Priceless.

November 2, 2006 8:54 AM

First official goatse payment card. In which a guy gets a goatse image put on his credit/debit/payment card. Yes, it links to an image of the card, no it's not as bad as you think, yes it's PSFW (probably safe for work).
posted by Brandon Blatcher (71 comments total)

Brilliant.
posted by squidfartz at 8:57 AM on November 2, 2006

Let me get this straight: a guy wanted to have Goatse on his debit card? Does this give him street cred or something?

Also, what the hell happened to his thumb?
posted by NationalKato at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2006

even the little microchip looks like goatse!
posted by sharpener at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2006

It's a photo of the pumpkin carving of the goatse man, right?
posted by mathowie at 8:59 AM on November 2, 2006

That's what it looks like to me. I kind of find goatse an appropiate metaphor for the whole credit card experience.
posted by keswick at 9:01 AM on November 2, 2006 [3 favorites]

Great. A pumpkin carving of goatse.

And that goes right into the nightmare folder.
Thanks Metafilter!
posted by Merlyn at 9:02 AM on November 2, 2006

Can I get the credit card with a pumpkin carving of goatse on a t-shirt?
posted by randomination at 9:05 AM on November 2, 2006

Ooh! I want your t-shirt on a coffee cup, randomination.
posted by fleetmouse at 9:08 AM on November 2, 2006

Ooh! I want a knitted wall hanging illustrating your coffee cup, fleetmouse.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:13 AM on November 2, 2006

Cool StickyCarpet cause I'm going to get that wall hanging shaved into the back of my head, Vanilla Ice style.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:18 AM on November 2, 2006

Can anyone post ascii art of Devine_Wino's head?
posted by peeedro at 9:20 AM on November 2, 2006

Save the ascii art as a jpg and send it to me.
posted by muddgirl at 9:26 AM on November 2, 2006

Divine_Wino: please send me a photo of your head. I need to take it down to the tattoo parlor for my full-color backpiece.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:27 AM on November 2, 2006

The corpse in the library, please let me trace your tattoo with my finger so that I may carve it into a grain of rice with a laser.
posted by drezdn at 9:35 AM on November 2, 2006

drezdn, can you pass on a magnified image of that grain of rice? I plan to make a crop circle pattern with it.
posted by jefbla at 9:41 AM on November 2, 2006

I officially declare this thread to be funny.
posted by e.e. coli at 9:41 AM on November 2, 2006

Jefbla, when you're finished I'd like to get an aerial photo of your crop circle so I can put it on my credit card.
posted by wanderingmind at 9:44 AM on November 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

Hey, wanderingmind, can I borrow your credit card to pay Matt to reinstate the inline image tag so I can post this recursion as an animated gif?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:52 AM on November 2, 2006

wanderingmind, i'd like to get a photo of your credit card so i can put it on a mouse pad.
posted by sephira at 9:53 AM on November 2, 2006

hey wandering mind, actually can i borrow that card? i want to spread my own asshole to a diameter of about four inches, put the card inside, take a picture, and put it on the internet.
posted by radiosig at 9:53 AM on November 2, 2006 [3 favorites]

And I will use that credit card to get a cash advance which I will use to pay off my congressman to get a law passed banning the possibility of this ever happening again.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:54 AM on November 2, 2006

wanderingmind, I'd like to get a picture of your mousepad so I can knit it onto an iPod cozy.
posted by StarForce5 at 10:03 AM on November 2, 2006

StarForce5, I could use an image of such an iPod cozy as part of this quilt I'm working on.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:06 AM on November 2, 2006

The Great Big Mulp: could you perhaps take a picture of your quilt when it is done so that I may rasterbate it for use as wallpaper?
posted by exlotuseater at 10:21 AM on November 2, 2006

He probably read "goatse" and thought it said "goatee"... jezz... everyone is a Kevin Smith wannabe now a days.
posted by wfrgms at 10:22 AM on November 2, 2006

Can I have all these pictures you all talking about rolled into a neat screensaver?
posted by forwebsites at 10:27 AM on November 2, 2006

exlotuseater, please be sure to make a blog post about your rasterbated wallpaper project, I'd like to make an FPP about it.
posted by ulotrichous at 10:28 AM on November 2, 2006

exlotuseater, could you fax me a copy of your wallpaper so I can cross-stitch a towel with the image on?
posted by drezdn at 10:28 AM on November 2, 2006

Shitting Christ, what have I started?
posted by randomination at 10:39 AM on November 2, 2006

ignoring his card, I had the same scars on my thumbs when I was in my rubber-bands-and-paper-clips phase. ?
oh, and ewww.
posted by Busithoth at 10:43 AM on November 2, 2006

Randominnation,

May I have your permission to use the phrase "Shitting Christ, what have I started?" as the title of an interpretive dance piece based on this thread that I am going to be performing in the bathroom of my local bar later this evening?


Please say yes, as I've already called in a order for posters to the printer.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:43 AM on November 2, 2006

Only if you promise to post a YTMND of it.
posted by randomination at 10:45 AM on November 2, 2006

Can I make a t-shirt that says "Shitting Christ Happens" ?
posted by ddf at 10:51 AM on November 2, 2006

Can I make one that says "Shitting Christ is watching you rasturbate" ?
posted by jefbla at 11:05 AM on November 2, 2006

Hmm... I wish I could see that, but the funky port on that URL shields me from the awesome experience of the Goatse card. Then again, that might be a good thing.
posted by clevershark at 11:05 AM on November 2, 2006

Oops, I mean "rasterbate".

