Push the crates off the platform. Hurry!
June 27, 2008 6:57 AM Subscribe
Crates are falling out of the sky. Push them off the platform. Keep doing it until one of them crushes you. Which it will. Soon.
Double-digit scores seem pretty good, actually, and I swear I got 21 once.
Double-digit scores seem pretty good, actually, and I swear I got 21 once.
Gee, sorry. It's popped up recently on all the "play fun games now" sites, some of which are spammier and nastier than others, and I made a point to link to what I thought was it's original appearance to avoid that problem.
posted by yhbc at 7:10 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by yhbc at 7:10 AM on June 27, 2008
Popups? Is that something I would have to not be using Firefox with AdBlocker to understand?
posted by DU at 7:24 AM on June 27, 2008 [6 favorites]
posted by DU at 7:24 AM on June 27, 2008 [6 favorites]
Avoid the popups and flashing ads here if you don't mind full screen.
posted by crapmatic at 7:30 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by crapmatic at 7:30 AM on June 27, 2008
I just played it on IE 7, and I got one popup blocked indicator.
Oh, and I call bullsh*t on 21. I can't get past 9. :)
posted by plaidrabbit at 7:31 AM on June 27, 2008
Oh, and I call bullsh*t on 21. I can't get past 9. :)
posted by plaidrabbit at 7:31 AM on June 27, 2008
10!
posted by Debaser626 at 7:33 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by Debaser626 at 7:33 AM on June 27, 2008
24! You have to get lucky and get a couple strength pills in a row.
Still no pop-ups for me, by the way ...
posted by yhbc at 7:41 AM on June 27, 2008
Still no pop-ups for me, by the way ...
posted by yhbc at 7:41 AM on June 27, 2008
Keep doing it until one of them crushes you.
Why should I bother? Life has already crushed me.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:42 AM on June 27, 2008 [5 favorites]
Why should I bother? Life has already crushed me.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:42 AM on June 27, 2008 [5 favorites]
I got some sort of weird powerup that fell from the sky which made me move faster, so I finally hit 10 crates before getting crushed.
No popups here on XP/Firefox. Maybe the IT guys are blocking the nasties for me.
posted by xbonesgt at 7:45 AM on June 27, 2008
No popups here on XP/Firefox. Maybe the IT guys are blocking the nasties for me.
posted by xbonesgt at 7:45 AM on June 27, 2008
The crates appear to exist in only two dimensions. By this, I mean that an infinite number of crates can occupy the same space on the board. You can shove them all to one side and then push the whole collection off at once for big points. I suspect this is not how the game is meant to be played.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:47 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:47 AM on June 27, 2008
Like FoB says. I had no problem getting scores in the 20s.
posted by ardgedee at 7:48 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by ardgedee at 7:48 AM on June 27, 2008
Not only that, but if while pushing heavy crates you hit a light crate, all your crates become light. In other words, this game was programmed by an idiot.
posted by nicwolff at 7:51 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by nicwolff at 7:51 AM on June 27, 2008
...this game was programmed by an idiot.
Sometimes you wonder, if the game is "life" and there's a "God", is God an idiot?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:57 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Sometimes you wonder, if the game is "life" and there's a "God", is God an idiot?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:57 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
The "Start to Crate" data doesn't bode well for this game...
posted by skammer at 7:58 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by skammer at 7:58 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
15..
The music is terrible. The art is bland and uninteresting. The controls are simplistic.
There's nothing here to keep one's attention. The 'death' imagery is uninspired. You only get one crack at it before you start again. Back in my day we got at least three lives! AND we had to walk uphill to an arcade! Both ways! Get off my lawn!
Zero stars. Joe Bob says check it out.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:03 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
The music is terrible. The art is bland and uninteresting. The controls are simplistic.
There's nothing here to keep one's attention. The 'death' imagery is uninspired. You only get one crack at it before you start again. Back in my day we got at least three lives! AND we had to walk uphill to an arcade! Both ways! Get off my lawn!
Zero stars. Joe Bob says check it out.
posted by ZachsMind at 8:03 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I just stayed on one side of the screen dodging crates until a good number had appeared then I pushed them all off at once. Got a 17 the first time I tried it that way.
posted by quin at 8:09 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by quin at 8:09 AM on June 27, 2008
Crates can 'stick' to you if you don't push them all the way off the edge. Then you can walk incredibly fast, dragging one crate and pushing another.
Sloppy sloppy joes.
posted by anthill at 8:18 AM on June 27, 2008
Sloppy sloppy joes.
posted by anthill at 8:18 AM on June 27, 2008
I like games I can get bored of quickly.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:19 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:19 AM on June 27, 2008
Eleven. But: looking at the high scores....
