Flarf
August 14, 2008 9:30 PM Subscribe
Here are some words about unicorns and dolphins (for you to poop on). They a graceless arrangement of YouTube comments, chatroom drivel, and spam subject lines often called "flarf". Rule of thumb: if it sucks, it's flarf. Titles range from Abnormal Discharge to I am So Stupid. Someone got the idea to read flarf aloud and it reminds me of nothing if not a Fragmaster reading. If it exists at all, flarf is a link-clicking collage to match our miniscule attention spans.
this is just to say
i have eaten
the plums
and the viagra
in a HOT WET 69!!!!!!!
and i told u
i waz hardcore
and i am
dying of cancer in nigeria
but we need to
verify yr password
hurf durf cialis eater
bork bork bork
and so cold
posted by pyramid termite at 10:00 PM on August 14, 2008 [9 favorites]
i have eaten
the plums
and the viagra
in a HOT WET 69!!!!!!!
and i told u
i waz hardcore
and i am
dying of cancer in nigeria
but we need to
verify yr password
hurf durf cialis eater
bork bork bork
and so cold
posted by pyramid termite at 10:00 PM on August 14, 2008 [9 favorites]
Spam subject lines? By coincidence, I just got the Best One Ever, purporting to be from MSNBC: BREAKING NEWS: Scientist Prepare to Colonize Redneck Area. Comedy gold.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 10:15 PM on August 14, 2008
posted by aeschenkarnos at 10:15 PM on August 14, 2008
New reports shows men are sex hungry
Madness has been takened to another obscene level with this.
posted by longsleeves at 10:37 PM on August 14, 2008
Madness has been takened to another obscene level with this.
posted by longsleeves at 10:37 PM on August 14, 2008
The going on, it is what?
posted by regicide is good for you at 11:15 PM on August 14, 2008
posted by regicide is good for you at 11:15 PM on August 14, 2008
Go to that cocktail party
during sexual stimulation,
Angelina Jolie.
You will get a mystery gift.
posted by humannaire at 11:28 PM on August 14, 2008
during sexual stimulation,
Angelina Jolie.
You will get a mystery gift.
posted by humannaire at 11:28 PM on August 14, 2008
Many's the time I've clicked on a spam email and seen in the preview pane some very thought-provoking combination of words that some Markov-bot has produced at random and had to stare for a while trying to piece together the almost-sense taht's not really there before forcing myself to delete it . . . so yeah I think these flarfers are onto something.
posted by arcanecrowbar at 11:35 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by arcanecrowbar at 11:35 PM on August 14, 2008 [1 favorite]
SURPRIES HER 2NITE
©i@li5 cheap
My uncle, the First Lieutenant to the Corps of the Interior, has entrusted me with $345,000,000
Brangelina Baby Photos CLICK HERE NOW
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:55 AM on August 15, 2008
©i@li5 cheap
My uncle, the First Lieutenant to the Corps of the Interior, has entrusted me with $345,000,000
Brangelina Baby Photos CLICK HERE NOW
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:55 AM on August 15, 2008
By coincidence, I just got the Best One Ever, purporting to be from MSNBC: BREAKING NEWS: Scientist Prepare to Colonize Redneck Area.
Actually, a warning about that one:
I got a similar "breaking news from MSNBC" one, only the "breaking news" was plausible enough to look legit. I actually clicked on the link to read the article, and my anti-virus software started going nuts, so I stopped and did a scan -- the link had actually loaded a Trojan horse onto my computer. I was able to get rid of it and everything, but still, fair warning.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:29 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
Actually, a warning about that one:
I got a similar "breaking news from MSNBC" one, only the "breaking news" was plausible enough to look legit. I actually clicked on the link to read the article, and my anti-virus software started going nuts, so I stopped and did a scan -- the link had actually loaded a Trojan horse onto my computer. I was able to get rid of it and everything, but still, fair warning.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:29 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
"breaking news from MSNBC" [...] the link had actually loaded a Trojan horse onto my computer
Yeah, those are from the Storm botnet. (Thanks, MeFi Projects!)
posted by uncleozzy at 5:34 AM on August 15, 2008
Yeah, those are from the Storm botnet. (Thanks, MeFi Projects!)
posted by uncleozzy at 5:34 AM on August 15, 2008
Just so you guys know, the hardcore language poets who are into flarf are REALLY REALLY REALLY SERIOUS about it.
posted by escabeche at 6:31 AM on August 15, 2008
posted by escabeche at 6:31 AM on August 15, 2008
So, what would Metafilter flarf look like?
The MBTA sucks donkey cock.
You've been happily eating their beef teriyaki,
while all along they've been serving you marinated whale anus,
which is something no Asian would eat.
Wait, why isn't the donkey dead?
These lists can tongue donkey balls.
Stuffed in a burlap sack and tied to the back of a donkey.
A sad figure, his.
Catherine Deneuve wearing the donkey head hat (Peau d'âne).
They did a variation of this story on Jim Henson's The Storyteller.
