Lets Talk About (lack of) Sex

September 26, 2007 4:42 PM

Americans Not Making Time for Making Love according to Durex® [note: PR and attendant conflicts]. "Americans are having a lot less sex than just about everyone else in the world, and when they do, less than half are fully satisfied." Also from the 2007/2008 Durex® Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey: Where is sex safer?
posted by kliuless (41 comments total)

I no longer need to have sex now that we have taught robots to do it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:46 PM on September 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

Perhaps this will help?
posted by oddman at 4:48 PM on September 26, 2007

Why is Poland listed twice on the chart, at 76% and 62% ?
posted by desjardins at 4:49 PM on September 26, 2007

Dear America,

Make Love, not war.

thanks
the rest of the World.
posted by sien at 4:51 PM on September 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

We're all wearing the blue dress now.
posted by Poolio at 4:52 PM on September 26, 2007

Americans Not Making Time for Making Love

Maybe their making love to your old lady while you're out making love.
posted by jonmc at 4:52 PM on September 26, 2007

"less than half are fully satisfied"

Heh. Business hours are over.
posted by Wood at 4:55 PM on September 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

More busting ass than getting ass is going on, apparently.

I’m sorry, 88% of Americans have masturbated at some time?
Wha-hut?
12 percent, that’s 36-odd million people who have never masterbated? Don’t they have the internet? Do they just not care for it? It’s not like smoking or something. I wonder if that corrolates with the # of folks with prostate cancer?
posted by Smedleyman at 5:00 PM on September 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Why is Poland listed twice on the chart, at 76% and 62% ?"
*supreme act of will to ignore set up for cheap laff*
posted by Smedleyman at 5:01 PM on September 26, 2007

Maybe Poland forgot itself.
posted by jonmc at 5:03 PM on September 26, 2007

Ah, but does it correlate with this?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:03 PM on September 26, 2007

Being the World's Superpower isn't all it's cracked up to be, now, is it? Nobody asked me, but if going into debt, letting my bridges fall apart, taking more antidepressants, watching my networks of friends and relatives deteriorate, working more, and, on top of it all, having way less sex (oh...right, we get to have porn instead...and even that is getting less sexy and more degrading...see last weeks blognews) is the price we have had to pay, I would have gladly settled for being number ten or something.

This American Life (the life, not the show), is not a bowl of roses, a bed of cherries, a never-ending blissful dream. Sorry about that. I know television made different promises. Turns out drinking Pepsi doesn't help us get laid after all.
posted by kozad at 5:04 PM on September 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Sorry, this one is probably clearer
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:05 PM on September 26, 2007

too much preaching, not enough lovin
posted by edgeways at 5:05 PM on September 26, 2007

I like how that chart shows America as Free and Canada as "Mostly Free". WTF?
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:05 PM on September 26, 2007

Oh, you know, it's like one of those inclusion-exclusion problems mashed up with a Raymond Smullyan logic puzzle.... "88% of Americans claim they have masturbated at some time, and 35% of Americans are known to be liars. Every American is either a masturbator, a liar, or a psychotic. Psychotics tell the truth exactly one time per every three questions. If a second poll reveals that 42% of Americans claim they did not previously claim to be masturbators, and an even 60% claim that they are not liars, then..."
posted by Wolfdog at 5:05 PM on September 26, 2007

Every American is either a masturbator, a liar, or a psychotic.

*thinks of old joke about Rageddy Ann & Pinocchio*
posted by jonmc at 5:13 PM on September 26, 2007

Undoubtedly, this is due to the problem of homosexuality in the US. For instance, nations like Iran have no homosexuals, and their sexual activity has never been better.
posted by Krrrlson at 5:22 PM on September 26, 2007

I blame Courtney Love.
posted by stinkycheese at 5:32 PM on September 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Changed expectations would be part of it surely. Gone are the days when a swift knee-trembler in the alley out back of the pub would set you right. Now, if you're not engaged in a live reenactment of the Kama Sutra with a supermodel, you think you're somehow not getting your due.
posted by Abiezer at 5:45 PM on September 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

You'd think four seconds a day wouldn't be too much to ask, although that wouldn't make much of a dent in the "less than half are fully satisfied" finding.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:47 PM on September 26, 2007

Every American is either a masturbator, a liar, or a psychotic.

