with open arms
November 15, 2006 6:35 AM Subscribe
My half year in hell... Foreign exchange students are often deceived and economically abused by their hosts, with incidents on the rise across the US. The CSFES reports often on these horror stories. Sadly, students are also treated horribly by the US government, even though academic experts say they are more essential than ever.
Waterloo, the school I went to in Canada, snatched up so many great Iranian math and engineering students because they either: a) couldn't get into the US anymore, or b) didn't want to go to the US anymore. It's the US' loss really.
posted by chunking express at 6:56 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by chunking express at 6:56 AM on November 15, 2006
I feel sorry for the kid, as that much time wasted at 19 is a tragedy. But really ...
It was only after four months that I decided to change my host family.
He should've filed for such a change the week he arrived. It wasn't like his host parents were hiding their attitudes and behavior. As it was, he stuck it out for 120 days. That's 110 or so more days than I'd be willing to spend with anybody who made me so uncomfortable or unwelcome.
I've got to wonder, was there anything during his four month experience that made it the least bit worthwhile? His hosts aside, did he make any friends in Winston-Salem? Maybe that's what kept him around.
It's a decent article that highlights a genuine concern, but his story deserves a longer article with a few more details about his stay. It needs context, not just general examples of zealotry.
posted by grabbingsand at 6:56 AM on November 15, 2006
It was only after four months that I decided to change my host family.
He should've filed for such a change the week he arrived. It wasn't like his host parents were hiding their attitudes and behavior. As it was, he stuck it out for 120 days. That's 110 or so more days than I'd be willing to spend with anybody who made me so uncomfortable or unwelcome.
I've got to wonder, was there anything during his four month experience that made it the least bit worthwhile? His hosts aside, did he make any friends in Winston-Salem? Maybe that's what kept him around.
It's a decent article that highlights a genuine concern, but his story deserves a longer article with a few more details about his stay. It needs context, not just general examples of zealotry.
posted by grabbingsand at 6:56 AM on November 15, 2006
Taking advantage of foreigners is a worldwide phenomena going back many years.
posted by smackfu at 7:03 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by smackfu at 7:03 AM on November 15, 2006
My wife was a high school teacher in rural Missouri. We befriended a Turkish exchange student when he got sideways with his host family. It seems they were fundamentalists who decided that hosting a Muslim teenager would be a great opportunity to witness and to convert a Muslim to Christianity. When the young man (a very sophisticated 18-year-old from Istanbul) resisted the day-long Sunday services, the family simply ignored his presence for the rest of the year.
posted by LarryC at 7:07 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by LarryC at 7:07 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
grabbingsand : "He should've filed for such a change the week he arrived. It wasn't like his host parents were hiding their attitudes and behavior. As it was, he stuck it out for 120 days. That's 110 or so more days than I'd be willing to spend with anybody who made me so uncomfortable or unwelcome."
I dunno. As a former exchange student (twice), I can understand why he waited. From what I can gather, it wasn't like they commandeered his entire time, just every morning and a weekly sex discussion. Yes, that sucks donkeys, but unless your exchange involves just hanging around in the house all day, once you're outside the house, you're golden.
Plus, when you're an exchange student, you are very aware that there are cultural differences, and you can't act on everything as if it were your home country. You learn to deal with annoying aspects of the country you're in, because they're part of the culture, and you're stuck with them. He even says, himself, that when he moved to another family nearby, he thought things would be the same. Presumably, considering how much crazy fundamentalist shit happens, and gets on the news, he just figured "Well, I'm in America, and this is what Americans do. The only way to get out of the situation would be to leave the country, and I don't want to do that, so I'll deal with this family as best I can."
If we're talking about someone moving across their own country to some boarding house, then, yes, waiting a few months would be insanity, but when you're talking about moving to another country where you don't know what is normal, it takes a lot longer to figure out "You know what, this isn't normal, and I could move out to a better family".
posted by Bugbread at 7:08 AM on November 15, 2006
I dunno. As a former exchange student (twice), I can understand why he waited. From what I can gather, it wasn't like they commandeered his entire time, just every morning and a weekly sex discussion. Yes, that sucks donkeys, but unless your exchange involves just hanging around in the house all day, once you're outside the house, you're golden.
Plus, when you're an exchange student, you are very aware that there are cultural differences, and you can't act on everything as if it were your home country. You learn to deal with annoying aspects of the country you're in, because they're part of the culture, and you're stuck with them. He even says, himself, that when he moved to another family nearby, he thought things would be the same. Presumably, considering how much crazy fundamentalist shit happens, and gets on the news, he just figured "Well, I'm in America, and this is what Americans do. The only way to get out of the situation would be to leave the country, and I don't want to do that, so I'll deal with this family as best I can."
If we're talking about someone moving across their own country to some boarding house, then, yes, waiting a few months would be insanity, but when you're talking about moving to another country where you don't know what is normal, it takes a lot longer to figure out "You know what, this isn't normal, and I could move out to a better family".
posted by Bugbread at 7:08 AM on November 15, 2006
He should've filed for such a change the week he arrived. It wasn't like his host parents were hiding their attitudes and behavior. As it was, he stuck it out for 120 days. That's 110 or so more days than I'd be willing to spend with anybody who made me so uncomfortable or unwelcome.
