well, you don't need sunscreen at the hospital
October 16, 2024 7:10 PM Subscribe
From Best of Redditor Updates, a heartwarming and strangely hilarious (if also bloody) story of a 19 year old looking after his teenage sister while their parents are away.
Redditor asks r/AskDocs if he should take his younger sister to the ER for her period due to the excessive bleeding and clotting she's experiencing. (Spoiler alert: everyone is fine.) The good redditors of r/AskDocs tell him absolutely yes, and walk him through getting her to the ER, and he keeps everyone updated through the whole process, which includes such gems as the following:
I asked her if she just needs a bigger tampad and she told me to stfu so she’s not even communicating with me at this point. I’ve asked her a few times if she’s okay in there and she tells me “I’m bleeding out Mason what do you think?” So like she’s not unconscious. Idk, I don’t know anything about this but I also know she hates blood and flips out about any minor cut too. Is going to the ER because of a period a thing? Can you bleed too much? I thought there was only a certain amount of blood in the vagina every month. I feel like she’d be more comfortable at home anyway if she’d just take the Tylenol.
Idk what to do.
Okay she’s throwing some extra clothes and shit in a bag. I’m trying to think what my mom would do so I brought water bottles, sunscreen, and snacks. And something to do.Anyway, this story has a reasonably happy conclusion: the sister is fine, and she's diagnosed with Von Willebrand, a bleeding disorder, as are the brother and their mom, since it's a hereditary disorder. The brother is now "SPF 19" in his sister's phone, and their dad calls him Banana Boat.
Commenter: Well, you don’t need sunscreen at the hospital. Extra clothes. Maybe a water bottle. Snacks are good. Insurance card. And call your parents. Didn’t they leave another adult’s number for you to call in an emergency? Do you have another relative?
OOP: Oh shit yeah I gotta tell my parents. Fuck. I mean no they didn’t but I think it’s because I’m the adult?
"Banana Boat" is just brutal. You can feel the love tho.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:49 PM on October 16 [12 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 7:49 PM on October 16 [12 favorites]
I’ve asked her a few times if she’s okay in there and she tells me “I’m bleeding out Mason what do you think?” So like she’s not unconscious. Idk, I don’t know anything about this but I also know she hates blood and flips out about any minor cut too.
This girl knew the way she bled wasn’t right, but her family wouldn’t listen to her, and dismissed her concerns as hypochondria.
When willthey we ever learn? Never.
posted by jamjam at 7:56 PM on October 16 [5 favorites]
This girl knew the way she bled wasn’t right, but her family wouldn’t listen to her, and dismissed her concerns as hypochondria.
When will
posted by jamjam at 7:56 PM on October 16 [5 favorites]
This girl knew the way she bled wasn’t right, but her family wouldn’t listen to her, and dismissed her concerns as hypochondria.
It's not "her family" it's her 19 year old brother, who obviously knows fuck-all about menstruation, as he says. He thinks there's only so much blood the vagina can hold each month, which is non-sensical in so many different ways, I'm inclined to pity him for how his basic education has been neglected. He wasn't dismissing her, he was confused because obviously nobody ever explained to him how this whole thing works. He believed her enough to panic enough to post on reddit and then he took her to the hospital.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:06 PM on October 16 [46 favorites]
It's not "her family" it's her 19 year old brother, who obviously knows fuck-all about menstruation, as he says. He thinks there's only so much blood the vagina can hold each month, which is non-sensical in so many different ways, I'm inclined to pity him for how his basic education has been neglected. He wasn't dismissing her, he was confused because obviously nobody ever explained to him how this whole thing works. He believed her enough to panic enough to post on reddit and then he took her to the hospital.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:06 PM on October 16 [46 favorites]
If "she hates blood and flips out about any minor cut too" and no one took her to the doctor and discovered the bleeding disorder before this, it sure as hell is "her family".
posted by jamjam at 8:13 PM on October 16 [9 favorites]
posted by jamjam at 8:13 PM on October 16 [9 favorites]
"Okay we got here. She threw up a couple times in the car but she said she’s good now. We walked in and she was like dripping down her leg again and they saw that at the desk and maybe how fucking freaked I looked lol and took her back pretty much right away. So they stuck a needle in her with a tube on it basically right away and took vitals and stuff and a bunch of tubes of blood. Idk what these numbers mean but it was BP 79/53 and Pulse 133. She told the nurse she wants me here so I’m here. I texted my mom. We left the sunscreen in the car and my sister said I’m a dumbass for packing it lol. Idk man these fluorescent lights are p bright"
Jesus, BP of 79/53 and pulse of 133! I also have Feelings about him initially being confused/skeptical/dismissive of her serious distress, but glad he eventually did take her to the ER and get her proper care because those vitals are scary.
posted by cnidaria at 8:18 PM on October 16 [9 favorites]
Jesus, BP of 79/53 and pulse of 133! I also have Feelings about him initially being confused/skeptical/dismissive of her serious distress, but glad he eventually did take her to the ER and get her proper care because those vitals are scary.
posted by cnidaria at 8:18 PM on October 16 [9 favorites]
If "she hates blood and flips out about any minor cut too" and no one took her to the doctor and discovered the bleeding disorder before this, it sure as hell is "her family".
