After you publish a book, there is a reckoning

December 27, 2024 10:06 AM

"Your drive to write books is delusional. Embrace that, for fuck’s sake! It’s compulsive. It’s a form of self-soothing and also a form of self-punishment. It’s an escape and also an attempt to reckon with the truth. It’s a way of broadcasting “I’m still here!” and also a way of hiding from everyone. In a writer’s world, in an artist’s universe, I LOVE EVERYBODY and FUCK EVERYBODY are like the sun and the north star. You navigate with one when the world is shiny and beautiful and you use the other one when everything turns dark.." [Substack]

This has been making the rounds of my socials. It is, as they say, "a lot."

posted by cupcakeninja (14 comments total)

This is great, even though I disagree with the central premise (that "people who write books are people who believe that other people don’t get them") because I am a person who writes books and I don't feel particularly misunderstood. But I do think that writing books is kind of delusional, given the odds of anybody ever noticing yours. Every year, not even counting self-published books, at least half a million books are published, and most people read, like, 20 or 30 books/year, tops.
posted by joannemerriam at 10:26 AM on December 27 [4 favorites]

most people read, like, 20 or 30 books/year, tops.

Most people read zero books per year.
posted by dobbs at 10:33 AM on December 27 [10 favorites]

Mod note: Fixed typo in the post
posted by loup (staff) at 11:00 AM on December 27 [2 favorites]

Herman Melville, Pierre:

If he lays him down, he can not sleep; he has waked the infinite wakefulness in him; then how can he slumber? Still his book, like a vast lumbering planet, revolves in his aching head.

posted by Lemkin at 11:03 AM on December 27 [7 favorites]

As a form of self-soothing and self-punishment, it certainly is a lot more work than, say, drinking, which would get you roughly the same results.
posted by mittens at 11:11 AM on December 27 [6 favorites]

Writing is a very public quest for love.

I guess I disagree with this, though I totally agree that writing something is loads easier than getting anyone to ever read it.

Often at the end of a contemporary novel there is a long and heartfelt essay thanking all the people who read early drafts, who commented, who supported the endeavor, without whom the work would never have been written. Sometimes I wonder if those people named there are the only people to have read the work!
posted by chavenet at 12:03 PM on December 27 [2 favorites]

Writing is a very public quest for love.

Kind of creepy, that.

Anyway, there's plenty out there who clearly are doing it because they rejoice in the process and have something of genuine interest to share. How many fall into the navel gazing first person obsessed capital W writer is a project for an English major.

I'm amused to see the piece end with the author's invitation to buy her books. Hustle!
posted by BWA at 1:41 PM on December 27 [2 favorites]

Ahhhhhhh just read this on a break from working on my neverendingediting of my wee little first novel and although I don't really feel like I'm doing it to be loved myself I kinda would like a few people to love my protagonist a bit, even if she is a bit suspect.

It definitely feels delusional but for 25 or so years I shelved that desire while I was Being A Grown Up and it turns out adulting kinda sucks a lot, so novel writing as a hobby it is. Look, I am better at it than ballet.
posted by warriorqueen at 3:27 PM on December 27 [5 favorites]

As a singer-songwriter, I connect with the message here a great deal. I may never publish a single one of my works (indeed, public YouTube release would open me up to all sorts of transphobic, hateful responses, so that may never happen), but I write music all the time now. It's just who I am.
I do perform where it's safe.
And every time I walk into a small, safe space to perform one of my songs, I am wearing my heart on my sleeve, baring my neck, putting all my slightly desperate need for some form of validation out there for others to see.
And sometimes, it really works. I feel the connection with the audience, and it's the best thing in the world, after all that private time spent writing.
I wish everyone were allowed to be an artist in this world today. That everyone could just write, and share, and read, or sing, and be accepted. And I hope more will - will sign up for NaNoWriMo, will sign up for FAWM, will sign up on Ravelry, or go wherever they can share what they feel inside.
posted by Flight Hardware, do not touch at 3:35 PM on December 27 [5 favorites]

If a book is truly great, it’s almost guaranteed not to sell.

This mini-essay is a pretty good summary of what it's like to be an average artist (there's all kinda of artists). The dominant motivation of most any artist is a primal thirst for expression. After that, there are many reasons. Margaret Atwood lists several pages of different author motivations in 'Negotiating with the Dead'.

(Years ago I uploaded my unpublished novella to Kobo, and then I just forgot my password. I should just get a website or something.)
posted by ovvl at 3:43 PM on December 27

The Talent Of The Room
Michael Ventura
posted by dancestoblue at 7:34 PM on December 27 [2 favorites]

Hey, thanks for this, it finally helped me realize that my (writer) wife is an idiot
posted by thedaniel at 11:55 PM on December 27

Lol, substack
posted by oldnumberseven at 2:04 AM on December 28

they also inadvertently write narratives that make them feel doomed

If I ever get a novel published, I’ll add a disclaimer:

Any sense of doom arising from this book, whether of the reader, writer, fictional character or real person, is wholly advertent and fully intended.
posted by Phanx at 2:13 AM on December 28