*thinks of old joke about Rageddy Ann & Pinocchio*

*places jonmc in the 'psychotic' basket*
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:49 PM on September 26, 2007

I blame Courtney Love.

Aww, man! Not cool. I was totally jacking it to this thread and you had to go and bring her up. It's going to take me hours to purge her from my brain so I can get back to it.

Bastard.
posted by quin at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2007

Every American is either a masturbator, a liar, or a psychotic.

I DONT HAVW TO PICK YOU FUCKIG WOP IM A COMBAT VET

/onehanded untrue rant
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:11 PM on September 26, 2007

You can spend all your time making money
You can spend all your love making time
posted by amyms at 6:48 PM on September 26, 2007

What's it all about
Pussy and money
I ain't tryin to be cute
I ain't tryin to be funny
Everybody lies about
Pussy and money
It's always gonna be that way...
posted by jonmc at 7:05 PM on September 26, 2007

Pope Guilty writes "I like how that chart shows America as Free and Canada as 'Mostly Free'. WTF?"

Well you know, we aren't free to buy automatic weapons. And we aren't free to die because we don't have health insurance. That kind of thing.
posted by Mitheral at 7:05 PM on September 26, 2007

See.

This proves all that abstinence edumacation is working.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 7:09 PM on September 26, 2007

I useta get lotsa nookie.

But I kept jumping up out of bed right after my orgasm to check my stock portfolio on my iPhone.

The ladies stopped returning my calls. For some bizarre reason or another.
posted by jason's_planet at 8:31 PM on September 26, 2007

But I kept jumping up out of bed right after my orgasm to check my stock portfolio on my iPhone.

Hits a little too close to home...
posted by sourwookie at 8:47 PM on September 26, 2007

As someone with absolutely no romantic ability whatsoever, I have only this to say:

Ha! Schadenfreude!
posted by Mitrovarr at 9:36 PM on September 26, 2007

I am not sure about surveys like this, how credible they are and all that.

That said, wtf Canadians? This just goes to show Canada is some kind of weird fantasy land. I doubt that it's as good as people make it out to be but all I've read that mentions Canada places it in a healthier happier, and now sexier place than here.


also: more sex is more good.
posted by apfel at 9:54 PM on September 26, 2007

I would offer advice to you all on how to get more satisfying sex... but I would risk being called a hypocrite if I hadn't actually slept with you all first.

If I have to I am willing to rectify that last part.
posted by tkchrist at 10:09 PM on September 26, 2007

If I have to I am willing to rectumify that last part.

there, erected that for you.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:24 PM on September 26, 2007

I would risk being called a hypocrite if I hadn't actually slept with you all first.

They're holding out on you, tkchrist. They all did it with me.

Also, wtf is going on in Canada? The average man has 23 partners. The average woman has just 10. Some serious AC/DC shit happening on the down-low up in the frozen north, obviously.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:02 PM on September 26, 2007

Obviously, the Canadians are crossing the border & scoring with all the American women, who are getting sweet fuck all from their men.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:14 PM on September 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Obviously, the Canadians are crossing the border & scoring with all the American women, who are getting sweet fuck all from their men.

Um... no comment.
posted by blacklite at 11:22 PM on September 26, 2007

MetaFilter: masturbators, liars, or psychotics.

(sorry)
posted by lenny70 at 12:24 AM on September 27, 2007

12 percent, that’s 36-odd million people who have never masterbated?

I'm pretty that is the number of americans who are unarmed.
posted by srboisvert at 1:24 AM on September 27, 2007

Also, wtf is going on in Canada? The average man has 23 partners. The average woman has just 10. Some serious AC/DC shit happening on the down-low up in the frozen north, obviously.

If you graph Canadian hockey teams migrating out of the country over time, and hot M2M action over time, the resulting relationship can be described as mathematically "inverse", or, to quote Nobel Prize-losing economist and noted homosexual John Maynard Keynes, "long-distance" or "pining from afar".
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:36 AM on September 27, 2007

We'd make more love, but it's crunch-time at the office again. I promise...next month will be different.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:40 AM on September 27, 2007