Cheese Crust Pizza

September 29, 2007 11:34 AM

Des Moines radio personality Van Harden had a bad lawnmower accident. After surgery, he couldn't stand the taste of bread. The Van Harden Cheese-Based Crust Pizza was born. Curious? He'll pack one in dry ice and ship it to you.
posted by TrialByMedia (24 comments total)

Associating a "bad lawnmower accident" with his cheese-based pizza is probably not a good marketing idea. Halfway through reading the sentence I thought he was going to ship one of his severed limbs or something.
posted by JaySunSee at 11:46 AM on September 29, 2007

I totally agree that Van Harden really was soo much cheesier after David Lee Roth got kicked out of the band, but I had no idea that it was the result of a lawnmower accident. Wait... what?
posted by psmealey at 12:10 PM on September 29, 2007 [4 favorites]

Your shipment will be sent via UPS Two Day Air. Your pizzas will be packed in an
insulated box with dry ice, to insure your pizzas arrive frozen.

3 Pizzas - one each - Pepperoni, Sausage & Cheese
$29.97 + $49.95 SH

So is this the "Jewel Encrusted Bottle Of Water" answer to Domino's Delivery?
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:17 PM on September 29, 2007 [2 favorites]

Note also that Van and cohost Bonnie were the inspiration for Des Moines dairy company Anderson Erickson's Van and Bon-Bon flavor:

Van and BonBon was named for WHO Radio DJ’s Van and Bonnie, and starts with Homemade Vanilla that has five different types of bonbons mixed in, along with a swirl of rich fudge.

As an Iowan, I'm shuddering at the negative stereotype. First Hoover destroys the economy, now Van destroys pizza.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 12:23 PM on September 29, 2007

"Wit' nuttin'?"
posted by Flunkie at 12:27 PM on September 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

No I'm not curious, and get your damn lawnmower off my porch you no bread loving cheese eater.

nice post btw
posted by nola at 12:27 PM on September 29, 2007

Van created a crust that resembled a bread crust, and was similar in consistency, yet was made completely of cheese.

Completely of cheese, my friends. The holy culinary grail.
posted by Nelson at 12:40 PM on September 29, 2007 [3 favorites]

Completely of cheese, my friends. The holy culinary grail.

Not unless it also involves Bacon Salt somehow, it isn't.
posted by tristeza at 12:44 PM on September 29, 2007

I'm waiting for the bacon crust pizza, myself. People on Atkins, thank me later.
posted by SassHat at 12:47 PM on September 29, 2007

In the process of stopping the mower from falling, his foot got caught underneath and a large part of his heel was sliced off.

What body part do I have to lose to stop liking the internet?

I'm guessing it isn't my brain.
posted by fleetmouse at 1:05 PM on September 29, 2007

So is this the "Jewel Encrusted Bottle Of Water" answer to Domino's Delivery?

Perhaps the dry ice shipping is the reason why it costs so much?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:15 PM on September 29, 2007

This reminds me of the Chupaqueso, a 'cheese-filled thingy in a shell of fried cheese', that originated as a joke in the Schlock Mercenary webcomic and was turned into a real food thingy by Schlock's cartoonist and got its own blog (co-written by "The Tron Guy"). Interestingly, the last Chupaqueso Blog update, six months ago, was about Van Harden's.

And I'm surprised nobody here has come up with the obvious pun: "Van Hardening-of-the-Arteries".
posted by wendell at 2:20 PM on September 29, 2007

Since we're shilling for an idiot, let me point you to the day teller. The device that does exactly what is claims to. Van Harden "invented" that as well.

Van Harden is this guy's boss: Jan Mickelson and why he keeps letting that ass have a show I won't understand. Mickelson's an Iowa grown facist. Think Limbaugh, but with less reasoned arguments.

Must be nice to have a job @ Clean Channel that lets you talk about all the crap your selling.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:59 PM on September 29, 2007

I knew as soon as I posted this that somebody would accuse me of "shilling." Whatever. I found the idea of a crustless pizza with a story about a lawnmower accident printed on the package absolutely hilarious. I guess if you want to let it ruin your day, I can't stop you. As far as Mickelson goes, he is an idiot that apparently brings in enough ad revenue to justify his existence.
posted by TrialByMedia at 3:13 PM on September 29, 2007

Van Harden's pizzas were great before Sammy Hagar showed up.

yet was made completely of cheese

Can you get it with extra cheese?
posted by kirkaracha at 3:49 PM on September 29, 2007

This guy makes me think of that sleazy character in movies and teevee that is all smarmy and sweaty, but thinks he's gods gift to women. When he finally gets a woman to meet him at a cheap hotel for an assignation, he ruins the deal by bringing Andre Brut, and incessantly talks about himself and how he invented the cheese crust pizza. In the midst of talking of himself the woman ups and leaves, and he doesn't notice 'cause he's left with the person he loves the most: himself.
posted by Eekacat at 3:53 PM on September 29, 2007

Low-carber's have been making cheese crust pizzas for years now. Also, a handful of grated cheddar cheese, melted in a dry, non-stick pan, then cooled, make great low-carb taco shells!
posted by melorama at 4:14 PM on September 29, 2007

I've no idea whether his cheese crust pizza is good or not, and I'm sure I'm never likely to find out, but when he's not eating pizza, Van Hardon looks like a man who is partial to a couple of slices of Meth and Man Ass.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:40 PM on September 29, 2007

PeterMcDermott: I thought meth addicts were skinny.

And TrialByMedia I don't mind the shilling, I'm not calling you out for that, but rather for giving more attention to this man. You didn't ruin my day, but Van Harden often does. He's why I am a refuge to the AM side of the dial. btw, I see I live about 15 miles from you.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:34 PM on September 29, 2007

Corn meal-crust pizza is good. Better than bread crust IMO.
posted by stbalbach at 7:36 PM on September 29, 2007

I got a sliver in my finger once and afterwards could no longer stand the music of Bach.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:32 PM on September 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

I suffered a bread making accident and afterward could no longer stand the chore of lawnmowing.

Well, it's what I told my husband, anyway.
posted by maryh at 9:46 PM on September 29, 2007

This reminds me. I have to mow the lawn tomorrow. Crap.

"If you're not a fan of overwhelming cheese (or extra fat calories), slowly step away from Van Harden's pizza."

*slowly steps away and reaches for a crucifix*

Okay let's back up a parsec, Chewie. The lawnmower cut off the guy's FOOT, and from then on, he couldn't stand the taste of bread. Now maybe if there had been some damage to his brain, I'd buy this story. Losing a foot would not make someone stop craving pizza dough.

Oh wait. He spent three weeks in the hospital. Eating hospital food. Now it makes sense. Frankly I'm surprised no one loses their appetite forever after an overnight stay.
posted by ZachsMind at 3:25 PM on September 30, 2007

For his next invention he'll wrap it in bacon, deep-fry it and serve it with a butter sauce.
posted by webnrrd2k at 9:52 AM on October 1, 2007