Dick Clark

December 9, 2004 6:50 AM

Dick had a Stroke??? I wonder if it was a big stroke - would he be a stiff?
posted by BlueScreen (41 comments total)

I admit it up front; I am a very very bad man.
posted by BlueScreen at 6:51 AM on December 9, 2004

huh?
posted by a3matrix at 6:53 AM on December 9, 2004

No, you are a very bad 7th grader.
posted by planetkyoto at 6:54 AM on December 9, 2004

You suck. This isn't "bad taste, but funny." It's "bad taste and everyone's embarassed for you."
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:00 AM on December 9, 2004

no sticker for you.
posted by moonbird at 7:00 AM on December 9, 2004

Apparently the Mayor is the police of all things tasteful. Thanks for speaking for "everyone", I am sure it'll change me in the future.
posted by BlueScreen at 7:05 AM on December 9, 2004

I expect this kind of thing of FARK... I was sort of hoping that we would take the higher road!..

ah well.....
posted by HuronBob at 7:05 AM on December 9, 2004

Damn it, don't get my hopes up like that.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 7:06 AM on December 9, 2004

"Fark rejected my penis joke headline about Dick Clark, so I brought it over to metafilter!"
posted by availablelight at 7:06 AM on December 9, 2004

MetaFark LIVES!

Now where are the boobie links?
posted by sexymofo at 7:06 AM on December 9, 2004

Man, for a second or two I actually didn't "get" the wording of the post. Then I realized I was thinking too hard.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:11 AM on December 9, 2004

I don't get it... oh wait, STIFF DICK! Now I get it... Hilarious. This FARK thing rules...
posted by Robot Johnny at 7:12 AM on December 9, 2004

Oh come on, if it had been Dick Cheney, you all would have been laughing! (Or, at least, I would have... =)
posted by idontlikewords at 7:12 AM on December 9, 2004

If it had been Dick Cheney, it would have been funny.
(on preview: jinx!)
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:14 AM on December 9, 2004

BOOOOOO!
posted by jefbla at 7:15 AM on December 9, 2004

BlueScreen, that's just tasteless. Not in a cool way, but in a "I have flamingos and garden gnomes on my lawn kind of way."

Pancakes, anyone?
posted by unreason at 7:17 AM on December 9, 2004

Wait, so why is it funny when some people named Dick have strokes, but not others? How is that above the 7th grade level?
posted by loquax at 7:17 AM on December 9, 2004

lame
posted by signal at 7:20 AM on December 9, 2004

On a serious note, when I heard of this tragic turn of events I immediately felt curious about and sorry for his eventual replacement. I mean, who in their right mind would want to be "the next Dick Clark?" Any guesses as to who that will be? Do you think they will die a little inside as they give their "I always looked up to Dick" speech? Will they find someone that'll actually mean it?

My lame guess is Regis. He might see it as a good thing . . .
posted by 31d1 at 7:27 AM on December 9, 2004

This is very much in keeping with BlueScreen's posting history. Blow jobs, stiffies and turds are funny.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:30 AM on December 9, 2004

Fuck Snuggles! Wait, start that again. Just play the record, OK?

Err wait, that was Casey Casem.
posted by loquacious at 7:30 AM on December 9, 2004

Goddamn, BlueScreen! Don't get people's hopes up like that!
posted by c13 at 7:31 AM on December 9, 2004

I was not so much finding humor in a stroked Dick as in people's reaction to the post, but I guess I'm weird that way. On another note, if we're continuing with the puns, I really like the, "I always looked up to Dick" one! I'm telling you, 2 or 3 more like that and we got ourselves a "Will and Grace" script here!
posted by idontlikewords at 7:32 AM on December 9, 2004

Apparently the Mayor is the police of all things tasteful.

Hey, way to lose that tiny amount of slack generated by your first-comment disclaimer! Good call!

