Building the House (zoom!) Advancing the Kindom (pow! zing!)

April 18, 2007 11:54 PM

New Birth Missionary Baptist Church is a megachurch located in Georgia and run by Bishop Eddie Long. Ho hum, you say? Well, check out their megaexciting website's flash intro. (flash, loud music, loud sound effects, awesomeness)
posted by zardoz (32 comments total)

Sweet! Their devotion to Jesus is so powerful that it just reached through the internet and gave me a seizure!
posted by crinklebat at 12:14 AM on April 19, 2007

That was pretty cool... I didn't quite grasp the controls though. How do I move my guy? And what do I use to shoot those zombies that were reaching out at me?
posted by the other side at 12:18 AM on April 19, 2007 [4 favorites]

Grand mal Christianity.
posted by phaedon at 12:20 AM on April 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wow! Did you wait until the whole thing loaded and then it switched to the awesome midi slow jam?
posted by Brittanie at 12:29 AM on April 19, 2007

Wow! SharperFX got all the cool church stuff - K & K Mime, AME, ICCM, etc.
posted by tellurian at 12:29 AM on April 19, 2007

Wow! I know!
posted by Brittanie at 12:32 AM on April 19, 2007

Sorry, double.
posted by Justinian at 12:33 AM on April 19, 2007

Wait — on the link to the double it says "New Birth Missionary Baptist in Texas" but on the church's website it says "All services held in Lithonia, GA."
posted by Brittanie at 12:37 AM on April 19, 2007

Did you wait until the whole thing loaded and then it switched to the awesome midi slow jam?

Yes, and Firefox stopped working in protest.
posted by greycap at 12:37 AM on April 19, 2007

Brittanie, that's how big the church is!
posted by Justinian at 12:41 AM on April 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

And God said, Let there be flash: and there was flash.
posted by SteveInMaine at 12:46 AM on April 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

that thing gave my browser seizures
posted by edgeways at 12:46 AM on April 19, 2007

WTF reminds that porn sites are always some heads forwards
posted by zouhair at 12:47 AM on April 19, 2007

All of this flashy nonsense. Give me good old fashioned snake handlers and speaking in tounges any day.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:51 AM on April 19, 2007

You know who else had mass rallies to advance the nation under eagle banners?
posted by Firas at 12:54 AM on April 19, 2007

COBRA!
posted by YoBananaBoy at 12:58 AM on April 19, 2007

Firas - Julis Caesar?
posted by Justinian at 12:59 AM on April 19, 2007

JULIAS even? Or maybe Augustus?
posted by Justinian at 12:59 AM on April 19, 2007

Sigh, one last time: Julius Caesar. Going to bed now, sleepie time.
posted by Justinian at 12:59 AM on April 19, 2007

HITLER.
posted by Firas at 1:03 AM on April 19, 2007

One of those sound effects almost sounds like Chewbacca.
posted by redteam at 1:07 AM on April 19, 2007

New Birth is right! Amid all the excitement I gave birth to a litter of puppies...at least, I hope that's where all the blood came from.
posted by aftermarketradio at 1:14 AM on April 19, 2007

You know who else had mass rallies to advance the nation under eagle banners?

The Tlingit
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 1:16 AM on April 19, 2007

At the end of the flash opener we find Reverend Eddie perfectly positioned behind First Lady Vanessa with a positively devilish look in his eye! Now, you know what's going on, dont'cha? Just below the camera viewfinder? Don't even tell me you don't know what's going on!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:23 AM on April 19, 2007

Our church is doing some rethinking of their web site's design....hmmm. On the other hand, there's a lot of folks around here still using dialup...
posted by pax digita at 2:56 AM on April 19, 2007

Eddie found the bottom of Vanessa's vagina.

24, featuring Bernie Mac and Vivica A. Fox as President and Mrs. Palmer?

Seriously, is it common in Baptist churches to have a preacher and a FIRST LADY?
posted by emelenjr at 3:14 AM on April 19, 2007

Ein Reich, Eine God, Eine Furher !

And you don'diss this lickety bling logo flash tang , bytch !
posted by elpapacito at 4:03 AM on April 19, 2007

lolxtians. Is "Bishop" this guy's first name?
posted by sidereal at 4:08 AM on April 19, 2007

Seriously, is it common in Baptist churches to have a preacher and a FIRST LADY?

In a lot of Protestant denominations, the pastor's spouse has a sort of informal "straw boss" role. The more mainstream and staid the church, the more subtly this role is expressed. Our two pastors' spouses are pretty under-the-radar, but then, my flavor doesn't tend to treat church leaders as minor celebrities.
posted by pax digita at 4:31 AM on April 19, 2007

a small, still voice is going to be awfully hard to hear there
posted by pyramid termite at 4:31 AM on April 19, 2007 [3 favorites]

Good morning, Mr. Christ ... Should you or any of your apostles be captured, the seminary will disavow any knowledge of your actions ... This hymnal will self-destruct in five seconds.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:40 AM on April 19, 2007 [2 favorites]

Is Eddie Long gay?
posted by The Straightener at 5:05 AM on April 19, 2007