It doesn't sound like she bled like that before. That's exactly why she's freaking out. If she bled like that every time she would have thought it was normal. I mean it sounds like if she had bled that way before and no one had taken her to the doctor she would have been dead.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:23 PM on October 16 [8 favorites]
It doesn't sound like she bled like that before. That's exactly why she's freaking out. If she bled like that every time she would have thought it was normal. I mean it sounds like if she had bled that way before and no one had taken her to the doctor she would have been dead.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:23 PM on October 16 [8 favorites]
When will they we ever learn? Never.
This is literally a story about when someone learned.
posted by jacobian at 8:24 PM on October 16 [134 favorites]
This is literally a story about when someone learned.
posted by jacobian at 8:24 PM on October 16 [134 favorites]
I have a blood disorder, not the one mentioned, and it took a long time to twig oh this is not normal and then even longer to have it diagnosed. It took literal charting to go oh that's a litre of blood in two days, that's not normal. The mom having it and not realising either makes total sense because it's not something that is easily quantifiable unless you are using menstrual cups and carefully tracking (recommended - the average is 40-120ml in range, so once you're heading to like more than 200ml, talk to your doctor).
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 8:34 PM on October 16 [6 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 8:34 PM on October 16 [6 favorites]
Once upon a time when I was teaching calculus regularly, I realized that youth was a never ending sea of ignorance, rolling like waves into the classroom year after year.
So, yeah, some people will learn, but there will always be another wave of ignorance to break.
posted by kaibutsu at 9:01 PM on October 16 [16 favorites]
So, yeah, some people will learn, but there will always be another wave of ignorance to break.
posted by kaibutsu at 9:01 PM on October 16 [16 favorites]
I went and read the original thread and completely lost it at
> Alright her vitals now are 101/65 and 80. So better. Also apparently the nurse only asked my blood type because she thought I looked like I was gonna faint watching them do shit with my sister and she was trying to distract me lol. I was over here thinking I was gonna have to donate blood to save her or sum. [link]
posted by congen at 9:17 PM on October 16 [4 favorites]
> Alright her vitals now are 101/65 and 80. So better. Also apparently the nurse only asked my blood type because she thought I looked like I was gonna faint watching them do shit with my sister and she was trying to distract me lol. I was over here thinking I was gonna have to donate blood to save her or sum. [link]
posted by congen at 9:17 PM on October 16 [4 favorites]
I don't want to blame this guy too much. I am just once again registering my belief that we need middle school/high school health curricula that are comprehensive, and medically accurate, and where everybody learns about periods even if they don't (and won't) have them, and likewise everybody learns some basic facts about penises and testicles.
posted by Jeanne at 9:18 PM on October 16 [17 favorites]
posted by Jeanne at 9:18 PM on October 16 [17 favorites]
I don't want to blame this guy too much. I am just once again registering my belief that we need middle school/high school health curricula that are comprehensive, and medically accurate, and where everybody learns about periods even if they don't (and won't) have them, and likewise everybody learns some basic facts about penises and testicles.
Speaking as the single mom of a kid with a penis and testicles, I endorse this message as it would have saved me many phone calls where I ask inappropriately intimate questions of my son's godfather.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:36 PM on October 16 [11 favorites]
Speaking as the single mom of a kid with a penis and testicles, I endorse this message as it would have saved me many phone calls where I ask inappropriately intimate questions of my son's godfather.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:36 PM on October 16 [11 favorites]
This seems wholesome and good.
/person who has menstruated
posted by latkes at 9:43 PM on October 16 [7 favorites]
/person who has menstruated
posted by latkes at 9:43 PM on October 16 [7 favorites]
the nurse . . . thought I looked like I was gonna faint watching them do shit with my sister
In 1992 our 16yo had an asthmatic crisis and we whipped him into hospital as he was turning from blue to grey. In A&E he was fast-tracked through the queue and after a jolt of adrenalin was settled in a cubicle. As the anxious parents sat beside his gurney, they took a blood sample and I felt a need for fresh air. A few minutes later my SO was told "Not to alarm you missus but your husband is two bays down with his feet elevated". I'd never made it outside but had been dexterously caught on the way down by an A&E physician who was taking details from another patient. sorry for patriarchal derail.
posted by BobTheScientist at 11:44 PM on October 16 [10 favorites]
In 1992 our 16yo had an asthmatic crisis and we whipped him into hospital as he was turning from blue to grey. In A&E he was fast-tracked through the queue and after a jolt of adrenalin was settled in a cubicle. As the anxious parents sat beside his gurney, they took a blood sample and I felt a need for fresh air. A few minutes later my SO was told "Not to alarm you missus but your husband is two bays down with his feet elevated". I'd never made it outside but had been dexterously caught on the way down by an A&E physician who was taking details from another patient. sorry for patriarchal derail.
posted by BobTheScientist at 11:44 PM on October 16 [10 favorites]
Loved reading this; thanks for the link.
The sister and the older brother and the mom, as it turns out, all have this hereditary disorder. Which means that they all grew up with a distorted sense of what "normal" bleeding was and what the threshold for worrying would be. (As related in the older brother's comments, the mom is pretty upset at how she's been medically gaslit all her life about what she's been coping with.)