Did you do an exchange program? At that age, alone half around the globe, in a foreign culture, you're not too quick to start a conflict with the only people you know and can refer to for help. I was only in Britain, and had a wonderful host family, but I still can relate to his situation.
It's a decent article that highlights a genuine concern, but his story deserves a longer article with a few more details about his stay. It needs context, not just general examples of zealotry.
Agreed.
posted by uncle harold at 7:11 AM on November 15, 2006
Did you do an exchange program? At that age, alone half around the globe, in a foreign culture, you're not too quick to start a conflict with the only people you know and can refer to for help. I was only in Britain, and had a wonderful host family, but I still can relate to his situation.
It's a decent article that highlights a genuine concern, but his story deserves a longer article with a few more details about his stay. It needs context, not just general examples of zealotry.
Agreed.
posted by uncle harold at 7:11 AM on November 15, 2006
I had almost the exact same experience being an American student in England. The university I went to had a very well-staffed but incompetent foreign student office and it seemed their only goal was to hand out tickets to Aston Villa games and take people on drink night. When I moved out of campus accomodation and started getting the obligatory council taxes in my mailbox, I could not find a single person to write a letter showing that I was a student and was finally told I 'should just pay the tax." I ended up camping out at the council office for a day to prove I was a student and filing a complaint (never got to square one with that) against the foreign student office.
I had a very good time in Britain beyond that, being the only American for miles, but the school seemed more interested in having my money than helping with issues related to schooling. I couldn't even qualify for student health insurance (despite paying for it with my tuition) because I had earned an income in the year before I started my MA.
posted by parmanparman at 7:15 AM on November 15, 2006
I had a very good time in Britain beyond that, being the only American for miles, but the school seemed more interested in having my money than helping with issues related to schooling. I couldn't even qualify for student health insurance (despite paying for it with my tuition) because I had earned an income in the year before I started my MA.
posted by parmanparman at 7:15 AM on November 15, 2006
... "only", of course, is referring to the distance from my home, not to any other quality of the UK or US.
posted by uncle harold at 7:16 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by uncle harold at 7:16 AM on November 15, 2006
> If I were a foreign student, I'd look at the US Government's assertion that it can hold any foreign
> national it wants, as long as it wants, without trial or judicial recourse... and I'd find another place
> to get educated.
Malor, you've solved illegal immigration. Just tell 'em how much AmeriKKKa sUx0rz and they'll stop coming. Genius!
posted by jfuller at 7:20 AM on November 15, 2006
> national it wants, as long as it wants, without trial or judicial recourse... and I'd find another place
> to get educated.
Malor, you've solved illegal immigration. Just tell 'em how much AmeriKKKa sUx0rz and they'll stop coming. Genius!
posted by jfuller at 7:20 AM on November 15, 2006
No, jfuller. That just means we don't get the ones with options... the ones we WANT here. The illegals are mostly so desperate that they'll risk it regardless.
posted by Malor at 7:31 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by Malor at 7:31 AM on November 15, 2006
My brother-in-law was staying with a host family in Lyon in Southeastern France. One morning, (he says) he woke up on a train to Paris, having been drugged (!).
My experiences (in Grenoble) were much tamer. My host daughter tried to kill herself after her elderly, infirm father called her an idiot.
posted by mkb at 7:32 AM on November 15, 2006
My experiences (in Grenoble) were much tamer. My host daughter tried to kill herself after her elderly, infirm father called her an idiot.
posted by mkb at 7:32 AM on November 15, 2006
Taking advantage of foreigners is a worldwide phenomena going back many years.
This needs repeating. Worldwide.
posted by fake at 7:35 AM on November 15, 2006
This needs repeating. Worldwide.
posted by fake at 7:35 AM on November 15, 2006
fake : "This needs repeating. Worldwide."
Because repeating it will do...what?
posted by Bugbread at 7:45 AM on November 15, 2006
Because repeating it will do...what?
posted by Bugbread at 7:45 AM on November 15, 2006
I spent a week with a host family (actually only the mother and daughter) in Moscow in 1992 before staying in a hotel for the second part of the trip (the visit was set-up by my school.) I was 17 and I wanted to understand the differences in life between my life as a western-European and their lives in eastern-Europe right after the fall of communism.
Staying with a host family was the only way to do that. They were warm, kind and funny people and they welcomed me in and showed me the hardships that they had to face on a daily basis without any kind of preachiness. Then I stayed at the hotel with the rest of the group (four of us were separate from the group and thus got to stay with host families for 1/2 the time.)
I got so much out of the trip and I think that I began to understand just a very little part of Russian culture and the political climate at the time. My friends who stayed in the hotel all the time had no such luck and spent the whole time bitching about how much it sucked. They had a bad time and I loved every minute of it, but it was very much dependent on the fact that my hosts were such great people.
posted by ob at 7:56 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
Staying with a host family was the only way to do that. They were warm, kind and funny people and they welcomed me in and showed me the hardships that they had to face on a daily basis without any kind of preachiness. Then I stayed at the hotel with the rest of the group (four of us were separate from the group and thus got to stay with host families for 1/2 the time.)