1 ALLOSCAREDMA 2147483647
2 BEAT UALLOSC 2147483647
3 U ALLL FUC 2147483647
4 NEZZAH4XDU 2147483647
5 NEZH4XDYO 2147483647
6 UNDEFINED 2147483647
Double-digit scores, yhbc? This guy's pulling down ten figures!
posted by not_on_display at 8:23 AM on June 27, 2008
1 ALLOSCAREDMA 2147483647
2 BEAT UALLOSC 2147483647
3 U ALLL FUC 2147483647
4 NEZZAH4XDU 2147483647
5 NEZH4XDYO 2147483647
6 UNDEFINED 2147483647
Double-digit scores, yhbc? This guy's pulling down ten figures!
posted by not_on_display at 8:23 AM on June 27, 2008
I scored 20 on my one and only play. This is just way too sloppy compared to some of the offerings out there.
posted by owtytrof at 8:25 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by owtytrof at 8:25 AM on June 27, 2008
I scored 30 on my one and only play. And 10 blocked popups. And I feel a lot more sorry for the world than I did just a minute ago.
posted by effbot at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by effbot at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2008
Did I say it was a good game, or even that the cartoon physics were consistent? No; I said, and I quote, "Crates are falling out of the sky. Push them off the platform. Keep doing it until one of them crushes you. Which it will. Soon."
Hey, I thought it was cute, but yeah, its got problems. At least it doesn't last too long!
posted by yhbc at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2008
Hey, I thought it was cute, but yeah, its got problems. At least it doesn't last too long!
posted by yhbc at 8:39 AM on June 27, 2008
I can't believe someone made a game out of my job! They even put in the strength pills!
Still, despite doing this for a living, I only got to 24 boxes before so many boxes fell that I had absolutely noplace to safely stand.
posted by shmegegge at 8:41 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Still, despite doing this for a living, I only got to 24 boxes before so many boxes fell that I had absolutely noplace to safely stand.
posted by shmegegge at 8:41 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
If the goal is get a bunch of crappy games posted as separate FPPs, we can probably do better we are. Only 3 in the last 24 hours!
posted by DU at 8:42 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by DU at 8:42 AM on June 27, 2008
I got 33 using FoB's method. Could have gotten more, but I got bored.
posted by Arturus at 9:30 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by Arturus at 9:30 AM on June 27, 2008
Hey man, the Hedgehog launching game was fun.
posted by Caduceus at 9:31 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Caduceus at 9:31 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
16 crates the first time, only half paying attention thanks to the disgust swirling in my brain for the soundtrack.
Kind fun, but it really made me want to play the old Dreamcast game Shenmue again. I remember a large chunk of that game being taken up by the character's day job -- moving crates from one side of the warehouse to the other. Good god that game was awesome.
posted by willie11 at 10:13 AM on June 27, 2008
Kind fun, but it really made me want to play the old Dreamcast game Shenmue again. I remember a large chunk of that game being taken up by the character's day job -- moving crates from one side of the warehouse to the other. Good god that game was awesome.
posted by willie11 at 10:13 AM on June 27, 2008
everything you just said in your comment would logically lead to the last word in your last sentence being "horrible" instead of "awesome." also, as someone who played Shenmue, I know from experience that the game was terrible. My memory is a little foggy, but didn't you have to redo the day's work if you didn't complete it successfully? as in, if you slack off and don't move as many boxes, the whole day just restarts and you do it again. I might be misremembering. meanwhile, if you lose a fight against some dude on the playground - these fights ostensibly being the reason you're playing the game in the first place - you don't get a redo. you're just the loser who lost the fight and has to go back to stacking crates again the next day.
posted by shmegegge at 10:25 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by shmegegge at 10:25 AM on June 27, 2008
YES! That's exactly what happened! A phenomenal and unique gaming experience with the highest production values of any game i've seen since then. Way ahead of its time. As my friend Jack says when discussing the glory of the game, "I expect to bore the shit our of my grandchildren talking about Shenmue."
What other game let you, if you so choose, roam around the city picking fights in a park, move around crates on a forklift for spare cash and play darts all night?
Dead father... meh. Vengeance and honor... only after a little box movin! Just... one... more... box... Shenmue is awesome. Anyone who appreciated it is ok in my book.
posted by willie11 at 10:37 AM on June 27, 2008
What other game let you, if you so choose, roam around the city picking fights in a park, move around crates on a forklift for spare cash and play darts all night?
Dead father... meh. Vengeance and honor... only after a little box movin! Just... one... more... box... Shenmue is awesome. Anyone who appreciated it is ok in my book.
posted by willie11 at 10:37 AM on June 27, 2008
God, Shenmue sucked. That might have been the most painful voice acting I've ever heard.
"Do you know any sailors?"
"Right after I play with this kitten!"
posted by EarBucket at 10:39 AM on June 27, 2008
"Do you know any sailors?"
