World Champion Stone Skipper

March 3, 2006 5:51 PM

Kurt Steiner is better at stone skipping than you are. Link goes to brief bios with downloadable avi's of the proof.
posted by jonson (29 comments total)

Although, to be honest, stone skipping has never been your strong suit. Some of us were meaning to talk with you about it, but we just weren't sure how to broach the subject...
posted by jonson at 5:53 PM on March 3, 2006

I never stood a chance
posted by saraswati at 6:06 PM on March 3, 2006

Quite a set o' whiskers on that guy.
posted by Gator at 6:09 PM on March 3, 2006

Yeah, he's better at whiskergathering than you are, too.
posted by jonson at 6:12 PM on March 3, 2006

But I get the ladies, so screw him and his magic stones.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:17 PM on March 3, 2006

But I get the ladies, so screw him and his magic stones.

Sounds like you have your own magic stones.
posted by me & my monkey at 6:19 PM on March 3, 2006

I got your magic stones right here!
posted by eriko at 6:28 PM on March 3, 2006

And they have whiskers too, so the circle is complete.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:49 PM on March 3, 2006

I can see the point of a "no replays" rule in an interactive competitive sport, where the heat of the moment is part of the draw. But not to allow video replays to count the number of times a stone skips as it sails 30+ feet away is stone-cold retarded.

This guy rocks, regardless of the rules.

Stop groaning at me, dammit.
posted by secret about box at 6:50 PM on March 3, 2006

Now this is a thread. Topic, comments, it has it all! ;-)
posted by a3matrix at 6:50 PM on March 3, 2006

The physics of stone skipping. In the weight category, it's hard to beat Barnes Wallis (it's that last skip that counts.) WMV video here.
posted by cenoxo at 6:52 PM on March 3, 2006

Steiner is a stoner.
posted by ericb at 6:53 PM on March 3, 2006

How in the hell does he get it to skip like that? Spinning it?
posted by mathowie at 7:06 PM on March 3, 2006

Oh sure, like he's gonna TELL us how he does it. Nice try, Haughey.
posted by jonson at 7:09 PM on March 3, 2006

Are you really sure Steiner would stonewall you if you asked, jonson?
posted by secret about box at 7:13 PM on March 3, 2006

Personally, I'd just skip the whole thing.
posted by stenseng at 7:47 PM on March 3, 2006

But you guys won't get your rocks off that way.
posted by stenseng at 7:48 PM on March 3, 2006

act 4 in the following this american life program called "desparate measures" has an entertaining and soothing story about skipping stones to help get over a breakup.
posted by recklessbrother at 7:51 PM on March 3, 2006

oops. desperate i mean.
posted by recklessbrother at 7:51 PM on March 3, 2006

Bah. Amélie would kick his ass.
posted by homunculus at 7:53 PM on March 3, 2006

Videos didn't work for me. Mac OS X, QuickTime Pro 7.0.4.
posted by cribcage at 8:06 PM on March 3, 2006

I was all set to make a joke about Dan Quisenberry, then Google stopped me in my tracks - he died of a brain tumour at age 45. I had no idea.
posted by davebush at 8:09 PM on March 3, 2006

What's with that photo of him picking "the perfect stone" out of a box?

Maybe it's because I never thought ahead that I would be skipping stones until the various points that I wound up at a creek, but I never heard of bringing skipping stones with you - it seems like cheating somehow. If I could bring those superdeluxe pancake-style ones he has, I know I could easily... get... around 20 or so...
posted by soyjoy at 8:20 PM on March 3, 2006

For skipping stones. sigh. Who goes diving for the special skipping stones?
posted by longsleeves at 9:25 PM on March 3, 2006

soyjoy, I think the competitors have to pick what they consider the "perfect stone" out of a box of stones that has been selected by the judges, but I can't seem to find the "rules" in the root site. Maybe jonson has the official answer?
posted by yhbc at 9:45 PM on March 3, 2006

commish is ALMOST right, but he neglected to mention that if you choose the actual perfect stone you are granted eternal wisdom & the ability to gather whiskers at an alarming rate.

Also, in a little known by-law, if two contestants decide they both want the same stone, the decision as to who gets to use that stone for the official contest is settled via a duel, where each contestant stands on opposite sides of the lake and tries to stone-skip their opponent to death using lesser stones from the official box. The winner gets to use the desired stone, and the loser is buried either in or immediately next to the lake in an unmarked grave.
posted by jonson at 10:06 PM on March 3, 2006

Okay, now you're just making it up.

Right?
posted by yhbc at 10:20 PM on March 3, 2006

folks, i hate to break this to you but this paltry 'stone skipping' record is a far cry from the real sport at hand: STONE SKIMMING. I think this year's champ (reclaiming the title for Scotland), Dougie Isaacs, might have a thing or two to teach our American record holder.
posted by analogue at 11:22 PM on March 4, 2006

Hmmm. The main difference seems to be...

Skims are judged on the distance thrown rather than the number of bounces

So it's a contest of who's got the strongest arm? Bo-o-o-o-o-ring...
posted by soyjoy at 7:08 PM on March 5, 2006