I got so much out of the trip and I think that I began to understand just a very little part of Russian culture and the political climate at the time. My friends who stayed in the hotel all the time had no such luck and spent the whole time bitching about how much it sucked. They had a bad time and I loved every minute of it, but it was very much dependent on the fact that my hosts were such great people.
posted by ob at 7:56 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
i don't think anyone's debating the delicious merits of staying with a host family - if anything, that's precisely the lament here, that what used to be a fairly straightforward program has turned more and more towards political and religious proselytizing and away from simple "cultural exchange."
posted by yonation at 8:11 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by yonation at 8:11 AM on November 15, 2006
I am blown away at the oversight shortages in these programs, not just in the United States, but in other nations that have traditions of foreign exchange programs as well. I could fill a page with personal anecdotes of foreign exchange mishaps and abuses. Presently, there is a situation at my son's high school where an exchange student is being exploited as an unpaid, overworked nanny by her host family. Attempts to have her placed with a different family have thus far been stonewalled by the agency sponsoring her program.
To end on a better note, Rotary has long maintained one of the very very best programs I have ever seen. I am constantly impressed with not only their professionalism, but the caliber of students that they bring to the U.S., as well as send abroad.
posted by msali at 8:14 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
To end on a better note, Rotary has long maintained one of the very very best programs I have ever seen. I am constantly impressed with not only their professionalism, but the caliber of students that they bring to the U.S., as well as send abroad.
posted by msali at 8:14 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
The first linked story doesn't really go with the rest of the post talking about real abuse. The summary of the first story is "wow, I got paired up with a really religious family that kind of annoyed me and we didn't gel at all" which isn't like actual abuse at all. It's like getting a bummer of a roomate in a dorm.
posted by mathowie at 8:38 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by mathowie at 8:38 AM on November 15, 2006
My experiences (in Grenoble) were much tamer. My host daughter tried to kill herself after her elderly, infirm father called her an idiot.
Good times, good times.
I was an exchange student in a small town in Normandy for 12 weeks during my sophomore year of college. In our small program (12 people), 2 of the women in the program were propositioned by their host "fathers" and had to be relocated with other families. For my own part, the lady of own house hit on me half way through the program. After I turned her down, she was barely civil with me. I pretty much ended up hanging out late at cafes and bars for the rest of the program. I maintain that I learned how to speak much better French hanging out with the locals in a relaxed setting rather than in my freakazoid dysfunctional rural family.
It was definitely a bizarre experience, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
posted by psmealey at 8:41 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
Good times, good times.
I was an exchange student in a small town in Normandy for 12 weeks during my sophomore year of college. In our small program (12 people), 2 of the women in the program were propositioned by their host "fathers" and had to be relocated with other families. For my own part, the lady of own house hit on me half way through the program. After I turned her down, she was barely civil with me. I pretty much ended up hanging out late at cafes and bars for the rest of the program. I maintain that I learned how to speak much better French hanging out with the locals in a relaxed setting rather than in my freakazoid dysfunctional rural family.
It was definitely a bizarre experience, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
posted by psmealey at 8:41 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
what used to be a fairly straightforward program has turned more and more towards political and religious proselytizing and away from simple "cultural exchange."
What is the evidence of that, though? I don't think it's responsible to point to a few anecdotes and assert as fact that there is some ominous trend. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't -- it could just be that the political and religious differences between the US and the ROTW are so heightened and public now that these kinds of things get more attention. I'd be absolutely shocked if this Polish exchange student was the first to ever land with a evangelical host family -- but I'm not surprised at all that his story now gets published in Spiegel with the headline "My Half-Year of Hell With Christian Fundamentalists."
Again, not saying that it's right for someone to be subjected to this, just that I don't see the evidence of some new trend towards prosyletizing host families. (It might also be noted that political and religious beliefs can be part of the "cultural differences" that one is presumably being exposed to).
posted by pardonyou? at 8:48 AM on November 15, 2006
What is the evidence of that, though? I don't think it's responsible to point to a few anecdotes and assert as fact that there is some ominous trend. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't -- it could just be that the political and religious differences between the US and the ROTW are so heightened and public now that these kinds of things get more attention. I'd be absolutely shocked if this Polish exchange student was the first to ever land with a evangelical host family -- but I'm not surprised at all that his story now gets published in Spiegel with the headline "My Half-Year of Hell With Christian Fundamentalists."
Again, not saying that it's right for someone to be subjected to this, just that I don't see the evidence of some new trend towards prosyletizing host families. (It might also be noted that political and religious beliefs can be part of the "cultural differences" that one is presumably being exposed to).
posted by pardonyou? at 8:48 AM on November 15, 2006
with all due respect, evangelizing is a form of abuse imho. especially when it comes to invading personal space, it dips into psychological issues.
posted by yonation at 8:51 AM on November 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by yonation at 8:51 AM on November 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
I don't think it's responsible to point to a few anecdotes and assert as fact that there is some ominous trend.
agreed from just the anecdotes, but from the fourth link:
From Perth, Australia to Plainwell, Mich., there is a pattern of abuse that is making headlines around the world
posted by yonation at 8:55 AM on November 15, 2006
agreed from just the anecdotes, but from the fourth link:
From Perth, Australia to Plainwell, Mich., there is a pattern of abuse that is making headlines around the world
posted by yonation at 8:55 AM on November 15, 2006
You don't know how to recognize or handle a red neck if your not a local, which covers both the article and this thread's France stories.