I'm glad the sister's doing much better and several people in the comments have learned that, hey, what they are going through is worrisome and worth getting checked out!
posted by brainwane at 2:12 AM on October 17 [26 favorites]
The sister and the older brother and the mom, as it turns out, all have this hereditary disorder. Which means that they all grew up with a distorted sense of what "normal" bleeding was and what the threshold for worrying would be. (As related in the older brother's comments, the mom is pretty upset at how she's been medically gaslit all her life about what she's been coping with.)
I'm glad the sister's doing much better and several people in the comments have learned that, hey, what they are going through is worrisome and worth getting checked out!
posted by brainwane at 2:12 AM on October 17 [26 favorites]
Worth noting that VWD is a coagulation disorder typically considerably less severe than haemophilia proper (ie Factor VIII or Factor IX deficiency), to the point that it is in fact easily missed by physicians (and, indeed, by patients who may never present with symptoms to a physician). Estimated prevalence is 1/100 with clinically significant prevalence closer to 1/10,000. Primary symptoms can include nosebleeds, bleeding gums, bruising and, as here, heavy menstrual periods - none of which necessarily cause much alarm/appear unusual to patients or physicians. This family has had a bare minimum of three to four generations with VWD which could have been diagnosed - the mother was only retrospectively diagnosed because it is hereditary. As dorothyisunderwood notes above, relatively mild clotting disorders are often genuinely hard to catch and I don't think the family or doctors should be blamed for missing the diagnosis until there was an actual medical emergency. (Now they are diagnosed, though, there's great meds to deal with primary symptoms and, more importantly, it will be on file should anyone need an operation when such information is pretty important. They'll also have been told to tell their dentist for similar reasons.)
posted by deeker at 2:27 AM on October 17 [8 favorites]
posted by deeker at 2:27 AM on October 17 [8 favorites]
To follow up on Brainwane - given there's a pretty high chance someone reading this thread has VWD but, especially as their parent and grandparent has also necessarily had the condition, will have had a distorted view of "normal" bruising, frequency of nosebleeds, heavy periods, etc. hopefully this story leads a few people to ask their doctor if they might have VWD. It's not like haemophilia proper where it's abundantly clear from infancy that something is amiss.
posted by deeker at 2:32 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
posted by deeker at 2:32 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
He wasn't dismissing her, he was confused because obviously nobody ever explained to him how this whole thing works.
Bullshit. Grown men don't know how it works, and most of them had it explained to them too.
This is a nice story, ultimately, since he helped his sister. But the stunning ignorance is worth mentioning.
posted by tiny frying pan at 4:48 AM on October 17
Bullshit. Grown men don't know how it works, and most of them had it explained to them too.
This is a nice story, ultimately, since he helped his sister. But the stunning ignorance is worth mentioning.
posted by tiny frying pan at 4:48 AM on October 17
It's nice story, but it feels just a trifle too well written for me to entirely believe it. This one sets off my cat-fishing alert. The events are things that could have happened, much as written. It's the narrative voice that has me feeling doubts. I game with a lot of 19 year old boys, many of whom are self deprecating and this guy is somehow a trifle too in-role for me to be entirely credulous.
Posting about a sister bleeding out is the kind of thing a cat fisher looking for a quick drama and attention fix would do, and of course any smart and self aware cat-fisher figures out the disease before they start posting. But real, life threatening diseases nobody has heard about before are their stock in trade.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:20 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
Posting about a sister bleeding out is the kind of thing a cat fisher looking for a quick drama and attention fix would do, and of course any smart and self aware cat-fisher figures out the disease before they start posting. But real, life threatening diseases nobody has heard about before are their stock in trade.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:20 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
It's nice story, but it feels just a trifle too well written for me to entirely believe it.
I was just coming in to say the same thing. The level of composure (especially of the initial essay), the quotes from the sister, the "I can't spell the name of the disease but keep nailing "hematologist," the whole thing seems so fake. Not "I stole and then resold heroin from the cartels" fake, but still pretty damn fake.
But assuming for a second that it's not, people in this thread are being pretty fucking smarmy about his hesitence to take his sister to the ER. Not even his own mom knew that her excessive bleeding was a problem, and to tell a 19 year old with even less knowledge that he should have known to immediately take someone to the ER, which in the U.S. could have potentially bankrupted his family, purely on the word of a child... boy that just doesn't seem like a realistic expectation at all.
posted by saladin at 5:30 AM on October 17 [7 favorites]
I was just coming in to say the same thing. The level of composure (especially of the initial essay), the quotes from the sister, the "I can't spell the name of the disease but keep nailing "hematologist," the whole thing seems so fake. Not "I stole and then resold heroin from the cartels" fake, but still pretty damn fake.
But assuming for a second that it's not, people in this thread are being pretty fucking smarmy about his hesitence to take his sister to the ER. Not even his own mom knew that her excessive bleeding was a problem, and to tell a 19 year old with even less knowledge that he should have known to immediately take someone to the ER, which in the U.S. could have potentially bankrupted his family, purely on the word of a child... boy that just doesn't seem like a realistic expectation at all.
posted by saladin at 5:30 AM on October 17 [7 favorites]
This is a nice story, ultimately, since he helped his sister. But the stunning ignorance is worth mentioning.
