Rotten ink
March 17, 2009 10:23 AM Subscribe
That t-rex with the crown on is amazing; it'd be terrible if the tattoo was done well.
posted by philscience at 10:33 AM on March 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by philscience at 10:33 AM on March 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
This made me very sad.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'll see your Zune, and raise you William H. Macy's Apple tattoo.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009
Most of these are just not done yet, I think. Partially done tats often look dumb. Some, like the first one, are permanently stupid though.
posted by idiopath at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by idiopath at 10:37 AM on March 17, 2009
T-Rex? I thought it was a fetal pig.
posted by giraffe at 10:38 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by giraffe at 10:38 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'll see your Zune, and raise you William H. Macy's Apple tattoo.
Bugger. You win.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:43 AM on March 17, 2009
Bugger. You win.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:43 AM on March 17, 2009
The King Dinosaur... hunh. Tyrannosaurus rex means "terrible lizard king," and I submit that this tattoo meets all three criteria.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:47 AM on March 17, 2009 [10 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:47 AM on March 17, 2009 [10 favorites]
We also must not overlook the possibility that these are ironically bad.
posted by not applicable at 10:48 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by not applicable at 10:48 AM on March 17, 2009
i wonder how much of this is people bringing in their own (bad) drawings and saying "dude i want exactly THIS on my arm" and how much is just that the tattoo artists themselves are lacking talent?
posted by fancyoats at 10:50 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by fancyoats at 10:50 AM on March 17, 2009
Most of these are just not done yet, I think.
I see you're a 'glass-is-half-full' kinda fella. We could use more like you in these tough times.
posted by maryh at 10:53 AM on March 17, 2009 [8 favorites]
I see you're a 'glass-is-half-full' kinda fella. We could use more like you in these tough times.
posted by maryh at 10:53 AM on March 17, 2009 [8 favorites]
These are ugly even for tattoos.
posted by DU at 10:54 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 10:54 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
If there wasn't a policy about self linking on metafilter I'd blow all these away. Hmm...off to Projects I guess.
posted by josher71 at 10:55 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by josher71 at 10:55 AM on March 17, 2009
Can somebody post a link to the guy who got Adam Duritz of Counting Crows tattooed huge across his back. And then can someone (ie, jonmc) post a link to the Who doing "Tattoo" off of "live at leeds?"
I'd do it myself, but I'm kind of busy and sleepy.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:56 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'd do it myself, but I'm kind of busy and sleepy.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:56 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Tyrannosaurus rex means "terrible lizard king,"
No, no. Tyrannosaurus rex is Latin for "Marc Bolan".
posted by everichon at 11:00 AM on March 17, 2009 [8 favorites]
No, no. Tyrannosaurus rex is Latin for "Marc Bolan".
posted by everichon at 11:00 AM on March 17, 2009 [8 favorites]
i kinda like the 'drunk guy by fence with girlfriend and motorcycle' one...is that on a ramone?
posted by sexyrobot at 11:05 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by sexyrobot at 11:05 AM on March 17, 2009
I wonder if these are people who walked into tattoo parlors with their own crappy drawings and insisted the professionals replicate their drawings exactly.
posted by shmegegge at 11:07 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by shmegegge at 11:07 AM on March 17, 2009
For some reason, that site was blocked at work. I can only assume these are the same pics. If so, lots did have the preliminary lines drawn on still. But some just made me sad.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:09 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by filthy light thief at 11:09 AM on March 17, 2009
You know the William H. Macy tattoo is fake, right? It was for a movie. Wild Hogs.
posted by amro at 11:09 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by amro at 11:09 AM on March 17, 2009
And in defense of the craft of the Zune tattoo - the shading is impressive. But uber fanboy tats are up there in the legion of Bad Idea Tattoos with significant other's name, band names, and foreign text you do not understand.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:10 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by filthy light thief at 11:10 AM on March 17, 2009
I am not sure that even especially good laser tattoo removal could rid the flesh (much less the memories) of these travesties, these artless arts. One might end up with a silvery tracing in the shape of the original image, as if slugs decided to honor the skygods by dancing out the shape of a deformed puma. Therapy might be required to deal with the horror of the fact that somewhere, someone may have received monies in producing such things.
Were I to have one of these, I would live my life alone, showering in the dark with a thick glove on one hand that I might not either see or feel the tattoo. Necrotizing fasciitis might well be a bargain, exchanging pain and horror for indignity. It may be cheaper to have my sense of shame surgically removed. I would take great pains to locate a blind physician.
My will would dictate that I be sent to a mortician of flexible morals, who, in exchange for a grubby roll of fifties, would inject himself or herself with scopolamine, then flay the offending material from my lifeless body and perhaps replace it with a fruit rollup or a mixture of white-out and pancake makeup, just prior to my burial, or even incineration. The removed tissue itself should be fed to a child-biting mongrel prior to its execution, and the dog buried without ceremony or marker in the desert.
