Griping in the Guts or Gangrene?

October 22, 2024 12:55 PM

17th Century Death Roulette ☠️. What it says on the tin. Click twice to find out how you died. The death options are taken from the reports of deaths London in the 1600.
posted by gentlyepigrams (52 comments total)

In the week of October 17th, 1665 you died from Collick
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:01 PM on October 22

Surfeit, huh? Hey, not that bad a way to go I guess.
posted by General Malaise at 1:09 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Lethargy. Sounds about right…
posted by ElasticParrot at 1:12 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

Goddamn rickets.
posted by whatevernot at 1:13 PM on October 22

"Found dead in the street at Saint Bartholomew's."

Crossing that off the places to visit.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 1:16 PM on October 22 [4 favorites]

Cough. I can't help but suspect there's probably more to this.
posted by tommasz at 1:16 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

"Rising of the Lights" sounded like a cool way to go until I looked it up.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 1:17 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

“Frighted”, appropriate for spoopy season I suppose. 👻💀
posted by Mizu at 1:20 PM on October 22

Dropsie
(swelling due to fluid retention)


**pushes corn chips away**
posted by mefireader at 1:26 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

"Wormes" I'm afraid. I hope I went with dignity.
posted by Dotty at 1:29 PM on October 22

griping in the guts.
Takes corn chip (fewer gripes)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 1:31 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

I got Tissick, Bloody flux, and finally Consumption.

At least I wasn't the poor soul who starved in the White Lyon Prison at Southwark.
posted by tavella at 1:37 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

Drowned in a Brewers well at Saviours Southwark.

I blame Daniel Defoe.
posted by clavdivs at 1:39 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

"Wormes" I'm afraid. I hope I went with dignity.

Probably more so than me: "Winde."
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:48 PM on October 22 [6 favorites]

“Killed by a fall from the Belfrey at Alhallows the Great”

Google tells me Alhallows the Great church burned down during the Great Fire of 1666, so I guess simple bad timing on my part.
posted by JimInSYR at 1:50 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Grief [*utters long, drawn-out, dying wail*]
posted by thomas j wise at 1:58 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

I died from infants. Yep, infants. They'll get you every time.
posted by senor biggles at 2:09 PM on October 22 [4 favorites]

"Drowned in a Brewers well at Saviours Southwark"
posted by RonButNotStupid at 2:11 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

WHATS GOING ON IN SOUTHWARK.
posted by clavdivs at 2:14 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

"Feaver" on May 23rd. Which was apparently a Saturday. Wonder if I died at night?
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 2:14 PM on October 22 [7 favorites]

Aged. I wonder how aged, specifically.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:19 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

Livergrown. I'm afraid to ask.
posted by PussKillian at 2:23 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

WHATS GOING ON IN SOUTHWARK.

If you have ask, you really don’t want to know.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:37 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Terrifying how big a category "Teeth" is every week.
posted by lookoutbelow at 2:40 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

In the week of April 25th, 1665 I was Murthered at St. Paul Covent Garden
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:05 PM on October 22 [4 favorites]

Aged. How lucky is that?? Tho probably if I was in my 50s (which I am) that would be impressive..
posted by annieb at 3:10 PM on October 22

KINGSEVIL

Known in boring modern medicine as

mycobacterial cervical lymphadenitis
posted by caviar2d2 at 3:15 PM on October 22 [5 favorites]

Mouldfallen …. Um
posted by caviar2d2 at 3:18 PM on October 22

Teeth, Flux, Rising of the Lights, and Starved at Stepney
posted by pipeski at 3:21 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Hopefully not concurrently.
posted by pipeski at 3:22 PM on October 22

Kingsevil as well.

I can’t be the only one yo note that it doesn’t proportion the odds according to the number of deaths of each type within a week…
If so there’d be a lot more plague results.
posted by meinvt at 3:33 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Killed with a fall off a Horse at St. Martin in the fields.
posted by 3.2.3 at 3:34 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

Feaver? Come on! *tries again*
Grief? All right, I suppose.
posted by epj at 3:42 PM on October 22

London Bills of Mortality previously
posted by mbrubeck at 3:53 PM on October 22

Yes, what's up with "Teeth". First of all, whose teeth, second of all, what.
posted by Hermione Dies at 3:54 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

"Suddenly"

I mean. I'll take it
posted by potrzebie at 3:57 PM on October 22 [6 favorites]

all very malevolent! [MetaFilter's own]
posted by chavenet at 4:14 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

chavenet, I didn't know that! Yay for mefi's own!
posted by gentlyepigrams at 5:17 PM on October 22

Teeth… dental hygiene back then was pretty scarce. Infections in the mouth can spread throughout the body. Given that antibiotics were century’s away, infection of any kind could bring you down.

People lost teeth all the time. But there were these “dentists” standing on street corners who would extract good teeth and pay a few pence for them. No local anesthetic then. They were then sold to rich types to be placed in the gaps of their dentition, early dental implants. I think they wired them in. But they didn’t stay in.

Any mention of leeches?
posted by njohnson23 at 5:45 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

French pox a couple of times (glad we can treat that now!), a few other random things, but I stopped when I got something completely unfamiliar: Rising of the Lights. Based on Abehammerb Lincoln's comment, I'm afraid to look it up.
posted by inexorably_forward at 6:16 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

I was Killed with a Cart at St. Giles Cripplegate.

Aptly named location, I guess?
posted by cinnamonduff at 6:17 PM on October 22 [2 favorites]

Rising of the Lights is lung disease. Lights was a term used for lungs as a food ingredient.
posted by njohnson23 at 6:19 PM on October 22 [3 favorites]

French Pox!!! (syphilis)
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:31 PM on October 22

Whew these are awful! I couldn’t go to bed until I got “Killed by a fall from the Belfrey at Alhallows the Great”
posted by toodleydoodley at 9:03 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

In the week of January 3rd, 1665 you died from Scurvy.
*Pushes corn chips away, searches for vegetables*
posted by dg at 11:01 PM on October 22 [1 favorite]

To save you from having to look up (some of) these ailments, 15 Other Diseases that Could Have Killed You During London's Great Plague (Mental Floss)

I was pretty mesmerized by this roulette! My first three were Teeth, Wormes, and Winde. Yikes.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:15 AM on October 23

WHATS GOING ON IN SOUTHWARK.

Southwark was London's poorest, most disease-ridden and lawless borough for centuries. The city's richest and most powerful citizens ensured all the dirty or violent stuff they didn't want on their own doorsteps was placed across the river in Southwark instead. One historian I've discussed it with compared it to 1970s Tijuana - a dangerous border town where wild young men went to raise hell for a few hours before fleeing back home to their comfortable lives.
posted by Paul Slade at 12:20 AM on October 23 [7 favorites]

"You have died of dysentery"

No, wait. That happens later.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 2:41 AM on October 23 [3 favorites]

In the week of January 3rd, 1665 you died from

Teeth
posted by R. Mutt at 4:58 AM on October 23

God, human history is really just a constant parade of horrors until about 1965, isn't it.
posted by rhymedirective at 6:38 AM on October 23

Hey folks, check out this cool indie horror title generator I found: [it's the same link]
posted by Hermione Dies at 7:18 AM on October 23

“You have been eaten by a grue.”
posted by TedW at 7:22 AM on October 23