This seems... really unnecessarily unkind. Like, I am a dude, who took high school health class in the late 90's in an ostensibly forward-thinking place in the US, and I absolutely would have reacted the same way as the guy in this story, because the mechanics of menstruation were taught through a lens of "the uterine wall sheds its lining every month," which VERY MUCH SOUNDS to a person without a uterus who has never menstruated as though there is a small, finite amount of blood that can be lost through this process. I was into my 20's and partnered to someone who DOES have a uterus before I got a sense of what the spectrum of "normal" periods really entailed, and didn't even fully grasp how badly things could go wrong until she became pregnant. I just... never thought to question the mental model I had, for the same reason you've probably never looked up testicular torsion. I can't even imagine coming to terms with all of that, while having guardian-responsibility for the well-being of the human with a an undiagnosed bleeding disorder who is ALSO learning how badly things can go from a normally-routine biological process. Dude kind of presented as a himbo, but I'd be lying if I said I believed I'd have done better as a 19-year-old in his shoes.
posted by Mayor West at 6:16 AM on October 17 [17 favorites]
This seems... really unnecessarily unkind. Like, I am a dude, who took high school health class in the late 90's in an ostensibly forward-thinking place in the US, and I absolutely would have reacted the same way as the guy in this story, because the mechanics of menstruation were taught through a lens of "the uterine wall sheds its lining every month," which VERY MUCH SOUNDS to a person without a uterus who has never menstruated as though there is a small, finite amount of blood that can be lost through this process. I was into my 20's and partnered to someone who DOES have a uterus before I got a sense of what the spectrum of "normal" periods really entailed, and didn't even fully grasp how badly things could go wrong until she became pregnant. I just... never thought to question the mental model I had, for the same reason you've probably never looked up testicular torsion. I can't even imagine coming to terms with all of that, while having guardian-responsibility for the well-being of the human with a an undiagnosed bleeding disorder who is ALSO learning how badly things can go from a normally-routine biological process. Dude kind of presented as a himbo, but I'd be lying if I said I believed I'd have done better as a 19-year-old in his shoes.
posted by Mayor West at 6:16 AM on October 17 [17 favorites]
People freaking out at the sight of blood, especially their own, is a pretty common thing. Expecting a family to see that trait as a sign of a bleeding disorder that's difficult to identify in general is a bit much.
posted by Ferreous at 6:49 AM on October 17 [9 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 6:49 AM on October 17 [9 favorites]
Which means that they all grew up with a distorted sense of what "normal" bleeding was
We all grow up with a distorted of what normal anything is. You grow up in the projects, you think poverty is normal. You grow up with servants, you think everyone had them. You grow up with a bipolar parent, you think adults are all like that. You grow up in a church, you believe everything the group believes.
It sorry of amazing how much unlearning we have to do, especially as teens and young adults.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:06 AM on October 17 [12 favorites]
We all grow up with a distorted of what normal anything is. You grow up in the projects, you think poverty is normal. You grow up with servants, you think everyone had them. You grow up with a bipolar parent, you think adults are all like that. You grow up in a church, you believe everything the group believes.
It sorry of amazing how much unlearning we have to do, especially as teens and young adults.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:06 AM on October 17 [12 favorites]
This is a nice story, ultimately, since he helped his sister. But the stunning ignorance is worth mentioning.
This seems... really unnecessarily unkind
Oh I find it very necessarily unkind, as the sooner ALL MEN wake up and realize they should know the basics about human anatomy of more than half the world's population (trans people with uteruses, included!), particularly if any of them think they should have any opinion the fuck at all about healthcare of those bodies.
I also don't know if this story is real but that's not exactly the point when we still have people being like, geez how could he have known anything about bodies, poor fellow!? Or why would he have listened to her immediately? Huh, is mystery!
This shit is tiring.
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:19 AM on October 17 [1 favorite]
This seems... really unnecessarily unkind
Oh I find it very necessarily unkind, as the sooner ALL MEN wake up and realize they should know the basics about human anatomy of more than half the world's population (trans people with uteruses, included!), particularly if any of them think they should have any opinion the fuck at all about healthcare of those bodies.
I also don't know if this story is real but that's not exactly the point when we still have people being like, geez how could he have known anything about bodies, poor fellow!? Or why would he have listened to her immediately? Huh, is mystery!
This shit is tiring.
