Silicon implants for your Tattoo

December 26, 2007 9:43 AM

Any idiot can tattoo a busty woman on his flesh. It takes committment to give your tattoo silicon implants.
posted by jonson (83 comments total)

So, this idiot has been committed?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:46 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

So... many... jokes... about commitment and idiocy...
posted by ORthey at 9:48 AM on December 26, 2007

How long until some drunken idiot "friend" of his punches him there?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:51 AM on December 26, 2007

Another thing to add to the list of "Things that "women-loving" men do that actually just creeps women the Hell out."
posted by miss lynnster at 9:53 AM on December 26, 2007 [9 favorites]

This will make some horny boob loving small dog happy.
posted by srboisvert at 9:53 AM on December 26, 2007 [7 favorites]

I really can't wait to send this to my dad.*

*This statement doesn't necessarily bode well for a post's reception on MetaFilter.
posted by hermitosis at 9:54 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

How long until some drunken idiot "friend" of his punches him there?

Or gives him an arm-hickey?
posted by hermitosis at 9:55 AM on December 26, 2007

Er, my mistake, it's a leg. Think I'm going to go get some fresh air...
posted by hermitosis at 9:56 AM on December 26, 2007

Oh is that what women look like!
posted by shakespeherian at 9:57 AM on December 26, 2007

Buy a Barbie.
posted by DU at 9:57 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

While I'm glad to see that the kid from Pete and Pete is alive, he probably needs help.
posted by Stan Chin at 9:58 AM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Any idiot can tattoo a jonson on his flesh. It takes committment to give your tattoo silicon implants.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:58 AM on December 26, 2007

There was a New Yorker cartoon a while back called "The subtext of every tattoo," and it was a tattoo that read "Ask me about my parent's divorce."

This tattoo has an entirely different subtext. To me, it says "I'm the kind of guy who thinks I'm cool because the girls at the strip club know my name."
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:59 AM on December 26, 2007 [24 favorites]

The best thing is that when he flexes, they jiggle!
posted by drezdn at 10:02 AM on December 26, 2007

This tattoo has an entirely different subtext.

This is the tattoo that looks to tattoo fans the way regular tattoos look to straights.
posted by DU at 10:04 AM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Let's hope that this is the swill at the bottom of the glass that is 2007, rather than the frosty head that is the first sip of 2008. Sigh.
posted by scblackman at 10:05 AM on December 26, 2007 [7 favorites]

Huh. I thought that implants were on the way out... that even the gomers were going for big naturals these days.
posted by psmealey at 10:20 AM on December 26, 2007

Word at the hospital was that the new patient had his name "Joe" tattooed on his dick. The nurses were having a good laugh at this until one day a nurse who was attending Joe came into the break room with her eyes wide. The other nurses asked her what had happened. She said, "I was giving Joe a sponge bath when he became excited and started to enlarge."
"So what's the big deal?"
"His tattoo didn't say Joe. It said, 'Wine & Dine at Joe's Bar & Grill, Talahassee Florida.' "
posted by growabrain at 10:22 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

The best thing about a leg-titty is that you can use a tubesock for a tube-top.
posted by ColdChef at 10:24 AM on December 26, 2007 [8 favorites]

A stripper cowgirl with 3d boobs! Awesome!

...is probably what I would say as I backed away in horror.

On the plus side it's more Heavy Metal than Anime, so at least it's old school.
posted by Artw at 10:25 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

This is the tattoo that looks to tattoo fans the way regular tattoos look to straights.


Nope. No difference. Sorry.
posted by wfc123 at 10:27 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

what, no nipple piercings?

If i saw this guy, i would just think he had a couple of huge cysts on his leg, and instead of getting them removed, decided to get a tattoo to excentuate them.
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 10:27 AM on December 26, 2007 [7 favorites]

Things like this is why I keep coming back here!
posted by Mastercheddaar at 10:29 AM on December 26, 2007

This sounds like a fabulous way to accessorize an unsightly tumor!
posted by maryh at 10:30 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

ew.
posted by donovan at 10:34 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

If you thought you didn't want to date him before....
posted by shakespeherian at 10:34 AM on December 26, 2007

Kissin' cousins?
posted by cortex at 10:34 AM on December 26, 2007

Gives a whole new meaning to man boobs.
posted by 45moore45 at 10:35 AM on December 26, 2007

I wanna get something like this in braille accross my chest which says: If you are reading this, I got you to run your hands across my naked body. Ha Ha, I win.

