Offenders will be prosecuted

November 12, 2004 5:34 AM

Using the toilet facilities more than twice a day is forbidden. And so it should be. And moving around the office should be prohibited. And don't bring your own stuff to work. Oh yeah - and refurbished elephants. (some of those are links to PDF's). Maintain Silence at all times.
posted by mattr (16 comments total)

What really frightens me are the several seconds it took before I realized that this was a joke.
posted by mmahaffie at 6:15 AM on November 12, 2004

These are all great, and I will be hanging several around the office as a joke. Thanks mattr!
posted by mikeh at 6:22 AM on November 12, 2004

SSSSHHHHHHH!!! You're just giving The Man ideas.

(hilarious link, btw)
posted by briank at 6:31 AM on November 12, 2004

How about links to photos of these in real offices...?
posted by mattr at 6:34 AM on November 12, 2004

This is rather clever - borrowing of Robert Anton Wilson's "Mgt." from the Illuminatus! Trilogy. I shall add it to "List of things longbaugh must post around the office prior to being kicked out".
posted by longbaugh at 6:42 AM on November 12, 2004

These are not that terribly far off from the actual workplace behavior standards at Paychex, the big payroll services company. (Recently "former") CEO and sometime NY gubernatorial candidate Tom Golisano likes to opine how it makes everyone more productive by encouraging a more businesslike atmosphere...
posted by lodurr at 6:49 AM on November 12, 2004

That's like Dilbert without the jokes.
posted by elpapacito at 7:19 AM on November 12, 2004

NO SALESPERSON MAY LEAVE THE FLOOR OR GO TO THE DOOR WITHOUT THE AUTHORIZATION OF A SUPERIOR.

- THE MGT.
posted by Foosnark at 8:39 AM on November 12, 2004

lodurr, Golisano is now involved with a comany called BlueTie that offers collaboration services. I couldn't tell from the website if they have a dress code.
posted by tommasz at 9:10 AM on November 12, 2004

Watch out for that midget.
posted by Johnny Assay at 9:45 AM on November 12, 2004

Oxygen will be "deduced" from your salary?

"You know my methods, Watson. From this man's salary the merest child could conclude that he was an oxygen breather."
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:49 AM on November 12, 2004

Some of this stuff is all too real. Next time your Jim Beam tastes funny, think about this.
posted by nofundy at 11:48 AM on November 12, 2004

I just opened the "deduced" one in AI and put the "t" where it should be. Because I REALLY need that one hanging up here.
posted by icetaco at 1:08 PM on November 12, 2004

I can personally attest that some of these signs have now been placed in several locations in a particularly large automaker's office building. This was a nice bit of friday joy.
posted by Dean_Paxton at 1:23 PM on November 12, 2004

all empoyees wishing to have a nervous breakdown must schedule it with human resources who will consider personnel requirements and seniority before authorizing ... unauthorized nervous breakdowns may be grounds for termination

mgt.
posted by pyramid termite at 1:29 PM on November 12, 2004

yeah, there are too many typos for my taste. but they kind of add to the authenticity.
posted by hattifattener at 9:32 PM on November 12, 2004