Elf booty got soul!

December 16, 2003 4:51 PM

What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex (SFW). I guess he would not have approved of elf porn or elf slash art (NSFW). [Via Fleshbot (NSFW)]
posted by homunculus (16 comments total)

[This is g.. ehm.. Interesting.]
posted by fvw at 5:07 PM on December 16, 2003

okay, some of those ears on the women in elfporn aren't anywhere near convincing. i mean, in this one you can see the top of the human ear! how hard is it to use photoshop correctly?
posted by Stynxno at 5:09 PM on December 16, 2003

thanks homunculus, very interesting take on Tolkien's ideas. It exposes once again the amount of thought (and fantasy) that he dedicated to his story. Being a fan (not a rabid fan mind you) i always guessed that elves were asexual. i had no idea that he put this much thought into their sex lives. maybe i wasn't reading closely enough? then again, LACE is news to me. again, thanks!
posted by poopy at 5:13 PM on December 16, 2003

A more scholarly paper on the site by the same author, on sex and libido in Tolkien is smartly written (though less humorous). (It's a PDF file, by the way).
posted by Prospero at 5:23 PM on December 16, 2003

A much scarier thought is orc sex, especially as involves those half-orc/half-human characters that are referred to now and then. Ouch.
posted by alms at 7:22 PM on December 16, 2003

Is he or isn't he?
Only his animator knows for sure.
posted by jmccorm at 7:23 PM on December 16, 2003

Elf girls are easy.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:30 PM on December 16, 2003

Elf girls like to rock’n’roll!
posted by homunculus at 10:59 PM on December 16, 2003

You know, as much as I was pimpin' out these links on my own journal and to my friends, I just didn't think it was Mefi worthy.

I'm glad to be proven wrong. It's nice to see that elf girls really do like to rock n' roll...
posted by Katemonkey at 11:46 PM on December 16, 2003

An essay about the sex life of imaginary creatures? Seriously, the Lord of the Rings films are pretty cool but the way that people get all Beatlemania about Tolkein is wierd. And I live in South Birmingham and can see the original two towers from my bedroom window ..
posted by Pericles at 1:35 AM on December 17, 2003

Pericles: imagine being a bored teen of intellect, trapped in dull midwest suburbia. Then Middle Earth is introduced. The glory and brilliance of that fantasy land are followed by discovering rich discussion about it all, including help for a teenager to gain acceptance amongst young adults. Result: 'beatlemania' about Tolkein.

Many thanks Homunculus for the post, and all these references within to books on Middle Earth I never new existed. Maybe its time I return myself to that land.
posted by Goofyy at 4:24 AM on December 17, 2003

That's right these Elves are REAL. Not cartoons. Not women in costume ears. This is the real deal!

We've managed (at a great expenditure of time and money) to track down these elusive and beautiful creatures and convince them to show their not so innocent side. And now we proudly present to you the ever expanding fruits of our quest. ElfPorn.com!!

Yeaah!
posted by hoskala at 5:27 AM on December 17, 2003

I guess you're right, Goofyy. I like the plots of the stories a lot; that's why I enjoy the movies (plus the FX are really well done). it's just that JRR's writing is so damn turgid. I enjoyed the Hobbit as a lad, so tried three times to read LOTR, each time giving up in exasperation when they were at a council at some bloke's house endlessly debating and giving the lineage of everyone. It was like watching something really exciting (for example, The Terminator) and whenever something exciting was about to happen, the camera cuts to a grey man in a cheap suit sonorously intoning one of those bits from the Bible "Terah begot Abram, Nahor, and Haran. Haran begot Lot. And Haran died before his father Terah in his native land, in Ur of the Chaldeans. Then Abram and Nahor took wives: the name of Abram's wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor's wife, Milcah, the daughter of Haran the father of Milcah and the father of Iscah. " .. etc. Spoiled it for me.
posted by Pericles at 5:58 AM on December 17, 2003 [1 favorite]

Funny, Pericles. I find myself picking up The Silmarillion more often these days than The Hobbit. But then I have a fascination for Tolkien's achievement in creating an entire universe, down to its languages and lore.

Eye of the beholder.
posted by linux at 9:46 AM on December 17, 2003

ElfPorn.com!!
Yeaah!

There's faerie porn too (NSFW.)

Fleshbot has more LOTR porn today: "Whore of the Rings," "Lords of the Ring" and "Lord of the G-Strings." This stuff looks hilarious.

And for Lovecraft fans, there's this: The Callgirl of Cthulhu.
posted by homunculus at 12:06 PM on December 17, 2003

Wow....


Just....

wow.
posted by JJBotter at 1:14 PM on December 19, 2003