With my luck some joker would carve the ignoble image into my tombstone, where it could humiliate my memory, probably with the inscription below reading "VICTYM OF THE BEST 66."
posted by adipocere at 11:12 AM on March 17, 2009 [7 favorites]
Were I to have one of these, I would live my life alone, showering in the dark with a thick glove on one hand that I might not either see or feel the tattoo. Necrotizing fasciitis might well be a bargain, exchanging pain and horror for indignity. It may be cheaper to have my sense of shame surgically removed. I would take great pains to locate a blind physician.
My will would dictate that I be sent to a mortician of flexible morals, who, in exchange for a grubby roll of fifties, would inject himself or herself with scopolamine, then flay the offending material from my lifeless body and perhaps replace it with a fruit rollup or a mixture of white-out and pancake makeup, just prior to my burial, or even incineration. The removed tissue itself should be fed to a child-biting mongrel prior to its execution, and the dog buried without ceremony or marker in the desert.
With my luck some joker would carve the ignoble image into my tombstone, where it could humiliate my memory, probably with the inscription below reading "VICTYM OF THE BEST 66."
posted by adipocere at 11:12 AM on March 17, 2009 [7 favorites]
But uber fanboy tats are up there in the legion of Bad Idea Tattoos with significant other's name, band names, and foreign text you do not understand.
My God, I just had a waking nightmare of what I'd feel like these days if when I was younger I had gone ahead and gotten that Silverchair tattoo. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
posted by shmegegge at 11:14 AM on March 17, 2009
My God, I just had a waking nightmare of what I'd feel like these days if when I was younger I had gone ahead and gotten that Silverchair tattoo. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
posted by shmegegge at 11:14 AM on March 17, 2009
A friend of mine wanted a tattoo so badly he couldn't wait to get it done properly, or with someone who actually spoke his language.
Tattoo 1: He asked the guy for a tattoo of a shark, about an inch or so across. When the guy started drawing the tail about an inch big, my friend remonstrated with him. He now has a shark with an inch long tail and a half inch body.
Tattoo 2: So he still wants a tattoo, but one done properly. Keeping it simple, he asks for a bird in flight, wings soaring. The result was drawn so badly, the most common answer he gets to the question "well, what do you think it is?" is that he has a tattoo of an upside down giraffe, draw squiffy.
Those tattoos look like Picassos compared to his two. Well, apart from the one at the top, third one in, which I suspect has been drawn by an, ahem, aspiring tattoo artist on himself.
posted by MuffinMan at 11:15 AM on March 17, 2009
Tattoo 1: He asked the guy for a tattoo of a shark, about an inch or so across. When the guy started drawing the tail about an inch big, my friend remonstrated with him. He now has a shark with an inch long tail and a half inch body.
Tattoo 2: So he still wants a tattoo, but one done properly. Keeping it simple, he asks for a bird in flight, wings soaring. The result was drawn so badly, the most common answer he gets to the question "well, what do you think it is?" is that he has a tattoo of an upside down giraffe, draw squiffy.
Those tattoos look like Picassos compared to his two. Well, apart from the one at the top, third one in, which I suspect has been drawn by an, ahem, aspiring tattoo artist on himself.
posted by MuffinMan at 11:15 AM on March 17, 2009
Tattoo of a German acquaintance, verbatim: "Safe The Wildlife".
posted by everichon at 11:17 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by everichon at 11:17 AM on March 17, 2009
You know the William H. Macy tattoo is fake, right? It was for a movie. Wild Hogs.
If that's what you have to tell yourself to get through life, then don't let me talk you out of it.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 11:19 AM on March 17, 2009
If that's what you have to tell yourself to get through life, then don't let me talk you out of it.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 11:19 AM on March 17, 2009
Back in the late eighties a woman I knew from the college radio station showed me a new tattoo she had just gotten on the back of her leg -- it was her first tattoo, and she was pretty proud of it: a crude drawing of a dead tree with some sort of animal on the branch, drawn on her upper thigh just below her buttock. So on the one hand I got to look at her ass while she was showing off her tattoo. On the other hand, it was a really stupid-looking tattoo.
I was conflicted.
As for the tattoos in this link: yeah, they're bad, but some of us have seen worse. Magically worse, even.
posted by spoobnooble at 11:21 AM on March 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
I was conflicted.
