Cocaine decisions

August 11, 2006 8:41 PM

For most musicians, it's difficult to pinpoint a particular event that forever sullied their image and destroyed their popularity. For 80's rocker Billy Squier, however, the reason is clear. [YouTube]
posted by starkeffect (79 comments total)

My gaydar just exploded.
posted by mrnutty at 8:50 PM on August 11, 2006

Interesting; I never realized Billy Squier was gay.
posted by jonson at 8:51 PM on August 11, 2006

Curse you, mrnutty, ruiner of the jokes of jonson!!!
posted by jonson at 8:52 PM on August 11, 2006

starkeffect, Tears streaming down my face. Hilarious. I barked laughter reading your third link. omg, so funny.

That Billy Squier song is damn good and the video horrendously bad. At the same time it's so awful-wonderful 80's. It's really like an aerobics chick pretending to do a music vid, with some Chippendale's poses thrown in, weird.

Thanks for the fun.
posted by nickyskye at 8:59 PM on August 11, 2006

Wow. He's without doubt the worst dancer I've ever seen.
posted by dobbs at 9:05 PM on August 11, 2006

Come on...like none of you people dance like that in your jammies.
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:10 PM on August 11, 2006

Hey, whether that was gay, straight, bi, celibate, neuter or whatever, that video was surely one of the most horrible things I've ever seen. And a stark reminder of why I spent the 80's avoiding pop music like the plague and tuning in instead to stuff like King Sunny Ade and the Art Ensemble of Chicago.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:12 PM on August 11, 2006

Holy shit. That is exactly how I dance.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:14 PM on August 11, 2006

So wait, the guy who did both 'Stroke Me' and 'Rock Me Tonight' is straight? Pshaw. Also, I distinctly remember Break My Stride actually being the gayest video from the 80s. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the original video on YouTube, only this one concert clip and about a trillion AMVs (or whatever the kids are calling them nowadays).
posted by boaz at 9:16 PM on August 11, 2006

"Squier's hobbies include such disparate activities as mountain climbing and gardening. He also has written an award-winning screenplay (Sundance Film Festival)."
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:17 PM on August 11, 2006

Yeah, it's a shitty video, but so were most 80s videos; they were still trying to figure out the form. Besides, Mick Jagger did all sorts of stupid dancing like that, and no one ever accused him of being... nevermind.
posted by fungible at 9:22 PM on August 11, 2006

This is why I block out the 80s from my memory. No, VH1, I don't care, I will not accept the 80s as part of my history. No.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:24 PM on August 11, 2006

What? Was he hanging out with this guy or something?
posted by bwg at 9:24 PM on August 11, 2006

Or this guy?
posted by bwg at 9:28 PM on August 11, 2006

Stroke! Stroke!
posted by stinkycheese at 9:30 PM on August 11, 2006

Break My Stride is what happens when white people play reggae. It ain't pretty. Catchy as hell. But not pretty.

Yeah. Squier's totally gay.
posted by geekhorde at 9:31 PM on August 11, 2006

Yeah, Billy Squier had crappy videos in general that made him seem less rock star manly. This isn't the only one that's like that.
posted by Eekacat at 9:34 PM on August 11, 2006

For the record, I know from first-hand evidence that Billy Squier is at least bi-sexual... not that there's anything wrong with that...

One of my best friends had a brother that was the 'only' concert promoter in Arkansas for many years. So, for every big act that came through town, we were given back stage passes and we partied with a who's who of 70' and 80's bands making their way through the 'Rock.

Billy Squier. 1988. At the hotel after the show, the man sits down on a couch right across from me, puts his arm around my buddy and asks him if he wants to fuck.

No lie.
posted by WhipSmart at 9:38 PM on August 11, 2006

Gaydar aside, "The Big Beat" is a rockin' ass song. Just ask the twenty or so hip hop artists that have bitten chunks of it over the years...
posted by stenseng at 9:39 PM on August 11, 2006

billy squire had an image to be sullied?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:41 PM on August 11, 2006

Stroke! Stroke!

In the video for that it almost seems as though Squier is channeling Freddy Mercury.
posted by bwg at 9:44 PM on August 11, 2006

I am a die-hard Pet Shop Boys and Erasure fan. I adore Jimmy Somerville. Gay disco really hits some strange nerve in the back of my otherwise straight brain.

This is without a doubt, gayer than anything I own.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 9:49 PM on August 11, 2006

Um, did anyone else's high school play "Stroke Me" at every dance, and do this weird rowboating line dance thing?

That's why I rarely went to dances in high school.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:09 PM on August 11, 2006

Break My Stride is what happens when white people play reggae.

