That Marjorie, what a selfish tramp!

January 10, 2007 2:42 PM

Going out of town & worried about burglars? Fret not my friend, just put on a record. Problem solved.
posted by miss lynnster (32 comments total)

Does the guy on the record sound like Peter Lawford to anyone but me?
posted by miss lynnster at 2:43 PM on January 10, 2007

I left it playing in my apartment this morning.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:47 PM on January 10, 2007

Great, yet another Mike Patton side project.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:52 PM on January 10, 2007

This is fricking awesome. My hope is that ultimately it is the only surviving documentation of our civilization, and future archaeologists will use it as the basis for inferring what we were all about.
posted by found missing at 2:58 PM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is good and useful. But I prefer my own mp3 of a couple of pit bulls eating the last burgler.
posted by jfuller at 2:59 PM on January 10, 2007

My older brother told me if you play it backwards it says, "Paul is on vacation".
posted by Dizzy at 3:00 PM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Audio Fly Trap: I just loop Radiohead's "Fitter, Happier" and collect all the despondent burglars milling around my front door when I get home.
posted by hal9k at 3:03 PM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

That couple is so in love.
posted by sourwookie at 3:04 PM on January 10, 2007

Not only does she not know how he likes his coffee, he doesn't know how he likes his coffee.
posted by eddydamascene at 3:07 PM on January 10, 2007

This is what 8-track cassettes were made for. They just keep looping so the drug dealers next door don't know you're out of town.
posted by peeedro at 3:18 PM on January 10, 2007

Wow. Wowie wow wow.
posted by cortex at 3:28 PM on January 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

That's hilarious!

But not as funny as my parents' Catholic "How to talk to your children about sex" record. Marked "For adults only" or something, of course I had to listen to it, repeatedly, for laughs. I would almost kill for a copy of that.
posted by Listener at 3:34 PM on January 10, 2007

This sounds like most podcasts I've heard.

I am disappointed by them.
But not by this.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 3:54 PM on January 10, 2007

Good, but possibly not as effective as this thief deterrent:

Johnny: Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give *you*, Snakes. I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your lying, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead.

Snakes: All...all right, Johnny, I'm..I'm sorry. I'm going.

Gangster Johnny: 1... 2... 10!

And keep the change, ya filthy animal!
posted by iconomy at 4:16 PM on January 10, 2007 [3 favorites]

I like when he tells her how to neutral-drop the car to avoid a stall.

"It's something inside ya head." "Called judgement."
posted by ninjew at 5:15 PM on January 10, 2007

thanks for the link, very good and all yes, but doesn't this count as a double?

now, slide that bowl of cheerios over here; I have to take a dump.
posted by carsonb at 6:50 PM on January 10, 2007

Are you sure this isn't the "Reasons to not get married" album? Because I swear it's putting out that vibe to me.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 7:13 PM on January 10, 2007

Does it? I've seen other things from that website on here featuring different topics. If it's a double because the theme of the site is putting new mp3s up every day, wouldn't that be like saying it's a double whenever someone links to youtube because they're all videos?
posted by miss lynnster at 7:14 PM on January 10, 2007

oh my god, I also love the dark secret of Ethyl and her drugged up car stealing son.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 7:19 PM on January 10, 2007

This is HILARIOUS! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Beware of the Blog totally rules.

A few thoughts:

When she goes to get him coffee, he says "black". Now, we know most everybody drinks their coffee the same way all the time, and the guy's wife would know how he takes his coffee. Then, a little later he asks her to put cream in it. And then sugar. Nobody is that inconsistent. Not when it comes to coffee. Any burglar listening in would know, therefore, that this must be a recording. Burglar IN!!

Now, regarding this comment:

This is what 8-track cassettes were made for. They just keep looping so the drug dealers next door don't know you're out of town.

You're perhaps forgetting (or maybe just didn't know, you youngster you) that back when this was released as an LP, many people had automatic tone-arm return on their phonographs. Records used to loop, too!

BUT... one thing records also did was... SKIP! So just imagine, the wife suddenly starts saying: "so anyway so anyway so anyway so anyway so anyway ..." Burglar's comin' IN, baby!

ALSO... Obviously this wouldn't work in a black or hispanic neighborhood! SNAP!! Not in Chinatown, either... So anybody living in said neighborhoods using this record might as well've tacked a note on the door saying: Come on IN, burglar!!!