Obviously the Mayor doesn't speak for everybody, but in this case, he speaks for me.
posted by soyjoy at 7:44 AM on December 9, 2004

Apparently I'm the only one who would have found this offensive even if it had been Chaney. Boyzone? More like Adolescentzone. Just-got-my-pubes-and-sex-is-soooo funny zone. Just-imagine-the-jokes-I-could-be-making-if-your-name-is-John zone. You-should-see-my-cap-with-the-giant-turd zone. Whoo Hoo!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:49 AM on December 9, 2004

hang on everyone while I continue to look for a picture of Billy Squier performing "The Stroke" on American Bandstand.
this is going to be grreat!
posted by hellbient at 7:52 AM on December 9, 2004

I enthusiastically voted against Bush, and I would've found this incredibly offensive if it had been about Cheney. It's incredibly offensive when it's about Dick Clark. It would be offensive if it were about Dick Vitale. It's puerile, unfunny, and barely worthy of Fark.
posted by socratic at 7:55 AM on December 9, 2004

But what about Herve Villechaize?
posted by loquacious at 8:15 AM on December 9, 2004

A link to cnn.com and a bad joke?

Woohoo! Best of the web!
posted by driveler at 8:16 AM on December 9, 2004

Wow, BlueScreen, looks like Mayor WAS speaking for everyone! Whaddayaknaaaaoww?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 8:20 AM on December 9, 2004

I didn't realize that Dick Clark encountered the same types of ailments that afflict the mortals he shares this planet with.
posted by grimcity at 8:21 AM on December 9, 2004

*pssst, fellow noobs, I'd like to point out that BlueScreen is not one of the new crop, so it happens to them too...
posted by socratic at 8:22 AM on December 9, 2004

a) Isn't he dead?

b) Ryan Seacrest?

c) What?

d) Penis.

Please pick the appropriate response for its applicable part in this thread.
posted by mic stand at 8:26 AM on December 9, 2004

I would not have found it offensive at all if this were about Cheney.

That man has been very instrumental in sending thousands to their deaths or permanent disfigurement. I figure a lifetime of paralysis and slurred speech would be the least of what he has coming to him in terms of karma.

Dick Clark, however, makes me kind of sad.

Damn! I pledged when I joined I would make no political posts. I'm allowed one backslide I suppose...
posted by sourwookie at 8:28 AM on December 9, 2004

As a public service, I provide the following list of people about whom this post either would or would not be funny, depending on who they are:

• Not Funny: Dick Clark, Dick York, Dick Van Dyke, Dick Gephardt
• Funny: Dick Cheney, Dick Button, Dick Cavett, Dick Vitale
• Hilarious: Dick Butkus

posted by pardonyou? at 8:36 AM on December 9, 2004

socratic we have a good flame out here every few months. It can be quite amusing to watch and I'm always glad it's happening here rather than up in some tower with a rifle.
posted by Mitheral at 8:42 AM on December 9, 2004

mitheral -- yes yes, but I was merely pointing out that after the vitriol heaped upon some of the new folks around here for their, um, sub-par posts over the last few days, it's karmically refreshing to see it happen to a vet. I've been lurking here for a while, and I truly enjoy the occasional flame. I eagerly await my day. :)
posted by socratic at 8:44 AM on December 9, 2004

Thanks, Pardon. I'll print that out and keep it in my wallet.

Nagging question: What about Andy Dick?
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 8:44 AM on December 9, 2004

OMG LOL ROFL BBQ!!!

DID U HEAR...DIMEBAG PANTERA WAS SHOT! LOL OMG ROFL...SHOT N KILLED!

Pantera starts with "P." P...pee-pee.

Hee hee.
posted by tpl1212 at 8:52 AM on December 9, 2004

phooey
posted by pyramid termite at 8:53 AM on December 9, 2004

Nagging question: What about Andy Dick?

This is a tough one, because anything having to do with Andy Dick is automatically unfunny. However, the thought of Andy Dick stroking and dying is, if not funny, at least enjoyable. Therefore, the judges would put it into a new category: Unfunny, But Understandable
posted by pardonyou? at 8:58 AM on December 9, 2004