make me hope he also has a large package of disinfectant wipes.
posted by Reverend John at 2:13 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I have this little dude who is too bulky for a daily carry, but he's cute and he's come in handy a couple of times.

Victrorinox does make (made?) the Jetsetter, which is the basic one without the blade.
posted by edencosmic at 2:37 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I have a Leatherman 'Juice' or 'Juice 6’, I can’t remember which right now and have no access to it, as well as a great multitude of Victorinox, and I love that Leatherman uses a stainless steel frame rather than the corrodable aluminum frame of all SAKs, which always gets marked up and CANNOT be completely cleaned and looks like crap eventually no matter what I do.

And I love the fact that Leatherman uses a harder, more premium steel for its blades than Vitorinox does, as well as Leartherman's stainless pivot pins , as opposed to the SAK brass, which along with the corrodable aluminum causes the SAKs to tend to bind up, freeze, and become actively dangerous when you’re trying to get them open.

And I love having the ability to steam sterilize the Leatherman, which if you try it with a SAK will cause the plastic bolsters to warp and fall off, or in the case of SAKs with anodized aluminum bolsters such as the ‘Pioneer', 'Electrician', 'Cadet', 'Moneyclip', 'Companion', and etc. will cause the anodization to break down in a singularly unattractive way wherever it happens to be scratched and where the bolster meets the flat SS springs on the back of the knife.

Once I was drying one of my Pioneers, which have red anodized bolsters, on a concave side up watch glass placed at the center of an electric burner on low, forgot about it for ~5-10 minutes, and came back to find that much of the red anodization had evaporated, and much of that had then deposited itself on the blades of the knife, coating them completely and giving them a dark pink cast. When I tried to scratch that blade coating with the sharp blades and the reamer of another SAK, the coating turned out to be harder than the steel, which made no impression. Of course I also must have breathed in quite a bit of the vaporized coating.

But despite the fact that the Leatherman scissors are made from better steel than the SAK scissors, and appear to have a more sophisticated design than Victorinox uses, they won’t cut my nails, for one crucial example, near as well as the SAK scissors do.

Also, the three adjacent screwdriver blades of the Leatherman are very difficult to get open, and when they finally do open, they have a tendency to gouge my thumb.

The Leatherman can opener is terrible because the part designed to penetrate the can is not sharpened, and the part designed to press against the edge of the can and act as the fulcrum when you’re opening a can is as smooth as the blade and has a tendency to slip off.
posted by jamjam at 3:11 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I've carried a German Army knife (also made by Victorinox) for years. It has a large blade, a pointy thing, a saw, a can- opener/screwdriver and a file. So far, I've mostly used just the blade and corkscrew, but the saw has been surprisingly effective at trimming down Christmas tree branches.
Alas, so far, I have never got a chance to remove a stone from a horse's hoof which is what I think the pointy thing is for.
posted by Fuchsoid at 3:18 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


What's a sewing hook?
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:26 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


> how to sew w/🗡️
posted by HearHere at 3:42 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I can tell you from personal experience that if you're a 12-year-old boy at a British boarding school in the 1970s, you will use your Swiss Army Knife on an hourly basis, and accidental injuries and stabbings are surprisingly rare.
posted by Hogshead at 4:38 PM on October 12 [4 favorites]


I am curious which specific model the author has.
posted by adamrice at 4:56 PM on October 12 [1 favorite]


I can tell you from personal experience that if you're a 12-year-old boy at a British boarding school in the 1970s, you will use your Swiss Army Knife on an hourly basis, and accidental injuries and stabbings are surprisingly rare.

Can confirm this is also true for the 1980s. Of course, it is the intentional injuries and stabbings that you want to watch out for, however.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 6:22 PM on October 12 [3 favorites]


I've had multiple knives and am horrible at keeping them. Take them out, set them down. Gone. The longest I've had one is the Gerber multitool that stays on my saddle, and it's strictly for emergencies.

I've lost 'em all, cheap ones and good ones. Another Gerber, Leatherman, Swiss Army, Buck, Schrade.... My favorite is an Old Timer folding knife that fits in the pocket without being bulky.

I'd like another knife because all summer I've been having to walk over to the hay shed and get the big kitchen knife I use to cut bale strings, then walk back to put it away. It's 18' of solid metal, including the handle, that came from the thrift store. Hard to miss.

It would be so convenient to have a pocketknife again. I could get an inexpensive pocketknife, but I know I might as well just throw a $20 bill out the back door.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:21 PM on October 12 [2 favorites]


I have had a knife or multitool on or near me since i was a child.
My current 'load out' is a leatherman squirt ps4 on my person or in my purse and a leatherman free p4 in my backpack.

The last time I used my leatherman was field repairs on my escooter.
When the rear mud guard's growing stress fracture finally disabled the scooter I found a little bit of mangled scrap wire meters away and got to work. Chopped and bent the wire into little staples and then held them with the pliers as one by one they were heated with my lighter then plunged into either side of the fracture, stitching the plastic part back together. Worked so well I just popped a few more staples in when I got home and called it a day.

Before then It helped me make a spear from heavy scrap wire and natural materials.
Before then it helped me cook on an open fire.
Before then it helped me weave a basket.

In between these it's helped me in a multitude little ways too numerous to remember.
I know not everyone is crafting their world quite as enthusiastically but I still don't understand people who get by without these tools.

A relatively recent addition, for when i'm away from my leathermans, is a tiny hand crafted titanium scraper that i use for destroying fascist stickers that occasionally pop up in the neighbourhood while I'm out dog walking.
posted by neonamber at 7:39 PM on October 12 [2 favorites]


One of my vivid childhood memories is the pride I felt in my Dad, who used my shoelace aglet to rescue something (I forget what) before the other dad had a chance to get out his multi tool.

My Dad did become a leatherman dad a little after that though.

I was gifted a Swiss army knife for my 10th birthday. Not long after I removed the tip of my finger with it and it was confiscated for a year... When I got it back I did an impressive slice on my thumb. I don't carry it every day but it's handy. Those little tweezers are good. I haven't had it out for a while because toddlers.
posted by freethefeet at 8:34 PM on October 12 [2 favorites]


After preparing the salad, I learn of a local E. Coli outbreak. I use the tweezers to pick out all the suspicious-looking veggies.

I'm disgusted they didn't rinse their veggies first using the built in hazmat decontamination hose -- do you not have them on your multi-tools?
posted by k3ninho at 12:44 AM on October 13


When I was going through art university all the tools had been stolen by previous generations, and so I learnt the valuable skill of fixing things with what I had - I once repaired a folding table with a packet of cigarette papers and a spoon (wodge papers inside hex nut, use small end of spoon to tighten nut). I think that carrying around a multitool gives you a false consciousness, the idea that you can be prepared for anything that needs to be repaired.
posted by The River Ivel at 12:49 AM on October 13


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