Outplay, outlast and what was that other one?

January 18, 2005 10:24 AM

"Survivor" winner Richard Hatch didn't declare his million bucks to the IRS. He'll be arraigned Jan 24.
posted by CunningLinguist (52 comments total)

Coming soon: "Prison Survivor". CL, want to try to write down an outline and pitch it with me?
posted by matteo at 10:27 AM on January 18, 2005

Good, I'm sure his predilection for dropping his drawers all the time will serve him quite nicely in the "pokey".
posted by fenriq at 10:29 AM on January 18, 2005

I hope he doesn't get raped by Martha.
posted by taursir at 10:31 AM on January 18, 2005

"Awww, I don't hafta report that under-the-table money. I mean, come on - who's gonna know?"
posted by soyjoy at 10:36 AM on January 18, 2005

You can be a millionaire and not pay taxes. How?
1. Get a million dollars.
2. When the IRS asks you why you pay your taxes, use these two simple words-- "I forgot."
-- Steve Martin.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:42 AM on January 18, 2005

argh. insert "didn't" between you and pay. More coffee, please.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:43 AM on January 18, 2005

Stupid people on a stupid show performing stupid acts for viewing by more stupid people - and we are amazed that this genius cheated on his taxes?
posted by caddis at 10:46 AM on January 18, 2005

Hahah, that's fantastic.

Richard Hatch side-story: I saw the dope over the summer when I was getting my oil changed at Jiffy Lube, in Newport Rhode Island. He was wearing very tight shorts, and complaining loudly about the price of air filters. Very surreal.
posted by SweetJesus at 10:46 AM on January 18, 2005

I bet this is all Baltar's doing.
posted by ZippityBuddha at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2005

caddis: Is it a burden to be as perfect and righteous as you?
posted by xmutex at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2005

Hatch also tried to deduct his dignity as a business loss.
posted by NickDouglas at 10:52 AM on January 18, 2005

Richard Hatch. Jiffy Lube.

*stifles snort*
posted by stonerose at 10:53 AM on January 18, 2005

Society creates artificial celebrity. Society mocks artificial celebrity. Society does not mock itself for choosing artificial celebrity in first place. Society creates new artificial celebrity.
posted by flarbuse at 10:54 AM on January 18, 2005

Society creates artificial celebrity. Society mocks artificial celebrity. Society does not mock itself for choosing artificial celebrity in first place. Society creates new artificial celebrity.

Weblog poster chides society for celebrating artificial celebrity. Weblog poster implicity excludes self from society for purposes of post, delivering self-administered pat on back. Weblog poster is mocked by second Weblog poster.
posted by jonmc at 10:58 AM on January 18, 2005

I love it when you guys talk in headline-speak. It's very clever.
posted by RockCorpse at 11:07 AM on January 18, 2005

Weblog reader reads and says... "Only in America".
posted by adnanbwp at 11:08 AM on January 18, 2005

caddis, you may dislike the show but calling anyone who watches it stupid is pretty shortsighted and stupid.

I watch it because I enjoy watching the interplay of personalities.

SweetJesus, I have a most disagreeable image in my mind now about Richard Hatch and a Jiffy Lube. Thanks ever so much. "That's not where the air cleaner goes, but it's not a bad idea."
posted by fenriq at 11:10 AM on January 18, 2005

I can't get over how incredibly stupid this was of him.
posted by orange swan at 11:12 AM on January 18, 2005

Society creates artificial celebrity. Society mocks artificial celebrity. Society does not mock itself for choosing artificial celebrity in first place. Society creates new artificial celebrity.

Weblog poster chides society for celebrating artificial celebrity. Weblog poster implicity excludes self from society for purposes of post, delivering self-administered pat on back. Weblog poster is mocked by second Weblog poster.

Second Weblog poster mocks first Weblog poster. Third Weblog poster mocks Second Weblog poster for sinking so low as to waste time mocking a Weblog poster.

*Circular logic causes Third Weblog poster’s head to spin tighter and tighter until reaching singularity*
posted by arse_hat at 11:28 AM on January 18, 2005

You'd think that since he was the only one that went into the show with a strategy that he'd have a strategy for dealing with the money once he won.

Of course, that strategy may have been to duck taxes and pray/litigate for the best, but that sort of strategy would have gotten him kicked right off the island.

Also, I always think of this link when I think of Mr. Hatch
posted by Four Flavors at 11:34 AM on January 18, 2005

What orange swan said.

It never occurred to him that maybe it was a good idea to play above the table on a payout that was as public as this one?