"Right after I play with this kitten!"
posted by EarBucket at 10:39 AM on June 27, 2008
EarBucket nails one of the worst things about that game. Every moment you spent doing something besides stacking boxes was filled with this horrible dialogue terribly voiced and set to a non-stop parade of inappropriately sweeping camera angles with awkward pauses and fictional product placement. FICTIONAL product placement. as in, not for the sake of advertising dollars, but just for the sake of pointing out some blurry unreadable fictional product label. horrific stuff.
now, people who liked the stacking crates simulation: I feel for you, I do. that's pretty great, that the game lets you stack crates to your heart's content.
but then I remember: it didn't LET you do anything. it MADE you stack crates. you had no choice, and you had to spend the majority of your game time doing workaday drudgery at the docks over and over again... JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! and just like in real life, if you wanted to practice martial arts you had to do it... without a teacher... in a schoolyard... by yourself... at night... with no idea what you're doing... hoping to stumble on a secret technique by accident. okay, so maybe that wasn't too realistic, but you could collect toys from vending machines! JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! and just like in real life, if you slacked off at work and didn't do anything you wouldn't be fired you'd just magically reset the day and do it again and again until you got enough work done. but you earned real money and could spend it at the arcade... JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE! and just like in real life you'd avenge the death of your father by wandering around town asking every single person you saw (I'm not kidding) if they'd seen any chinese people around.
The best endorsement I ever read for Shenmue 2 went approximately as follows: "You play as Ryu Hayabusa. Son of a slain martial arts master, it's your duty to avenge your father's death by getting a job at McDonald's."
posted by shmegegge at 11:48 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
now, people who liked the stacking crates simulation: I feel for you, I do. that's pretty great, that the game lets you stack crates to your heart's content.
but then I remember: it didn't LET you do anything. it MADE you stack crates. you had no choice, and you had to spend the majority of your game time doing workaday drudgery at the docks over and over again... JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! and just like in real life, if you wanted to practice martial arts you had to do it... without a teacher... in a schoolyard... by yourself... at night... with no idea what you're doing... hoping to stumble on a secret technique by accident. okay, so maybe that wasn't too realistic, but you could collect toys from vending machines! JUST LIKE REAL LIFE! and just like in real life, if you slacked off at work and didn't do anything you wouldn't be fired you'd just magically reset the day and do it again and again until you got enough work done. but you earned real money and could spend it at the arcade... JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE! and just like in real life you'd avenge the death of your father by wandering around town asking every single person you saw (I'm not kidding) if they'd seen any chinese people around.
The best endorsement I ever read for Shenmue 2 went approximately as follows: "You play as Ryu Hayabusa. Son of a slain martial arts master, it's your duty to avenge your father's death by getting a job at McDonald's."
posted by shmegegge at 11:48 AM on June 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I got 37, but then got stuck behind a crate, which I was dragging around even when I was going the opposite direction. It slowed me down until I got crushed.
posted by rottytooth at 11:53 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by rottytooth at 11:53 AM on June 27, 2008
Ugh, then I played again and got a 0. Was distracted getting the strength pill.
posted by rottytooth at 11:56 AM on June 27, 2008
posted by rottytooth at 11:56 AM on June 27, 2008
19 on my first try, without ever seeing a strength/speed pill. broke 20 the next time, but this does get quite challenging quite quickly.
And, on the high score comment, not_on_display: that would be called "cheating." it happens on almost every game score chart I've seen, with the top few spots taken up by a completely impossible score. I don't pretend to know how to do this, but it's clearly a hack into the hi score table.
posted by yiftach at 3:55 PM on June 27, 2008
And, on the high score comment, not_on_display: that would be called "cheating." it happens on almost every game score chart I've seen, with the top few spots taken up by a completely impossible score. I don't pretend to know how to do this, but it's clearly a hack into the hi score table.
posted by yiftach at 3:55 PM on June 27, 2008
3 U ALLL FUC 2147483647
While he's hacking the high score of a random game. And he doesn't even realise who's got the better deal.
Am I talking to high scores now? Wow.
posted by ersatz at 4:38 PM on June 27, 2008
While he's hacking the high score of a random game. And he doesn't even realise who's got the better deal.
Am I talking to high scores now? Wow.
posted by ersatz at 4:38 PM on June 27, 2008
That was lame. I feel like I just got a box of Cracker Jacks, and for the prize I got one half of a mangled temporary tattoo of a unicorn. The back half.
posted by loquacious at 7:47 PM on June 27, 2008
posted by loquacious at 7:47 PM on June 27, 2008
Hmmm, topped out at 45 after a few tries. My strategy was similar to Faint of Butt's. I will be content with that.
posted by Lafe at 8:53 PM on June 27, 2008
posted by Lafe at 8:53 PM on June 27, 2008
Amateur Hour
posted by autodidact at 9:38 PM on June 27, 2008
posted by autodidact at 9:38 PM on June 27, 2008
That music's gonna be in my head for a month
posted by EatTheWeek at 10:06 PM on June 27, 2008
posted by EatTheWeek at 10:06 PM on June 27, 2008
This guy's pulling down ten figures!
I call incredible bullshit.
posted by bwg at 6:17 AM on June 28, 2008
I call incredible bullshit.
posted by bwg at 6:17 AM on June 28, 2008
32 on my one and only play (pure luck, I was hiding on one end and suddenly got strength and shoved 90% of my score off the edge in one go). I shall retire undefeated.
posted by tehloki at 3:01 AM on June 29, 2008
posted by tehloki at 3:01 AM on June 29, 2008
« Older Should Have Waited 7 More Years | They didn't know they were icons... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by three blind mice at 7:05 AM on June 27, 2008 [3 favorites]