What's The Lesbian Doing In My Pirate Movie?
February 25, 2007 9:52 PM Subscribe
The 100 Worst Porn Movie Titles ! (NSFW, masturbating cartoon chihuahua)
"Airtight Granny". omg.
That'd make a great name for a band...
posted by BaxterG4 at 10:11 PM on February 25, 2007
That'd make a great name for a band...
posted by BaxterG4 at 10:11 PM on February 25, 2007
Thank you. Until now, I had seen the words "masturbating," "cartoon," and "chihuahua" only separately.
posted by cerebus19 at 10:12 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by cerebus19 at 10:12 PM on February 25, 2007
masturbating cartoon chihuahua
Meh, not as hot as Puppy Love.
posted by homunculus at 10:14 PM on February 25, 2007
Meh, not as hot as Puppy Love.
posted by homunculus at 10:14 PM on February 25, 2007
Awww, yeah. I stumbled on that site a while ago when I was doing research for this complicated carnal joke I wanted to tell. Jerk Your Cum Crayon and Color Me White fit my exact needs, and now I like to say it whenever I want to sound surprised.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 10:25 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 10:25 PM on February 25, 2007
I'm partial to "ASS-HOLE O MIO."
posted by changeling at 10:26 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by changeling at 10:26 PM on February 25, 2007
Some of those titles (and cartoons!) are atrocious, but I'd like to think that there is some creativity involved in naming them - I like that the FPP's title is "What's the Lesbian Doing in My Pirate Movie". Personally I'm partial to foreign film translations - Pam Anderson's "Barb Wire" translates to "Heavenly Orbs Of Womenhood Bigger Than Your Head May Kill You". Come to think of it, that could work for a porn movie, too.
posted by rmm at 10:37 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by rmm at 10:37 PM on February 25, 2007
ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON
That series has really gone downhill since #29.
posted by marxchivist at 10:51 PM on February 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
That series has really gone downhill since #29.
posted by marxchivist at 10:51 PM on February 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
THE SPLENDOR OF HELL
I won't watch anything that reminds me of my own sex life.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:55 PM on February 25, 2007
I won't watch anything that reminds me of my own sex life.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:55 PM on February 25, 2007
Also, I could have sworn that was a masturbating kangaroo...
posted by dirigibleman at 11:14 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by dirigibleman at 11:14 PM on February 25, 2007
I once worked for a porn company where part of my job was to help create banners for our affiliate network. The best piece of work we ever did featured the highly nuanced phrasing "Drugged out catholic schoolgirls getting assfucked". That was a proud day.
posted by autodidact at 11:27 PM on February 25, 2007
posted by autodidact at 11:27 PM on February 25, 2007
One of the subheadings for worst ever movie titles the author of the site uses is "Stop, It hurts!"
Is it just me, or is that a potential terrible porn movie title all by itself?
posted by Effigy2000 at 11:27 PM on February 25, 2007
Is it just me, or is that a potential terrible porn movie title all by itself?
posted by Effigy2000 at 11:27 PM on February 25, 2007
"Here are the 11884 matching titles"
This is going to be a long night...
posted by Loser at 11:32 PM on February 25, 2007
This is going to be a long night...
posted by Loser at 11:32 PM on February 25, 2007
E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLEMy first thought was, "There's a porn movie about Electronics Entertainment Expo and it has nothing to do with Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2?" Then the funny hit me.
posted by sequential at 11:46 PM on February 25, 2007
From Loser's link:
1,001 Ways To Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits and Gravy Edition
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa
posted by granted at 11:51 PM on February 25, 2007
1,001 Ways To Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits and Gravy Edition