AND... even if it worked once, burglar's gonna come back and try again tomorrow, hear the SAME conversation, and it's BURGLAR TIME, y'all!

This is fun, I think I could go on riffing about this for a long ti-- huh? That's enough? Some of these points were already addressed in the WFMU blog commentary?

OK. Thanks for the post, miss lynnster!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:30 PM on January 10, 2007

Uh oh... Marjorie?
posted by trip and a half at 7:44 PM on January 10, 2007

wouldn't that be like saying it's a double whenever someone links to youtube because they're all videos?

yaah, I guess so. I'm just ornery 'cause I've been downloading from the 365 project every day so far but haven't had a chance to catch up and listen to them all...I'm sorry for pooping in your cheerios, miss lynnster.
posted by carsonb at 7:47 PM on January 10, 2007

All I know is that I'll bet she sent his ratty old Humphrey Bogart raincoat to the thrift store & is just PRETENDING it's lost so he'll buy a new one for his beautiful frame. Can you blame him for being annoyed? He's like a beagle for things he wants... he wants to look like a man, not like a bird. Or like Frank. Although Frank doesn't wear that fancy stuff. After all, when he was in school he was sharp. He worked in a clothing store! But she's right, sometimes it wouldn't hurt him to wear a v neck instead of a turtleneck.

I love when he calls her mother "Miss America of the Depression Years."

Oh Lord... I've listened to way too much of this thing. And funny enough, as it progresses, he sounds less like Peter Lawford and more inner city. What accent is that exactly?
posted by miss lynnster at 7:50 PM on January 10, 2007

I've been told that the two best sound to deter a thief are a barking dog and a pump-action shotgun racking it's slide. And I have both.

Yet still, the thieves persist. So I went a new route; I installed a klaxon. Not as an alarm, but as a normal noise when entering my house.

Sure, the Wife, the pets and I are all now totally deaf, but I can assure you of a couple of things, we never are burglarized. And no one who enters my house leaves the same.

If nothing else, it's almost completely eliminated religious folk from trying to convert us. I mean, it's hard to sell the Rapture in pantomime.
posted by quin at 10:53 PM on January 10, 2007

I am anxiously awaiting the Danger Mouse project that mashes up this record with The Clash's Sandinista!.
posted by sparkletone at 3:57 AM on January 11, 2007

So, it's The Bickersons without a live audience or laugh track? Brilliant!
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:32 AM on January 11, 2007

Oh brilliant!!

Listened to far too much (while tidying up), sometimes it strays into Pinter-Edward Albee mash-up territory - I got a peculiar feeling of dread when he started wanting to get "closer" to her mother, partly on account of how the latter has a wonderful "figure", then he accuses his wife of getting smashed while bowling...still with the same odd low-key intonation...don't miss the threatening diet discussion (she says her stomach and "fanny" are problem areas - he says no, it's only her fat legs he minds)..I kept waiting for a violent resolution to erupt after the pauses.

(And, yes...can anyone locate his odd accent? She has some Canadian vowels, I think.)

Thanks, miss lynster.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 5:28 AM on January 11, 2007

miss lynnster writes "If it's a double because the theme of the site is putting new mp3s up every day, wouldn't that be like saying it's a double whenever someone links to youtube because they're all videos?"

Something that's been suggested on more than one occasion.
posted by Mitheral at 1:15 PM on January 11, 2007

He sounds like Rocky, so Boston, I guess. She sounds the same only more faded, like maybe she's lived elsewhere.
posted by deborah at 2:42 PM on January 11, 2007

I'm not sure I agree with you 100 percent on your police work there, deborah. Rocky == Boston?
posted by found missing at 5:24 PM on January 11, 2007

I'm not sure I agree with you 100 percent on your police work there, deborah

God, Fargo is a good movie. But besides the geographical goofup (it's Philly, deborah!), the guy in these recordings, is like, the opposite of Rocky Balboa. Are we hearing the same guy? Rocky is working-class. Blue collar. Italian. This guy is middle-to-upper class for sure. Definitely been to college. If I had to place him geographically it'd be New England (excluding Boston working-class areas). I'd go with Connecticut.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:46 PM on January 11, 2007

Duh. *headdesk*

In any case, it sounds Boston-ish to me. I don't know what a Philadelphia accent sounds like, unless of course, Stallone had the right accent. And then he, the guy in the mp3, sounds Philadelphic (heh).
posted by deborah at 1:47 PM on January 12, 2007