Who would you kill?

January 22, 2003 8:29 AM

Who Would you Kill? The current show in danger of losing a character is Sex and The City Gosh, where would you start? Who on your favorite TV shows would you kill off?
posted by answergrape (47 comments total)

I dont have a tv
posted by troutfishing at 8:37 AM on January 22, 2003

I'd kill off every contestant of every reality based TV show.
posted by substrate at 8:37 AM on January 22, 2003

McCoy's new assistant on Law & Order. Actually, there's nothing wrong with the character, but the actress is possibly the worst I've ever seen outside of bad high school theater. Bring back Richard Brooks/Paul Robinette!
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:43 AM on January 22, 2003

The most annoying imaginary little sister in the world - Dawn on BtVS.
posted by Julnyes at 8:45 AM on January 22, 2003

Julnyes - it's called DtVS now.
posted by jonson at 8:47 AM on January 22, 2003

RE B/DtVS:
I was hoping they were going to do it last night.
posted by goneill at 8:48 AM on January 22, 2003

And then after killing them, who would you eat? And then after that, whose skull would you scoop out and use as a cereal bowl? I love these games!

*silence*

I'm sorry. Perhaps I've misjudged you.
posted by luser at 8:50 AM on January 22, 2003

at the risk of going all fark for a second, Miranda is the only one I'd want to get naked. The rest could all be killed off. Damned awful show.
posted by twine42 at 8:52 AM on January 22, 2003

Anya. No, Andrew. Or is it Jonathan? I get 'em confused...
posted by Holden at 8:54 AM on January 22, 2003

I dont have a tv

Why mention it?
posted by yerfatma at 8:54 AM on January 22, 2003

I killed TV entirely and feel light and fluffy.
posted by stbalbach at 8:55 AM on January 22, 2003

Oh, and I'd go for a all guns blazing grand finale show where the characters in all UK soaps get simultaniously vapourised in a freak accident where they all go to Sizewell on the same day.

The same day Erinsborough gets decimated by an attack of escaped killer kangaroos. ;)
posted by twine42 at 8:55 AM on January 22, 2003

When my Dad was in fourth grade, the class was given a writing assignment. Each student was to write what they would do if they only had three days to live. My father wrote a list of people he would kill, which included such notables of the time as Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini. The teacher gave him an "F" based on unacceptable morality. At least it wasn't post-colombine, or he probably would have been put in jail.
posted by alms at 8:57 AM on January 22, 2003

I would systematically stalk and kill every single host of The Other Half.

And Howie Long. Howie I would slather in Nutella and bury alive in an anthill.
posted by Kafkaesque at 8:57 AM on January 22, 2003

I'm continually amazed that the only character on Buffy I don't want dead these days is Anya. I've wanted her skull in cereal bowl form for years.
posted by furiousthought at 9:00 AM on January 22, 2003

hmmm... Maybe it would be more PC to just kill off some Iraqi's... (oops, cross-threading here?)
posted by LouReedsSon at 9:02 AM on January 22, 2003

I dont have a tv

Why mention it?

How else to get that smug sense of superiority?
posted by bondcliff at 9:05 AM on January 22, 2003

How about going to NATPE and going after the network programmers? They're the ones responsible.
posted by Vidiot at 9:18 AM on January 22, 2003

Well, I'd previously wished for the death of Bleeding Gums Murphy from The Simpsons, and that actually happened!

So I guess I'll have to use my power wisely.

Right now at the top of the list, it's probably Phoebe from "Friends". Her character has never changed from season one and she's still very annoying. Well, more annoying than the rest of the characters.

I would have easily chosen Kim Delaney's character from "CSI: Miami", but they went and removed her before she had a chance to bite it.
posted by grum@work at 10:00 AM on January 22, 2003

I love TV. But I would kill the makers of "Sex and the City."

Figuratively. Show's dreck.
posted by inksyndicate at 10:03 AM on January 22, 2003

I'm a bastard! I'd kill Kenny!
posted by vito90 at 10:04 AM on January 22, 2003

I hit post too soon.

Because I forgot to say I would definitely kill Ross from Friends.
posted by vito90 at 10:07 AM on January 22, 2003

If we kill everyone on Survivor, the show would be an hour-long wide shot of an empty beach. I'd pay to watch that.
posted by basilwhite at 10:07 AM on January 22, 2003

Regarding a writing assignment and 3 days left to live--wouldn't MOST people go around and do whatever IMMORRAL things they wanted to do their whole life? The fact that he wanted to do such a thing just shows his human side. I don't think I'd kill anyone, some part of me would want to do some good that I couldn't do unless I wasn't scared of dying--and another part of me would want to do all of the bad things that are in me. Funny thing about it is that when you think that there is something BEYOND this life and that's what you're focusing on, X days left to live doesn't change a whole lot about how you go about THINKING about things--about all it does is give you incentive to forget that anyone will remember.
posted by psychotic_venom at 10:13 AM on January 22, 2003

And Howie Long. Howie I would slather in Nutella and bury alive in an anthill.

