Are you declaring war on the United States, Bob?

November 23, 2024 6:34 AM

How I Got My Laser Eye Injury Phil B. - Funranium Labs

His "Laser Products I Hate" [previously] is something I find myself pointing people to on at least a biannual basis.

posted by Mitheral (20 comments total)

So many layers of idiocy. What a tale.
posted by rory at 6:47 AM on November 23 [2 favorites]

I work at a $LASER_COMPANY whose equipment, while not as strong as this, can easily destroy eyes, burn skin and, at close range, set dark clothing on fire. Even a slight kink in the thick fibre optic cables carrying all those photons can cause them to fail in frightening fashion. Scattered reflective injury is no joke.
posted by CynicalKnight at 6:59 AM on November 23 [2 favorites]

Wow! What a story!
posted by brainwane at 7:40 AM on November 23 [1 favorite]

Funranium FTW. Always relevant warning sign.
posted by lalochezia at 7:51 AM on November 23 [7 favorites]

”DO NOT HURT THE SAFETY PERSON.” This reminds me of an old meme from back in the day referencing ”safety clown.”
posted by hankmajor at 8:09 AM on November 23

Hey, did you know, if you put a parabolic mirror in the path of a pulsed laser, you can strip the electrons off air for your very own, but very small, ball lightning? At least, until the laser ablates through the mirror coating and whatever is in the beam path.

I don't regret my switch from science to software, but I do miss working with people in the labs. Amidst the boredom of research, there's an unhinged creativity that can happen that I haven't encountered anywhere else.
posted by SunSnork at 8:29 AM on November 23 [6 favorites]

Good lord, the laser place was really in a bad location if any goobers decided to wheel a laser outside to shoot at reflective stuff. Need a no-goober hiring policy.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:48 AM on November 23 [2 favorites]

I think the lesson is that you don’t let people have ideas unsupervised, and, because the danger increases by the cube of the participants, in groups. One person can have a bad idea; 5 people working together in a positive and supportive way? Whoo, Nelly.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:58 AM on November 23 [10 favorites]

Quite the story, and of course, some important and sobering information about lasers.

I recall reading a post from some naif who was freehanding (or maybe just assing around) with a solid-state laser and managed to flash an eyeball from a reflection. He was trying to draw traffic to his GoFundMe page for some pricy retinal procedure...

I, um, have one of those little open-frame kit laser engravers. I've been pretty cautious about where and when to use it, and I've upgraded my goggles... but I now wanna revisit that to confirm protection at the wavelengths of my laser. I note that the newer kits have a light filter right around the laser itself, to catch any reflections from the work. I might retrofit mine with that. Anyway, these things demand respect for safety, particularly if the manufacturer didn't include sufficient protection in the bare offering.

Lasing common materials (including wood) produces fumes that are often toxic, so proper ventilation is as important as optical protection.
posted by Artful Codger at 9:00 AM on November 23 [4 favorites]

the lesson is that you don’t let people have ideas unsupervised

Oh, but so often in my experience, the idea-person is the supervisor!
posted by Rash at 9:38 AM on November 23 [1 favorite]

I worked on the team that invented a good chunk of modern scanning lasik. We used really strong protocols to make sure that no one was injured. I also spent time with powerful military lasers and their requirements were even tighter.

Like, the yearly mandatory safety brief involved videos of monkey eyes being instantly boiled. After that you don’t screw around
posted by pdoege at 10:17 AM on November 23 [6 favorites]

Oh man, Funraniun is awesome. His Black Blood of the Earth is amazing stuff, too.

I just sent this story to a buddy who is the catch-all mechanic at an LCD optics lab adjacent to a local university. He can very much relate.
posted by slogger at 10:39 AM on November 23 [1 favorite]

Funranium really does not like that "remaining eye" warning sign and has posted about it, though I can't find the link right now. IIRC because of the jocular tone about what is serious business.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:39 AM on November 23

Funranium is an excellent follow on Bluesky.
posted by maudlin at 12:36 PM on November 23 [3 favorites]

There is a nostalgia to this kind of media, a highly competent, cantankerous, grump really letting the world know what for. When everyone gave up blogs and moved to twitter and facebook this kind of highly strange content was all lost, or driven deep into niche communities.

I hope this kind of thing blossoms again at some point, I miss that old weird internet.

Thanks for digging some of it up and sharing.
posted by stilgar at 2:12 PM on November 23 [13 favorites]

My son works for a biotech startup that uses plenty of lasering.

He seems to understand how scary they can be. And seems to have a good handle on it.

Bob, not so much. Don't think my son would be cool with this either.

Fucking management/sales bozos...
posted by Windopaene at 2:18 PM on November 23

Wow, what a crazy story. Wonder how Bob is doing these days.
posted by fridgebuzz at 3:33 AM on November 24

Bob might have lost his job because the Military noticed, and he's now in a SuperMax somewhere...
posted by Windopaene at 10:21 AM on November 24

This is the golden age of unregulated lasers. One can order all kinds of stupidly powerful stuff from China and get it delivered to your door. Kind of like drones a decade or so ago.

And similar to how the advances in consumer drone warfare have made it all the way from Ukraine to small time gangs bombing each other in developing countries, I expect to see some group blinding whole squads if their opposition with $300 “rust removal” laser from Ali Express. No need for a quarter million dollar laser from 1999.

Personally I am terrified of consumer lasers this day. I have retinal damage just from sunlight reflecting of a slightly concave wall while working outdoors. I have all kinds of dangerous tools, but everything I have either smells, makes a loud noise, or has clearly visible shiny sharp parts that let you know you are about to lose a body part. With lasers, if you are lucky enough to be working on the visible spectrum, by the time you notice the laser is on it is too late. My laser cutting I outsource to the local hobbyist in exchange for the occasional soft metal milling or 3d printing.
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:21 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]

Hilarious story, but damn, after reading these two posts, now I gotta worry about lasers on top of everything else.
posted by ejs at 1:16 PM on November 24 [1 favorite]