The release of this tape is just a not-to-be-outdone maneuver by the O'Reilly publicists.
Will they keep the lion eats live donkey attraction?
To be perfectly blunt, msalt, your plan of
"let things proceed at their normal glacial pace
instead of mandating change through law" sucks donkey balls.
Gay donkey balls.
posted by cimbrog at 6:43 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
The MBTA sucks donkey cock.
You've been happily eating their beef teriyaki,
while all along they've been serving you marinated whale anus,
which is something no Asian would eat.
Wait, why isn't the donkey dead?
These lists can tongue donkey balls.
Stuffed in a burlap sack and tied to the back of a donkey.
A sad figure, his.
Catherine Deneuve wearing the donkey head hat (Peau d'âne).
They did a variation of this story on Jim Henson's The Storyteller.
The release of this tape is just a not-to-be-outdone maneuver by the O'Reilly publicists.
Will they keep the lion eats live donkey attraction?
To be perfectly blunt, msalt, your plan of
"let things proceed at their normal glacial pace
instead of mandating change through law" sucks donkey balls.
Gay donkey balls.
posted by cimbrog at 6:43 AM on August 15, 2008 [1 favorite]
From the Stormspam subject list:
Britney found hanged in locker room
Alabama girl butchers neighbor with fruit knife
Girl cuts off partner's ear with ice skate
Boy, 12, slices off friend's ear
"I Ate All The Pies" - Man Confesses
McCain Advisor: We're A Nation Of Winos
How can I get in touch with these Stormspam people, to insure a fresh batch of comedy in my inbox every day?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:55 AM on August 15, 2008
Britney found hanged in locker room
Alabama girl butchers neighbor with fruit knife
Girl cuts off partner's ear with ice skate
Boy, 12, slices off friend's ear
"I Ate All The Pies" - Man Confesses
McCain Advisor: We're A Nation Of Winos
How can I get in touch with these Stormspam people, to insure a fresh batch of comedy in my inbox every day?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:55 AM on August 15, 2008
My favorite from the current crop is "Which Olsen twin is the evil twin?"
posted by Michael Roberts at 9:09 AM on August 15, 2008
posted by Michael Roberts at 9:09 AM on August 15, 2008
Reminds me a bit of when Lore Sjöberg did a couple of cartoons (SFW) based on the occasionally very odd titles of the hentai manga in J-List's "what's new" section?
I think I preferred that to the poetry, but the fact that people can produce cool stuff from garbage or simply bad use of language is cool.
posted by sotonohito at 1:59 PM on August 15, 2008
I think I preferred that to the poetry, but the fact that people can produce cool stuff from garbage or simply bad use of language is cool.
posted by sotonohito at 1:59 PM on August 15, 2008
These are some great subject lines. They remind me of tabloid headlines.
"Mike Tyson to fight Michael Jackson."
Come on, that's awesome.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:16 PM on August 15, 2008
"Mike Tyson to fight Michael Jackson."
Come on, that's awesome.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:16 PM on August 15, 2008
"Grinch to Turn Attention to Gas Tax Holiday"
posted by Michael Roberts at 4:02 PM on August 16, 2008
posted by Michael Roberts at 4:02 PM on August 16, 2008
Sweet Jesus, some of these subject lines are hysterical:
God Destroys Boise For Not Being Gay Enough
Mccain Says Unsure If Obama A Secret Hippopotamus
Paris Hilton To Operate New Atom Smasher
Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility, But Murder On The Balls
Paris Hilton: I Will Give My Body To The Winner Of The French Open
Rupaul: Ron Paul Is My Brother!
Switzerland To Be Devoured By Black Hole
Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French
Michael Jackson Auctions Himself On Ebay!
Madonnas Former Home Destroyed By Jesus
Bush Down to 8 Friends on Myspace
Unemployed To Be Used For Soup
Stonehenge was Part of Crazy Golf Course for Race of Giant Humans
Europe's Most Wanted Man Discovered Living With Smurfs
Cranberries CD Cures Woman's Urinary Tract Infection
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:39 AM on August 19, 2008
God Destroys Boise For Not Being Gay Enough
Mccain Says Unsure If Obama A Secret Hippopotamus
Paris Hilton To Operate New Atom Smasher
Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility, But Murder On The Balls
Paris Hilton: I Will Give My Body To The Winner Of The French Open
Rupaul: Ron Paul Is My Brother!
Switzerland To Be Devoured By Black Hole
Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French
Michael Jackson Auctions Himself On Ebay!
Madonnas Former Home Destroyed By Jesus
Bush Down to 8 Friends on Myspace
Unemployed To Be Used For Soup
Stonehenge was Part of Crazy Golf Course for Race of Giant Humans
Europe's Most Wanted Man Discovered Living With Smurfs
Cranberries CD Cures Woman's Urinary Tract Infection
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:39 AM on August 19, 2008
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great post, though!
posted by KokuRyu at 9:46 PM on August 14, 2008