Isotopically delicious!

March 26, 2007 3:44 PM

One burger, double neutrons, hold the quarks. Mikhail Shchepinov believes that eating food enhanced with more isotopes can lead to longer lives. What could go wrong?
posted by greatgefilte (21 comments total)

If becoming Spiderman is wrong, I don't want to be right
posted by saraswati at 3:48 PM on March 26, 2007

Sounds good. But how does it taste?
posted by Chinese Jet Pilot at 3:51 PM on March 26, 2007

So this neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bartender "How much?", to which the bartender replies: For you: no charge."
posted by ZenMasterThis at 3:51 PM on March 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the road, and one says "Shit, I lost an electron." The other asks "Are you sure?" "I'm *positive.*"

A p-bar walks into a bar and explodes.
posted by eriko at 3:53 PM on March 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

But how does it taste?

A little strange, at first, but it has a lot of charm.
posted by eriko at 3:54 PM on March 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

Corn has an unusually high proportion of C13 atoms. As of the last few decades, Americans eat obscene amounts of corn in various forms.

That corn-fed cow burger is now health food, I suppose.
posted by gurple at 3:56 PM on March 26, 2007

Arrrrg! The puns!

Addressing the post, I'm reminded of the radium craze of the previous century (read more here, thanks, cenoxo). Why can't we just eat, y'know, food?
posted by lekvar at 4:05 PM on March 26, 2007

Up And At Them!
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:16 PM on March 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

...'But if only a small proportion of the food hydrogen atoms are replaced by deuterium and only a small proportion of those leaked into the body, the resulting concentrations would be unlikely to cause any damage.'

Promising as that sounds,...

Wait. That sounds promising?

I think, perhaps, we're setting the bar a wee bit low these days.
posted by Malor at 4:28 PM on March 26, 2007

make love to me, drjimmy11
posted by papakwanz at 4:38 PM on March 26, 2007

What could go wrong?

There, I fixed that for you.
posted by revgeorge at 6:17 PM on March 26, 2007

The guys down at marketing will have their jobs cut out for them trying to think of a more consumer-friendly name for heavy water that doesn't sound fattening.
posted by Rhomboid at 6:43 PM on March 26, 2007

consumer-friendly name for heavy water

It's Neutralized™!
posted by eriko at 6:53 PM on March 26, 2007

It's radioactive weaponized food day on metafilter.
posted by ninjew at 6:55 PM on March 26, 2007

Ah, I see, Alexander Litvinenko was just a victim of a health food craze gone wrong.
posted by stevis23 at 8:42 PM on March 26, 2007

I've wondered why we don't irradiate food to preserve it. My chem instructor, back in the day, used to talk about how you'd be able to buy vacuum-wrapped irradiated steaks that weren't refrigerated but wouldn't spoil as long as the plastic retained its integrity.
posted by pax digita at 5:18 AM on March 27, 2007

We did that for awhile, pax. They used to have irradiated milk. But it always tasted a little funny, like it was on the edge of spoiling, and ultimately the 'don't nuke my food!' crowd won out and it was all taken off the shelves.
posted by Malor at 5:32 AM on March 27, 2007

pax digita - three reasons:
1. It may or may not reduce the food's nutritional value, by destroying some of the beneficial chemicals. Not sure what the latest scientific word on this is.
2. It may or may not create strange, possibly toxic compounds in the food. Not sure about this one either.
3. It gives food processors an excuse to care even less about contamination, refrigeration and proper storage. Imagine a slaughterhouse where bacteria are instantly killed at the end of the production line - 'Hey, we don't even have to hose the shit off the meat any more!'.

Anyway, the main post made me think of an article I read ages ago about radiation hormesis. Interesting stuff, although at the moment Wikipedia thinks it's discredited.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 5:44 AM on March 27, 2007

I got one!

Did you hear about the neutrino with a small oscillation angle that started using Axe deodorant?

Women were so attracted to him that he was being lepton at all occasions.

ok, it's horrible, but I felt left out
posted by greatgefilte at 6:06 AM on March 27, 2007

Doesn't deuterium disable many important biological compounds? I recall hearing that enzymes containing D had a slightly different 'shape' which impaired their function. (Experts, pls hope me!)
posted by ryanrs at 10:49 AM on March 27, 2007

If you replaced all the water someone was drinking with heavy water would that mess them up?
And how much weight would it make them gain?
posted by Iax at 5:56 PM on March 27, 2007