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:19 AM on October 17 [1 favorite]
I just don't think an average 19 year old of any gender would be any differently prepared for a sibling's uncontrollable nose bleed.
posted by latkes at 7:43 AM on October 17 [16 favorites]
posted by latkes at 7:43 AM on October 17 [16 favorites]
as the sooner ALL MEN wake up and realize they should know the basics about human anatomy
I feel like there's probably a dividing line here between people who are in contact with teenagers, and people who aren't. You can be an honors student teen and still have big gaps in your health knowledge, just because you're young and haven't been exposed to decades of education about it. It's...like...exceedingly common to share medical knowledge with teens, because they're exiting the time of their lives when their parents knew everything for them, and now they have to know things on their own. But then, this is universally true: Everybody who knows a thing, had a time in their lives prior to when they knew the thing. What possible gain is there to criticize people for not yet knowing a thing they will come to know? Spend that energy teaching a teen instead.
posted by mittens at 7:56 AM on October 17 [23 favorites]
I feel like there's probably a dividing line here between people who are in contact with teenagers, and people who aren't. You can be an honors student teen and still have big gaps in your health knowledge, just because you're young and haven't been exposed to decades of education about it. It's...like...exceedingly common to share medical knowledge with teens, because they're exiting the time of their lives when their parents knew everything for them, and now they have to know things on their own. But then, this is universally true: Everybody who knows a thing, had a time in their lives prior to when they knew the thing. What possible gain is there to criticize people for not yet knowing a thing they will come to know? Spend that energy teaching a teen instead.
posted by mittens at 7:56 AM on October 17 [23 favorites]
I just don't think an average 19 year old of any gender would be any differently prepared for a sibling's uncontrollable nose bleed.
My kid has a condition (which he inherited from me, but somehow is worse off with) that causes serious, uncontrollable nosebleeds. The number one reaction from people of all genders/ages is "Nosebleeds are a thing I understood to be minor/incidental. Are you sure this is actually a big deal? Just try [generic methods of controlling a nosebleed]."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:06 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
My kid has a condition (which he inherited from me, but somehow is worse off with) that causes serious, uncontrollable nosebleeds. The number one reaction from people of all genders/ages is "Nosebleeds are a thing I understood to be minor/incidental. Are you sure this is actually a big deal? Just try [generic methods of controlling a nosebleed]."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:06 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
What possible gain is there to criticize people for not yet knowing a thing they will come to know?
You get to feel superior for a little while. It's fun. Try it the next time someone online doesn't season their chicken in a video.
posted by Captaintripps at 8:09 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
You get to feel superior for a little while. It's fun. Try it the next time someone online doesn't season their chicken in a video.
posted by Captaintripps at 8:09 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
So, the vibe in these comments is weird.
I just wanted to add for reference if this helps anyone: pelvic/abdominal pain and dysmenorrhea in adolescent girls/women are exceedingly difficult to triage by talking to a patient alone. Everyone's sense of "normal" is going to be somewhat limited and subject to bias* when they are a teenager and haven't collected decades of experience with their bodies, or had exposure to other people's experience. That is why the advice I received in my health care training was "if there is any level of concern from anyone, always seek medical evaluation, always do a full work up" because the amount of things that can cause serious health consequences with non-specific symptoms between your knees and your diaphragm is seriously just way too vast to do otherwise.
Assessing bleeding is difficult even for experienced nurses. I don't expect any teen to reliably take vital signs in a stressful situation. Regardless of the details, glad this person asked questions and presented to care.
* reading more comments I'm getting pre-defensive, but let me add when I say "subject to bias" that most often means, in my experience, an adolescent will often be using very non-helpful benchmarks of normalcy from their parents. A lot of people's lives improve a lot when they stop applying their family's dysfunctional expectations on their bodies.
posted by midmarch snowman at 8:34 AM on October 17 [10 favorites]
I just wanted to add for reference if this helps anyone: pelvic/abdominal pain and dysmenorrhea in adolescent girls/women are exceedingly difficult to triage by talking to a patient alone. Everyone's sense of "normal" is going to be somewhat limited and subject to bias* when they are a teenager and haven't collected decades of experience with their bodies, or had exposure to other people's experience. That is why the advice I received in my health care training was "if there is any level of concern from anyone, always seek medical evaluation, always do a full work up" because the amount of things that can cause serious health consequences with non-specific symptoms between your knees and your diaphragm is seriously just way too vast to do otherwise.
Assessing bleeding is difficult even for experienced nurses. I don't expect any teen to reliably take vital signs in a stressful situation. Regardless of the details, glad this person asked questions and presented to care.
* reading more comments I'm getting pre-defensive, but let me add when I say "subject to bias" that most often means, in my experience, an adolescent will often be using very non-helpful benchmarks of normalcy from their parents. A lot of people's lives improve a lot when they stop applying their family's dysfunctional expectations on their bodies.
posted by midmarch snowman at 8:34 AM on October 17 [10 favorites]
Yes, absolutely fuck this teenager for not being perfect from the very beginning and knowing everything that I, a woman in my late 40s who has had approximately thirty two billion periods, know about what is normal and abnormal in menstruation.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on October 17 [13 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:00 AM on October 17 [13 favorites]
Oh Metafilter. Anyway I liked the story, thanks yasaman.
posted by Wretch729 at 9:15 AM on October 17 [7 favorites]
posted by Wretch729 at 9:15 AM on October 17 [7 favorites]
You can be an honors student teen and still have big gaps in your health knowledge, just because you're young and haven't been exposed to decades of education about it
Teenagers are only half way thru their journey as part of the 10K.
The sunscreen thing is interesting in that it is obviously something done without thinking. I wonder how many times the parents told him to bring sunscreen when he was leaving the house for that to be something they did without thinking.
posted by Mitheral at 9:41 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
Teenagers are only half way thru their journey as part of the 10K.
