Top of the Popes

April 1, 2005 2:24 PM

112 Popes Saint Malachy's "Prophecy of the Popes" holds that we only get 112 Popes before everything goes all "revert to saved", and John Paul the Second is #110. Although it's now thought to be a Jesuitical forgery (circa 1600), given the speed with which Popes can switch, it might not be long before we find out.
posted by paul_smatatoes (48 comments total)

I don't know where you got it or if you thought it up yourself, but "revert to saved" is brilliant.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 2:30 PM on April 1, 2005

self!
posted by paul_smatatoes at 2:32 PM on April 1, 2005

brilliant indeed, but the main link is so fucked up it isn't even funny
posted by matteo at 2:34 PM on April 1, 2005

That's funny. I thought Paul was dead.

/aging beatles reference
posted by wendell at 2:37 PM on April 1, 2005

I bet this is a ruse to keep the series going, like there being thirteen Doctor Whos.

Man, I can't wait until the Pope fights the Daleks again.
posted by bwerdmuller at 3:09 PM on April 1, 2005

Huh - it suggests that #111 is Olive's Glory. Wonder if whoever gets annointed next will live up to that nomer?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 3:25 PM on April 1, 2005

PurplePorpoise: Pope Popeye, possibly?
posted by gurple at 3:30 PM on April 1, 2005

Oh man, if that Antichrist is going to fool the Pope, how can there be hope for us plebes?

Myself, I give up now. I want the mark of the beast. I'm sick of carrying my wallet.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:16 PM on April 1, 2005

Um, this is Pope 265
posted by dchase at 4:44 PM on April 1, 2005

112 popes after the time it was written, circa AD 1139.
The Future and the Popes provides an interpretion, along with some prophecies.
posted by Melinika at 4:49 PM on April 1, 2005

Maybe it's just the end of Catholicism >:)
posted by xmod2 at 4:53 PM on April 1, 2005

"Olive Pope" = Brazilian Cardinal Claudio Hummes or Brazilian Cardinal Claudio Hummes or Honduran Cardinal Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiag? One of my history professors, a self-converted openly gay Catholic who tried to become a priest, told me that the next pope will likely be African or South American, representing either the last part of the world where Catholicism is growing or last stronghold of the church.

I love feeding conspiracy theories.

btw, how do popes get named "John Paul II" and whatnot?
posted by trinarian at 4:59 PM on April 1, 2005

According to the linked list, this is pope 101 since 1139 AD. Popes are allowed to choose their names when they ascend. John Paul II followed John Paul I who had a short tenure, and presumably chose his name out of respect for his recently departed predecessor. John Paul I was the first to choose a double name.
Prediction: the next pope will be: John Paul George Ringo I.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:15 PM on April 1, 2005

Was reading about this last night. I saw, somewhere, that the last pope ever is supposed to be the second coming of Jesus. I'm not religious at all, so... when they're picking a new guy, are they thinking hey, this could be the last one? Are they trying to gauge how Jesus-like he is? Is this anticipated? Or is he just going to bust out of his seat, pull off his miter, and be all "Surprise!"

(really, I want to know this)
posted by cmyk at 5:23 PM on April 1, 2005

Toecutter's Great Prophecy: No prophecy, prediction, fortune or soothsaying, whether based on any scripture, mystical text, writing or occult practice, will ever, ever, come to pass in any manner whatsoever, but more particularly in any manner advocated by devotees of such methods or instruments of prophecy.
posted by Toecutter at 5:30 PM on April 1, 2005

My Prophesy of the Popes: He'll be Catholic.

I have a second theory...
posted by anthill at 5:33 PM on April 1, 2005

My Prophesy of the Popes: He'll be Catholic.

I will go out on a limn here: He'll be a he.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 5:57 PM on April 1, 2005

Will the new one shit in the woods, too?
posted by knave at 5:59 PM on April 1, 2005

He'll have a tall hat.
posted by the_bone at 6:06 PM on April 1, 2005

He will not be polish.
posted by homodigitalis at 6:09 PM on April 1, 2005

Hope he picks Ed or Barney for a name. Or Pope Ed Barney III
posted by mss at 6:10 PM on April 1, 2005

Or Bubba
posted by mss at 6:11 PM on April 1, 2005

He will have four limns.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:32 PM on April 1, 2005

...I'd rather be the pope.
posted by bardic at 6:41 PM on April 1, 2005

Next: Pope George Ringo
posted by mazola at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2005

So my favorite hillbilly name is also a once and former pope.

Pope Cletus (ad 76-78)
posted by Fupped Duck at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2005

So, do I cook dinner or no?
posted by damnitkage at 8:56 PM on April 1, 2005

this link above has a very interesting list that includes the titles given to all of the popes. the Popes that have a historical note are strikingly similar to the description that Malachy gave them.
posted by Embryo at 8:59 PM on April 1, 2005

It is kind of disturbing that it just ends after the next two. "Finis."

Anyway, there's more fun stuff here, which sounds almost plausible.

The next pope could always be Cardinal Arinze, who is black, from Nigeria, and he could name himself Pope Benedict XVI, after various Benedicts including this saint, who was black.

