Nice Package, You Future Quadrillionaire You

January 17, 2005 1:21 PM

Bill Gates... so hot [via BoingBoing].
posted by digaman (60 comments total)

I don't know what's going on in that second photo, but it would appear that "Microsoft" was a misnomer.
posted by digaman at 1:23 PM on January 17, 2005

Oh dear.
posted by jennanemone at 1:28 PM on January 17, 2005

Microsoft: inadvertently hilarious since 1975.
posted by killdevil at 1:29 PM on January 17, 2005

it almost works. amazing, that whole marketing thing.
posted by odigity at 1:30 PM on January 17, 2005

*shudder* now am I meant to sleep tonight?
posted by hardcode at 1:33 PM on January 17, 2005

In the first picture he looks very bill-gatesish, but in the second he has this almost normal creepyness. I mean, he looks like a regular guy who wants to bone, or something.

And on second glance: digaman, I haddn't noticed that.



Thanks for pointing it out.
posted by delmoi at 1:33 PM on January 17, 2005

Jake Gyllenhaal is BILL GATES in THE YOUNG BILL GATES CHRONICLES.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:37 PM on January 17, 2005

See also.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 1:38 PM on January 17, 2005

I think you've got the outline wrong, delmoi. The shape on his left leg is just his pocket all bunched up. It's the area near his right leg that's much more troubling.

What's he doing with his hand in the second photo?

AS, those Owen Wilson photos are... something else.
posted by painquale at 1:45 PM on January 17, 2005

What's he doing with his hand in the second photo?

He's flinging a floppy disk at the camera.
posted by fletchmuy at 1:46 PM on January 17, 2005

I'm... . not hungry anymore...
posted by c13 at 1:50 PM on January 17, 2005

OK, so I will be the stupid one and ask the obvious question:

"Is this real?"
posted by internal at 1:54 PM on January 17, 2005

Actually, these are relatively appealing pictures of him. But seriously...Teen Beat???
posted by alumshubby at 1:58 PM on January 17, 2005

He's flinging a floppy disk at the camera.

I hadn't noticed that. How sensual.
posted by painquale at 2:00 PM on January 17, 2005

Is that a blue screen of death on the 'puter behind him?
posted by NoMich at 2:01 PM on January 17, 2005

Nah, NoMich, it's Word 6.0. But I believe that is an original Mac sitting next to it on the right...

He looks a little strung out.
posted by ontic at 2:06 PM on January 17, 2005

The first thought that went through my head as that picture loaded was that he looks like someone dressed up a very creepy carnie and put him in an office. He just has that look you see when some unsavory character attempts to strike a sexy pose. I almost expected a third image of his mugshot after an arrest for hanging around an elementary school.
posted by chickygrrl at 2:24 PM on January 17, 2005

I was just kidding about the blue screen o' death comment.
And I believe that you are correct. That is a Mac behind him in the first photo. Well, in order to rip Apple off, he had to have one around. Right?
posted by NoMich at 2:41 PM on January 17, 2005

here's your mugshot chickygrrl. ;)
posted by dabitch at 2:43 PM on January 17, 2005

Well, folks, this will likely be the last post you ever read from me, as I must now impale my pupils with red-hot nails.

Thanks.

Thanks a lot, you bastards.
posted by five fresh fish at 2:46 PM on January 17, 2005

And this is considered safe for work?
posted by taursir at 2:50 PM on January 17, 2005

Is that a blue screen of death on the 'puter behind him?

Early beta version.
posted by fatllama at 3:09 PM on January 17, 2005

Looking good Bill, looking good.
posted by drezdn at 3:09 PM on January 17, 2005

Hot.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:12 PM on January 17, 2005

So you're telling me this isn't pie?

sorry, I can't help myself. If fff stuck around he's gone for sure now...
posted by rooftop secrets at 3:17 PM on January 17, 2005

"Hey baby. You may not believe it, but someday I'm going to be the richest guy in the world. Aw yeah."
posted by ilsa at 3:20 PM on January 17, 2005

Now we just need a vintage spread for this handsome devil...
posted by rooftop secrets at 3:21 PM on January 17, 2005

That is a Mac behind him in the first photo. Well, in order to rip Apple off, he had to have one around. Right?