posted by jeffburdges at 8:59 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by jeffburdges at 8:59 AM on November 15, 2006
By the same token, not all exchange students are happy, fun to be around, individuals either. The French student we hosted was a terror. She was horrible, she was. She was rude, demanding, disgusting with personal habits, and sniffed imperiously at everything we suggested, ate, talked about, yadda, yadda, yadda. We exchanged my sister for this horrible monstrosity of a stereotype...and while I think my sister is a pain in the ass...she was a freaking angel compared to the horror visited upon my parents by the exchange program. (Note: My mother speaks fluent French, received her master chef training in Paris, and has spent as much time in the South of France as she possibly can. We are not unfamiliar with the French, the language, or the culture. This girl really was just the most horrid thing to have ever been birthed.)
posted by dejah420 at 9:02 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by dejah420 at 9:02 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
I agree with pardonyou? - anecdotes are not evidence. I actually heard the same kind of stories when I was around the typical exchange program age in 1990. Also, Der Spiegel is, while not explicitly anti American, pretty quick to pick up these kind of stories.
On the other hand, I definitely think proselytizing is offensive and invasive and should not be mistaken for cultural differences.
It's the equivalent of telling someone all day you think - no, you know - he has a mental deficiency and you really think he should see a doctor.
posted by uncle harold at 9:06 AM on November 15, 2006
On the other hand, I definitely think proselytizing is offensive and invasive and should not be mistaken for cultural differences.
It's the equivalent of telling someone all day you think - no, you know - he has a mental deficiency and you really think he should see a doctor.
posted by uncle harold at 9:06 AM on November 15, 2006
Taking advantage of foreigners is a worldwide phenomena going back many years.
This needs repeating. Worldwide.
That needs repeating: phenomena. Apparently, education is not so widespread as taking adantage of foreigners. So many phenomena, so little time for any one phenomenon.
/grammar snark
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:12 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
This needs repeating. Worldwide.
That needs repeating: phenomena. Apparently, education is not so widespread as taking adantage of foreigners. So many phenomena, so little time for any one phenomenon.
/grammar snark
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:12 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
From Perth, Australia to Plainwell, Mich., there is a pattern of abuse that is making headlines around the world
But actually, if you read the fourth headline, you'll see that they're talking about physical/sexual abuse, not "religious abuse."
But to the essential point -- I don't disagree that prosyletizing has no place in an exchange program, and that actively trying to convert an exchange student is a form of abuse. On the other hand, I don't think simply getting placed with a religious or conservative family would be cause for objecting in a program that is designed to expose students to other cultures.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2006
But actually, if you read the fourth headline, you'll see that they're talking about physical/sexual abuse, not "religious abuse."
But to the essential point -- I don't disagree that prosyletizing has no place in an exchange program, and that actively trying to convert an exchange student is a form of abuse. On the other hand, I don't think simply getting placed with a religious or conservative family would be cause for objecting in a program that is designed to expose students to other cultures.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:16 AM on November 15, 2006
uncle harold : "I definitely think proselytizing is offensive and invasive and should not be mistaken for cultural differences."
Yeah, but the only way you can know that it's not just due to cultural differences is to know the culture pretty well, and the best way to know the culture really well is to live in the country for a while, and a good way to live in the country for a while is to be an exchange student...so the people who should not be mistaking this behaviour for a cultural difference are precisely the people who don't have the knowledge necessary to avoid making that mistake.
posted by Bugbread at 9:21 AM on November 15, 2006
Yeah, but the only way you can know that it's not just due to cultural differences is to know the culture pretty well, and the best way to know the culture really well is to live in the country for a while, and a good way to live in the country for a while is to be an exchange student...so the people who should not be mistaking this behaviour for a cultural difference are precisely the people who don't have the knowledge necessary to avoid making that mistake.
posted by Bugbread at 9:21 AM on November 15, 2006
Proselytizing has no place in civil society, period.
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:21 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by fourcheesemac at 9:21 AM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
fourcheesemac : "Proselytizing has no place in civil society, period."
Which makes it ironic that folks at MetaFilter generally consider themselves part of civil society, and yet there is so much proselytizing in MeFi.
posted by Bugbread at 9:24 AM on November 15, 2006
Which makes it ironic that folks at MetaFilter generally consider themselves part of civil society, and yet there is so much proselytizing in MeFi.
posted by Bugbread at 9:24 AM on November 15, 2006
Apparently, education is not so widespread as taking adantage of foreigners.
This needs repeating. Adantage. (Ha!)
posted by smackfu at 9:25 AM on November 15, 2006
This needs repeating. Adantage. (Ha!)
posted by smackfu at 9:25 AM on November 15, 2006
Note: I am most certainly using the word "ironic" incorrectly, as I've never seen a discussion regarding the word "ironic" where two people actually agree on what it means.
posted by Bugbread at 9:26 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by Bugbread at 9:26 AM on November 15, 2006
Yeah, but the only way you can know that it's not just due to cultural differences is to know the culture pretty well, and the best way to know the culture really well is to live in the country for a while, and a good way to live in the country for a while is to be an exchange student...so the people who should not be mistaking this behaviour for a cultural difference are precisely the people who don't have the knowledge necessary to avoid making that mistake.
*spins in infinite loop between heaven and hell*
posted by uncle harold at 9:28 AM on November 15, 2006
*spins in infinite loop between heaven and hell*
posted by uncle harold at 9:28 AM on November 15, 2006
"It might also be noted that political and religious beliefs can be part of the "cultural differences" that one is presumably being exposed to"
Pardonyou,
This really is a perverse point to extrapolate from the first link.