The sunscreen thing is interesting in that it is obviously something done without thinking. I wonder how many times the parents told him to bring sunscreen when he was leaving the house for that to be something they did without thinking.
posted by Mitheral at 9:41 AM on October 17 [3 favorites]
Oh I find it very necessarily unkind, as the sooner ALL MEN wake up and realize they should know the basics about human anatomy of more than half the world's population
proooooooooobably worth looking into the deliberate suppression of meaningful sex education in this country w/particular attention to the rightwing project of tying school funding to the active stifling of real information about sex and bodies since the early 1980s and considering both the absolute lack of comprehensive sex ed and the education system’s longstanding practice of separating girls and boys when menstruation is typically discussed in late elementary school & beyond but go off
posted by knock my sock and i'll clean your clock at 9:56 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
proooooooooobably worth looking into the deliberate suppression of meaningful sex education in this country w/particular attention to the rightwing project of tying school funding to the active stifling of real information about sex and bodies since the early 1980s and considering both the absolute lack of comprehensive sex ed and the education system’s longstanding practice of separating girls and boys when menstruation is typically discussed in late elementary school & beyond but go off
posted by knock my sock and i'll clean your clock at 9:56 AM on October 17 [6 favorites]
and given how much viral social media content involves women saying they didn’t know how their own bodies work (e.g., “no one told me about perimenopause!”) the problem may well be located at a different level of patriarchal oppression than this 19 year old is personally responsible for
posted by knock my sock and i'll clean your clock at 9:58 AM on October 17 [16 favorites]
posted by knock my sock and i'll clean your clock at 9:58 AM on October 17 [16 favorites]
I assume the “stunning ignorance”/missing basics remarks are about the “only so much blood in the vagina” remark? Which, fair enough, is wrong on a couple of levels. But the knowledge that matters in this scenario - how much bleeding is normal - strikes me as rather less obvious and is something I understand to show a fair amount of individual variation. The note I’d give on that front is “just listen to your sister, okay.” The “I thought there was a fixed amount of blood” assumption actually kind of ends up pointing in the right direction here.
posted by atoxyl at 10:54 AM on October 17 [1 favorite]
posted by atoxyl at 10:54 AM on October 17 [1 favorite]
Oh I find it very necessarily unkind, as the sooner ALL MEN wake up and realize they should know the basics about human anatomy of more than half the world's population (trans people with uteruses, included!),
I would guess that many teenage people with uteruses are also deficient in the basics of human anatomy. I'm not sure how being unkind helps young people learn things they were never taught. But you do you.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:16 AM on October 17 [4 favorites]
The sister shows a very relatable combination of "please don't leave me for anything" and "I will not stop razzing you for even an instant". Siblings!
posted by Emmy Rae at 11:26 AM on October 17 [8 favorites]
posted by Emmy Rae at 11:26 AM on October 17 [8 favorites]
I just think it's a little weird that the guy had time to type up that entire story in the initial post while his sister was actively bleeding out and he was trying to make the ER decision. I would have called 911 in that circumstance, not posted on Reddit.
posted by Soliloquy at 11:46 AM on October 17
posted by Soliloquy at 11:46 AM on October 17
I just think it's a little weird that the guy had time to type up that entire story in the initial post while his sister was actively bleeding out and he was trying to make the ER decision. I would have called 911 in that circumstance, not posted on Reddit.
When my wife was again being rushed into the hospital before her untimely death, and I was calling 911 and navigating her through admissions, i was also texting her mom, a nurse, for advice and to keep her in the loop.
I kept texting because it helped keep me focused and calm knowing that I was texting a trusted and knowledgeable source in a very unfamiliar and scary situation. This kid gets a big thumbs up from for handling this pretty well. Plus there’s a lot of waiting during admissions or even waiting to be seen by the doctor. I’d be upset if he wasn’t using his resources to get help.
Also worth noting that the mom was upset to learn that she suffered from this condition also and that it explained a lot of difficulties she had had.
Overall, yes, society needs to do better with education about women’s health, but I see no reason to fault this kid for his ignorance. He clearly cared and was doing his limited best and that definitely mattered in this situation . He did damn good and gets a hug and pat on the back for his reactions.
He said he wants to be a teacher and it sounds like he’s gonna be a damn good one.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:18 PM on October 17 [7 favorites]
When my wife was again being rushed into the hospital before her untimely death, and I was calling 911 and navigating her through admissions, i was also texting her mom, a nurse, for advice and to keep her in the loop.
I kept texting because it helped keep me focused and calm knowing that I was texting a trusted and knowledgeable source in a very unfamiliar and scary situation. This kid gets a big thumbs up from for handling this pretty well. Plus there’s a lot of waiting during admissions or even waiting to be seen by the doctor. I’d be upset if he wasn’t using his resources to get help.
Also worth noting that the mom was upset to learn that she suffered from this condition also and that it explained a lot of difficulties she had had.
Overall, yes, society needs to do better with education about women’s health, but I see no reason to fault this kid for his ignorance. He clearly cared and was doing his limited best and that definitely mattered in this situation . He did damn good and gets a hug and pat on the back for his reactions.