Well, also, in order to ship Multiplan and Microsoft BASIC for Macintosh at the same time as the original Mac, Microsoft had to have at least one Mac around...
posted by kindall at 4:03 PM on January 17, 2005

Bait taker! Bait taker!
Well, not the PC/Mac war I was hoping for, but I'll take what I can get.
posted by NoMich at 4:07 PM on January 17, 2005

You know what really sucks? Macintoshes. And people who use Macintoshes.
posted by cmonkey at 4:45 PM on January 17, 2005

I'd hit it.
posted by squirrel at 5:07 PM on January 17, 2005

There was a book or article, can't remember, going around two years or so ago, may have even been posted here, which explained quite a few successful male Hollywood actors' careers by correlating them with penis size. Maybe BillG's trying to make the same point for ...um... software.
posted by billsaysthis at 5:18 PM on January 17, 2005

I think he looks hawt.
posted by The God Complex at 5:51 PM on January 17, 2005

hem, y'all non-male-erotogenics need some practice guaging crotches. that thing is puny!

however, his eyes speak the language of love.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 5:53 PM on January 17, 2005

Bill Gates in 1978:



He's the guy at the bottom left, fact fans.
posted by tapeguy at 6:04 PM on January 17, 2005

What
the
fuck
1970s fashion?
posted by euphorb at 6:12 PM on January 17, 2005

Looking good Bill

Feeling good, drezdn!

And I have a copy of that Microsoft group shot with the text, "Would you have invested?" underneath.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:22 PM on January 17, 2005

Thanks, tapeguy... now, excuse me while I go play the White Album backwards.
posted by squirrel at 7:09 PM on January 17, 2005

I'm seeing a lot of people take the joke that this is a Teen Beat spread and just... well, buying it. It's not. I have other photos in this series, and these appear to be additional photos from an advertising spread done by Microsoft in the Mid-1980's, after Bill had begun to make the incredibly big bucks and was really being portrayed as a Wunderkind of the highest order.

The photo I have has Bill Gates, same shoot, same everything, but wearing a Santa Hat and holding a drink. I'm surprised it's not shown up on more threads about these photos.
posted by jscott at 7:24 PM on January 17, 2005

See? I knew I could find it.
posted by jscott at 7:41 PM on January 17, 2005

Ah yes. Now that I've had a chance to compare the two, it's quite obvious the floppy disk one is a photoshop of this christmas one I have.
posted by jscott at 7:43 PM on January 17, 2005

I'd hit it.
posted by squirrel at 8:07 PM EST on January 17

Ha ha ha! I can't stop laughing!
posted by breath at 7:57 PM on January 17, 2005

jscott, I think it's the other way around. That martini glass looks fake, as does the Santa hat.
posted by afx114 at 9:17 PM on January 17, 2005

Yes, the santa one looks like a 'shop of the floppy disk one.
posted by rooftop secrets at 10:12 PM on January 17, 2005

With photoshop, I managed to blow up what Gates was typing on the computer in the back. Truly, he was ahead of the times.
posted by drezdn at 10:19 PM on January 17, 2005

Oh, you know how it is, you hold your little image diamond in your hands, and you're always the last one to admit it's in fact paste, a fake. You're right, I'm hoarding a photoshop. Oh well. Well, now I have the whole set!
posted by jscott at 12:15 AM on January 18, 2005

posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:21 AM on January 18, 2005

Dammit, I wish I'd thought of that sooner. Now nobody's gonna see it.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:30 AM on January 18, 2005

Who IS that?
posted by armoured-ant at 7:18 AM on January 18, 2005

I'd Be it.
posted by squirrel at 8:17 AM on January 18, 2005

Out of curiosity, which one of these guys is steve balmer? I'm guessing the creepy balding guy with the goofy mustash in the top left.
posted by delmoi at 8:50 AM on January 18, 2005

Who IS that?

It's Steve Jobs, circa around the same time (mid-80's).
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:08 AM on January 18, 2005

It always amazes me that Bill got married. I find him among the most unattractive geeky-freaky-looking guys ever.

Proof that for everyone, there is someone.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:57 AM on January 18, 2005

Proof that for everyone filthy stinkin' rich, there is someone.
posted by rafter at 11:01 AM on January 18, 2005

If Neil Stephenson has taught me anything, it's that geeks always get the girl.
posted by drezdn at 12:56 PM on January 18, 2005

he's high.......................... did anyone notice??
posted by TangerineGurl at 9:35 PM on January 18, 2005

Oh, great. Bill Gates and his 5 1/4 inch floppy.
posted by sellout at 12:37 AM on January 19, 2005

Yeah, he does look high. Pot was a big part of that culture at the time. Not that it isn't a big part of the developer/programmer culture now; just not probably a big part of the billionaire CEO culture. Who knows, though? It was pretty clear five years ago, when he took those pies in the face and reacted so poorly, that he had started going to different parties a while back. Think of it: he might have actually been a fun and cool guy at one time.

[cue shouting Steve video]
posted by squirrel at 6:09 AM on January 19, 2005

It would be fabu-tastic to see vintage photos of this hunky hunk of man hunk too... Second Steve anyone?
posted by mannythedog at 4:32 PM on January 19, 2005

Man.

Snopes: It's him, but he isn't posing for Teen Beat.
posted by jennanemone at 8:01 PM on January 19, 2005