I mean, if you are going to go with tiny silicone implants, at least make them useful.
posted by quin at 10:35 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Please do not combine with zit popping thread.
posted by fleacircus at 10:36 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

This guy reminds me of the guys decked out head to foot in sports logo team outfits. They might think they are attracting women, but really, they are attracting other guys. Guys who want to fondle your leg. Ew.
posted by 45moore45 at 10:37 AM on December 26, 2007

Big, hairy deal. I can't figure out if this woman has no feet, or just one big one.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:37 AM on December 26, 2007

Others have commitment to...

irony.
posted by thanatogenous at 10:39 AM on December 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

irony.
posted by thanatogenous

On top of everything else, it appears that the text is backwards.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:41 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

All right, thanatogenous, that's actually a great tattoo.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:45 AM on December 26, 2007

The musical notes flying from the guitar are missing, though. WTF.

The bad tattoo story I will never get tired of telling: dude has a pair of dice, one showing a six, the other die showing a one. Underneath in gothic script:

"SNAKE EYES"
posted by cortex at 10:50 AM on December 26, 2007 [8 favorites]

This is pretty ridiculous, but even moreso because the tattoo in question isn't that good. It looks like bad comic book style. The silicon doesn't help. I thought these modern tattoo aficionados were primarily punk and post-punk. What's up with the '80s-style rocker tat on a guy with gauges?

Fuzzy dice on the rear view mirror would complete the package.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:56 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is just icing on the flaming cake that is RomeUSA.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:00 AM on December 26, 2007

growabrain, in real life, that story might have a different ending.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:03 AM on December 26, 2007

WELCOME TO JAMAICA, MON. HAVE A NICE DAY
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:05 AM on December 26, 2007 [5 favorites]

I wonder how it feels to run your hand over that guy's leg. I have a condition that gives me lumps on my shins every now and then and I hate running my hands over my own legs and feeling that bump. To do that to yourself on purpose? Ick.

But I do not pretend to understand what drives most body modders.
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:10 AM on December 26, 2007

Big, hairy deal. I can't figure out if this woman has no feet, or just one big one.

Maybe Rob Liefeld did the original tat.
posted by cog_nate at 11:12 AM on December 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

That was excellent thanatogenous.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend about the most manly tattoo ever: It's a bald eagle, smoking a cigar and wearing an eyepatch, in one talon it's holding an American flag, and in the other it's carrying a dead pig which is bleeding into the smokestacks of a battleship. The cannons of the battleship are all firing and it's dropping it's anchor, and a pennant across the chain says "Mom".

And lest we forgot anything, we concluded with the caveat: "And it would have guns, and jets, and half naked chicks drinking booze."

This would be all tattooed onto your chest, naturally. Unfortunately, thus far, we have not seen anyone take us up on this concept.
posted by quin at 11:14 AM on December 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

I can't wait to get my next tattoo of a super awesome Viking riding a sun glasses-wearing unicorn across a rainbow bridge while playing a fucking sweet electric guitar. That will really show people I mean business.
posted by baphomet at 11:14 AM on December 26, 2007

I do not pretend to understand what drives most body modders.

They hate their parents?
posted by grouse at 11:14 AM on December 26, 2007

cog_nate writes "Maybe Rob Liefeld did the original tat."

That's funny, but it really does look like his style.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:29 AM on December 26, 2007

OMG, that's my tattoo, Baphomet! We'd be badass twinsies!
posted by doubtful_guest at 11:36 AM on December 26, 2007

This gentleman likes your tattoo and wants you to press it up against the safety glass so he can get a better look...
posted by kurtroehl at 11:38 AM on December 26, 2007

I do not pretend to understand what drives most body modders.
They hate their parents?

Ah. Such thorough and excellent work in the field of human psychology. When does your Nobel Prize arrive?
posted by psmealey at 11:46 AM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

my only complaint about the bowser tatoo, is that bowser wasnt even in SMB:2 in the US.

Unless they were talking about the Japanese version... But then the final iteration looks more like bowser from Mario64...

Sorry.
posted by subaruwrx at 11:51 AM on December 26, 2007

Judging from the pic, those aren't implants, but injections, similar to what's used in lip-augmentation for women (Safe for work). Still a costly proceedure to consider, when this guy could've bought himself a Steve-O t-shirt.
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:56 AM on December 26, 2007

is that bowser wasnt even in SMB:2 in the US.

I believe that was the intent. A little fan service for the nerdlingers in the audience, a little soupcon of advanced-math Nintendory to top it all off.
posted by cortex at 11:57 AM on December 26, 2007

When does your Nobel Prize arrive?

There's not a Nobel Prize in psychology.
posted by grouse at 12:00 PM on December 26, 2007

Judging from the pic, those aren't implants, but injections

Nope, they're carved silicone.