I still cherish an exchange visit with a crazy-ass Catholic Portugese family in Paris in my own teenage years. They were extremely peculiar and probably (quite wrongly!) thought the same about me - but they didn't make the cruel mistake of making things tough because our beliefs were different.
I think you can tough out a great deal if you're the sort who'll risk a foreign exchange in the first place. But not evangelical bullying.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:37 AM on November 15, 2006
Pardonyou,
This really is a perverse point to extrapolate from the first link.
I still cherish an exchange visit with a crazy-ass Catholic Portugese family in Paris in my own teenage years. They were extremely peculiar and probably (quite wrongly!) thought the same about me - but they didn't make the cruel mistake of making things tough because our beliefs were different.
I think you can tough out a great deal if you're the sort who'll risk a foreign exchange in the first place. But not evangelical bullying.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 9:37 AM on November 15, 2006
Pardonyou,
This really is a perverse point to extrapolate from the first link.
I think you misunderstood me. Please see my second paragraph in this subsequent comment. I think you and I agree.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:50 AM on November 15, 2006
This really is a perverse point to extrapolate from the first link.
I think you misunderstood me. Please see my second paragraph in this subsequent comment. I think you and I agree.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:50 AM on November 15, 2006
I know someone who works for a foreign exchange student placement company, and I can tell you from their experience that the majority of the bad ones are the students, not the families. Man oh man the stories I hear...
posted by afx114 at 10:04 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by afx114 at 10:04 AM on November 15, 2006
God told me there's no BoatMeme.
Which one you gonna believe?
posted by nyxxxx at 10:07 AM on November 15, 2006
Which one you gonna believe?
posted by nyxxxx at 10:07 AM on November 15, 2006
I am reminded of a colleague who took a teaching (college) job overseas (Asia) and was told by a well-traavelled professor that one should never take a position in a foreign land without first making a visit to see the living quarters provided.
posted by Postroad at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by Postroad at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2006
I was an exchange student, I spent one year in Malaysia in 2000-2001 when I was 17/18. It was the most difficult time in my life, and I hated almost every minute of it. In hindsight it was also probably the most formative year of my life and I am endlessly grateful for it. I don't think I would do it again, but I don't regret doing it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but my feelings about the year - even now, so many years later - are endlessly conflicted.
I was assigned only one host family for the entire year, my host father was the immediate past president of my club, my host mother was the president elect, and my club counsellor was also my host mother. There was nothing I could do. They enrolled me in a private Chinese-language school without giving me any language instruction. They used me as a cautionary tale for their children "If you don't behave we will send you to Canada where you have to make your own bed!" and they didn't let me out of the house for anything other than school and meetings.
My host father was absent and my host mother (when she was arround) terrorized me. I was not allowed to call home, or to talk to my family on the internet. I was called "ungrateful" and I was held to account for every inadequacy of my race and culture. My host mother was physically abusive to the maid, and the maid stole my sock and underwear because she was not allowed out of the house to buy new stuff for herself. I was not allowed to buy things for the maid, so I allowed her to take my things and then asked to go shopping for myslef.
Partway through I managed to get a new counsellor and a new host family. This family was better as the maid spoke english - so I wasn't alone all the time. My host father, however, liked to hug me a little too long and to inspect my underwear as it hung to dry. He did, however, let me skip school and actually hang out with friends.
Out of 5 female exchange students in the country, I was the only one who lasted the whole year. The others were either sent home, or fabricated reasons to leave. The male exchange student had a great time for the most part, as he was allowed to travel through the city and the country alone or with friends.
Despite all of this, I love Malaysia. The one thing my club did well was they made sure to pass me around at religious holidays. So I spent Deepavali with a Hindu family, Chinese New Year with a Chinese family, feasted after Ramadan with a Muslim family, and even spent Christmas with a Catholic family (my first Christmas in church!). This is why when I returned to school, I switched from a Bio major to a Socio/Religious Studies major. I love Malaysia and it is my life's dream to return there with my partner and my mom. I have some hard feelings against certain people within the club, and the organization that sent me because of certain practices it supports or turns a blind eye to.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
I was assigned only one host family for the entire year, my host father was the immediate past president of my club, my host mother was the president elect, and my club counsellor was also my host mother. There was nothing I could do. They enrolled me in a private Chinese-language school without giving me any language instruction. They used me as a cautionary tale for their children "If you don't behave we will send you to Canada where you have to make your own bed!" and they didn't let me out of the house for anything other than school and meetings.
My host father was absent and my host mother (when she was arround) terrorized me. I was not allowed to call home, or to talk to my family on the internet. I was called "ungrateful" and I was held to account for every inadequacy of my race and culture. My host mother was physically abusive to the maid, and the maid stole my sock and underwear because she was not allowed out of the house to buy new stuff for herself. I was not allowed to buy things for the maid, so I allowed her to take my things and then asked to go shopping for myslef.
Partway through I managed to get a new counsellor and a new host family. This family was better as the maid spoke english - so I wasn't alone all the time. My host father, however, liked to hug me a little too long and to inspect my underwear as it hung to dry. He did, however, let me skip school and actually hang out with friends.
Out of 5 female exchange students in the country, I was the only one who lasted the whole year. The others were either sent home, or fabricated reasons to leave. The male exchange student had a great time for the most part, as he was allowed to travel through the city and the country alone or with friends.