He said he wants to be a teacher and it sounds like he’s gonna be a damn good one.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:18 PM on October 17 [7 favorites]
I just think it's a little weird that the guy had time to type up that entire story
There are some posts on the Green…
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:27 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
There are some posts on the Green…
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:27 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
I just think it's a little weird that the guy had time to type up that entire story
Voice to text would have gone pretty quickly, I think. VtT is fantastic IMO and I pretty much use it whenever possible.
As to the story itself, I currently lean toward true as what would be the end goal of a made up story, raising aware of VWD? Hs lack of expertise on bleeding didn't surprise me as I, a grown adult who has worked in medicine for years, didn't go in for treatment of recurrent nosebleeds that were making me late to work until my partner literally made the appt for me and took me there.
Regardless, congrats to the r/askdocs community! They pulled together well and showed their expertise.
posted by beaning at 12:52 PM on October 17
Voice to text would have gone pretty quickly, I think. VtT is fantastic IMO and I pretty much use it whenever possible.
As to the story itself, I currently lean toward true as what would be the end goal of a made up story, raising aware of VWD? Hs lack of expertise on bleeding didn't surprise me as I, a grown adult who has worked in medicine for years, didn't go in for treatment of recurrent nosebleeds that were making me late to work until my partner literally made the appt for me and took me there.
Regardless, congrats to the r/askdocs community! They pulled together well and showed their expertise.
posted by beaning at 12:52 PM on October 17
OK, I was on team "The kid is allright", but then I read this:
I mean, just believe her when she says she needs to go to the emergency room. Has she asked to go to the emergency room earlier the same week or something?
He's youngish, and I don't blame him specifically - he's living in the wider culture. That's the root of the problem.
posted by amtho at 1:03 PM on October 17
she says “I think we need to go to the ER”. I’m like why? And she tells me this is more blood than she’s ever had and she doesn’t feel good. But periods are supposed to suck right?The real issue is this: a 15-year-old person says something is wrong with her body, and the male who has the power to get her medical attention or not (because he's the only one who can drive), and who explicitly is responsible for her, doesn't believe her. In fact, is so dismissive, that he won't risk driving her because he's afraid his parents will disapprove -- he expects that his parents also won't believe she knows her own body. This is even with her giving specific, validating details: she's never had this much blood, and she's even _holding a wad of blood_ in her hand.
I mean, just believe her when she says she needs to go to the emergency room. Has she asked to go to the emergency room earlier the same week or something?
He's youngish, and I don't blame him specifically - he's living in the wider culture. That's the root of the problem.
posted by amtho at 1:03 PM on October 17
Yes, absolutely fuck this teenager for not being perfect from the very beginning and knowing everything that I, a woman in my late 40s who has had approximately thirty two billion periods, know about what is normal and abnormal in menstruation.
also periods are super weird even when everything is okay! the amount of bleeding and pain can vary WILDLY especially for someone in the first few years after menarche. and the ER fucking sucks, and as someone has already pointed out, can be financially ruinous in the US. “is there something else we should try at home first?” is a reasonable question and one I could also very easily imagine being asked by someone who does menstruate
posted by Why Is The World In Love Again? at 1:12 PM on October 17 [5 favorites]
also periods are super weird even when everything is okay! the amount of bleeding and pain can vary WILDLY especially for someone in the first few years after menarche. and the ER fucking sucks, and as someone has already pointed out, can be financially ruinous in the US. “is there something else we should try at home first?” is a reasonable question and one I could also very easily imagine being asked by someone who does menstruate
posted by Why Is The World In Love Again? at 1:12 PM on October 17 [5 favorites]
The real issue is this: a 15-year-old person says something is wrong with her body, and the male who has the power to get her medical attention or not (because he's the only one who can drive), and who explicitly is responsible for her, doesn't believe her.
Except it isn't.
My brother and I are about the same age difference. To use the nosebleed analogy above, if at 19 my 15-year-old brother had come to me telling me he's having a really bad nosebleed and thinks he needs to go to the ER I absolutely would have doubted him and wondered what the big deal is, it's just a little nosebleed. It's a natural reaction based on ignorance.
Some people really really really want to make this into something it just isn't. Maybe step back and take a breather.
posted by star gentle uterus at 1:30 PM on October 17 [5 favorites]
Except it isn't.
My brother and I are about the same age difference. To use the nosebleed analogy above, if at 19 my 15-year-old brother had come to me telling me he's having a really bad nosebleed and thinks he needs to go to the ER I absolutely would have doubted him and wondered what the big deal is, it's just a little nosebleed. It's a natural reaction based on ignorance.
Some people really really really want to make this into something it just isn't. Maybe step back and take a breather.
posted by star gentle uterus at 1:30 PM on October 17 [5 favorites]
Stepping further back, women’s movements in the US at least has had serious tension my whole life between representing menstruation as naturally no big deal, to be treated if otherwise, and as a serious burden. The Ledbetter post (with Goldin links) reminded me.
posted by clew at 1:46 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
posted by clew at 1:46 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
Honestly, I think the guy did okay. Yeah, he didn't take her straight to the ER the second she asked, but I don't think it was unreasonable for him to wonder if her situation was ER-worthy, based on his limited knowledge. Given the potential consequences of an unnecessary ER trip (the cost, the parents' reaction, the possible wait time), I don't blame him for second-guessing. Like, he doesn't know if this is ER-worthy, and he doesn't know if his sister knows either.