Injected silicone does horrible things to the body and collagen would just be reabsorbed after a while.
posted by mikesch at 12:08 PM on December 26, 2007

Smart Dalek writes "Judging from the pic, those aren't implants, but injections"

If that's the case, why would it be necessary to cut him open like that?
posted by krinklyfig at 12:32 PM on December 26, 2007

The irony being that Jordan has just had hers reduced...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:50 PM on December 26, 2007

DO

NOT

WANT
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:00 PM on December 26, 2007

Not impressed by the sutures.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 1:06 PM on December 26, 2007

There are some astounding ones here. (A few NSFW)
posted by miss lynnster at 2:08 PM on December 26, 2007

Hairy Bin Laden tattoo. SFW
posted by miss lynnster at 2:13 PM on December 26, 2007

I think we have an answer to the question.
posted by Dave Faris at 2:48 PM on December 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

I dunno miss lynnster, I think that Mr Ice Cool is pretty rockin.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:09 PM on December 26, 2007

That's Mr. COOL ICE to you!
posted by miss lynnster at 3:37 PM on December 26, 2007

Doh.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:39 PM on December 26, 2007

What's the exact polar opposite of awesome? I need to learn that word for times like these.
posted by Deathalicious at 4:45 PM on December 26, 2007

Another thing to add to the list of "Things that "women-loving" men do that actually just creeps women people the Hell out."

Fixed that for you. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who found it creepy as all hell.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:50 PM on December 26, 2007

I'm not sure if Kirth Gerson's doctor-snapping-penis-tattoo-pic if being disciplined for violating someone's privacy or more for that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a camera without taking off their gloves first, and not scrubbing up again before going back to working on the patient, or both...
posted by porpoise at 5:57 PM on December 26, 2007

Holy shit, that vulva tattoo is, erm, really something.

In case it isn't obvious, NSFW.
posted by jokeefe at 6:56 PM on December 26, 2007

Bah. If he were really hardcore, he'd have a couple of hundred of these implanted all over his body, so he'd be all rubber-mat lumpy. And then tattoo a nipple on each one, and put a piercing through the tattooed nipples. And then suspend himself from the ceiling and whistle dixie out his ass, and call it art.

Then PROFIT.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:10 PM on December 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

LOLXIANSBODYMODS

Bad taste is bad taste, I don't get the need to hold it up for extra ridicule because it's something done to the body. The permanence is a factor, yes, but in this case, implants aren't permanent by necessity most of the time. They can be removed.

And the link miss lynnster had gave a large number of tattoos that hardly qualify as worst. Strangest, perhaps, but come on. A guy with a small, unobtrusive windows logo as a tattoo makes your list of top 20 worst tattoos? The whole thing seems more like "first 20 tattoos we found while googling that we thought were funny".
posted by Arturus at 7:19 AM on December 27, 2007

You seem particularly sensitive, Arturus. Got a tattoo you regret?
posted by five fresh fish at 10:28 AM on December 27, 2007

I agree, that windows tattoo was stupid. But in any world I've ever lived in, this genetalia-themed back tat is not your average bad tattoo.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:01 AM on December 27, 2007

The genital warts and gonorrheic vulvas are the icing on the cake, miss lynnster.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:16 AM on December 27, 2007

That's really a sentence I never wanted to ever read, fff.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:31 AM on December 27, 2007

And yet you can't unread it, miss, just as we can never unsee it.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:45 PM on December 27, 2007

Does nobody know the difference between silicon and silicone any more‽

</grumpy-old-man>
posted by hattifattener at 3:07 PM on December 27, 2007

I swear this is the VERY FIRST TIME I have ever cheered at the words "what a fag" in the comments section of a blog post.

With huge apologies to fags everywhere.
posted by scarabic at 10:00 PM on December 27, 2007

I remain completely unmodded, fff.
posted by Arturus at 8:00 AM on December 28, 2007

update: the implants had to come out. This ModBlog post has the details.

WARNINGS:
• pus
• open wounds
• blood
• rejected implants
• descriptions of pretty gross afflictions
• ModBlog is pretty NSFW in general

that should cover it all...
posted by heeeraldo at 8:08 PM on December 28, 2007

Ah, shame. He could have been a somebody, a contender. He could have had class. Now he's just a bum. A bum with horrible abscesses.
posted by Artw at 8:17 PM on December 28, 2007

(Oh, and the link is broken)
posted by Artw at 8:17 PM on December 28, 2007

fixed link.
posted by heeeraldo at 8:27 PM on December 28, 2007

He's going to have a problem, because those things are going to shift. With real boobs there is a skin pocket/muscle (depends where you put it) that sort of holds the implant in place. I'm pretty sure there is not a conveniently placed skin pocket right where those tattooed boobs are. And those things are going to roam.

This happens with breast implants too, when the skin pocket gives way (generally when you pick implants that are too big). "placement problems" Bottoming out. And worst of all, the dreaded breadloafing.
posted by whoaali at 9:36 PM on December 28, 2007