How not to rob a liquor store

January 13, 2007 9:53 PM

How not to rob a liquor store.
posted by Sfving (48 comments total)

Old, but hilarious.
posted by brain_drain at 9:58 PM on January 13, 2007

that's what i like to see ... a guy with a PLAN
posted by pyramid termite at 9:59 PM on January 13, 2007

Yeah, as soon as I saw he was coming down through the ceiling I thought, "Great, now how's he going to get back up?" :D
posted by sleeplessunderwater at 10:02 PM on January 13, 2007

For those who haven't seen it, the correct title would be "How not to burglarize a liquor store."

(Damn, that video is funny.)
posted by jayder at 10:10 PM on January 13, 2007

I love to watch a criminal mastermind at work.
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 10:18 PM on January 13, 2007

if you've ever seen 'to catch a thief', you'd know there's no reason to go back out through the ceiling, just throw something heavy through the front door, load up your car and drive away.
posted by empath at 10:22 PM on January 13, 2007

Your cunning plan pleases metafilter.
posted by moonbird at 10:32 PM on January 13, 2007

I'm guessing this is the guy that's drunk off his ass and decides to rob the liquor store. If so, It's awesome. Especially the part where he's trying to use a ladder to get back through the roof and falls on a rack of booze.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:36 PM on January 13, 2007

How Not To Big Up the DJ
posted by empath at 10:40 PM on January 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

empath, that was just way too goddamn funny. LET'S GET THIS PARTY STA----
AAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!

I'm still laughing. Burglary vid was funny, too.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:55 PM on January 13, 2007

I wouldn't have thought it was possible for someone to get up after those kinds of falls, especially the bottles to the face. It's like a cartoon.
posted by Potsy at 10:58 PM on January 13, 2007

Yeah, i expected a bloody mess after the fall into the bottles.
posted by empath at 11:00 PM on January 13, 2007

The guy is tough. Stupid, but tough.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:06 PM on January 13, 2007

As featured in The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity by the late Carlo M. Cipolla, featured on mefi here.
posted by Heywood Mogroot at 11:09 PM on January 13, 2007

the guy has a gift for physical comedy, even down to the way he smokes. unrealized genius. in a different era, he'd be the next charlie chaplin. so i guess that makes him buster keaton.
posted by Hat Maui at 11:17 PM on January 13, 2007

This is why burglars work best alone. Imagine seeing some guy just off camera telling the dufus to keep it down, then bitching him out.
posted by Balisong at 11:26 PM on January 13, 2007

Incidentally, the last time someone sent me a link to this video, it was on a page where comments were enabled. Practically every single one was a variation of "fukin dum black people tryin to steal a bunch of 40s" and "black peopel are so stupid." Yay for the internet.
posted by chrominance at 11:33 PM on January 13, 2007

i really love the shopping cart that he pushes through the aisle..It reminds me of the Stepford Wives for some reason.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:33 PM on January 13, 2007

chrominance-

Well, remember, one of the key techniques of racism is to point to the one dumbass and hold them up as the representative of the entire group.

Naturally folks who use this "thinking" don't apply it also to Jeffrey Dahmer or Timothy McVeigh...
posted by yeloson at 12:19 AM on January 14, 2007

Tough to pick a favorite bit, but I think it might be his solemn acceptance towards the end. The handtruck door pry failed, as did climbing back out of the crater he kicked into the ceiling. May as well have a seat and have a smoke while awaiting the law.
posted by EatTheWeek at 12:21 AM on January 14, 2007

Burglar E. Coyote.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:07 AM on January 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

one of the key techniques of racism is to point to the one dumbass and hold them up as the representative of the entire group... Naturally folks who use this "thinking" don't apply it also to Jeffrey Dahmer or Timothy McVeigh..

I do. Because of Dahmer and McVeigh. I hate white people. All white people.

'cause of Dick Cheney, too.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:15 AM on January 14, 2007

Well, I'm not saying the video shouldn't be shown, but it is kind of sick the way they replay his falls repeatedly and in slow motion. That's not the kind of thing I like to see, someone getting hurt. I couldn't watch the replay of the original fall through the roof, it's a nasty fall, replaying it in slow motion is just too much.
posted by mokey at 2:31 AM on January 14, 2007

I know he was committing a crime and caused great damage to someone's store, but the falls, especially repeating them, were so painful looking that they just made me feel more sympathetic towards him.
posted by jb at 3:18 AM on January 14, 2007

Was he looking for the Vat 69?
posted by alizarin at 3:46 AM on January 14, 2007

Further cementing my belief that as long as stupid people keep commiting crime, we're relatively safe.