Like, yes, yes, believe people about their own bodies, but sometimes we are really bad judges of that kind of thing, especially when blood is involved, because we freak out at the sight of blood! Like, you might have a bad nosebleed and freak out and think, "oh my god, I need to go to the ER, what if my brains are leaking out my nose" and then you get a reality check from someone like, "soaking a couple tissues in ten minutes isn't a big deal, tilt your head back and wait a bit," and they're right, or alternatively, "you've soaked three towels in ten minutes?? go to the ER." (or whatever the threshold is, I genuinely don't know when it comes to nosebleeds which rather proves the point.) I agree that it's not unreasonable for the brother to be wondering if this is something that can be handled without an ER visit, given his limited knowledge.
Ultimately he did the right thing in time to get her help, and he did what you'd want someone who's genuinely unsure to do: he asked more knowledgeable people for help. Granted, he asked Reddit instead of a nurse advice line, but the end result is the same: he gets told to go to the ER with her ASAP, and he does.
I was in a similar position with my older brother once where I tripped and landed on my wrist and was like "I think I broke it," while crying and he went, "no, it's probably fine, relax," because I was a child and crying over an injury wasn't proof that something was very wrong. I had in fact fractured my wrist, but I didn't blame him for not magically knowing that versus it being an ice and rest situation.
posted by yasaman at 1:47 PM on October 17 [4 favorites]
Like, yes, yes, believe people about their own bodies, but sometimes we are really bad judges of that kind of thing, especially when blood is involved, because we freak out at the sight of blood! Like, you might have a bad nosebleed and freak out and think, "oh my god, I need to go to the ER, what if my brains are leaking out my nose" and then you get a reality check from someone like, "soaking a couple tissues in ten minutes isn't a big deal, tilt your head back and wait a bit," and they're right, or alternatively, "you've soaked three towels in ten minutes?? go to the ER." (or whatever the threshold is, I genuinely don't know when it comes to nosebleeds which rather proves the point.) I agree that it's not unreasonable for the brother to be wondering if this is something that can be handled without an ER visit, given his limited knowledge.
Ultimately he did the right thing in time to get her help, and he did what you'd want someone who's genuinely unsure to do: he asked more knowledgeable people for help. Granted, he asked Reddit instead of a nurse advice line, but the end result is the same: he gets told to go to the ER with her ASAP, and he does.
I was in a similar position with my older brother once where I tripped and landed on my wrist and was like "I think I broke it," while crying and he went, "no, it's probably fine, relax," because I was a child and crying over an injury wasn't proof that something was very wrong. I had in fact fractured my wrist, but I didn't blame him for not magically knowing that versus it being an ice and rest situation.
posted by yasaman at 1:47 PM on October 17 [4 favorites]
It's nice story, but it feels just a trifle too well written for me to entirely believe it.
I admit, I'm a little skeptical too. But if it is, it was well done and not relying on the usual AITA-type bait.
posted by tavella at 1:53 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
I admit, I'm a little skeptical too. But if it is, it was well done and not relying on the usual AITA-type bait.
posted by tavella at 1:53 PM on October 17 [1 favorite]
Honestly it'd probably be worse between teen brothers cause our first instinct is to make fun of the other one for whining.
posted by star gentle uterus at 1:58 PM on October 17
posted by star gentle uterus at 1:58 PM on October 17
I would have called 911 in that circumstance, not posted on Reddit.
So, when I was a kid, it was repeatedly drilled into us to never, ever call 911 unless someone is actually in the process of dying right then. Like, cops doing school visits and basically threatening Dire Consequences ("your parents can GO TO JAIL") if we even so much as thought about calling 911 when someone wasn't visibly unresponsive or if the house wasn't in the process of burning down.
So much so, that even now with our small-town emergency services being condensed and consolidated, and now we're supposed to call 911 for everything from a vicious dog to someone double parked, to a robbery in progress or a house fire, all that cop scare talk made such an impression on young me that I never call 911, even when I really probably should. I don't know what this kid's lived experience is like, but I can totally see making a reddit post or something instead of making a Possibly Unnecessary 911 Call for fear of Dire Consequences.
posted by xedrik at 1:58 PM on October 17 [2 favorites]
So, when I was a kid, it was repeatedly drilled into us to never, ever call 911 unless someone is actually in the process of dying right then. Like, cops doing school visits and basically threatening Dire Consequences ("your parents can GO TO JAIL") if we even so much as thought about calling 911 when someone wasn't visibly unresponsive or if the house wasn't in the process of burning down.
So much so, that even now with our small-town emergency services being condensed and consolidated, and now we're supposed to call 911 for everything from a vicious dog to someone double parked, to a robbery in progress or a house fire, all that cop scare talk made such an impression on young me that I never call 911, even when I really probably should. I don't know what this kid's lived experience is like, but I can totally see making a reddit post or something instead of making a Possibly Unnecessary 911 Call for fear of Dire Consequences.
posted by xedrik at 1:58 PM on October 17 [2 favorites]
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