Despite all of this, I love Malaysia. The one thing my club did well was they made sure to pass me around at religious holidays. So I spent Deepavali with a Hindu family, Chinese New Year with a Chinese family, feasted after Ramadan with a Muslim family, and even spent Christmas with a Catholic family (my first Christmas in church!). This is why when I returned to school, I switched from a Bio major to a Socio/Religious Studies major. I love Malaysia and it is my life's dream to return there with my partner and my mom. I have some hard feelings against certain people within the club, and the organization that sent me because of certain practices it supports or turns a blind eye to.
posted by arcticwoman at 10:13 AM on November 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
"The first linked story doesn't really go with the rest of the post talking about real abuse. The summary of the first story is "wow, I got paired up with a really religious family that kind of annoyed me and we didn't gel at all" which isn't like actual abuse at all. It's like getting a bummer of a roomate in a dorm."
I dunno, it pretty much gave the impression that they were trying pull some kind of a guilt-trip set-up to get him to be their fundie missionary in Poland.
posted by Anything at 10:21 AM on November 15, 2006
I dunno, it pretty much gave the impression that they were trying pull some kind of a guilt-trip set-up to get him to be their fundie missionary in Poland.
posted by Anything at 10:21 AM on November 15, 2006
"I think you misunderstood me. Please see my second paragraph in this subsequent comment. I think you and I agree."
posted by pardonyou?
Yes, that was a twitchy response of mine, especially in view of your f/up. Apologies - we do agree!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 10:45 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by pardonyou?
Yes, that was a twitchy response of mine, especially in view of your f/up. Apologies - we do agree!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 10:45 AM on November 15, 2006
Around here a few years back we had a guy filming his family's exchange student with a hidden camera. Apparently he'd been doing this for years, judging from the tapes. A bunch of similar stories -- none of them that one -- prompting the founding of that CSFES group.
I met a nanny once who was on her second US family where daddy chased her around. The second daddy was slower on the hoof, apparently, because she felt she could handle him. She was 17 and world-weary.
And one of my French teachers in high school hosted a 20ish guy from Zaire who wanted out of the arrangement halfway through. A local minister brought him to my parents for an interview. He was conservative and shy and terribly embarrassed and made it pretty clear without saying so outright that they had become sexually involved. My parents decided to say no but got word first that he didn't think it would work out with them himself, and he went with another family. Never thought of that French teacher the same way again ...
This has probably always happened. I've read two or three separate stories of British boys who lost their virginity to a continental au pair.
posted by dhartung at 11:12 AM on November 15, 2006
I met a nanny once who was on her second US family where daddy chased her around. The second daddy was slower on the hoof, apparently, because she felt she could handle him. She was 17 and world-weary.
And one of my French teachers in high school hosted a 20ish guy from Zaire who wanted out of the arrangement halfway through. A local minister brought him to my parents for an interview. He was conservative and shy and terribly embarrassed and made it pretty clear without saying so outright that they had become sexually involved. My parents decided to say no but got word first that he didn't think it would work out with them himself, and he went with another family. Never thought of that French teacher the same way again ...
This has probably always happened. I've read two or three separate stories of British boys who lost their virginity to a continental au pair.
posted by dhartung at 11:12 AM on November 15, 2006
I used to work for The Reporter, the newspaper linked in the third article. Good to see their staff writers are as incomprehensible as ever.
posted by letitrain at 11:19 AM on November 15, 2006
posted by letitrain at 11:19 AM on November 15, 2006
Does God post on MeFi? What's God's handle?
That fourth link is just assertions that abuse is increasing. They provide no evidence rather than their own anecdotes.
Actually, you'd figure with email and cheaper communications that abuse is actually decreasing, it would be so much easier to get out of an abusive situation now.
posted by sien at 1:33 PM on November 15, 2006
That fourth link is just assertions that abuse is increasing. They provide no evidence rather than their own anecdotes.
Actually, you'd figure with email and cheaper communications that abuse is actually decreasing, it would be so much easier to get out of an abusive situation now.
posted by sien at 1:33 PM on November 15, 2006
Taking advantage of foreigners others is a worldwide phenomena going back many years what humans mostly do.
Fixed it for ya.
posted by spazzm at 1:50 PM on November 15, 2006
Fixed it for ya.
posted by spazzm at 1:50 PM on November 15, 2006
A German friend of mine had a horror story when she went to the States during high school. Christina went to California, and stayed with a (wait for it) fundamentalist Christian family. That wasn't the bad part, though. They were all fat, and kept a tight control on the food in the house. The family would only cook at certain times, and wouldn't allow Christina to eat whenever she wanted. They actually put a lock on the refrigerator. After a month or so of this, Christina went to the exchange s. agency to ask for a transfer. A woman from the agency came by to pick Christina from school and was shocked to see that she had lost so much weight. She took her out to eat, and Christina, a vegetarian, said "Let's go to McDonalds", where she murdered a series of hamburgers.
Lots of people just take advantage of that extra money each month.
posted by zardoz at 3:37 PM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
Lots of people just take advantage of that extra money each month.
posted by zardoz at 3:37 PM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
Sigh...
I was on a study-abroad program last year that involved living with host families across 18 cities worldwide (spending about a week in each city). For the most part, they were lovely and great fun, but there was one that stuck out as being terrible.
