Bam! Kapow! Splat!

January 13, 2005 3:46 PM

Philosophical Powers! The greatest minds of all time now have great bodies to match! Philosophy's (and theology's) greatest superheroes now in action figure form! Thrill to Arrogant Aristotle, Angry Anselm, Dangerous Descartes, Nefarious Nietzsche and more!
posted by The Thnikkaman (40 comments total)

The web site you are trying to access has exceeded its allocated data transfer.

=/
posted by rocket_skates at 3:56 PM on January 13, 2005

Doh! What rocket_skates said.

Insert something appropriate about linking to Geocities' sites here ______________.

Which is a bummer because I am totally down with Philosophy Action Figures. I've always wanted to see who would win a cage match between Hume and Kant.
posted by fenriq at 3:57 PM on January 13, 2005

Google Caches Linked from this search

(though the images are missing, and I sense that was 80% of the fun)
posted by k7lim at 4:01 PM on January 13, 2005

fenriq: Let me just tell ya.. Kant looks pretty tough with his blue body and red tiger stripes!
posted by The Thnikkaman at 4:09 PM on January 13, 2005

Geocities site eats itself 10 minutes after being posted to MetaFilter. Who would have thought it?
posted by absalom at 4:12 PM on January 13, 2005

But... Google doesn't cache the photos, do they? At least the photos don't appear for me in the cached versions. :-(
posted by RichAromas at 4:12 PM on January 13, 2005

Foucault and Giddens
posted by homunculus at 4:14 PM on January 13, 2005

Hmmm... didn't think about the Geocities problem. Sorry 'bout that. Well, when it dies down, check it out.
posted by The Thnikkaman at 4:16 PM on January 13, 2005

Reminds me of this (scroll down to the post about a fighting game. Have I mentioned that the google groups beta blows?)
posted by kenko at 4:21 PM on January 13, 2005

You can see the thumbnailed versions of the pics with Google as well . Can't make out what it says on them though.
posted by krazykity16 at 4:24 PM on January 13, 2005

Geocities makes TwelveTwo become SadTwo
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:21 PM on January 13, 2005

And 1016 mopey One.
posted by 1016 at 5:53 PM on January 13, 2005

Make that MopeyOne.

D'oh!
posted by 1016 at 6:08 PM on January 13, 2005

Hey, fellow kids, don't be mopey or sad! Invent your own PowerPhilos while you wait for bandwidth to be restored!

There's. . . .

Hateful Heidegger

Bodacious Boethius

Sufferin' Schopenhour

Tommy DumbOx Aquinas

Jack the Joker Derrida

and

Razorface Occam
posted by rdone at 6:10 PM on January 13, 2005

Good advice, rdone, and like the Occam one especially:

Humpin' Hoffer

Peachy Nietzche

Doubty Decartes (apologies to Python)

Plucky Glucksman
posted by 1016 at 6:22 PM on January 13, 2005

It does not bring the love back into my heart, so harshly yanked from me with this shattering of dreams.

Damn you. Geocities...
Damn you.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:39 PM on January 13, 2005

Twelvetwo, that's...beautiful...in a sad and ugly way...but...beautiful...
posted by 1016 at 6:40 PM on January 13, 2005

Aufhebenin' Hegel? F'rocious Frege? Searle, Keeper of the Chinese Box? The William James Experience?
posted by kenko at 7:05 PM on January 13, 2005

And don't forget the special political philosophers line!


Freaky Fukuyama! (w/ super history-ending action)
Lightning Locke! (complete w/ property rights)
Power Plato! (Sees through arguments like *that!*)
Hellraiser Hobbes! (Leviathan sold seperately)
Rescue team Rosseau! (Social Contract playset included!)
Air-istotle! (Leaps best regimes in a single bound!)
Mach-iavelli! (Not intended for government employees)
J.S. Military Unit Omega (Only 10 Dolors!)
posted by The White Hat at 7:11 PM on January 13, 2005

Wengeful Wittgenstein?

Perplexed Mamoinides?

