Ee-ee! Ee-ee! (Something slimy for you, my slimy darling.)

December 5, 2007 5:11 PM

Some dolphins are easy and some are murderous rapists, but all of them are into the nookie. Amazon River Dolphins are the casanovas of the cetacean order, practised in selecting the finest mud glops or algae for that special cow.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur (14 comments total)

There's a hilarious scene in a Carl Hiaasen book in which the antagonist is held underwater by a horny dolphin until he drowns, as the character puts it in his dying thought, "fucked to death by a fish."

Wow, on preview that doesn't sound funny at all. But Carl Hiaasen makes it funny. I swear.
posted by dersins at 5:25 PM on December 5, 2007

Tangentially.
posted by meehawl at 5:39 PM on December 5, 2007

I have been involved in dolphin studies and research for over two decades, and I work full-time as a marine researcher, but I have only very rarely heard of any dolphin (other than the black and white Hour-glass Dolphin) referred to as a "cow."

This is a strange fpp. Noteworthy bit prefaced by newsfluffer.
posted by humannaire at 5:49 PM on December 5, 2007

humanniare, is there another term for a female dolphin?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:50 PM on December 5, 2007

dolphiness.
posted by empath at 5:59 PM on December 5, 2007

I was told by a river guide in the Amazon that the indigenous people of the Amazon never hunted or ate river dolphins because they viewed them as people. The legend was that a dolphin would come on to land in the evening, become a human, always a dashing male with a quick wit and handsome face, seduce a young woman and in the morning, return to the river. So if a young woman was seduced and impregnated by a lothario who left the village the next day, they believed it was a dolphin. Not sure the validity of that story, but thought it was interesting.
posted by billysumday at 6:15 PM on December 5, 2007

I've worked with some of the most experienced dolphin watchers in the world and they referred to mother and child dolphin pairs as "Cow/calf".

The also told me the Amazonian river dolphins in captivity were known to fuck each others blow holes.
posted by afu at 6:50 PM on December 5, 2007

Jebus, even Hank Hill was molested by a dolphin...
posted by Tube at 7:28 PM on December 5, 2007

I knew a young lady in the Amazon region who claimed that her aunt was seduced and impregnated by a dolphin; her child was borne with flippers. The young women were told to stay out of the water when they were menstruating, as that would attract the dolphins.

An interesting inverse of the typical Brazilian dolphin story - in Porto do Moz, a small town on the River Xingu, there was a pink river dolphin that frequented the docks. And it was said that during festas, she would emerge from the water in the form of a beautiful woman of long blond hair. After flirting and dancing with men she would disappear and return to the muddy water. The pink dolphin became the symbol of the town. Then one day, for reasons no one could explain, a young man borne out of youthful boredom or perhaps jilted love, captured and killed the pink dolphin. The police apprehended him and led him away, but to no avail as there would be no return of the dolphin or the women, and the town mourned.

(But magic and mystique continue to thrive, like the time the townspeople captured and killed the bankrobbers, the child who was born under the curse of the monkey, and the women-child who was captured and lived with the Indians for 40 years.)
posted by iamck at 8:03 PM on December 5, 2007

I swam with pink bottlenose dolphins in Novo Airão, in the Rio Negro. Fantastic experience.

The dolphin sexual mystique is prevalent in the amazon, and often unexpected pregnancies are blamed on dolphins...
posted by ig at 8:17 PM on December 5, 2007

I haven't heard anyone use the term "dork" in reference to a penis since the 5th grade. That nookie link uses it so pervasively that I can only assume that it's an accepted marine biological science word. Which makes sense, seeing as how 98% of the girls I knew in the fifth grade listed Marine Biologist and/or veterinarian as their desired adult profession.
posted by billyfleetwood at 9:37 PM on December 5, 2007

For those of you discussing the shapeshifting Boto river dolphin of the amazon - the creature you are talking about is called the Encantado.
posted by longbaugh at 5:01 AM on December 6, 2007

Oh man, dolphins are gangsta! And they're really smart too!

and if they every hooked up with the bonobos...
posted by fuse theorem at 5:42 AM on December 6, 2007

Maybe we use "dork" because of its marine origin...
posted by borborygmi at 7:27 AM on December 6, 2007