While I was in Koln, Germany, I and another student were hosted with a group of Catholic missionary priests. They would travel to Africa for missionary work and stay in their monastery - where we lived - when home. I was the complete opposite of them - non-German, female, non-Christian, liberal - but I was highly interested in religion and thought this would have been an interesting experience.
The first night there, I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle. A couple of the priests (plus my housie) found me and got me to hospital. They were quite nice, but one of my rescuers had to leave the next day for a meeting, so one of the other priests were assigned to me.
He was horrible! He accused me of lying when I said that it was pitch-black when I fell down the stairs. Fine, perhaps I didn't understand how their lights worked, but accusing me of lying was a bit much. When my sister tried to call me, he deliberately messed up the extension number and sniped at her for it - I had to hobble over across the quite-wide compound to figure out what was going on. As it was, I could barely eat anything (I couldn't eat pork, which was nearly the only meat they have) and all I had day in day out was cheese and bread. Same cheese, same bread. They didn't even care what we did; they didn't even come to our end-of-the-week show.
I talked to my program manager about it when I managed to be mobile enough to get out of the house, and he said that while he understood my predicament, there wasn't much they could do about moving me to another home. Eventually I stuck it out, and by the end of the week - incidentally when Nice Priest returned - I had had enough with cheese and bread. I ate tomato soup at a reststop at Wartburg and it was the best I've ever had.
Koln was actually a lovely city, and the rest of the people were great. I had the time of my life on my tour and would whole-heartedly recommend people experience foreign exchange at some point in ther life. But that host family...sigh. I suppose we all have to experience low points eventually.
posted by divabat at 5:26 PM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
I was on a study-abroad program last year that involved living with host families across 18 cities worldwide (spending about a week in each city). For the most part, they were lovely and great fun, but there was one that stuck out as being terrible.
While I was in Koln, Germany, I and another student were hosted with a group of Catholic missionary priests. They would travel to Africa for missionary work and stay in their monastery - where we lived - when home. I was the complete opposite of them - non-German, female, non-Christian, liberal - but I was highly interested in religion and thought this would have been an interesting experience.
The first night there, I fell down the stairs and injured my ankle. A couple of the priests (plus my housie) found me and got me to hospital. They were quite nice, but one of my rescuers had to leave the next day for a meeting, so one of the other priests were assigned to me.
He was horrible! He accused me of lying when I said that it was pitch-black when I fell down the stairs. Fine, perhaps I didn't understand how their lights worked, but accusing me of lying was a bit much. When my sister tried to call me, he deliberately messed up the extension number and sniped at her for it - I had to hobble over across the quite-wide compound to figure out what was going on. As it was, I could barely eat anything (I couldn't eat pork, which was nearly the only meat they have) and all I had day in day out was cheese and bread. Same cheese, same bread. They didn't even care what we did; they didn't even come to our end-of-the-week show.
I talked to my program manager about it when I managed to be mobile enough to get out of the house, and he said that while he understood my predicament, there wasn't much they could do about moving me to another home. Eventually I stuck it out, and by the end of the week - incidentally when Nice Priest returned - I had had enough with cheese and bread. I ate tomato soup at a reststop at Wartburg and it was the best I've ever had.
Koln was actually a lovely city, and the rest of the people were great. I had the time of my life on my tour and would whole-heartedly recommend people experience foreign exchange at some point in ther life. But that host family...sigh. I suppose we all have to experience low points eventually.
posted by divabat at 5:26 PM on November 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
So. Shit happens. Yet, for all this guy whines, Winston-Salem is not all religion and stuff: there is tobacco, and you can smoke in restaurants and all!
Seriously, he sounds as if terrified due to cultural shock, but a 19 year old has to be able to find ways to deal with that.
Happy news don't sell magazines.
posted by kadmilos at 5:46 PM on November 15, 2006
Seriously, he sounds as if terrified due to cultural shock, but a 19 year old has to be able to find ways to deal with that.
Happy news don't sell magazines.
posted by kadmilos at 5:46 PM on November 15, 2006
The Joseph Nye op-ed is full of holes.
He blames the government for declining enrollment, but never considers that raising tuition every year by thousands of dollars might cut into the number of foreign students that can attend his school. Maybe he also thinks US schools are above having to actually market themselves, unlike Australian, New Zealand, UK and European schools?
Two-thirds of the 25 universities with the most foreign students reported major enrollment declines.
Did he mention what happened to enrollment in the other 2675 colleges? Maybe more kids want to have actual exchange experiences rather than just being another damn foreign kid in a sea of foreign kids?
The article is also old and outdated and the trend he speaks of, despite further increases in tuition rates and continued lack of marketing by US schools, has been reversed.
The Beijing consulate reports a 3 day turnover time for a new student visa, that includes fingerprinting and interveiw, and their approval rate is around 95%.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:37 PM on November 15, 2006
He blames the government for declining enrollment, but never considers that raising tuition every year by thousands of dollars might cut into the number of foreign students that can attend his school. Maybe he also thinks US schools are above having to actually market themselves, unlike Australian, New Zealand, UK and European schools?
Two-thirds of the 25 universities with the most foreign students reported major enrollment declines.
Did he mention what happened to enrollment in the other 2675 colleges? Maybe more kids want to have actual exchange experiences rather than just being another damn foreign kid in a sea of foreign kids?
The article is also old and outdated and the trend he speaks of, despite further increases in tuition rates and continued lack of marketing by US schools, has been reversed.
