Dead man rowing

February 9, 2006 5:52 AM

Lone ranger or lunatic? Colin Yeates is about to set off from the Falkland Islands on his second attempt to row alone and unsupported around Antarctica. His previous attempt ended in spectacular failure after just two days of plotting an erratic course in the wrong direction and crash landing on a beach just 50 miles from where he set off. Undeterred by the danger he places in the path of those who will, inevitably, have to rescue him, the father of seven has repaired his tiny rowing boat and seems unbothered that winter is nigh and the local sailors don't want to shake the hand of this dead man walking.
posted by penguin pie (51 comments total)

a distance of 21,630km, 11,300 in actual miles

Wow, he can't even get the miles - km calculation right.
posted by biffa at 6:10 AM on February 9, 2006

He's a sexy lunatic. Was there any doubt? Or maybe he just needed to get away from the wife and kids for awhile.

The very idea of rowing around Antarctica is insane. Maybe he'll be successful. But summer down here is half over. Will he be able to sleep as his boat is flipped over in the giant waves of the Southern Ocean?

What do I know. I grew up in Michigan. The ocean scares me, albeit in a rather attractive kind of way. I can pick up my binoculars where I sit and see waves way out there, my view is SSE, from Africa's souther coast. I saw a ship going by one day, throwing up sprays visible to the naked eye, at least twice as high as the ship was tall.
posted by Goofyy at 6:15 AM on February 9, 2006

We've got good right to be scared for him, given that he bought his satellite tracking system from Argos...
posted by gene_machine at 6:16 AM on February 9, 2006

This reminds me of one of my more favorite Dennis Miller rants:

I view professional extreme athletes with, at worst, mild puzzlement and, at best, genuine respect. But what pisses me off are the amateur extreme athletes who don't just risk their own lives. They make some park ranger, fireman, or cop risk his life to save them. Every time I see a soldier who enlisted so he could defend his country, end up having to put his neck on the line, rappelling off a helicopter to save some middle-aged hero-wannabe jagoff who skied 20 miles off the clearly marked trail just so he can have a better pickup line than, "Hey, baby, your place or my moms?", I can't help but hope that just this one time, the kid from the National Guard is going to change his mind and chopper away to get a well-deserved beer, but not before getting just close enough to shout, "Hey, asshole, Charles Darwin says hi." -- Dennis Miller's rant from April 6th, 2001.
posted by kjs3 at 6:31 AM on February 9, 2006

The interviews and articles don't really suggest that he has any idea of what he's doing. If I were his wife I'd be damned worried. In this kind of expedition, the currents that held him captive during his first 30 hours would seem to be the norm rather than the exception.

I liked this quote, though:
"ExWeb: Lucky the Brits won the war, eh? Otherwise you may still be out on the rocks.

Colin: Haaaa, yeah. For sure. "
posted by OmieWise at 6:33 AM on February 9, 2006

biffa : "Wow, he can't even get the miles - km calculation right."

I think he's talking about nautical miles: 21,630 km are 11,679.2657 nautical miles

It does not really matter if the summer is half-over or just beginning - even if he starts on the first day of Summer, his ten and a half months timeframe means he will have to row for at least four and a half Winter months. But it is interesting that the Falklands are in the middle of the north-bound Malvinas (hehe) current - that's what got him last time and, unless he has been exercising really hard, I don't see why it won't get him again if he insists on starting at the same point.
posted by nkyad at 6:44 AM on February 9, 2006

I like the map of his route on his first attempt, and the fact that there is an Ocean Rowing Society.
posted by LarryC at 6:44 AM on February 9, 2006

Cheers LarryC. Do you think that means it's just that he doesn't know the difference between nautical miles and 'actual' miles?
posted by biffa at 6:47 AM on February 9, 2006

Being the 'first' was interesting when we were still exploring and going where no (white) man had gone before.

Now it's mostly ego self promotion.
posted by HTuttle at 6:56 AM on February 9, 2006

the fact that there is an Ocean Rowing Society.

Worryingly, another of their members is similarly gifted.
posted by penguin pie at 7:07 AM on February 9, 2006

I wonder if Colin Yeates will eat any penguin pie on his trip....
posted by zonkout at 7:16 AM on February 9, 2006

Oops...he's not taking on any additional provisions. You lucked out, penguin pie.
posted by zonkout at 7:18 AM on February 9, 2006

re penguin pie's link: perhaps the most hilarious and tragic single piece of daily journalism i've ever read in my life.
the pull-quote says so much:
"You can't help but admire his tenacity and perseverance but he is just not making any progress"

I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats, I'm going to read it again and again.
posted by chandy72 at 7:20 AM on February 9, 2006

So last time he made it 1/2 of 1% of the way. That certainly does qualify as spectacular failure.

To make the proper comparison, that would be like him crashing after 693 feet of a 26 mile marathon.

Stupid people need to die more frequently.

I say they make him sign a release/waiver indemnifying the local authorities and then he can do whatever the hell he likes.