Obviously, he was no dummy. What was he thinking?
posted by chicobangs at 11:39 AM on January 18, 2005

surprising that a morbidly obese, nude, and mildly sociopathic celebrity wouldn't fly right under the IRS' radar...

*puts pants back on*
posted by docpops at 11:40 AM on January 18, 2005

ZippityBuddha:

Count Baltar I assume?
posted by DBAPaul at 11:46 AM on January 18, 2005

I'm with caddis. The show was stoopid. Hatch is stoopid. Anyone who watches the show is stoopid. Anyone who complains about the show is stoo--

Wait, can I start that again?

I'm with caddis. Let's just leave it at that.
posted by Doohickie at 11:52 AM on January 18, 2005

Four Flavors, thank you for posting that link. I've been trying to locate that site off and on for the past few weeks!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:59 AM on January 18, 2005

How come Michael Badnarik can openly profess to paying no income taxes and he doesn't get in trouble?
posted by knave at 12:16 PM on January 18, 2005

You're welcome. It took me 20 minutes of searching to find it. I finally got it with "donkey kong country game design banana", which is the oddest search string I think I've ever used.

I wish he would write more- I enjoy his stuff.
posted by Four Flavors at 12:19 PM on January 18, 2005

Not to derail this thread (although what more is there to say except I can't get over how incredibly stupid this was of him?) — but as a non-Survivor watcher, I've always wondered how they kicked somebody off the island when there were only two people left. The viewers at home? It's surely not a question worthy of Ask MeFi, but might sneak by here, where the only other thing to say is "What an idiot."
posted by LeLiLo at 12:27 PM on January 18, 2005

lelilo, when they get down to 2 players, the last 7 people to get voted off are the jury and they decide who gets the million. Which means you can't piss off too many people in the last 9 or you're screwed.
posted by fenriq at 12:31 PM on January 18, 2005

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Couldn't happen to a nicer fella. I think he was a jackass. I didn't watch the show but I couldn't avoid him on the post-show interview circuit. However, as much of a waste of oxygen processing he is, calling him "morbidly obese" is inaccurate. What kind of physician are you exactly docpops? Only a plastic surgeon would say something that absurd.

I hope they take every damn dime and he has to serve a sentence. There is absolutely no way a judge would believe this to be an error or an oversight.

This is not ignorance. This is fraud.

And caddis is right, despite the hissing from the peanut gallery. People who watch reality shows deserve the tripe they get. I will watch cable access before I watch reality shows. With cable access there at least exists the POSSIBILITY I will be entertained. Or at least amused.

All i can hope is that there is a Richard Hatch Lovers forum somewhere where all the posters are wallowing in their collective sorrow.

Also, can't someone give this Richard Hatch a million dollars?
posted by Ynoxas at 1:29 PM on January 18, 2005

Yonxas: I saw him over the summer, he's pretty tubby now. Not obese, but back to Survivor weight for sure.
posted by SweetJesus at 1:54 PM on January 18, 2005

First weblog poster is amused by second webolg poster's mocking. However, first weblog poster does not own a television and feels comfortable excluding self from society anyway. First weblog poster become aroused from repetetion of self-administered patting.
posted by flarbuse at 1:59 PM on January 18, 2005

Jesus, that's brilliant. Did he think nobody would notice? That makes me so happy. It's akin to if Bill Gates just didn't file one year. When you recieve a lot of money, be sure the government is going to notice.
posted by 235w103 at 2:12 PM on January 18, 2005

Ynoxas, so what you're saying is that a show you didn't watch that happens to be reality is tripe because its not entertaining at all?

There's no chance that a reality show could evoke even the tiniest glimmer of a smile and amuse you? Damn, you must be one of the world's best poker players. I have laughed out loud at Survivor many, many times. Are you going to now say that I'm an idiot because I can enjoy something you find so repulsively distasteful? Without ever having bothered to take a look at what you are so easily dismissive of?

That's almost as dumb as Hatch thinking no one would notice him not paying taxes on his winnings. Almost.
posted by fenriq at 2:53 PM on January 18, 2005

You know, Hatch, that the IRS often just ignores the 1099-MISC forms, especially when they say "$1,010,000" on them.

...can't stand the man.
posted by tomplus2 at 3:01 PM on January 18, 2005

surprising that a morbidly obese, nude, and mildly sociopathic celebrity wouldn't fly right under the IRS' radar...

your definition of morbidly obese is a little off. richard hatch may be chubby, but he can still walk, which i think excludes him from "morbidly obese".
posted by salad spork at 3:45 PM on January 18, 2005

I bow before Richard Hatch's ability to keep himself in the spotlight.

