American woman becomes World Champion while King accused of cheating
October 15, 2024 2:58 AM Subscribe
In the big contest of this autumn, Kelci Banschbach, originally from Indianapolis, Indiana, won all her matches to become both Queen Conker and overall winner of the World Conker Championships. Overseas competitors also took home the team title, as ‘The Skuumkoppers’ from the Netherlands won the trophy. However, one competitor thought it suspicious Mr Jakins had "obliterated opponents’ nuts in one hit". St John Burkett, a spokesperson for the World Conker Championships, said the cheating claims were being investigated. Elsewhere: footage from Peckham.
I have read through several articles and am still somewhat confused. But it looks fun, and as a son of the Midwest myself, I am proud of our native ability at pub games of all stripes. All hail her majesty.
posted by Smedly, Butlerian jihadi at 4:02 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
posted by Smedly, Butlerian jihadi at 4:02 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
Nice to learn about conkers. Previously the only game of competitive-food-smashing I'd heard of was egg tapping.
None of the articles (or even the rules of the World Conker Championships) explain what conkers is, but the link to the footage in the OP shows some game play.
posted by hovey at 6:39 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
None of the articles (or even the rules of the World Conker Championships) explain what conkers is, but the link to the footage in the OP shows some game play.
posted by hovey at 6:39 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
Not sure what's more delightful: the phrase "obliterated opponents’ nuts in one hit", the team name Skuumkoppers, or the actual title of the article from Metro, "American becomes world conker champ months after learning game existed."
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:14 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:14 AM on October 15 [1 favorite]
Apparently, he's been cleared of cheating:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJKIbq2FuG8
posted by aleph at 7:33 AM on October 15
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJKIbq2FuG8
posted by aleph at 7:33 AM on October 15
Reminds me of the horrible cheaters at school who would bake their conkers for an hour or soak them in vinegar for a week.
Conkers is a brutal and vicious sport even staying inside the rules - "STAMPSIES!" your opponent would cry as the string slipped from your fingers and the chestnut fell to the ground. And, entirely within the rules, the conker would be stamped upon.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:37 AM on October 15 [4 favorites]
Conkers is a brutal and vicious sport even staying inside the rules - "STAMPSIES!" your opponent would cry as the string slipped from your fingers and the chestnut fell to the ground. And, entirely within the rules, the conker would be stamped upon.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:37 AM on October 15 [4 favorites]
This has reminded me how deadly seriously we took playing conkers during my late 70s/early 80s childhood in the UK. Beat everyone else and become KING OF THE PLAYGROUND at least for that break time.
posted by dowcrag at 7:43 AM on October 15 [3 favorites]
posted by dowcrag at 7:43 AM on October 15 [3 favorites]
We had "STAMPSIES!" as well, which was oft the permanent end of a conker.
We also had "HEADS!" where, if your conker knocked the opponent's conker off the string, they could choose between stamping on it, or hitting the now-defeated opponent on the head with the winning conker. This got banned after a while as too many kids at our school ended up going to the sick bay with head injuries, and a few had the fun ride in the ambulance with flashing lights to hospital with eye injuries. I think someone from the year below permanently lost the sight in one eye and was forever known as "Cyclops" when he came back.
Ah, I miss the good old days.
posted by Wordshore at 7:49 AM on October 15 [5 favorites]
We also had "HEADS!" where, if your conker knocked the opponent's conker off the string, they could choose between stamping on it, or hitting the now-defeated opponent on the head with the winning conker. This got banned after a while as too many kids at our school ended up going to the sick bay with head injuries, and a few had the fun ride in the ambulance with flashing lights to hospital with eye injuries. I think someone from the year below permanently lost the sight in one eye and was forever known as "Cyclops" when he came back.
Ah, I miss the good old days.
posted by Wordshore at 7:49 AM on October 15 [5 favorites]
Me and a couple of friends made money for sweets one autumn by getting to school half an hour early and gathering up all the conkers fallen from the horse chestnut trees and selling them to those lacking in entrepreneurial spirit as they arrived later.