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa
posted by granted at 11:51 PM on February 25, 2007
36. AMATEURS ONLY #131 - HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO TAKE Ah, Romance!
54. LET'S PLAY ANAL TWISTER - How about random orifice Yahtzee? Muff Merlin? Cooties?
66. ALL ANAL ON THE WESTERN FRONT I can't help but read 'anal' here in the 'control freak' sense. As in, someone who won't allow you to clean your foxhole without a regulation shovel (although that might be a sexy euphamism for something I'm completely unaware of)
76. SIRLOIN TITS Whoever wrote that has clearly never seen a woman outside of the Marvel Universe
67. HITLER SUCKS Godwin!
posted by maryh at 11:57 PM on February 25, 2007
54. LET'S PLAY ANAL TWISTER - How about random orifice Yahtzee? Muff Merlin? Cooties?
66. ALL ANAL ON THE WESTERN FRONT I can't help but read 'anal' here in the 'control freak' sense. As in, someone who won't allow you to clean your foxhole without a regulation shovel (although that might be a sexy euphamism for something I'm completely unaware of)
76. SIRLOIN TITS Whoever wrote that has clearly never seen a woman outside of the Marvel Universe
67. HITLER SUCKS Godwin!
posted by maryh at 11:57 PM on February 25, 2007
Nothing beats the "let's cram in the fetishes!" titles. My favourite is Black Teen Transsexual Nurses. Four fetishes, four words. Very economical.
They could have whacked a "Bubble-butt" in there, too, though. Then it would be perfect.
posted by Jilder at 11:57 PM on February 25, 2007
They could have whacked a "Bubble-butt" in there, too, though. Then it would be perfect.
posted by Jilder at 11:57 PM on February 25, 2007
In the special features for "A Dirty Shame," John Waters talks about sex acts like The Dirty Sanchez and The Rusty Trombone and how nobody really does those things, they're acts that don't really exist except as sexual urban legends.
Now, I may be lacking in the innuendo department or else I'm just too virginal and vanilla for these types of things, but can someone please 'splain to me what is meant by the porn title "Onion Planet?"
posted by Brittanie at 12:13 AM on February 26, 2007
Now, I may be lacking in the innuendo department or else I'm just too virginal and vanilla for these types of things, but can someone please 'splain to me what is meant by the porn title "Onion Planet?"
posted by Brittanie at 12:13 AM on February 26, 2007
A friend of mine (no, really!) had a tape whose title was:
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:38 AM on February 26, 2007
Ass Fuck #5: Asian ChicksTitle says all...
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:38 AM on February 26, 2007
porn title "Onion Planet?"Onion = Asshole. A picture that I wouldn't post here would make it obvious.
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:41 AM on February 26, 2007
Given today's news on girl-on-girl koala love, I predict "Koala Bare: Eucanlyct My Supial."
posted by rob511 at 12:54 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by rob511 at 12:54 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
I dunno, I kind of want to see "E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLE".
well, only kind of.
posted by hattifattener at 12:56 AM on February 26, 2007
well, only kind of.
posted by hattifattener at 12:56 AM on February 26, 2007
When I worked at Tower Video we rented out "Weapons of Ass Destruction" and its sequel, "Weapons of Ass Destruction II: Bunker Busters." Near as I could tell from the video boxes, neither had anything to do with justifications or (in the case of the later) tools of war.
posted by brundlefly at 1:11 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by brundlefly at 1:11 AM on February 26, 2007
Also, rob511, it took a few tries saying your porn title out loud, but it was worth it.
posted by brundlefly at 1:13 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by brundlefly at 1:13 AM on February 26, 2007
He's missed the one that David Foster Wallace mentions in his essay about the annual porn video awards:
Goo Goo Goo Drippin Out My Back Door
posted by Flashman at 1:15 AM on February 26, 2007
Goo Goo Goo Drippin Out My Back Door
posted by Flashman at 1:15 AM on February 26, 2007
If I ever film a porn movie, the title is going to be an epic 3-page dead baby joke.
posted by tehloki at 3:11 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by tehloki at 3:11 AM on February 26, 2007
Hippy, you led me to Google. Onion = ass, according to Urban Dictionary, not ass*hole*, although I'm now curious about this picture.
And what, no Jizzus is Coming?
posted by Brittanie at 3:55 AM on February 26, 2007
And what, no Jizzus is Coming?
posted by Brittanie at 3:55 AM on February 26, 2007
Hippy, you led me to Google. Onion = ass, according to Urban Dictionary, not ass*hole*, although I'm now curious about this picture.