I do hope his life insurance plan pays in the event of purposeful, and stupid, risk taking.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:25 AM on February 9, 2006

I think there is very little hope for him to complete this trip and, depending on where and when things get really hard, a fair chance he dies in the process.

There is a Brazilian adventurer/sailor called Amir Klink (sorry, the site is in Portuguese, but if you like boats there are some nice photos around) who was the first man to row across the Southern Atlantic (from Brazil to Africa) alone (in 1984). Since then he engaged in some other interesting lone trips, remarkably expending one winter alone in a sail boat in Antarctica (with the boat trapped by the ice) and also performing Colin's trip, circumnavigating the South Pole in the same boat.

His sail boat at the time, the Paratii, was build to his exact specifications and was one of the most impressive sail boats in the whole world at the time (he now has also the Paratii II). Nevertheless, the circumnavigation was delayed for a whole year because the boat wasn't ready to sail at the exact day Klink needed to depart to get most of the summer. The trip took 141 days (6 months and 21 days) in a very modern fully-equipped sail boat crewed by one of the most experienced sailors alive. Colin is proposing to row the same course in 10.5 months, most of them in the Antarctic winter, through seas most ship captains prefer to avoid if possible. I think it is quite a hopeless quest.
posted by nkyad at 7:53 AM on February 9, 2006

That's a pretty cool looking boat even if the project itself appears to be insane.
posted by Mitheral at 8:09 AM on February 9, 2006

To make the proper comparison, that would be like him crashing after 693 feet of a 26 mile marathon.

In fact he crash landed further north than he started, so it's more like him running backwards from the start line of the marathon and ending up 693 feet further away from the finishing line than he started. And then acting surprised he didn't get a medal.

Oops...he's not taking on any additional provisions. You lucked out, penguin pie.
Phew....
posted by penguin pie at 8:22 AM on February 9, 2006

This is another instance of somebody with too much discretionary income doing something just because no one has done it before. If they manage to rescue him before he gets his just desserts, he should be billed for every penny of the rescue costs. Then someone should sit him down and very patiently explain that the reason no one has done this before is that it's useless and stupid.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:22 AM on February 9, 2006

I celebrate his moxie!

And I will say so at his funeral, when they bury his empty casket and recound the awful night when he just seemed to be swallowed up by the ocean.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:28 AM on February 9, 2006

reCOUNT.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:28 AM on February 9, 2006

Not only should he be billed for his rescue costs it makes the thought of involuntary sterilisation look attractive. With one of these who needs more.
posted by adamvasco at 8:31 AM on February 9, 2006

Yeah, on reflection, the whole thing is more than a bit sad. I wouldn't be saying that about someone who seemed to know what they were doing, but even then, the chance of death is pretty high. With this guy it just seems like a foregone conclusion. And he's got 5 kids!
posted by OmieWise at 8:40 AM on February 9, 2006

It should go without saying that I hope I'm wrong and he's wildly successful.
posted by OmieWise at 8:40 AM on February 9, 2006

It would be pretty cool if he succeeded though.
posted by pembleton at 8:51 AM on February 9, 2006

Goofyy: "maybe he just needed to get away from the wife and kids for awhile."

He's chosen a way of doing this that is potentially rather permanent.
posted by matthewr at 8:52 AM on February 9, 2006

And he's got 5 kids!

So he won't even get a Darwin Award!
posted by dickasso at 8:52 AM on February 9, 2006

when they bury his empty casket

Do they.. do that? How inefficient! An empty urn, at least? A fancy jar filled with seawater?
posted by mendel at 9:16 AM on February 9, 2006

Survey Says! Frozen to death
posted by Mr_Zero at 9:47 AM on February 9, 2006

Oh, he's not spending all that money to set some silly record and get his name in the papers. He's researching global warming! (Another polar dare-demon who insists he's only doing it for science.)
posted by Lockjaw at 9:47 AM on February 9, 2006

I just finished reading The Godforsaken Sea, which is an account of the 1996 Vendee Globe race. Those 60 foot sailing sloops were manned by the best of the best ocean sailors, and still 2 had to be rescued after capsizes, and one vanished without a trace.

And they knew what they were doing.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:09 AM on February 9, 2006

Is there any chance that he might get eaten by a bear? Because that would make an excellent documentary.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:21 AM on February 9, 2006

The other Ocean Rowing Society member, Andrew Halsey, is...just...well...



1. The Essex-born former London brickie, who has epilepsy, had run out of food and supplies, his satellite phone was cut off and he was left drifting dangerously off course in the shark infested waters of the Pacific.

2. Told Kenneth Crutchlow, executive director of the London-based Ocean Rowing Society: "Don't worry, I am going to keep going, I can sit out here for years."

3. Did not want to be rescued since it could result in the loss of the Brittany Rose and it was his only asset.

4. Suffered at least four epileptic seizures but maintained throughout the trip that his spirits were high and he had absolutely no intention of giving up the attempt.

