Jingle-Rock-Bell in 2024

December 18, 2024 8:45 AM

Jingle-Rock-Bell: The worst and best holiday song ever As another year draws to a close, and some face the future with worry, one thing remains a constant in our lives: the instinctive, full-body flinch when you hear Jingle-Rock-Bell.

"Previously"? It's all previouslies!

In 2018, a file was posted to display the lyrics on-screen for karaoke enthusiasts who might be brave enough to attempt it in public, like this guy.

There's a YouTube video which has stood for most of a decade without a single successful DMCA takedown notice.

If you need to either grind the ear worm deeper or try to pry it out, you can try the aversion therapy of Endless Jingling.

Sadly, the ur-text seems to be a 302 redirect now, and it saddens me not to be able to go back to primary sources for PinkStainlessTail's original, lo these twenty years ago. *shakes fist at the sky* Damn you, bitrot! But thankfully, I believe that the link under "Jingle-Rock-Bell," above, is a repost of that same track thanks to Lentrohamsanin.

posted by wenestvedt (41 comments total)

This is one of my top ten Xmas tunes and I play it every year at our traditional Xmas Eve party and it never fails to piss someone off. I love it so.
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 8:54 AM on December 18, 2024 [10 favorites]

Thank you for this wonderful post! I feel engulfed by good cheer!
posted by cupcakeninja at 8:55 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

Always be true to your yule.
posted by whatevernot at 8:58 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

This is the worst holiday song?!!! Sorry, but "Sleigh Ride" makes "Jacquelle-Rock-Brel" sound like "Stairway to Heaven."
posted by PlusDistance at 9:07 AM on December 18, 2024

And what about Little Drummer Boy??

Well, maybe this one is worse.
posted by MtDewd at 9:10 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

"Jingle Rock Bell" may as well be a Beethoven symphony when compared to the worst Christmas song I have heard.
posted by stannate at 9:15 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

Best Xmas song EVAR
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 9:21 AM on December 18, 2024

Ringle jock.
posted by heyforfour at 9:23 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

Worst?!? No way no how. You cannot do worse than this soulless dreck
posted by jerome powell buys his sweatbands in bulk only at 9:24 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

The nine-year-old has been pestering me to play Jingle Rock Bell for at least a couple weeks now but frankly it is not a mere treat to be gobbled up like crappy candy thrown willy-nilly from a shabby float in a mediocre parade, it is a delicacy to be anticipated and savored
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:26 AM on December 18, 2024 [7 favorites]

And what about Little Drummer Boy??

If Joan Jett can’t put you over, you can not be put over.
posted by Lemkin at 9:30 AM on December 18, 2024 [1 favorite]

Bell roooooock jingle to all.
posted by deludingmyself at 9:31 AM on December 18, 2024 [1 favorite]

I kind of like it. For me, as ever, this is the worst. Though many people hate my home town's goofy Christmas song claim to fame.
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:43 AM on December 18, 2024

Somehow over the years I'd gotten it into my head that this was Cortex's doing, so I'm glad to be able to properly credit PinkStainlessTail now.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:44 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

In 2018, a file was posted to display the lyrics on-screen for karaoke enthusiasts who might be brave enough to attempt it in public, like this guy.


Oh man. I was lucky enough to make it to karaoke at the Blue Frog with Chicago MeFites once ages and ages ago. It was fantastically epic for me (and like, a Thursday for them). Thanks for resurrecting the memory!
posted by EvaDestruction at 9:44 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

this is an abomination, and not the fun kind.

these tidings can not be untied.
posted by Sauce Trough at 9:44 AM on December 18, 2024

What in the world is with all the hate for Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime"?

The song is a hoot.
posted by Ayn Marx at 9:47 AM on December 18, 2024 [4 favorites]

Right, you're banned.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:51 AM on December 18, 2024 [10 favorites]

I don’t have quite the same hate for Wonderful Christmastime that I used to, but the keening synth note that persists almost from the start of the song to the finish (with occasional lapses in case your ear has become habituated to it) does seem almost intentional as an aural torture device.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:00 AM on December 18, 2024 [5 favorites]

Is Jingle Bell Rock a terrible song, or is it just a terrible rock song? If it was the Jingle Bell Swing would we be as up in arms over it? Or is it the audacity of such a bland, mid-tempo, soulless, novelty song by a hokey third-rate 50's country crooner to call itself a rock song that makes us so upset?
posted by thecjm at 10:05 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

Sadly the Blue Frog is condos now.
posted by misskaz at 10:10 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

What in the world is with all the hate for Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime"?

Ayn Marx, I enjoyed Ryan George's take (warning: Twitter link, artlessly transcribed below):

Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" is about friends practicing witchcraft but then someone walks in and they have to suddenly play it cool

The moon is right
The spirits up
We're here tonight
And that's enough
← [somebody walks in]
SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME
SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME

posted by It is regrettable that at 10:15 AM on December 18, 2024 [26 favorites]

without a single successful DMCA takedown notice

Nor an unsuccessful one, for that matter!