BTW, doesn't the William James Experience come in different varieties?
posted by rdone at 7:13 PM on January 13, 2005

I wonder if he made the Nietzsche action figure really buff, or broken and twisted like someone rotting from the inside out because of the syph.
posted by crank at 7:13 PM on January 13, 2005

Maximize your Hellraiser Hobbes play value with his hobbit pals, Nasty, Brutish, and Short! Don't forget his faithful marine buddy, Leviathan!
posted by rdone at 7:22 PM on January 13, 2005

Solitary.

I stand alone.
posted by 1016 at 7:26 PM on January 13, 2005

John Stuart KILL
Explodin' Alf Whitehead
David ''The D-humanizor' Hume
Dead Locke
Hegel the Horrible
posted by Sparx at 7:28 PM on January 13, 2005

Crushin' Croce! Awesome Austin (you are hereby defeated)! Hammerin' Habermas! Furchtlos Fichte!

(I was thinking that Hobbes could join forces with some other characters and thereby become Leviathan, a la Voltron.)
posted by kenko at 7:35 PM on January 13, 2005

Willard "K. O." Quine (hmmm... too subtle?)
Karl "The Dictator" Marx and the Proletariat Posse
Jeremey Bend'em Bentham
Derrida the De-kkkonstructor
Immanuel "throw the book at 'em" Kant. (have you ever seen the Critique of Pure Reason. That shit hits you in the head like a folding chair!)
posted by zpousman at 7:39 PM on January 13, 2005

Fearsome Kierkegaard, with his sword of Either/Or!
posted by weston at 7:44 PM on January 13, 2005

Immanuel Kant stop beating you up.

(also: the Knights of Infinite Resignation and Infinite Faith!)
posted by kenko at 7:53 PM on January 13, 2005

I've had this page passed to me through e-mail a pretty long time ago... I'm astounded it's not a double post. First an Al Gore joke, now this, Thnikkaman? Not very fresh.

That being said:

The NussBomb!
Van Stormin' Quine!
Put-man, child of Earth-Prime!
Saul, The Crypt Key!
Christine Korsegaaurdian!
Two-Fisted G. E. Moore!
Hoppin' Popper!
SchopenHowitzer!
posted by painquale at 8:14 PM on January 13, 2005

Two-Fisted G. E. Moore!

Ah, he stole his powers from the nefarious Dr. Johnson.

(painquale, you might know this: does Martha Nussbaum have a sense of humor?)
posted by kenko at 8:43 PM on January 13, 2005

I have no idea. Why do you ask?

Dr. Johnson, the Stonecrusher!
posted by painquale at 10:22 PM on January 13, 2005

Immanuel Kant stop beating you up.

I think I just laughed waaaaay too hard at this.
posted by DyRE at 10:40 PM on January 13, 2005

Little Thinkers
posted by obloquy at 1:03 AM on January 14, 2005

Man, obloquy, I am really into those philosopher finger puppets.
posted by painquale at 1:34 AM on January 14, 2005

Why do I ask you, or why am I curious? The latter because I read an essay by her that strongly disposed me to think she doesn't.
posted by kenko at 8:00 AM on January 14, 2005

Yeah, well, it's possible I guess. She sometimes does sound snippy. Nussbaum got in a bunch of trouble with that whole perjury/tolmema thing, and is now really viciously attacked by her critics and by right-wing pseudo-intellectuals like Roger Kimball because of it. I imagine that she's become exasperated.
posted by painquale at 8:51 AM on January 14, 2005

Might make for an intresting kid's TV show, an animated cartoon where the main characters are philosophers, and have powers somehow related to their philosophical outlook. Like Nietzsche could drop dead gods on his opponents or something.
posted by delmoi at 10:31 AM on January 14, 2005

Finally got into the site and it was worth the anticipation. Good funny stuff.

I want me a "Hurt 'Em Hume" doll. If only so I could check out some of the Scottish Karate (which I think is alot like a kick in the balls but I'm not positive).
posted by fenriq at 11:34 AM on January 14, 2005

No, Scottish Karate is when a Scot sort of sidles up next to you and headbutts you.
posted by kenko at 12:44 PM on January 14, 2005

Boo hiss! They're not even good as fakes. Nowhere near as much fun as this or, even better, these
posted by IndigoJones at 12:10 PM on January 16, 2005