I learned it from YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

May 1, 2007 3:41 PM

Illegal drugs. They can do strange things to people. For decades, public service announcements have warned us of their dangers. We've been lectured by Robocop! Whitney! Cavemen! Cops! TMNT! Pee Wee! Reagans! Legos! Sonny Bono! Even screaming hot dogs! Don't let drugs ruin the Now Generation. Whatever you do, don't listen to bad people and take the easy way out. 'Cuz seriously... drugs can make you really, really ugly. Mmmkay?
posted by miss lynnster (55 comments total)

JUST SAY NO TO ILLEGAL DRUGS

(brought to you by the good folks at Merck and Pfizer)
posted by Justinian at 3:49 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Youtube bukkake.
posted by [expletive deleted] at 3:50 PM on May 1, 2007

Alert! Meth prevents you from taking a shower.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:51 PM on May 1, 2007

I fucking love drugs.
posted by quarter waters and a bag of chips at 3:52 PM on May 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

PFDA has been so consistently tin eared it's really impressive in some respect. Like, if it came out that they were actually an absurdist theater troupe all along or something, it would be straight up fucking awesome. It would also make a lot more sense.

I remember being totally high and heavily dosed one night in college with a bunch of similarly drugged people watching TV. The screen went blank and silent just long enough for us to collectively squirm, and for my roommate to actually get up and attempt to check the wires on the box. Just as he got to the TV the words "Brought to you by the Partnership for a Drug Free America" flashed onscreen and we all fell the fuck out laughing. We were like, holy shit, how the fuck did they do that?

To this day we all swear to god that somehow the PFDA made and broadcasted this one message just for us, just to like, you know, totally fuck with us.
posted by The Straightener at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Alcohol is the match... marijuana is the flame... heroin is the fuse... and LSD is the bomb that blows your mind!

/just the facts maam
posted by grytpype at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2007

Of course drugs are evil. They make me point and laugh at fat people.
posted by jfuller at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2007

This post looks like somebody shot my screen with a shotgun of Youtube icons.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:56 PM on May 1, 2007

There were a few ifilm things too. But that aside... for the record, feel free to dislike something all you want but as a lady I'd appreciate it if you refrained from using the phrase "bukkake" for it. Thanks.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:57 PM on May 1, 2007

drugs can make you really, really ugly.

but they can make othe people look pretty.
posted by jonmc at 3:57 PM on May 1, 2007

*orders oogles of Ultram, Soma, codeine syrup, and phentermine from pharmacy in Spain*
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:57 PM on May 1, 2007

YouTubukakke

That just rolls off the tongue!

ewwwwwww
posted by eyeballkid at 4:00 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'd love to make a "Faces of Meth" video that showed a bunch of little kids taking Desoxyn and Adderall.
posted by Justinian at 4:04 PM on May 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

Pammy's on a Bummer is one of the greatest songs ever written.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:08 PM on May 1, 2007

That screaming hot dog one is incredible.
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 4:12 PM on May 1, 2007

"This is Frank Zappa saying, Don't do speed. Speed turns you into your parents."
posted by buriednexttoyou at 4:12 PM on May 1, 2007

Following the second link and watching Crispin Glover on acid really made my day. I can't say I've ever researched the dude much, but this explains to me why I never really saw him in anything between Back to the Future and Charlie's Angels.
posted by chudmonkey at 4:18 PM on May 1, 2007

Drug PSAs don't make me want to do drugs as much as seeing people on drugs makes me NOT want to do them.
posted by DU at 4:21 PM on May 1, 2007

The crystal meth "before" shots were enough to scare me straight.
posted by itchylick at 4:26 PM on May 1, 2007

When my kids were little, our schools bought into that whole D.A.R.E. bullshit. Fucking Officer Friendly scared my son so bad it was years before we could get him to so much as take a children's strength Tylenol, let alone any prescribed meds...like an antibiotic or whatever.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:34 PM on May 1, 2007

I just took some Baby Motrin.
I can fly, right?
posted by Dizzy at 4:50 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

talk about tip of the iceberg. crispin glover has one of the best wiki bios i've ever read, including a landmark legal victory against zemeckis and a mom with a crazy name.
posted by phaedon at 4:53 PM on May 1, 2007

If only refined sugar could be included here...
posted by chuckdarwin at 4:53 PM on May 1, 2007

Of course, this is my favorite anti-drug ad (from the film Harold & Kumar).
posted by timelord at 4:54 PM on May 1, 2007

I'm on the third floor.
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 4:55 PM on May 1, 2007

I was going to do a Crispin Hellion Glover post someday but instead I'll just throw some Glover freakiness in here for your viewing enjoyment...

Clowny Clown Clown
Ben
What it is and how it is done

Side note: my best friend in the mid-90s moved into Crispin's former penthouse apartment in Hollywood. Crispin had painted the floor, walls & ceiling black. He had an electric chair & on the walls were displays of eye deformities & diseases that he'd bought at a medical supply place or something. It was freaky.
posted by miss lynnster at 5:13 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

His midle name is Hellion? Seriously? That is teh awesome.
posted by jimmythefish at 5:16 PM on May 1, 2007

feel free to dislike something all you want but as a lady I'd appreciate it if you refrained from using the phrase "bukkake" for it

Yes. The correct term in this context is a Youtube Steamer. If there had been fewer links, it would have been a Youtube Sanchez.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:20 PM on May 1, 2007

But I can still get high with my Super Hero friends, right? MySpace video link. Absolutely no nudity but may be NSFW unless you work for NORML.
posted by mosk at 5:24 PM on May 1, 2007

The Crispin Glover clip cuts out too soon, it's missing the quick cut to a commercial followed by him just gone.
posted by StickyCarpet at 5:26 PM on May 1, 2007

