Created beyond space and time.

January 15, 2009 10:01 AM

As you may know, acoustic treatment of your listening room is very important. But many people want to use their space for both music listening and entertaining guests. Quite often large and effective bass traps can rob your space of its grace and majesty and make your guests feel weird and uncomfortable.
posted by Brocktoon (37 comments total)

It's a parody... I don't get the rest of the post.
posted by Upal at 10:07 AM on January 15, 2009

Those modular diffusorboflectors are real wood, and they are retailing for only $400 a pop? What, did they fall off the back of a truck?
posted by everichon at 10:07 AM on January 15, 2009

That one with the clothespins is silly and wouldn't work.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:08 AM on January 15, 2009

I have audiophile / EE friends who have actually made their own vibrational resonance concentrators. They're like wizards, I tell you.
posted by everichon at 10:08 AM on January 15, 2009

I CAN'T WAIT TO HOOK THIS UP TO MY AUDIOPHILE BOSE EQUIPMENT!!!
posted by inigo2 at 10:09 AM on January 15, 2009 [5 favorites]

I was briefly amused. Which is all I ask of the Internet in general or MetaFilter in particular. Well done.

Although now that I think about it, I wonder if, using only materials found in my desk drawers, I could fashion a Humor Intensification Resonator to place between my monitor and my face....
posted by DU at 10:11 AM on January 15, 2009

Where did I put my green CD pen and uni-directional speaker cables?
posted by fixedgear at 10:11 AM on January 15, 2009

Personally, I insist that my guests feel weird and uncomfortable. So I won't be needing any Knutballz. Thanks for the tip though.
posted by tawny at 10:13 AM on January 15, 2009

Making fun of audiophiles is like shooting fish in a barrel.
posted by box at 10:15 AM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Shooting fish in a barrel is like falling off a log.
posted by everichon at 10:16 AM on January 15, 2009

Falling off a log is like taking candy from a baby.
posted by stavrogin at 10:17 AM on January 15, 2009

Shooting audiophiles in a barrel sounds better.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:18 AM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

falling off a log is more fun than exploding.
posted by jonmc at 10:19 AM on January 15, 2009

Taking candy from a baby is easier said than done.

Which, I should think, goes without saying.
posted by rusty at 10:22 AM on January 15, 2009 [4 favorites]

I certainly didn't mean to confuse you, Upal. I simply lifted text for the post from the description of the Knutballz. I'm lazy that way.

And, if you didn't realize this is parody, I have a bridge for sale, and oh can I have your email address?
posted by Brocktoon at 10:24 AM on January 15, 2009

Shooting fish takes work. You have to have a gun and a barrel, and it takes time to aim. These fish practically shoot themselves!

With the Ultraclock system you are no longer at the mercy of CD’s truncated version of musical reality. The sound is so much more ‘analogue’ that you are detached from the fact that you are actually playing compact disc. Every inner detail and nuance is presented, shift in tempo felt, emotive clues, the music has a charismatic quality considered absent with CD; the music is enthralling.

What a steal! Only $795.00 each! From the same folks who once brought you wooden knobs for $495 (no longer offered on their site).

I think audiophiles should get over it, and buy their own bands. It'd be cheaper in the long run, and it would decrease how much we mock them. "Yes, this an incredibly life-like sound, and it's not even from a stereo. I sold all my over-priced gear, and now Aerosmith lives in my dining room."
posted by filthy light thief at 10:24 AM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Shooting audiophiles in a barrel sounds better.

Only if it is on 180 gram, low carbon, cold pressed virgin vinyl.
posted by Paid In Full at 10:24 AM on January 15, 2009 [3 favorites]

So basically you're getting twice the bass with the TK 421.

The TK 421 kicks it up another three or four quads per channel, but that is technical talk that doesn't really concern you.
posted by clearly at 10:27 AM on January 15, 2009

So I'm saying I'm going to shoot a baby. In a barrel on a log. Which is pretty easy.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:36 AM on January 15, 2009

this is really inside baseball for audiophiles.

that said, it's pretty funny. there's an fpp in the archives somewhere about sketchy purported audiophile equipment that would help explain a lot of this, but I'm too lazy to go look for it.
posted by shmegegge at 10:47 AM on January 15, 2009

There's no address. where do I send my money?
I'll me-mail you my email, can't be too careful these days.
posted by From Bklyn at 10:57 AM on January 15, 2009

My guests feel weird and uncomfortable because I insist that wearing clothes spoils the warmth and texture of sound at the last centimetre and no real audiophile - or them - should stand for it.
posted by Free word order! at 11:05 AM on January 15, 2009

The creator of these fascinating audio accouterments actually is a talented artist.
posted by terranova at 11:28 AM on January 15, 2009

Shooting logs at exploding babies is like candy.



hey this is fun ........
posted by mannequito at 11:34 AM on January 15, 2009

I totally thought this was another Machina Dynamica.
posted by blixco at 11:35 AM on January 15, 2009

YEAH BUT ITS ALL GONNA SOUND LIKE ASS UNLESS YOU BUY MONSTER CABLES DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY FOR JAZZ MUSIC
posted by 5imian at 12:03 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

The trouble with shooting audiophiles in barrels is if you miss you end up with a hole in a perfectly good barrel. Maybe try nailing the audiophile to the side of a barn first.
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 12:07 PM on January 15, 2009

Falling off a log is like shooting fish in a barrel of babies.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:19 PM on January 15, 2009

Monster cables could really learn a thing or two from these guys.
posted by daHIFI at 12:24 PM on January 15, 2009

Those modular diffusorboflectors are real wood, and they are retailing for only $400 a pop? What, did they fall off the back of a truck?

Those are probably the ones made in Hong Kong. They're made from an inferior species of old-growth rainforest hardwood. The diffusorboflectors made in Germany are the ones you want.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:32 PM on January 15, 2009

Hi-Finator. Hehehe.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:42 PM on January 15, 2009

My guests feel weird and uncomfortable because I insist that wearing clothes spoils the warmth and texture of sound at the last centimetre and no real audiophile - or them - should stand for it.

Of course they feel awkward! You forgot the oil!
posted by From Bklyn at 12:58 PM on January 15, 2009

Maybe try nailing the audiophile to the side of a barn first.

Be sure to use gold plated, magnetically-aligned nails, though.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:09 PM on January 15, 2009

Damn, I was hoping they'd carry the new quantum filters for reducing parallel universe cross-talk on my solid platinum interconnects. I guess I'll have to stick with Propitia-Chicken tech, and my weekly offerings of Rum to Baron Samedi, although I've heard maybe I should be working on compensating for the acoustical hole caused by the vacuum in my tube amp.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:32 PM on January 15, 2009

I can't see how the Hi-Finator could work, unless the one pictured is an early prototype model and the final version is shaped more like a cowbell.
posted by Pinback at 7:57 PM on January 15, 2009 [1 favorite]

Is the brick organic?
posted by buzzman at 8:41 PM on January 15, 2009

Just try living with something like this.
posted by hortense at 9:32 PM on January 15, 2009