Except from the minority of smart people who commit crime, who tend to end up being voted into some kind of office.
posted by armoured-ant at 4:36 AM on January 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know, I bet if he kept up with the hand cart he probably could have got that door open.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:41 AM on January 14, 2007

This video would be improved with some backing tracks from old RoadRunner cartoons (especially a fading whistle when he falls from the ceiling over and over).
posted by spoobnooble at 6:38 AM on January 14, 2007

spoobnooble: Absolutely. Folks should definitely start getting their soundtrack thing together, especially with slapstick-y clips: what you suggested (Roadrunner-esque) would make a merely funny vid hilarious, if done well.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:44 AM on January 14, 2007

I'm sorry, I thought I was on metafilter! I seemed to have stumpled upon Farks Funniest Home Videos.
posted by goshling at 6:51 AM on January 14, 2007

For those who haven't seen it, the correct title would be "How not to burglarize a liquor store."

An alternate phraseologization would be "burgle".
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:18 AM on January 14, 2007

Youtube has a modified version with a soundtrack here.
posted by benign at 9:19 AM on January 14, 2007

I want one of those security cams, the kind that cuts to better shots and ZOOMS IN on the perpetrator after he falls through the ceiling. Those are much better than regular security cams.
posted by bink at 9:33 AM on January 14, 2007

It was almost too painful to be funny -- except he seems indestructible -- watching him have a peaceful smoke at the end made it all OK.

If he'd been really hurt, as in this video, it'd be a different matter.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:43 AM on January 14, 2007

goshling : "I'm sorry, I thought I was on metafilter! I seemed to have stumpled upon Farks Funniest Home Videos."

No, this is Metafilter. You can tell, because things are spelled correctly.

Even really arcane words like "stumple".
posted by Bugbread at 10:40 AM on January 14, 2007 [5 favorites]

benign, the Benny Hill remix is awesome!
posted by SPrintF at 10:43 AM on January 14, 2007

Heywood Mogroot: That 'Basic Laws Of Stupidity' article appears to have been removed; it was removed also from here, at the request of the late author's literary executors.
posted by motty at 11:25 AM on January 14, 2007

Hilarious. Brings to mind the old adage about never underestimating the stupidity of the average criminal.
posted by quin at 11:45 AM on January 14, 2007

Heywood and motty: psst.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:47 AM on January 14, 2007

Yeah, it's funny how the Benny Hill music made it less physically painful to watch. (I kept expecting him to get up and start chasing busty girls down the aisle, though.)
posted by miss lynnster at 11:51 AM on January 14, 2007

My wife used to teach special education classes at an alternative high school. One of her students was arrested in pretty much this EXACT scenario. He tried to rob a pawn shop by jumping down through a roof, then couldn't escape because the doors and windows were barred. He had essentially jumped into a cage. And just like this guy, he had to wait for the police to come and let him out.
posted by frogan at 12:22 PM on January 14, 2007

Dang, that guy almost won a Darwin Award. How did he survive those awful falls?! Incredible. Very funny but sad awful too.
posted by nickyskye at 1:09 PM on January 14, 2007

Some friends pulled a similar burglary when I was a kid. The difference? They burgled a comic book store, and they did it during a crippling blizzard. The next morning they showed up, drenched and shivering, with pillow cases full of graphic novels, role playing games, and anime on VHS. They were both arrested a few weeks later for bragging about their exploits. Idiots. (However, this is how I got introduced to Sandman.
posted by anotherpanacea at 1:17 PM on January 14, 2007

benign, the Benny Hill remix is awesome!

I agree, and I think brevity is the soul of wit in this case; the remix is but a fraction of the length of the original video. Maybe MTV has ruined me.
posted by blenderfish at 1:42 PM on January 14, 2007

While watching that, I had the exact thought that it really needed some Benny Hill music. The internet certainly provides.

It's surreal how perfect this guy's comic timing is, the insulation preceding his fall, the shopping cart, the smoking at the end, just spectacular.
posted by Durhey at 1:57 PM on January 14, 2007

Lupus: If he'd been really hurt, as in this video, it'd be a different matter.

WTF happened there? Did the kid hit by the door die? Did the bastard that got hit by a parked car die too?
posted by IronLizard at 3:03 PM on January 14, 2007

The interesting thing with Yakety Sax (particularly when combined with the speeding up of film or video footage) is that it can make anything hilarious EXCEPT Benny Hill.

Very strange.
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 4:07 PM on January 14, 2007

I like how, totally frustrated, he threw the bottle at the security camera.

And missed.
posted by dirigibleman at 4:25 PM on January 14, 2007