I don't know who Crispin Glover is. But that was painful and fascinating to watch.
Could also be some serious mental problems.
posted by jouke at 5:27 PM on May 1, 2007

Whoever thinks that drugs affect your body the same just because they are in the same linguistic category is dangerously prone to the power of suggestion and should stay away from all drugs.
posted by Brian B. at 5:42 PM on May 1, 2007

Clowny Clown Clown is one of my favorite songs, ever. See what a cigar will do?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:45 PM on May 1, 2007

don't smoke milk
posted by Flood at 5:56 PM on May 1, 2007

Man, if all these folks are so excited about these illegal drugs, they must be awesome.
posted by caddis at 5:56 PM on May 1, 2007

Sooooooooooo.... besides the titles of some of the copies of the Crispin Glover links... what info is there that he was on acid during the Letterman appearance? He is a weird dude. I saw that when it aired the first time, and I think even Paul mentioned after the break that he thought it was performance art. And I believe Glover said the same thing on several occasions. Maybe acid would chill the dude out.

Oh, and that is a question not a snark... anyone have any further info? (And I apologize if it's buried in one of the other links. "Hi. I'm Crispin Glover. Look how acid fucked me up... :: Letterman clip :: Please kids... take your Ritalin. And your Adderall. But lay off the acid.)
posted by The Deej at 6:18 PM on May 1, 2007

Crispin Glover recorded an album. No link, just information. Seek it out at your own risk.
posted by Area Control at 6:25 PM on May 1, 2007

This just in: smoking marijuana makes you feel paranoid.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:37 PM on May 1, 2007

I think Rowan Atkinson has a suit for defamation of character.
posted by Dave Faris at 6:38 PM on May 1, 2007

I've got bongs older than you.
posted by Dizzy at 6:42 PM on May 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

He generally refuses to talk about it and will not confirm or deny that it was performance art. For what it's worth, in Clowny Clown Clown the Crispin from Letterman makes a cameo though. Here's a big long interview with him from a bit ago. When asked about Letterman, he basically shuts up.

Here's his current website, which he mostly uses to promote his movie trilogy. The first part is What Is It & the second part is It is Fine! Everything is Fine. He's also an equally creepy author.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:43 PM on May 1, 2007

/spoiler: aww, funny Mr. Beans at the end of the really really ugly.

The really really ugly vid was disturbingly mesmerizing. Meth is devastating. Interesting how the character in their faces seemed to change, not just pallor or skinniness but as if they became radically different people.
posted by nickyskye at 7:00 PM on May 1, 2007

That "Stop the Madness" video was so totally rad.
posted by aftermarketradio at 7:09 PM on May 1, 2007

Thanks for the interview link Miss L. And the post, of course.
posted by The Deej at 7:45 PM on May 1, 2007

It's funny that the soundtrack to the "screaming hot dogs" link has Western guitar instead of sitar.

Also - Wouldn't you choose someone to design the special effect who've actually had visual hallucinations instead of the immiscible-coloured-fluids-in-a-bag special effects guy?
posted by porpoise at 8:36 PM on May 1, 2007

what about some positive drug stories?
posted by brevator at 8:42 PM on May 1, 2007

Re: the Crispin Glover/Letterman interview....
As I understand it, he was appearing in character while psuedo-promoting a movie called "Rubin and Ed". You see how right before Letterman kicks him off, he does that high-kick-the-shoe thing? Same thing happens in the movie.
posted by now i'm piste at 8:55 PM on May 1, 2007

            \\//
        ⊂(@ @)⊃
—oOO— (_{_})— OOo—

Kilroy sez woe, dude!
posted by taosbat at 9:09 PM on May 1, 2007

Oh <insert-taboo-ed-bodily-function> Steven C. Den Beste - "This just in: smoking marijuana makes you feel paranoid."

That's as horrible (well, not really) a piece of "science reporting" that I've ever seen.

Journalists should be made to reference their source material.
posted by porpoise at 9:33 PM on May 1, 2007

By the way, here was Crispin's return to Letterman. Basically he tries to say that last time it wasn't him, it was a guy named "Ruben"... but Dave won't let him finish after a while. And then they talk about Clowny Clown Clown.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:54 PM on May 1, 2007

their faces seemed to change, not just pallor or skinniness but as if they became radically different people.

I dunno, judging by that video it looks to me like meth causes you to grow a beard, not comb your hair, and occasionally fall down the stairs.
posted by deadcowdan at 4:25 AM on May 2, 2007

Those sores are called "crank bugs" (scroll down). Meth users tend to scratch at their skin because they think there are bugs crawling under it.
posted by miss lynnster at 7:55 AM on May 2, 2007

Use drugs for awhile then put them away after you've learned a few things. Is this so difficult?

Burhanistan, I understand that the whole "drugs are for kids" thing has some popular support, but if you aren't still using at least occassionally into middle and old age I think you might want to reconsider your priorities:

-do you feel that drugs have taught you everything they can?
-is there something in your life that is getting in the way of ongoing drug use?
-have you not yet found the right mix / frequency of drugs to suit your lifestyle?

Drugs aren't just for kids! All the best to you in the future.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:10 AM on May 2, 2007 [4 favorites]

I dunno, judging by that video it looks to me like meth causes you to grow a beard, not comb your hair, and occasionally fall down the stairs.

Damn, someone must be spiking me. I'd attributed it to middle age (giving up on appearances) and bad knees (falling down the fecking stairs).
posted by twistedonion at 9:26 AM on May 2, 2007

I don't know, a lot of them looked pretty bad in the "before" pictures.
posted by Mental Wimp at 3:56 PM on May 2, 2007