1.21 gigawatts? GREAT SCOTT!!

September 8, 2005 11:33 AM

6.8 Ghz Quantum personal supercomputer. 1 terabyte of non-volatile quantum-optical RAM, 2 terabytes of mass storage in non-volatile quantum-optical ATA-IDE. All solid state, no moving parts. In a fscking laptop. With an 8 hour battery life. Debuting at CES 2006. (Warning: Ugly website. Possible vaporware. Lots of pictures, though.)
posted by loquacious (55 comments total)

Possible vaporware???
posted by freedryk at 11:38 AM on September 8, 2005

freedryk, you beat me to it. If this is real, I'm Pope Innocent Until Proven Guilty.
posted by alumshubby at 11:41 AM on September 8, 2005

The atomchip site doesn't seem to reflect the sort of money/time that would be involved in the development of that sort of product.

And why not a desktop first?
posted by Matt Oneiros at 11:41 AM on September 8, 2005

Does Quantum® = quantum computing?
posted by rolypolyman at 11:41 AM on September 8, 2005

ditto
posted by poppo at 11:42 AM on September 8, 2005

Possibly vaporware?

How about: This be some insaaaaaane BEEEEULLL SHEEEETTT.

It's not even that funny, sadly.
posted by selfnoise at 11:43 AM on September 8, 2005

So this quantam computer, it vibrates? Or does it run on pancakes? Irregardless, I think it will embiggen the laptop market, which I for one welcome. natch.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:45 AM on September 8, 2005

OK, this is a Quantum® computer, which is actually significantly different than a quantum computer. Assuming it's not all just a hoax or spam.
posted by teece at 11:45 AM on September 8, 2005

Quantum Computer -- Brought To You With 1997-Era HTML
posted by rolypolyman at 11:47 AM on September 8, 2005

It's an old April Fools Joke apparently (see the update portion of the link)
posted by Mave_80 at 11:47 AM on September 8, 2005

Actually looking at it again, it's not an April fools joke. But it is fake. Apparently I just can't read properly
posted by Mave_80 at 11:48 AM on September 8, 2005

And why not a desktop first?

Extremely cutting edge technologies usually debut in laptops, not supercomputers, servers, workstations or desktops.

After all, the businessman on the go is the person who is most likely to need 1TB of RAM.
posted by mosch at 11:49 AM on September 8, 2005

Thank you /.
posted by wfrgms at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2005

Considering that it has cost millions of dollars to construct a single quantum computer with a measly 5 bits...
posted by sonofsamiam at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2005

I won't believe a word until I hear Liebermann confirm.
posted by ernie at 11:50 AM on September 8, 2005

I love the 'technical' diagrams, which were apparently taken on a camera phone and labelled in MS Paint... I feel especially well informed by the identification of the 'connector' and the various 'optical lens' identifiers... Presumably they stare malevolently out the front of the computer HAL style....

And did I see an 8gb chip attached to a mini-jack? I think I did.

But seriously... It's either a stupid Hoax or they gotta fire someone...
posted by Meccabilly at 11:52 AM on September 8, 2005

Solar chip video. Killer special effects.

I knew it had to be too good to be true. Thanks Mave_80.
posted by loquacious at 11:53 AM on September 8, 2005

some other crazy stuff from Atomchip (from the web archive)
posted by Mave_80 at 11:59 AM on September 8, 2005

Terabyte? Pffft. My imaginary computer is already up to Petabytes.
posted by kyrademon at 12:01 PM on September 8, 2005

Wondered who the stooge was who would bring this to the blue. Sorry to see it was someone like loquacious.
The Register ran it through quite effectively.
posted by NinjaPirate at 12:02 PM on September 8, 2005

This is not real until the creator takes a picture of himself in a mirror, holding the computer and then posting it to Flickr.

I liked it Loquacious
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:02 PM on September 8, 2005

So is the world of nanomicrons measured in femtons?
posted by Rothko at 12:07 PM on September 8, 2005

Boo! Crappy form factor, crappy screen to boot.
posted by geoff. at 12:08 PM on September 8, 2005

But rolypolyman, I like "1997-Era HTML." All those frames, Flash, javascript and dancing GIFs irritate the hell out me.

Amd mosch, are you kidding? I'm confused.
posted by davy at 12:16 PM on September 8, 2005

Amazingly, this guy was at CES 2005 and made off with a "CES Innovations" award for a similar laptop. Now I'll know in the future to never give a shit if a product lists a CES Innovations award in their promotional material. I put this guy just slightly above Gene Ray and Alex Chiu.
posted by zsazsa at 12:16 PM on September 8, 2005

Yeah, you'd figure that they'd get a better generic laptop case and LCD. 3 terabytes is a lot of frickin' porn.
posted by loquacious at 12:17 PM on September 8, 2005

If only this were real.....

but a 12.1 inch screen? hell, no!
posted by mystyk at 12:17 PM on September 8, 2005

A whois check shows that this site's owner lists 'optonline.com' as his primary email.

Read into that as you will.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 12:20 PM on September 8, 2005

Mystyk: If only. When I first got the link on an email list I'm on, I just kind of glossed over it. 1 gig ram...? *yawn* 2 gigs of flash? WTF is this? An iPod Shuffle?

Wait a sec... did that just say terabytes!?

Needless to say I got a little excited. It's just close enough to be imaginable to be convincing enough for, oh, about 30 seconds or so. I mean, having a terabyte of HD space in a SAN - even in a home office - isn't that big of a deal anymore. It's not like they're claiming " 5 terahertz 1024 qbit processor with 500 gazillion petabytes in a single integrated optical crystal woooo!"