OK, I admit I was going a bit (a lot) by visual memory and association -- struck me as obvious (if memory serves well) but I stand corrected then. Apologies for spreading unverified information.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:30 AM on February 26, 2007
OK, I admit I was going a bit (a lot) by visual memory and association -- struck me as obvious (if memory serves well) but I stand corrected then. Apologies for spreading unverified information.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:30 AM on February 26, 2007
Well, at least they were trying something outside the standard formula of ((ethnic group)(term for women)(orifice name)(sex act)) [1] that applies to most porn titles.
The best porn titles are parodies of normal movies though.
[1] Change order randomly.
posted by sotonohito at 5:32 AM on February 26, 2007
The best porn titles are parodies of normal movies though.
[1] Change order randomly.
posted by sotonohito at 5:32 AM on February 26, 2007
First I was all "okay, funny porn titles, meh" but as I progressed through the list, I was overcome with an unstoppable belly laugh at the human condition. Thanks for posting this.
(As someone who has spent countless hours playing "Pornify that title!" with bored friends, this post is right up my alley. Ooh, right up my alley indeed.)
Oh, and: WHAT'S THE LESBIAN DOING IN MY PIRATE MOVIE???
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:13 AM on February 26, 2007
(As someone who has spent countless hours playing "Pornify that title!" with bored friends, this post is right up my alley. Ooh, right up my alley indeed.)
Oh, and: WHAT'S THE LESBIAN DOING IN MY PIRATE MOVIE???
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:13 AM on February 26, 2007
Can't click the link, but I'm curious whether "Teenage Enema Nurses in Bondage" is in the list.
But only mildly curious.
posted by pax digita at 6:32 AM on February 26, 2007
But only mildly curious.
posted by pax digita at 6:32 AM on February 26, 2007
I disagree with #107. Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy is the BEST title ever.
posted by DonnieSticks at 6:54 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by DonnieSticks at 6:54 AM on February 26, 2007
" 3. CRACK WHORES OF AMERICA - Because nothing turns a guy on more than needle tracks and missing teeth."
But you don't use NEEDLES for crack, you SMOKE the shit. Mr. Rogers said so!
posted by davy at 7:55 AM on February 26, 2007
But you don't use NEEDLES for crack, you SMOKE the shit. Mr. Rogers said so!
posted by davy at 7:55 AM on February 26, 2007
I wonder if they're going to make Pam's Labyrinth?
posted by juiceCake at 8:07 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by juiceCake at 8:07 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
re: Onion = Ass
I think it has something to do with bringing tears to your eyes when you peel off the clothes. Or something.
posted by papakwanz at 8:15 AM on February 26, 2007
I think it has something to do with bringing tears to your eyes when you peel off the clothes. Or something.
posted by papakwanz at 8:15 AM on February 26, 2007
(Anyone got the list of titles that Randall ordered in Clerks...?)
posted by Webbster at 8:28 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by Webbster at 8:28 AM on February 26, 2007
" Gay is out because the titles always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable."
Where is AlexReynolds anyway?
posted by davy at 8:46 AM on February 26, 2007
Where is AlexReynolds anyway?
posted by davy at 8:46 AM on February 26, 2007
Please stop recommending :
a) Shaving Ryan's Privates - It's a gay film. As I said above, I did not include any gay titles because they always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable, and it would have doubled the number of titles I would have had to sort through. I am not gonna open the floodgates ...
I feel dumb... I couldn't wait to recommend it when I didn't see it there.
posted by meta x zen at 8:46 AM on February 26, 2007
a) Shaving Ryan's Privates - It's a gay film. As I said above, I did not include any gay titles because they always make me giggle or extremely uncomfortable, and it would have doubled the number of titles I would have had to sort through. I am not gonna open the floodgates ...
I feel dumb... I couldn't wait to recommend it when I didn't see it there.
posted by meta x zen at 8:46 AM on February 26, 2007
Is "Happy Scrappy Hero Pups" at the end of the list somewhere?
posted by drstein at 8:58 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by drstein at 8:58 AM on February 26, 2007
What, no "Titty-Titty Gang Bang"?