Many tubes of smarties were purchased this way.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:55 AM on October 15 [7 favorites]
Many tubes of smarties were purchased this way.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:55 AM on October 15 [7 favorites]
'Cheesecutters' were the ones to have in my day. Those are the conkers with a flat side due to there being more than one seed in the capsule.
posted by pipeski at 9:01 AM on October 15 [3 favorites]
posted by pipeski at 9:01 AM on October 15 [3 favorites]
→
Conkers is no mere pub game. It's a playground game. It's life-or-death.
→
Eponysterical. But pickling/baking is fair game. Making one out of terracotta clay, kilning it then polishing it with Kiwi Dark Tan was right out, though.
I remember the evil gits who used to weaponize stampsies by "accidentally" aiming for your knuckles so you'd drop your conker. Did anyone else's school have a decider for first hitsy where you'd pick up chestnut leaves and do a tug of war with the stem, and whoever's broke had to receive first hitsy?
posted by scruss at 2:14 PM on October 15
pub games
Conkers is no mere pub game. It's a playground game. It's life-or-death.
→
the chestnut fell to the ground. … posted by thatwhichfalls
Eponysterical. But pickling/baking is fair game. Making one out of terracotta clay, kilning it then polishing it with Kiwi Dark Tan was right out, though.
I remember the evil gits who used to weaponize stampsies by "accidentally" aiming for your knuckles so you'd drop your conker. Did anyone else's school have a decider for first hitsy where you'd pick up chestnut leaves and do a tug of war with the stem, and whoever's broke had to receive first hitsy?
posted by scruss at 2:14 PM on October 15
Put a conker in a paper bag and keep it for next year - it'll harden up quite a bit. I have further wisdom, but it's not for the likes of 'e.
posted by pipeski at 2:59 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]
posted by pipeski at 2:59 PM on October 15 [1 favorite]
Displaced violence, right? and all to the good!
Made more satisfying by the amazing resemblance of chestnut meats in their shells to brains in a skull, a resemblance an ultimate awareness of which is knitted in by calling the game 'Conkers', of course.
Do any of you native players remember knowing and being struck by how much chestnuts resemble brains in a skull?
I only found out about Conkers as a middle aged adult, I think from Moira Tatem's and Iona Opie's (yes, that Iona Opie) wonderful A Dictionary of Superstitions. I can’t recall for sure, but I think rereading about Conkers briefly preceded a dream I had about two naked brains using their coiled spinal cords as springs and crashing together until one of them suffered a catastrophic blowout, which made me realize that the sciatica I had been tormented by for six months was due to a CSF leak from a chronic sinus infection, both of which were cured by a course of antibiotics.
We also had "HEADS!" where, if your conker knocked the opponent's conker off the string, they could choose between stamping on it, or hitting the now-defeated opponent on the head with the winning conker. This got banned after a while as too many kids at our school ended up going to the sick bay with head injuries, and a few had the fun ride in the ambulance with flashing lights to hospital with eye injuries. I think someone from the year below permanently lost the sight in one eye and was forever known as "Cyclops" when he came back.
But the violence is always trying to creep back in, isn’t it?
posted by jamjam at 3:18 PM on October 15
Made more satisfying by the amazing resemblance of chestnut meats in their shells to brains in a skull, a resemblance an ultimate awareness of which is knitted in by calling the game 'Conkers', of course.
Do any of you native players remember knowing and being struck by how much chestnuts resemble brains in a skull?
I only found out about Conkers as a middle aged adult, I think from Moira Tatem's and Iona Opie's (yes, that Iona Opie) wonderful A Dictionary of Superstitions. I can’t recall for sure, but I think rereading about Conkers briefly preceded a dream I had about two naked brains using their coiled spinal cords as springs and crashing together until one of them suffered a catastrophic blowout, which made me realize that the sciatica I had been tormented by for six months was due to a CSF leak from a chronic sinus infection, both of which were cured by a course of antibiotics.
We also had "HEADS!" where, if your conker knocked the opponent's conker off the string, they could choose between stamping on it, or hitting the now-defeated opponent on the head with the winning conker. This got banned after a while as too many kids at our school ended up going to the sick bay with head injuries, and a few had the fun ride in the ambulance with flashing lights to hospital with eye injuries. I think someone from the year below permanently lost the sight in one eye and was forever known as "Cyclops" when he came back.
But the violence is always trying to creep back in, isn’t it?
posted by jamjam at 3:18 PM on October 15
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posted by GenjiandProust at 4:00 AM on October 15