Well, to be fair, there was that other 80s white reggae band.
posted by boaz at 10:12 PM on August 11, 2006

This is lame. You can take any 80's video out of it's 80's context and ridicule it. I HATED the 80's as I lived through it, but, for me, mocking it, as well as crappy-new-indie-rock-band celebrating it, is way too easy.
posted by chococat at 10:22 PM on August 11, 2006

"Well, to be fair, there was that other 80s white reggae band."

Whose contributions to the white reggae canon fall squarely within the "catchy as hell but not pretty" category, if you ask me. At it's core great reggae has a kind of super-relaxation, a groundedness born of a certain, I dunno, stillness or something. The opposite of that pencil-up-their-ass rhythm section known as the Police.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:27 PM on August 11, 2006

OK, that Billy Squier video was total crap. However, this video is linked from that page thus totally redeeming your post:

Frank Zappa and Don Pardo doing "I am the Slime."

That is classic.
posted by caddis at 10:30 PM on August 11, 2006

I thought the Police did pretty good mixing the reggae sound with their own, I don't see them as a ripoff of reggae like Break My Stride was. But then, that's just me. Your band sucks too.
posted by Eekacat at 10:31 PM on August 11, 2006

all that link to the Police showed was how lousy music is today
posted by tsarfan at 10:36 PM on August 11, 2006

all that link to Billy Squier showed was how lousy music was yesterday
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:45 PM on August 11, 2006

Your everything sucks.
posted by Justinian at 10:55 PM on August 11, 2006

Just for the record....

My wife just walked up behind me as I watched that video. She said the following -

"God, I remember that video. I thought he was so HOT!"

Then she made this weird growling/purring noise deep in her throat.

So perhaps there was a small fan club for this video composed of redheaded catholic school girls. And a bunch of gay men.
posted by bradth27 at 10:55 PM on August 11, 2006

I have to say that I always loved his big one hit wonder song: The Stroke. Of course YouTube always has an answer (probably mostly safe for work, but maybe you wait until you get home).
posted by caddis at 10:58 PM on August 11, 2006

"Your band sucks."

"Your everything sucks."

SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.SUCKS.

Can the discourse possibly get any more enlightening?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:10 PM on August 11, 2006

my guess is bisexual. he totally goes down on the pink elevator, then eats out the guitar.

but wait, that's backwards!

SUCKS.
posted by carsonb at 11:41 PM on August 11, 2006

When I was eleven, I used to put on the radio and clear the center of my room. Then I'd take a belt and cinch my nightgown up and pretend it was a bitchin' minidress. I'd wait for something really good to come on, like Sheila E or Duran Duran and then I'd dance and lipsynch and shimmy and crawl across the floor pretending to be super sexy. If you had set up a video camera in my room on one of those evenings you would end up with something that looks EXACTLY like this Billy Squier video, just with a few more River Phoenix posters.
posted by LeeJay at 12:01 AM on August 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

2 words. Coke. Kane.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:03 AM on August 12, 2006

Duh. I just saw your title, stark.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:04 AM on August 12, 2006

Just curious. What does cocaine have to do with pink elevators and artfully-ripped workout clothing? Does cocaine make people super-duper-picnic-at-the-beach gay like this video?
posted by facetious at 12:07 AM on August 12, 2006

It does at the clubs I go to.
posted by LeeJay at 12:12 AM on August 12, 2006

Police = Billy Squire? No frikkin way. The Police's stuff is timeless. Billy?...not so much.
posted by wsg at 12:16 AM on August 12, 2006

posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:19 AM on August 12, 2006

"Police = Billy Squire? No frikkin way. The Police's stuff is timeless. Billy?...not so much."

Did anyone actually say Police = Billy Squier? I don't particularly like the Police, but I'd agree, they beat the hell outta ol' Billy.

As for timeless... well, I guess time will tell.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:31 AM on August 12, 2006

OK. Tune out the video. Close your eyes. Forget you ever saw it. Just listen to the song---I know, you're already starting to wander--but bear with me.

Compare this with it's clone, Foreigner's As Cold as Ice. Essentially the same in terms of chords, tempo and tenor (I mean tenor in the non-musical sense here). Without a doubt it owns Foreigner's ass (ha, ha). It has all the glam swagger without Cold As Ices's prog arena limpness.

Sure, it's like I'm asking you to choose which Trekkie is the most socially developed or which MTV'S My Sweet Sixteen subject is least self-absorbed but, hey, let's level the playing field.
posted by sourwookie at 12:38 AM on August 12, 2006

"Did anyone actually say Police = Billy Squier?"

