You're invited. Please don't come.

May 29, 2005 8:26 AM

We're getting married. Aren't you happy for us? "We would rather sell ourselves to a meat packing plant than acknowledge the union of you and this gold-digging hussy. In fact, we already have." A fun little creative writing site that will let you unleash your inner, bitter socialite.
posted by WolfDaddy (13 comments total)

This is great, wolfdaddy.

I'm getting married in a couple of weeks and this really hit the spot.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:45 AM on May 29, 2005

This is so bitchy. I feel like snapping fingers in a Z-pattern.
posted by AlexReynolds at 9:11 AM on May 29, 2005

eeesh.

This hits a little too close to home.
I'm getting married in (holy shit) four months. My fiancee and I have different religions and I'm holding my breath, waiting for someone to drop the bomb that they're not coming because our wedding's unchristian or because she's marrying a Jew.
posted by Jon-o at 9:13 AM on May 29, 2005

I wish someone would have written me a letter like that before I got married. Especially before the third one.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 9:22 AM on May 29, 2005

I really like the letter from the cannibalistic cult member. Classic.

Nevertheless, according to protocol, I do have to inform you that none of the brethren can possibly attend. it appears first that you have planned to meet in daylight--something none of the senior brethren can manage. As if that were not enough, you have perhaps forgotten that the Plaza Hotel does not have a crypt filled with unconsecrated soil. Something of an oversight on your part, perhaps, my brother in blood.

Best. Excuse. Ever.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:48 AM on May 29, 2005

Where did you find this, by the way?

Related
posted by Jon-o at 9:54 AM on May 29, 2005

I would imagine Wolfdaddy found this either on my journal or on E2.

Btw, hi, I'm Haje, one of the halves of the people who created Not Attending. Pleased to meet you.
posted by SharQ at 10:32 AM on May 29, 2005

On a side note, I think The letter from my mother is one of the best ones. Especially because my mom didn't write it.

Class.
posted by SharQ at 10:46 AM on May 29, 2005

Sharqie baby nailed it on both counts :-)
posted by WolfDaddy at 12:32 PM on May 29, 2005

Another "too close to home" here...

Recently I've found myself kind of in the middle of a spat where my parents aren't going to attend my sister's wedding for unclear reasons.

...worst thing is, they sent a letter. Maybe I should get a copy of it. :)
posted by ScottMorris at 12:36 PM on May 29, 2005

That was awesome.
posted by blacklite at 1:14 PM on May 29, 2005

[this is good]
posted by dg at 4:26 PM on May 29, 2005

Wow jon-o. I hadn't been to the ugly bridemaid site for awhile. Some stunners have been submitted since my last visit. The worst (or best) was the pregnant prom dress (NSFW, or eating either). This has to be a hoax. I can't believe anyone would actually wear this to a prom.

Although there were a number of strong contenders, the condom wedding dress (bottom left, as though you couldn't figure it out for yourself) gets my vote for most absurd.
posted by marsha56 at 7:41 PM on May 29, 2005