Anyone else see him on Dr. Phil a while back talking about how to protect his son from an internet pedophile?

No, I am not capable of making this up.
posted by selfmedicating at 3:54 PM on January 18, 2005

Doesn't the IRS take the money off the top right away when it's won on TV? I thought gameshow winners always have to fill out forms at the show itself when they win?
posted by amberglow at 3:57 PM on January 18, 2005

Am I the last person on earth to find out Richard Hatch was Apollo from Battlestar Gallactica? He just doesn't look anything like Apollo to me.
posted by Jim Jones at 4:26 PM on January 18, 2005

amberglow The IRS gets 25% of any prize over $5K. But that does not mean you are done. You still need to file in any year you have income. You may get some back or have to pay more just like on your payroll taxes.
posted by arse_hat at 4:33 PM on January 18, 2005

ahhh--thanks arse.
posted by amberglow at 4:37 PM on January 18, 2005

It's awesome, with posts like these I no longer have to visit Fark!
posted by guruguy9 at 4:47 PM on January 18, 2005

Anyone else see him on Dr. Phil a while back talking about how to protect his son from an internet pedophile?

Missed that. Did they talk about how he beat a child abuse rap on the show?

SweetJesus, have you seen his house? It's like a giant camp stuck into the side of the hill near Green End Ave. Why not spend some of the untaxed money on new property and then build a less ostentatious pad?
posted by yerfatma at 4:52 PM on January 18, 2005

I had the same question as amberglow and would then even go further to suggest that maybe he is angling to get his tax obligation reduced since we have all heard how you can pay pennies on the dollar! Perhaps he walks a way with a lower tax obligation than he would have had he filed.
posted by geekyguy at 6:41 PM on January 18, 2005

Yeah sure. pennies. I'll bet no one at the IRS would like to make an example of this dude. ;-)
posted by arse_hat at 6:59 PM on January 18, 2005

Morbidly obese is defined by bariatric medicine as 100 pounds over ideal body weight.

When the show aired, no question, he qualified. As a society we have become so fat that he starts to blend in, sadly.
posted by docpops at 7:56 PM on January 18, 2005

fenriq: reread. I never said you were an idiot. I said if you watch reality shows you deserve the low quality of entertainment you get.

I don't claim any kind of moral high-ground on TV viewing. My favorite shows are usually either on Comedy Central or animated, so based on that I don't get to be an elitist. I sometimes watch CSI:Miami because I love watching David Caruso chew on the scenery.

At this point in the reality game, everyone knows what is to be expected by every title. Reality TV is already over, it's already jumped the shark.

I lost faith in Reality TV after I was totally hooked on the first season of "Real World" way back when on MTV. Then I found out it was staged, with the producers suggesting "talking points" and artificially creating dramatic situations. The networks know what most of us suspect: that "real life" is pretty damn boring and uneventful most of the time, and makes pretty shitty television.

Add in the multiple reports that the current crop of "reality tv" is anything but and is heavily scripted, and there is no entertainment value there to be had. Hell, even the insurance underwriters get into the game to make sure everything is safe and nothing unexpected can happen.

What you are watching is a pretend, scripted tv show about what a reality show might be like.

You're not an idiot. You're just making poor entertainment choices... in my opinion, of course. And your viewing contributes to their continuation. Some guy making millions of dollars per year is helping decide that this is all you need, because obviously you're watching it.

My hope is that someone gets badly maimed or killed on one of these so they all close shop and disappear overnight. As the above article alludes, the entire industry is one good lawsuit away from evaporation.

An attempted rape on "Big Brother" or an attempted murder on "Survivor" would pretty much make reality tv a distant memory.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:53 PM on January 18, 2005

I love the ""Prison Survivor" idea! If CBS reads this blog... Quick, matteo! To the copyright office!
posted by humannature at 9:35 PM on January 18, 2005

Down in Hollywood Richard busily pitching his new reality show idea called I.R.S. Audit Survivor.
posted by thedailygrowl at 9:47 PM on January 18, 2005

About the only show out there I consider to be true "Reality TV" is Cops. I watched it several times and got a kick out of dumbass petty criminals getting arrested. But after a while, it gets routine and the fascination wears off.
posted by Doohickie at 8:01 AM on January 19, 2005

Or "My Big Fat Obnoxious Reality Show Tax Cheat!"
posted by chicobangs at 9:46 AM on January 19, 2005

Chico wins.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:17 AM on January 20, 2005