I beg your pardon. You're right. Nobody said Police = Squire. Boaz said there was "that other 80s white reggae band" in relation to Break My Stride, which is an even more heinous comparison, and I became blinded with rage.
posted by wsg at 12:41 AM on August 12, 2006

I was 11 or 12 when this was around. Watching it again, it's odd to think what a non-critical cultural sponge I was with my Friday Night Videos at the time. I couldn't discern most rock video men from rock video women in the 80s, so it was hard for me to see any telling gayness. Everyone was big haired, painted, and posing--always solo toward the camera. I remember responding dispassionately to most of it. Now, of course, it's hysterical. That third link--
beautiful! golden! priceless!

For me, the Amazon chick wrestling Simon LeBon under the jungle canopy in the "Hungry Like the Wolf" video was psychosexually formative. I didn't know if it the initial cat scratching, the sex noises, the leaves flying around them, or the quality of light through the trees which turned me on in that one, but shit, they did a good job of it. I remember being like, "No, don't cut away from that! I want to watch her pin him!"

I remember everyone saying Duran Duran was gay, too.
posted by eegphalanges at 12:53 AM on August 12, 2006

Your formative decade sucks.
posted by pracowity at 2:17 AM on August 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

^True, dat. We did out best to fight it.
posted by eegphalanges at 2:39 AM on August 12, 2006

"Compare this with it's clone, Foreigner's As Cold as Ice. Essentially the same in terms of chords, tempo and tenor (I mean tenor in the non-musical sense here). Without a doubt it owns Foreigner's ass (ha, ha). It has all the glam swagger without Cold As Ices's prog arena limpness."

That's just...Nuts! (heh)
posted by black8 at 3:21 AM on August 12, 2006

It does sound a bit like Cold as Ice, but to say that either of them is actually demonstably better seems to go a bit far to me. Neither Squier nor Foreigner can claim to be anything beyond crappy radio rock at best. I'd have to give the edge to Foreigner for simply not having produced this video.
posted by doctor_negative at 4:20 AM on August 12, 2006

White ragae isn't completely hopeless, even if it is a bit tiresome sometimes. And white ragae videos didn't really improve that much in the 90s..
posted by Chuckles at 4:58 AM on August 12, 2006

So I was thinking, "I prefer The Police as punks" (couldn't find Dead End Job though..). After pulling up those YouTube videos, I realised you really can hear the raggae too. So, you get..

Punk-Raggae, when the two 7's clash.

and,

"Punk and Reggae poles apart one would think. Heavy slow bass driven toons versus tinny white boy thrash. Quasi mystical ganga based black man beat versus white swastika toting amphetamine driven nihilsm.. Punk and reggae became intertwined beecause to two of punks influential stars, Mr Rotten and the boys in the Clash, reggae was very much a part of their musical scene and growing up and each vied to say they loved it more than the other as an influence." -- Paul Marko
posted by Chuckles at 5:26 AM on August 12, 2006

Call me insane, but in that video, Billy Squier totally looks like a thin Ben Affleck in a fright wig.

That said, I always thought Squier was a perfectly cromulent 80s rocker.
posted by jscalzi at 6:31 AM on August 12, 2006

I have to admit that I had no idea that the singer in "Break My Stride" was male. Honest.

My teenagers are fascinated by the 80s. I, on the other hand, am vaguely horrified.
posted by tommasz at 6:57 AM on August 12, 2006

Re: white reggae...forget the Police. I am glad to see Chuckles at least make passing reference to the only white reggae band that mattered.

If you say "Guns of Brixton" or "Armagideon Time" aren't great, I will stab you in the jaw.



That said...sweet zombie Jesus, this video is mind-scramblingly gay. I think I just failed a sanity check.
posted by kaseijin at 7:03 AM on August 12, 2006

So perhaps there was a small fan club for this video composed of redheaded catholic school girls.

Not to be confused with the not-so small fan club for redheaded catholic school girls.

super-duper-picnic-at-the-beach gay

Is it the cream or the sugar that burns like a sumbitch when coffee spurts outa your nose?
posted by Enron Hubbard at 7:04 AM on August 12, 2006

That video couldn't be more gay if it featured cameos by Harvey Fierstein and Richard Simmons.
posted by clevershark at 7:05 AM on August 12, 2006

In Billy's defense (I used to own Signs of Life, although I still prefer Don't Say No), what fungible said; the video for Thriller had just come out the previous fall, Pat Benatar had just had a huge video hit wherein she danced, therefore all the rockers were going to be doing it! Even "Hot For Teacher" had Van Halen dancing in it!
posted by kimota at 7:18 AM on August 12, 2006

"That video couldn't be more gay if it featured cameos by Harvey Fierstein and Richard Simmons."