5. Chirped while languishing at sea, "Perhaps I'll make it the longest row in history."

(The previous record for the least distance covered in the most time in a rowing boat was held by another Briton - Peter Bird.In 1993, he travelled 18 kilometres in one month during his journey.

Andrew failed to achieve this dubious record, also.)

6. Mr Crutchlow said at the time: "I am worried about him.

"I think he feels more comfortable out there than he is sitting at his flat in Russell Square because he does have a difficult life here."

...who said that Monty Python was dead?
posted by Dunvegan at 10:46 AM on February 9, 2006

Who knew that the love child of Ted Kaczynski (sp) and Mil Gibson was rowing boats?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:06 AM on February 9, 2006

I think there is very little hope for him to complete this trip and, depending on where and when things get really hard, a fair chance he dies in the process.

Hear, hear, nykad. Shakelton made a much shorter journey in those same waters only because he had to. The south Atlantic swell and giant rouge waves common in that region suggest that the sailors who don't want to shake his hand are onto something.
posted by three blind mice at 11:07 AM on February 9, 2006

That's a cool link about the giant waves! I can't imagine being on a north sea oil platform and having the device next to me measure a 26m wave. WTF.
posted by OmieWise at 11:12 AM on February 9, 2006

Giant rouge waves would be quite a sight.
posted by gottabefunky at 11:36 AM on February 9, 2006

Astro Zombie writes "Is there any chance that he might get eaten by a bear?"

Only if he brings it with him, there aren't any antartic bears.
posted by Mitheral at 11:46 AM on February 9, 2006

gottabefunky : "Giant rouge waves would be quite a sight."

sometimes there's very little to do in a sea platform except sit there, take a small crystal of acid and contemplate the infinite sea - eventually you start seeing enormous sea serpents surfing giant rouge waves.
posted by nkyad at 11:58 AM on February 9, 2006

Now, I am confused. What's it with the Ocean Rowing Society people and the sea currents? First our hero Colin tries to row counter the Malvinas current. Now Mr. Andrew Halsey fails to put his boat in the South Pacific/South Equatorial current system, that would take him from Peru to Australia even if he stopped rowing (as seen here). What's wrong with these people?
posted by nkyad at 12:11 PM on February 9, 2006

They are in it for the challenge, letting the sea carry you around is the pansy way out.
posted by Mitheral at 12:23 PM on February 9, 2006

He's got spirit which is admirable, but no skill to back it up. That'd normally mark him as 'eccentric', which is cool, but he has a wife and 7 kids - which makes him a dickhead with a bad sense of priority. Idiot.
posted by seanyseansean at 1:02 PM on February 9, 2006

seanyseansean : "He's got spirit which is admirable, but no skill to back it up. That'd normally mark him as 'eccentric'"

Every year many out of shape middle-aged Western executives pay a lot of money to participate in expeditions to climb the Everest and the K5 - in the locals' and the pro's view it does not mark them as 'eccentric', it marks them as 'dead'.
posted by nkyad at 1:12 PM on February 9, 2006

Wow. I’ve done some screwy things, but that’s as nutty as squrrel turds
posted by Smedleyman at 1:14 PM on February 9, 2006

...letting the sea carry you around is the pansy way out.

For Poon Lim, it was the only way out after 133 days adrift.
posted by cenoxo at 1:27 PM on February 9, 2006

When I lived up north the wife would have a fit when I went out and shoveled snow. Worried about a heart attack. This guy would terrorize her.Heh
posted by notreally at 2:01 PM on February 9, 2006

Now that I think about it, who says the Lone Ranger wasn't a lunatic?
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:36 PM on February 9, 2006

Dude. They need a psych hold on this guy. "Danger to self or others" is the box they check on the form. This is really just an elaborate suicide attempt.
posted by beth at 5:02 PM on February 9, 2006

Oh, he's not spending all that money to set some silly record and get his name in the papers. He's researching global warming!

Yeah, exactly. The British Antarctic Survey (who really are researching global warming), will be really chuffed when they have to divert one of their multimillion pound research vessels to answer his distress call near the end of a time critical summer research season. Unless he makes it beyond the end of March because then of course, there'll be noone there to rescue him because noone is stupid enough to sail a ship in those conditions.

/sticks head in Stanley Harbour to cool off.

Maybe he'll be in the pub in Stanley tomorrow night and I can drag him to a computer by the scruff of his neck to show him what a random sample of right thinking people around the globe think of him. (Hmm well, Mefites, anyhow).
posted by penguin pie at 5:45 PM on February 9, 2006

He failed again. Nothing like a force 8 gale for a nice Antarctic paddle. I believe they refused to rescue his boat this time to stop him trying again.
posted by penguin pie at 4:01 AM on February 20, 2006

I'm shocked he'd give up so easily! It seems much less crazy than I gave him credit for being.
posted by OmieWise at 11:27 AM on February 24, 2006

The story of Poon Lim was spectacular. What a survivor.
posted by dazed_one at 1:00 PM on February 26, 2006