How many FPPs can you fit in a little car?

July 18, 2005 3:46 PM

But where are the clowns? Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career?
And where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns.
Well maybe next year. (Thanks, Mr. Sondheim.)
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies (27 comments total)

You forgot my favorite clown link.
posted by GrammarMoses at 4:08 PM on July 18, 2005

*weeps uncontrollably*
*looks for mention of the premiere clown*
posted by philida at 4:11 PM on July 18, 2005

Cram it, Clownie!


(a suggestion that probably makes 'Straightman' from your fifth link a little damp and tingly...)
posted by maryh at 4:23 PM on July 18, 2005

Evil clowns need love too.
posted by eggonstilts at 4:25 PM on July 18, 2005

The word "clown" looks really odd when you read it that many times.
posted by nomis at 4:25 PM on July 18, 2005

great post, DFT.
posted by brandz at 4:27 PM on July 18, 2005

Clowns are Very, Very, Scary!
posted by Balisong at 4:29 PM on July 18, 2005

KLOWNS!
posted by tkchrist at 4:30 PM on July 18, 2005

Ihateclowns.com has email again? I had an account there a few years ago, and then the site went belly-up.
posted by Oriole Adams at 4:43 PM on July 18, 2005

posted by Armitage Shanks at 4:55 PM on July 18, 2005

Black velvet clown paintings & blacklight posters
posted by eggonstilts at 4:55 PM on July 18, 2005

LPoser Clowns
posted by fenriq at 5:09 PM on July 18, 2005

Cram it, Clownie!

That's not my urban legend. In our case one kid took two cookies off the the tray. Bozo disapproved. Punchline: "Cram it Bozo, I'm takin' two!"
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:23 PM on July 18, 2005

Isn't it queer?

Wow, it looks as if Straightman's tiny little brain is all but totally devoid of irony! (frikkin' evil site there, but quite apropos.)
I've a good friend who is clown-o-phobic, so I think I'll get him this shirt. heh.
posted by Zack_Replica at 5:32 PM on July 18, 2005

Oh, and thanks for the links, DFT!
posted by Zack_Replica at 5:37 PM on July 18, 2005

"Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns." - DJ3000
posted by FuturisticDragon at 5:50 PM on July 18, 2005

I used to have a ikillclowns.com email from t-shirt hell. I got it just so I could email certain friends of mine.

{warning link not suitable for work or lovers of clowns depending on your def. of love}
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 5:58 PM on July 18, 2005

You rock DFT, wanna be friends (sans clowns, I'm a scared of them)?
posted by yodelingisfun at 6:13 PM on July 18, 2005

Musn't forget Bobcat Goldthwait as an alcoholic, mime-bashing party clown.

And as you may already know, there are many paths to salvation. Such as Clowning for Christ.

And ok, I know these aren't clowns per se, but I can't help but share, because when I'm feeling down/and my face is in a frown/all I need to do/ is point my browser to the Christian ventriloquist puppet show.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 6:18 PM on July 18, 2005

clowns + steroids
posted by p3t3 at 7:14 PM on July 18, 2005

Clowns without Borders
posted by derangedlarid at 7:25 PM on July 18, 2005

Don't forget Adult Clown Services. (Probably NSFW, obviously)
posted by hupp at 9:37 PM on July 18, 2005

I have a friend who lived in, well, a clown house. That is, she was living in a house in Portland with a clown troupe. They saw it as a calling, a noble and pure, almost priestly, profession. In order to demonstrate the earnestness of their feelings, a number of them had their clown make-up permanently tattooed onto their faces.

In order to be in body, as well as spirit, as they put it, Clown For Life.
posted by cytherea at 12:33 AM on July 19, 2005

from the Adult Clown Services link:

OUCHY,
HERE GOES:IM 11 YEARS OLD IN MILITARY SCHOOL IN NC OUR CLASS WENT TO
GREENSBORO NC FOR A SCHOOL OUTING. TO THE WORLD OF MIRTH SHOW!! LOTS OF
CLOWNS.THE SHOW WAS OVER AND I GOT SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THE
CADETS,THERE WAS A LOT TO SEE SO I JUST STARTING LOOKING AROUND. I WENT
BEHIND A SMALL TENT AND TRAILER AND THERE HE WAS THE MOST HANDSOME CLOWN IN
THE WORLD. WE BOTH STARED AT EACHOTHER FOR A MIN. HE ASK ME WHAT I WAS DOING,
I SAID I WAS LOST. Well, HE ASK ME IF I WAS HUNGRY I SAID YES. WE WENT INTO
HIS TRAILER, I COULDN'T TAKE MY OFF OH HIM. IT WAS MY LUCKY DAY, HE HAD TO
CHANGE INTO ANOTHER COSTUME!!!!!!! well, I GOT MY 11YEARSOLD EYES FULL. I HAD
NEVER SEEN A DICK THAT BIG IN MY LIFE, HE SAW ME LOOKING AT HIM I KNEW I
WANTED TO DO SOMETHING BUT DIDN'T KNOW HOW. HE HELPED ME ALONG WITH THAT. WE
MESSED AROUND FOR A LITTLE
WHILE. THEN HE ASK ME TO SUCK HIM. I DID AND I LOVE IT, IT WAS MY FIRST TASTE
OF CUM.THE CLOWN WAS THERE FOR 5 DAYS SO I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT CLOWNS..MY
LITTLE BUTT WAS SO WORKED OVER I COULD NOT SIT DOWN, BUT I LOVED IT.THE SHOW
MOVED ON BUT MY DREAMS ARE STILL WITH ME..I CAN STILL SMELL THE SMELL OF A
CLOWN AND LOVE TO SUCK THEIR DICKS SO I HOPE I GET TO SUCK YOU SOON.WOODY

I just thought since I had been subjected to it, you should.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 2:33 AM on July 19, 2005

In my own experience (as a Clown myself) I have found that children who are frightened of Clowns have parents (and usually Mothers) who are frightened of Clowns themselves. They seem to "catch" this fear from their parents who, of course, freak out whenever a Clown comes near their child. The child then reacts to the freak out rather than the Clown.

However, there ARE more sensible parents who introduce their child to a Clown and explain what a Clown is. These are the children who grow up NOT being afraid of Clowns.

We're only trying to entertain....and make people laugh, after all!

So there!
posted by JtJ at 5:25 AM on July 19, 2005

Nice try, JtJ, But it doesn't wash. If a parent is clown-phobic, all they need do is not take their kids up to meet clowns. Yet throughout America they're doing so and making it clear to the child that the clown is their friend, and many of those kids are disturbed by the experience. I doubt it leads to adult trauma for most, but the happy-parent-terrified-kid phenomenon is so thoroughly established it's ludicrous to try to palm it off on clown-fearing "Mothers."

Too Much Joy famously sang, "I have yet to meet a kid not scared to death of clowns," and while that's overstating it, it's not like this is a case of one or two isolated incidents.
posted by soyjoy at 7:33 AM on July 19, 2005

You rock DFT, wanna be friends (sans clowns, I'm a scared of them)?
posted by yodelingisfun at 6:13 PM PST on July 18 [!]

Man, I KNEW spending the five bucks would pay off one day! Swoon.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 8:12 AM on July 19, 2005