Oh how quickly you have forgotten Terry Bradshaw.
posted by machaus at 10:14 AM on January 22, 2003

An hour shot of an empty beach (Jeff Probst would have to go too, sorry dude) would be the highest rated show on TV inside of a month, if it was marketed properly.

Any network executive brave enough to slot a show like that deserves a medal.

(On topic: Regis. There's lots more, but he'd go first.)
posted by chicobangs at 10:15 AM on January 22, 2003

Jimmy Kimmel. What he lacks in humor, he makes up for in reprehensibility.
posted by Skot at 10:24 AM on January 22, 2003

Shepard Smith, what a fucking prick.
posted by Stan Chin at 10:34 AM on January 22, 2003

If there's a character on a TV show that annoys me, I stop watching the show. This peculiar habit, while lowering my stress levels during TV time, has the side effect of making it impossible for me to answer this question as it relates to my current TV-watching pattern.

However, the last TV character I felt like killing (which by extension caused me to stop watching the show) was that weaselly White House spokesman that kept showing up on Fox News...Fleischer, or something like that. Thanks to him, I don't watch the news any more.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:37 AM on January 22, 2003

Emeril Lagasse. Bam this motherfucker!
posted by password at 10:40 AM on January 22, 2003

Clem, for stealing Beetlejuice's face-popping gag last night.

Carrie, for being such an ambivalent twat.

Grace.

Lana Lang.

Nigella Lawson's children.

The President guy on that "CNN" show, what's his name? Oh yeah, Bush.
posted by nicwolff at 10:42 AM on January 22, 2003

You rock nicwolff! :)
posted by LouReedsSon at 10:57 AM on January 22, 2003

I'd kill off Miranda. Face it, she was frumpy anyway, and now she's had a kid as well, it just doesn't work. They should get a new woman into their gabble.. Calista Flockhart is available I hear.
posted by wackybrit at 11:03 AM on January 22, 2003

Is "all of them" a valid answer? :P
posted by valerie at 11:07 AM on January 22, 2003

I'd be careful nicwolff. Someone said something similar on Fark, and this is what happened.

I'm just saying.
posted by haqspan at 11:10 AM on January 22, 2003

I'd kill all of the Friends except for Joey and Chandler, making sure that Phoebe gets to watch the others go before her. Then I'd give her a last minute reprieve. Then I'd have Joey beat her to death with a VHS copy of Young Frankenstein (since she stole her whole schtick from Teri Garr) while Chandler does an interpretive dance.
posted by Ty Webb at 11:43 AM on January 22, 2003

haqspan: Wow. I'd like to comment on that link but... [points at ceiling].
posted by Tacodog at 11:47 AM on January 22, 2003

Pacey....No, Joey! Nah...Pacey. And his stupid girlfriend too! Shot. Dug up and shot again.
posted by black8 at 12:32 PM on January 22, 2003

Strictly speaking, shouldn't it be whomwouldyoukill.com?

Meanwhile, I'd kill Ben from Felicity.
posted by Sonny Jim at 2:21 PM on January 22, 2003

hm...Twin Peaks: Donna. Because she's Lara Flynn Boyle.

Lara Flynn Boyle.

Because.
posted by gsalad at 2:26 PM on January 22, 2003

Kill 'em All!

But that Ross from Friends... kill him twice.
posted by johnny vagabond at 4:41 PM on January 22, 2003

Raymond. His family is cool, but he is one f**ked up piece of work.
posted by elphTeq at 7:44 PM on January 22, 2003

I don't have a tv

Reminds me of this.
posted by cup at 8:41 PM on January 22, 2003

If there's a character on a TV show that annoys me, I stop watching the show

Does anyone else find themselves watching a program in the desperate hope that it will get better?

I've found myself doing it with 'Friends' recently - I used to watch and enjoy it years back. I've come back to it now and find myself watching it each week hoping that it won't be a steaming pile of shite.

The same thing seems to have happened to Fraiser too.

Actually... Those are the only two American non cartoons I watch. Odd. I still love Simpsons and Futurama though...
posted by twine42 at 2:44 AM on January 23, 2003

Nigella Lawson's children!?!?!?!?!?!
posted by Dreama at 4:40 AM on January 23, 2003

The older blond sister on 24. She can only manage this one pained expression for everything! My wife and I were both hoping against hope that she was going to be both tortured and killed a couple of weeks ago, but the TV gods were not kind.

I don't have a policy to not watch a show with one annoying character and/or actor. If I did, I'd miss out on one of the best shows on TV because of somebody who only appears for a couple of minutes every week. Any rule, applied arbitrarily everywhere can have bad consequences.
posted by johnmunsch at 11:14 AM on January 23, 2003

"Summer" off Neighbours.
posted by ed\26h at 6:36 AM on January 24, 2003