Which is to say 30 seconds of nerd-belief is probably just about enough time to bilk plenty of non-nerd investors.
posted by loquacious at 12:26 PM on September 8, 2005

faker than an Iraqi WMD

I still want one.
posted by caddis at 12:30 PM on September 8, 2005

I already have one.

Elvis bought it for me.
posted by CynicalKnight at 12:37 PM on September 8, 2005

I was not aware that a simple LED bulb hot-glued to an audio jack can store 8GB of data. This is going to entire electronics on its head. Where do I invest? I have a large cashiers check ready to send. My Nigerian business contacts are going to be very excited and will want to invest in this too I am sure.
posted by StarForce5 at 12:43 PM on September 8, 2005

loquacious: tin foil hats, hoax pepsi blues... keep 'em comin'. ;)
posted by mowglisambo at 12:46 PM on September 8, 2005

I believe that's intended to be an optical/electrical interface - which could indeed work, but probably not at those rates. Not with that hotmelt glue, though. Anyway, it's the interface for the quantum-optical memory chip. That doesn't exist.

mowglisambo: Just wait for my next post. Tinfoil flavored PepsiPods.
posted by loquacious at 12:49 PM on September 8, 2005

Possible crank. Lots of colors, though.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:50 PM on September 8, 2005

I love the picture on the home page of the person flailing in the "Air Shower" room. If for some outrageous reason this is actually real I wonder if they know that applying false trademark registration designations is a crime? The "company" does not appear to actually own registrations for the QUANTUM mark or the ATOMCHIP mark.
posted by anathema at 12:52 PM on September 8, 2005

Considering the claim, I can't believe I even spent the time to check.
posted by anathema at 12:53 PM on September 8, 2005

Too bad it's fake. Can you imagine how Windows Solitaire would fly on that thing?
posted by QuietDesperation at 1:06 PM on September 8, 2005

Are these terabytes something upon which the armies of compassion will have to declare war?
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:10 PM on September 8, 2005

*thwaps WolfDaddy*
posted by loquacious at 1:13 PM on September 8, 2005

Can you imagine how Windows Solitaire would fly on that thing?
posted by QuietDesperation at 4:06 PM EST on September 8 [!]

It would cheat faster, that's for sure.
posted by Rothko at 1:26 PM on September 8, 2005

I'm getting one. I don't care what you sour grapes jokers say.
posted by ewkpates at 1:32 PM on September 8, 2005

I don't know, this stuff sounds pretty good to me. It looks like it might even top some of the cutting edge research that GEARt.e.k. Corporation has been working on.

(A good site for anyone interested in Quantum-Optical devices, solid state optoelectronics, ordinance delivery stab vectors, LEDs hotglued to stuff, etc. I really enjoyed the 2004 Promo video.)
posted by drumcorpse at 1:33 PM on September 8, 2005

already have one.

Elvis bought it for me.
posted by CynicalKnight

Hey! No fair! All I got was a brand new cadillac.
posted by dejah420 at 1:37 PM on September 8, 2005

QuietDesperation writes "Too bad it's fake. Can you imagine how Windows Solitaire would fly on that thing?"

Back in the day, we'd "benchmark" new systems by winning a game of Solitaire and seeing how fast the cards would fall off the stacks at the top. Then Microsoft fixed the animation speed in Windows 2000 or so. How sad!
posted by zsazsa at 1:39 PM on September 8, 2005

The banner is very great. EXPERIENCE We Are #1
posted by rxreed at 2:58 PM on September 8, 2005

This is so obviously a hoax. Anything with that much power would only run Mac OSX; Windows couldn't handle it.
posted by SeizeTheDay at 3:29 PM on September 8, 2005

Made from genuine Unobtanium™.
posted by tommasz at 3:52 PM on September 8, 2005

Ok 24?
posted by luckypozzo at 4:30 PM on September 8, 2005

This makes me sad. What the hell is wrong with us, such that we are incapable of making any improvements whatsoever in battery life? Everything else gets better. Batteries are holding us back.
posted by nightchrome at 5:31 PM on September 8, 2005

(same reaction here, davy. "Extremely cutting edge" technology is generally not something you want to stuff into a space- and power-constrained laptop and give to an executive. For that, you want proven, mature technology that just got another 15% smaller/faster due to a $2bn investment in a fab three years ago. Or, apparently, hot-glued LEDs.)

Why is this even here? I mean, sure, it's a mildly amusing hoax, but the best of the web?
posted by hattifattener at 5:43 PM on September 8, 2005

Their sole innovation seems to be the ability to put stickers that say "2 TB: 8x 256GB" on ordinary compact flash cards and ordinary DDR-SODIMMs (laptop memory).

They do seem to be the only people with an adapter that fits two compact flash cards as master and slave in the space of one 44-pin 2.5" Hard Drive.
posted by blasdelf at 6:41 PM on September 8, 2005

I could play Doom on that....or somethin'
posted by Smedleyman at 3:07 AM on September 9, 2005

Nevermind, eventually we'll all have one terabyte in our pocket calculators :-)
posted by tommyc at 3:44 AM on September 9, 2005

See, the problem with computers like that is that they're strong bogon emitters, and the bogosity field could be far too strong for everyday use.
posted by musicinmybrain at 5:44 AM on September 9, 2005