The Beijing consulate reports a 3 day turnover time for a new student visa, that includes fingerprinting and interveiw, and their approval rate is around 95%.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:37 PM on November 15, 2006
I personally had a great time being an exchange student in Italy for a year. I lived among great people who I'll never forget (given I'm still in contact with a bunch of them, planning to crash at their houses my next backpacking trip.)
I came back a billion times more confident about anything I did, and while I missed out on a bunch of things (a relationship with a wonderful girl, graduating friends), I've experienced things most of my friends will never understand nor experience.
I enjoyed the experience so much I'm applying to be a English language teaching assistant in either Italy or France even though I don't have any intention of being a language teacher. I suppose it's my way of saying "thanks" and an excuse to evade grad school for a year.
However, I do get the feeling that the foreign students in the States (for the most part non-European students) aren't exactly given that clear of an idea what to expect and tend to isolate themselves socially while trying to figure how things work. Also, I keep thinking about the time my friends and I bribed an Italian campus security guard with a bottle of wine to let us keep our party going, and wondering if anything like this happens elsewhere.
posted by portisfreak at 10:20 PM on November 15, 2006
I came back a billion times more confident about anything I did, and while I missed out on a bunch of things (a relationship with a wonderful girl, graduating friends), I've experienced things most of my friends will never understand nor experience.
I enjoyed the experience so much I'm applying to be a English language teaching assistant in either Italy or France even though I don't have any intention of being a language teacher. I suppose it's my way of saying "thanks" and an excuse to evade grad school for a year.
However, I do get the feeling that the foreign students in the States (for the most part non-European students) aren't exactly given that clear of an idea what to expect and tend to isolate themselves socially while trying to figure how things work. Also, I keep thinking about the time my friends and I bribed an Italian campus security guard with a bottle of wine to let us keep our party going, and wondering if anything like this happens elsewhere.
posted by portisfreak at 10:20 PM on November 15, 2006
arcticwoman: I'm curious to know which club it was? PJ? My dad was a member of the PJ Rotary club for the 16 years we were there, and I remember hosting an Australian girl for a few months in our home. She split her year between 4 families and as far as I know none of the parties involved had complaints. I was 10 or 11 years old and fascinated by a real life teenager :) who wore make up, bought nice clothes to go partying and it seemed to be fun to be "grown up". Wonder if we were the brats that made her miserable?
posted by infini at 11:31 PM on November 15, 2006
posted by infini at 11:31 PM on November 15, 2006
portisfreak: my sister (23) went on exchange to Georgetown University last year, and a friend of hers got arrested for public drunkenness ON HIS PORCH. So, stuff kind of like that happens, but in the US it ends differently.
posted by jacalata at 5:45 AM on November 16, 2006
posted by jacalata at 5:45 AM on November 16, 2006
Infini: I was in Johor Bahru and was with one of the clubs there. I'll email you more.
posted by arcticwoman at 8:27 AM on November 16, 2006
posted by arcticwoman at 8:27 AM on November 16, 2006
Does God post on MeFi? What's God's handle?
amberglow.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:08 AM on November 16, 2006
amberglow.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:08 AM on November 16, 2006
I worked as a exchange student placement officer for a few years. It is a tough gig.
The key in making exchanges work is to ensure that families and students get proper orientations before the program starts.
These privately funded exchanges often don't include items like that because they cost money and increase the price of the exchange.
The majority of problems are with the families, in my experience, not the students.
Why weren't these kids in contact with their local coordinators as soon as problems started? That's what they are there for!
Also, a lot of these stories, especially the one with Rotary talking shit about another org, are really questionable. There is so much competition for host families and school placements, it is cut-throat.
Finally, one of the major problems for placing students is that the majority of families willing to take a student in ARE wacko Christians. It is REALLY tough finding families willing to step out of their selfish career driven boxes. The few that aren't wacko Christians that are willing to host are often looking for au pairs.
I was fortunate to work in Vermont where people have the economic freedom to have another kid in their home without being wacko Christians, but I can't imagine it would be as easy in other places. I also had more internet networking skills that the majority of coordinators AND perhaps had a greater sense of choosing families.
Why aren't more MeFites interested in hosting, eh?
posted by k8t at 6:18 PM on November 18, 2006
The key in making exchanges work is to ensure that families and students get proper orientations before the program starts.
These privately funded exchanges often don't include items like that because they cost money and increase the price of the exchange.
The majority of problems are with the families, in my experience, not the students.
Why weren't these kids in contact with their local coordinators as soon as problems started? That's what they are there for!
Also, a lot of these stories, especially the one with Rotary talking shit about another org, are really questionable. There is so much competition for host families and school placements, it is cut-throat.
Finally, one of the major problems for placing students is that the majority of families willing to take a student in ARE wacko Christians. It is REALLY tough finding families willing to step out of their selfish career driven boxes. The few that aren't wacko Christians that are willing to host are often looking for au pairs.
I was fortunate to work in Vermont where people have the economic freedom to have another kid in their home without being wacko Christians, but I can't imagine it would be as easy in other places. I also had more internet networking skills that the majority of coordinators AND perhaps had a greater sense of choosing families.
Why aren't more MeFites interested in hosting, eh?
posted by k8t at 6:18 PM on November 18, 2006
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posted by Malor at 6:50 AM on November 15, 2006