Although when I clicked the link it showed an ad, which is annoying. I never authorized advertising on my channel!
posted by nickmark at 10:19 AM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

This will always and forever be the best worst Christmas song to me.
posted by rikschell at 10:26 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

without a single successful DMCA takedown notice

Nor an unsuccessful one, for that matter!

Huh, I just assumed you had a good lawyer.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:56 AM on December 18, 2024 [2 favorites]

Worst you say?
posted by gottabefunky at 11:05 AM on December 18, 2024

And what about Little Drummer Boy??

So basically I hate that song. But this year, the podcast Hark! (from the Jesuit magazine America) about Christmas carols did an episode that discussed how the "drummer boy" of the title was like the little kids in the American Revolutionary War who marched with infantry units....which really reframed it for me.
posted by wenestvedt at 11:28 AM on December 18, 2024

Who gave the unusually good looking, wildly funny and incredibly intelligent wenestvedt the banhammer? waves nervously
posted by theora55 at 1:13 PM on December 18, 2024 [4 favorites]

"Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding, ooh, ooh"

Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime
We're simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime"

(repeat)
posted by clavdivs at 2:10 PM on December 18, 2024

It's a yearly tradition here in Chicago. A poorly-framed sample of crush-onastick and MCMikeNamara's 2024 rendition from earlier this month can be seen right here.
posted by eamondaly at 2:22 PM on December 18, 2024 [5 favorites]

There are some renditions of Little Drummer Boy that still warm my heart.
posted by FatherDagon at 4:31 PM on December 18, 2024

I think I'm on my fifth year of not being LDB'd.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 5:01 PM on December 18, 2024

I love this song unreservedly, and look forward to it every year (which is true of vanishingly few things.) More for me!
posted by Space Kitty at 5:59 PM on December 18, 2024 [3 favorites]

I love this song, it’s a staple of my Christmas listening! I made a point of playing it for my kids this year and they love it too! I don’t know how you could hate it. Literally shocked that only rikschell knows the true meaning of Christmas, though, which is that completely insane rendition of Oh Holy Night. My wife won’t let me play that one.
posted by malthas at 6:18 PM on December 18, 2024

theora55: Who gave the unusually good looking, wildly funny and incredibly intelligent wenestvedt the banhammer?

To be fairrrrrr, it's my FPP, so I get special privileges.


....don't I?
posted by wenestvedt at 7:01 PM on December 18, 2024

Xmas music doesn't bother me as much as it does some people. But I am not exposed to as huge amount of it. I heard a story where some cube-farm office worker was allowed (encouraged?) to play Xmas music on a speaker from Thanksgiving through New Year's Eve. I would certainly hate it in a case like that.

Jingle Bell Rock is far from the worst, especially if you keep in mind it was a kid singing it. I really dislike "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" as it sounds so overproduced and phony. But it's become camp to me and I can kinda see why people like it.

I really hate "rockin'" Xmas music. My absolute, most hated Xmas song ever is the live Bruce Springsteen version of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." And jokey Xmas stuff "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" is horrible, too. At one time it might have been slightly taboo to make a song like that, but that time has long passed and that song has never been funny.

I've heard the "Christmas Shoes" stand up comedy routine but I swear to dog I have never heard the actual song.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:56 AM on December 19, 2024 [2 favorites]

Jingle Rock Bell is what starts the Crimmus season

Crimmus proper starts when Hans goes splat
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:07 AM on December 19, 2024

I heard a story where some cube-farm office worker was allowed (encouraged?) to play Xmas music on a speaker from Thanksgiving through New Year's Eve. I would certainly hate it in a case like that.

At least one radio station per city in the US that generally plays pop music switches to Christmas songs for that entire period. That radio station (becoming slightly less common now with Spotify, but still totally common) generally plays in medical offices, stores, etc. So the patrons, and more importantly employees are subjected to a list of Christmas songs less than 100 long for 30 straight days, 8 hours a day.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:52 AM on December 19, 2024 [1 favorite]

Brenda Lee's "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" brings up a visceral hatred within me, especially when she adds that hillbilly hiccup to words like caroling.
posted by Ber at 9:08 PM on December 19, 2024 [1 favorite]

while JRB is canon here, don't forget that snethyxmasparty is pay-what-you-can.

ibla doog lomiggy moog
with a kolstrumpy fwoid
and a glumpeny forfwox in strinktimo’s void
dubby doo, a fippy foo
with a klucktoby kloid
ickinindo thubarskus in dreendago’s droid
bluffanux, a mippy mux
will a blicktos blay?
probly on glumpedy munstegy day

posted by scruss at 6:06 AM on December 20, 2024

This is the worst holiday song?!!! Sorry, but "Sleigh Ride" makes "Jacquelle-Rock-Brel" sound like "Stairway to Heaven."

Madonna's version of "Santa Baby": both of you, hold my beer.
posted by gtrwolf at 9:54 AM on December 25, 2024