I thought it was Richard Simmons!
posted by Sloben at 8:38 AM on August 12, 2006

Can the discourse possibly get any more enlightening?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:10 AM EST on August 12 [+] [!]

not for one who tuned in to stuff like King Sunny Ade and the Art Ensemble of Chicago.
posted by quonsar at 9:54 AM on August 12, 2006

I've never understood the importance people place on a performers sexual orientation. Does him being or not being gay have any effect on the quality of his music? Freddy Mercury was about as gay as you get and people still think his stuff is pretty good.

That said, I don't care if Squire is a giant flaming queen, I still like his music better than The Police.
posted by quin at 10:19 AM on August 12, 2006

Freddy Mercury was about as gay as you get and people still think his stuff is pretty good.

Yes, but Freddy made no bones about his queerness and the prancy, glammy image kind of suited him. Plus, he was a rocker to the core.

Billy, not so much. Plus, he's a really bad dancer.
posted by jonmc at 10:45 AM on August 12, 2006

White ragae isn't completely hopeless,

Half of UB40 are black. And they are hopeless.
posted by jack_mo at 10:49 AM on August 12, 2006

(although I will give him this 'Lonely Is The Night,' is a very convincing fake Led Zeppelin song)
posted by jonmc at 10:50 AM on August 12, 2006

White ragae isn't completely hopeless,

you've obviously never heard the J.Geils Band's "Give It To Me."
posted by jonmc at 10:51 AM on August 12, 2006

For a second there, I thought he was wearing a Kraftwerk shirt.
posted by afx114 at 11:01 AM on August 12, 2006

Did this man give his name to the Squier Strat?
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 11:05 AM on August 12, 2006

quin writes "I've never understood the importance people place on a performers sexual orientation. Does him being or not being gay have any effect on the quality of his music?"

It's not the substance that's important, but the style.
posted by clevershark at 11:27 AM on August 12, 2006

Chuckles writes "So I was thinking, 'I prefer The Police as punks' (couldn't find Dead End Job though..). After pulling up those YouTube videos, I realised you really can hear the raggae too."

I always associated the blending of reggae and punk with ska, like The Pietasters or The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.
posted by krinklyfig at 12:27 PM on August 12, 2006

I have written at length on the very subject of Billy Squier and how 'Rock me Tonight' ruined his career, but for the life of me, I can't figure out where.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:59 PM on August 12, 2006

Sorry, not that that matters. Just thinking out loud.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:59 PM on August 12, 2006

Krinklyfig:
I always associated the blending of reggae and punk with ska, like The Pietasters or The Mighty Mighty Bosstones."


You are mistaken. Everybody knows that Madness invented ska.
posted by melorama at 4:21 AM on August 13, 2006

You are mistaken. Everybody knows that Madness invented ska.

Jesus wept, you are mistaken. Everybody knows that Prince Buster invented ska. Why does MetaFilter ska idiocy make my blood boil so?.
posted by jack_mo at 5:23 AM on August 13, 2006

Why does MetaFilter ska idiocy make my blood boil so?.

I'm not a doctor, but I would guess it would have something to do with you not having a drop of a sense of humor in your body?
posted by melorama at 7:19 AM on August 13, 2006

Speaking of which, jack_mo, you wouldn't happen be the caller in clip #2 of the link I posted, would you?

Just curious...
posted by melorama at 7:25 AM on August 13, 2006

q: Did this man give his name to the Squier Strat?


a: No.

It's a Squire Stratocaster. As in, the young boy attendant to a knight, as in, a cheap shitty plywood strat knockoff suitable for junior's first geetar.
posted by stenseng at 1:40 PM on August 13, 2006

I'm not a doctor, but I would guess it would have something to do with you not having a drop of a sense of humor in your body?

Sorry, couldn't tell you were joking, you just seemed to be correcting (it's a shame that the point d'ironie never caught on!). Can't get your clip to play - what is it?
posted by jack_mo at 6:20 AM on August 15, 2006

It's a Squire Stratocaster. As in, the young boy attendant to a knight, as in, a cheap shitty plywood strat knockoff suitable for junior's first geetar.

Nein, at least on the "squire" part.
posted by COBRA! at 8:02 AM on August 15, 2006

I remember seeing something in Rolling Stone (?) a year or so after that video that boiled the end of his career down to the very moment that he ripped the shirt. It was one of those funny and apt bits of journalism that sticks with you.

It's interesting and funny to look at now, but it's not like the hindsight here is anything new. At all.
posted by stevil at 2:12 PM on August 21, 2006