Damn, joke ruined due to spelling error. Sometimes I wish I wasn't even born.
posted by jefbla at 11:06 AM on November 2, 2006

This thread is the best thing I've read all morning. Thank you everyone.
posted by Diskeater at 11:13 AM on November 2, 2006

Flexible. Pay as you goat.

0% interest. (The zero is like in a RLY big size font).
posted by hal9k at 11:16 AM on November 2, 2006

shoultn't all these posts be in Projects?
posted by Megafly at 11:29 AM on November 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

I was thinking maybe we should print this whole thread out and make it into wrapping paper for all those crafts you guys are working on.
posted by routergirl at 11:33 AM on November 2, 2006

Is that what you want? A Shitting Jesus?
God I miss Brunching.com...
posted by potch at 11:39 AM on November 2, 2006

DivineWino, do you mind if I create an off-off Broadway production about your interpretive dance in the bathroom? I'll need to borrow your posters.
posted by dejah420 at 11:54 AM on November 2, 2006

I just made a stained-glass window of this thread. It's beautiful!
posted by trip and a half at 11:55 AM on November 2, 2006

MetaMetaMetaMetaMetaMetaMetaMeta MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
posted by Mayor West at 11:56 AM on November 2, 2006 [2 favorites]

dejah420, would you be able to scan your production using motion capture cameras so I can feed it into a rapid prototyping stereolithography machine and make a plastic model of the cast in action?
posted by jack_mo at 11:57 AM on November 2, 2006

Shitting Christ
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 12:05 PM on November 2, 2006

jack_mo, is it ok if I reweave the fabric of the universe so that pi is now a sequence of numbers that, if properly converted to binary and input into a 1000x1000x1000 grid, would generate an exact replica of your plastic model?
posted by brain_drain at 12:37 PM on November 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

brain_drain, can I write a terrible conspiracy novel about your new universe?
posted by moss at 1:27 PM on November 2, 2006

If someone doesn't soon present a tee shirt of this thread in its entirety, on a mefi blue background, I think I might cry.
posted by routergirl at 2:54 PM on November 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think this thread is going to explode the internet tubes.
posted by craven_morhead at 3:19 PM on November 2, 2006

Can we take those exploded internet tubes and.... shit, I have nothing.
posted by Bageena at 3:34 PM on November 2, 2006

That's hot. Or not. I don't remember goatse looking like a Dio album cover though.
posted by fenriq at 4:25 PM on November 2, 2006

That's hot. Or not.

Now if only someone would build a website around that concept...
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:33 PM on November 2, 2006

Now if only someone would build a website around that concept...

Image number 1: Goatse.cx

Is he hot or is he not?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:43 PM on November 2, 2006

A better card.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:56 PM on November 2, 2006

I'm totally going to get Cory Doctorow to write a story based on this thread and have R.U. Sirius read it as a podcast illustrated with abstract nudie pics of Xeni.

All of your comments are licensed under Creative Comments, right?
posted by loquacious at 8:19 PM on November 2, 2006

All our comments are belong to Mathowie.
posted by fenriq at 8:29 PM on November 2, 2006

I'm going to take loquacious's Xeni-nudie-illustrated podcast of R.U. Sirius reading Cory Doctorow's short story version of this thread, load it onto a succession of larger and larger mp3-capable devices which I will insert sequentially and rectally in order to stretch out the ol' bunghole, a photo of which I will then have emblazoned on my next credit card.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:53 PM on November 2, 2006

Can I get the credit card with a photo of stavrosthewonderchicken's credit card?
posted by loquacious at 10:24 PM on November 2, 2006

I hope you guys realize this thread is going to cause a recursion loop that'll make the universe reboot.

Good job.
posted by Target Practice at 1:34 AM on November 3, 2006

Sir! There seems to be a large object in the path of our—
posted by randomination at 3:21 AM on November 3, 2006

All these comments and images will make a really nice Tabblo. Could someone put it all on a disc for me?
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:51 AM on November 3, 2006

I'm working on a system of optical fiber bundles which permutes the visual field such that when a person views the Mastercard logo, they see a collage of all the works mentioned so far.
posted by dmd at 10:44 AM on November 3, 2006

I'm painting one butt cheek red and the other orange so that when you view my bent-over, spread ass it makes you think "Mastercard".

Also, Radiosig wins.
posted by infobomb at 11:58 AM on November 3, 2006

I have imprinted all the suggestions in the thread onto a microdot which I now present for your delectation:

.
posted by languagehat at 2:09 PM on November 3, 2006

Well done languagehat, I especially enjoy the woodcut illustrations you added.
posted by drezdn at 2:16 PM on November 3, 2006

Are you going to eat that? No?

*lick*

I, err, what!? My God, it's full of stars!$@98FDJm
02894()*@!RHJN!CA&$*( &;$465KMF
ATH0
NO CARRIER
>_
posted by loquacious at 7:48 PM on November 3, 2006

The universe needs rebooting anyway.
posted by keptwench at 3:06 AM on November 4, 2006

/me hands loquacious an award for actual best use of the blink tag.
posted by ZakDaddy at 3:32 AM on November 4, 2006

And it was all for naught, for the Goatse pumpkin at the centre of it all was a false and idolatrous Goatse; verily, the True Goatse hath a Lesser Ring in counterpoint to the Great Ringpiece, and this False Goatse hath none; for it is an imposture, and a mockery in the sight of the faithful.
posted by flabdablet at 3:04 AM on November 6, 2006

What happens if we all stop playing and break the chain? I didn't fuck the magic, I think it was keptwench.

I'll try for a recovery:

loquatious, would you please record your trip? i'd like to do a documentary on experiences under the influence of goatse microdots.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:28 AM on November 6, 2006