Indeed. And where, prithee, is "A Sale Of Two Titties"?
posted by pax digita at 9:14 AM on February 26, 2007
Indeed. And where, prithee, is "A Sale Of Two Titties"?
posted by pax digita at 9:14 AM on February 26, 2007
And what, no Jizzus is Coming?
Is there a sequel, "Jizzus 2: The Second Coming"? Because that would be awesome.
posted by Ndwright at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2007
Is there a sequel, "Jizzus 2: The Second Coming"? Because that would be awesome.
posted by Ndwright at 9:15 AM on February 26, 2007
We also play "Pornify that Title!" but One Fell Into the Poo-Poo's Nest is so...God I can't type I am laughing so hard.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:42 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:42 AM on February 26, 2007
MetaPron:
Cock Puppets
Your Favorite Pornstar Sucks
We Have Hidden Cameras
Mancakes
I Don't Just Blow
Know Who Else Fucked Eva Braun?
The SCIENCE of Sex
Of Course It Vibrates
[Deleted as ScatFilter]
WANT.
TO.
FUCK.
MATT?
I'm already feeling the commenter's regret.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:54 AM on February 26, 2007 [3 favorites]
Cock Puppets
Your Favorite Pornstar Sucks
We Have Hidden Cameras
Mancakes
I Don't Just Blow
Know Who Else Fucked Eva Braun?
The SCIENCE of Sex
Of Course It Vibrates
[Deleted as ScatFilter]
WANT.
TO.
FUCK.
MATT?
I'm already feeling the commenter's regret.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:54 AM on February 26, 2007 [3 favorites]
"Barb Wire" translates to "Heavenly Orbs Of Womenhood Bigger Than Your Head May Kill You".
Yeah, see, that one is sorta kinda totally made up, but the historical record has been soiled repeatedly.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:05 AM on February 26, 2007
Yeah, see, that one is sorta kinda totally made up, but the historical record has been soiled repeatedly.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:05 AM on February 26, 2007
I Want [More Inside]
Amitite?
[This Is Gooooood]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:10 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
Amitite?
[This Is Gooooood]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:10 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
I'll Cut Off My Right Hand (But After the Fisting)!
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:12 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 10:12 AM on February 26, 2007
Oh Alvy, that is brilliant.
HURF DURF BUTT EATER
administrator! please blow me!
--ButtFokken
I have a fist. In my ass.
Double Posted Drama Queens
And of course.... Plo Chops.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:52 AM on February 26, 2007
HURF DURF BUTT EATER
administrator! please blow me!
--ButtFokken
I have a fist. In my ass.
Double Posted Drama Queens
And of course.... Plo Chops.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 10:52 AM on February 26, 2007
[whore inside]
Hot male did it!
Bring on the Manhammer
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:09 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
Hot male did it!
Bring on the Manhammer
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:09 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]
(perhaps "administrator! please hump me!" would be better)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:10 AM on February 26, 2007
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 11:10 AM on February 26, 2007
Mushroom-Misidentifying Checkout Sluts 24: Is That A Portobello Up My Bum Or Are You Happy To Fuck Me?
Yes, You Can Have A Pony. [more inside]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:50 PM on February 26, 2007
Yes, You Can Have A Pony. [more inside]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:50 PM on February 26, 2007
The puns are great, sure, but I love the titles that are brutally straight-forward, like "AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I'M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE". I mean... wow. What else can you possibly add to that title? It's like a Mozart concerto. A single word added or removed would ruin it. I'm a brown shit-holed whore. Damn.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:11 PM on February 26, 2007
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:11 PM on February 26, 2007
What's the pirate movie doing in my lesbian?
posted by crashlanding at 2:56 PM on February 26, 2007
posted by crashlanding at 2:56 PM on February 26, 2007
Arse Metafilter.
posted by flabdablet at 6:08 PM on February 26, 2007
posted by flabdablet at 6:08 PM on February 26, 2007
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