Conspiracy is so fun -- but if any of this actually happens, I think I'm going to go live on a mountaintop somewhere.
posted by blacklite at 9:03 PM on April 1, 2005

How about a sponsor?
Pope Coke.
Say that five times fast.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:03 PM on April 1, 2005

Oh, the reason the Benedict part is interesting is because olives have been traditionally associated with the Benedictine order.
posted by blacklite at 9:04 PM on April 1, 2005

cmyk writes "when they're picking a new guy, are they thinking hey, this could be the last one? Are they trying to gauge how Jesus-like he is? Is this anticipated? Or is he just going to bust out of his seat, pull off his miter, and be all 'Surprise!'"


Freely interpreting, if the prophesies stand, specially the one in this post, Peter the Roman (what's the odd of a a two thousand church, start and finish with a Peter, except in allegory?) will probably have to re-create the Church from the ashes. So he will not be elected but just grab the Papacy as his own natural right. But then again Malachy can just have run out of range like a wireless connection.
posted by nkyad at 9:08 PM on April 1, 2005

Once the Malachy Prophecy was made (or faked), couldn't the cardinals select canidates that fufill it?
posted by drezdn at 10:24 PM on April 1, 2005

drezdn writes " Once the Malachy Prophecy was made (or faked), couldn't the cardinals select candidates that fulfill it?"

From Melinika'a link: "The descriptions given for John Paul I and II were about their Pontificates, not about their lives before they were elected Pope."

So, no, they can only guess. And the cardinals, contrary to us laymen, have more things to do than to worry about Catholic Exoterica...
posted by nkyad at 10:35 PM on April 1, 2005

On new years eve 1999 all computers will fall prey to the dreaded Y2K bug. Planes will fall from the sky, your bank account will dissapear and all medical, scientific and communications equipment will fail.

Repent!
posted by spazzm at 11:19 PM on April 1, 2005

I predict Cardinal Sicola won't be the next Pontiff
posted by quarsan at 11:36 PM on April 1, 2005

So I have two questions:
What does Nostradamus has to say about all this?

Secondly, from blacklite's link, The last Pope before the Return of Christ will be killed by the followers of the Antichrist about the year A.D. 2430. So if we only have two more popes left, how are they going to be kept alive for so long? With feeding tubes?
posted by c13 at 12:00 AM on April 2, 2005

Perhaps Nostradamus didn't account for inflation?
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:58 AM on April 2, 2005

c13: not that I blame you at all for not reading the entire thing, but later on down the page it says:

Some people think that Peter the Roman will be the last Pope ever and that the world will end during his Pontificate. No, not so! Peter the Roman is merely the last Pope on this list, not the last Pope ever. The time of Peter the Roman's Pontificate is described in Apocalyptic terms because His Pontificate will see the beginning of the events described in the Book of Revelation, especially the beginning of World War III (which is the first of the seven seals and the first of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse). But the events described in that last book of the Bible unfold over many years and the sufferings of Revelation do not reach completion until the mid 25th century. There will be many more Popes between Peter the Roman and the Return of Christ in A.D. 2437.

The guy is crazy, but at least he's internally consistent. I just want to know how he can pull dates like '2437' out of his ass like that.
posted by blacklite at 2:00 AM on April 2, 2005

c13: if you had read on, you would have found out that these are the last two popes before judgement, not the last two popes ever. there will be more popes. pope! pope!

i need to go to bed.
posted by y0bhgu0d at 2:00 AM on April 2, 2005

> On new years eve 1999 all computers will fall prey to the dreaded Y2K bug.
> Planes will fall from the sky, your bank account will dissapear and all
> medical, scientific and communications equipment will fail.

and we, the desperate scattered remnant, are the left-behinds. I'll trade you a half-finished arrowhead for some of your purple berries.
posted by jfuller at 6:34 AM on April 2, 2005

Pogo Pope.
posted by Drexen at 7:31 AM on April 2, 2005

jfuller: i eated the purple berries. they taste like burning.
posted by exlotuseater at 8:58 AM on April 2, 2005

I had no idea Lando was a pope. http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/08784a.htm

Also, what kind of crappy pope do you have to be not to get declared a saint?
posted by nyxxxx at 9:12 AM on April 2, 2005

I kind of like this pope. Didn't he go into a prison and give absolution to a bunch of murderers? He's the travelin' pope, right?

If they picked me, I'd become Pope John Paul III. Definitely would stay away from Pius or Innocent.
Pope Constantine! Bad ass. Pope Jesus.

But then, last night, my roommate said that before this pope became pope, he was a salesman for the corporation that made Xyclon B. Is this true?

My roommate also believes in Atlantis and the writings of a certain Mr. Wilson. Ah!... POPE ROBERT ANTON WILSON!
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:07 AM on April 2, 2005

Pope Linus II.

That'd scare the bejesus out of SCO.
posted by veedubya at 11:32 AM on April 2, 2005

Died at 11:37 PST.
posted by deborah at 11:58 AM on April 2, 2005

jfuller: Yes, I've been eating them for six or seven weeks now, haven't got sick once. Probably keep us both alive.
posted by MotherTucker at 12:44 PM on April 2, 2005