As for the tattoos in this link: yeah, they're bad, but some of us have seen worse. Magically worse, even.
posted by spoobnooble at 11:21 AM on March 17, 2009 [5 favorites]
You can self-link in the comments. From the FAQ: "Including a link to your own site in a comment is okay provided that it has some relevance to the topic being discussed and is not your only form of site particpation. Random off-topic insertions of self-links into other posts are discouraged and such links may be removed."
posted by mkb at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by mkb at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2009
Yes: the Swayze rainbow centaur wins without any effort at all. Just crushes even King Dinosaur.
posted by everichon at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by everichon at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2009
In which Nicodemus the Rat of NIMH portrays Jesus Christ in a passion play? Wearing another animal's head for a hat.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:26 AM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:26 AM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Notice most of them are cats. Why is is that the feline most often eludes the tattoo artist?
posted by thebellafonte at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by thebellafonte at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2009
I have to guess the people wearing these poorly drawn images are pleased with them, because I don't know how one gets to the permanently-inked-into-skin stage without having looked at the not-permanent-just-drawn/stenciled-on stage and thought to oneself "My gods! That's hideous!" Unless one wants a tattoo that looks just like these.
Hopefully, no one will ever proudly show me a tattoo as awful as these, because I'm not sure I would be able to squelch my reaction, which would not be positive ... unless laughter is what they are looking for.
posted by Orb at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2009
Hopefully, no one will ever proudly show me a tattoo as awful as these, because I'm not sure I would be able to squelch my reaction, which would not be positive ... unless laughter is what they are looking for.
posted by Orb at 11:27 AM on March 17, 2009
Also, a coworker of mine has just had the preliminaries of a sleeve done, depicting Dante's Inferno. I think he thinks it will help him get brainy chicks. It was hard for me to tell him that the artist clearly has never read Dante's Inferno, which will become immediately evident to any truly brainy girl he assaults with that arm.
posted by thebellafonte at 11:29 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by thebellafonte at 11:29 AM on March 17, 2009
The first rule of the Tattoo Club is " Think about it. It's your skin. Do you really want to walk around with it?"
posted by doctorschlock at 11:34 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by doctorschlock at 11:34 AM on March 17, 2009
Having most of my body tattooed by some really amazing artists, I have to say, the number one question I get is, "How much did it cost?" When I give them the figure (which is quite a bit of money but still, my work is large) they get this look on their face like I just shit in their oatmeal and say, "I would never pay that much for a tattoo! Dude, my artist only charges 50.00 an hour and check out my sweet work!"
Then they lift up their sleeve and show me some of the nightmares that I see here.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:35 AM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
Then they lift up their sleeve and show me some of the nightmares that I see here.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:35 AM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
Amateurs: what about an alien head on the back of your own head (and more from the same book: Dolphin with bong; Unicorns getting it on; Conan O'Brien; I have absolutely no idea; Snakes on a plane; Bald Britney and many, many wonderful others.
posted by MuffinMan at 11:38 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
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posted by MuffinMan at 11:38 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I used to follow the Horrible Tattoos blog, but they haven't updated for a while, sadly. Some are poorly done, some are tasteless, some are just.....umm....
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:39 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:39 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Let us not forget the amazing merman reacharound tattoo.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:40 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:40 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I once saw a chick with a 6-inch Peterbilt Truck logo peeking out from the back of her pants. Not as bizarre as the Swayze Chippendale Centaur, but an odd choice...
posted by VicNebulous at 11:41 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by VicNebulous at 11:41 AM on March 17, 2009
I so, so wish that a sobriety test had been a mandatory prerequisite.
posted by gman at 11:44 AM on March 17, 2009
posted by gman at 11:44 AM on March 17, 2009
Well, VicNebulous:
Their motto is, "class pays", perhaps that is the message she was trying to convey?
posted by idiopath at 11:48 AM on March 17, 2009
Their motto is, "class pays", perhaps that is the message she was trying to convey?
posted by idiopath at 11:48 AM on March 17, 2009
Oh damn, perhaps this merman reacharound link will work.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:48 AM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 11:48 AM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Holy foxy moxie batman!: fixed link for Merman Reacharound.
posted by idiopath at 11:54 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by idiopath at 11:54 AM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I've always been shocked at how cheap tattoos are. They are permanent. They are original artwork.
A girl at my work had a nicely done ankle tattoo, at least nice for that "kind" of tattoo. It looked generic but high quality (I assume it was some of that "pre-made" artwork, what is that called in the lingo? Flash art?)
Anyway, she was complaining because it cost like $120 and I told her I would have expected it to cost 3x that much, if not 5x. She wanted another tattoo on her shoulder, but didn't want to pay over $100.
I don't WANT a $100 tattoo on my body. If the artist doesn't respect their work enough to charge me a reasonable fee for it, they can keep it.
Also, is it not regular practice to "draw" the tattoo on the skin first before committing it to ink????
posted by Ynoxas at 11:56 AM on March 17, 2009
A girl at my work had a nicely done ankle tattoo, at least nice for that "kind" of tattoo. It looked generic but high quality (I assume it was some of that "pre-made" artwork, what is that called in the lingo? Flash art?)
Anyway, she was complaining because it cost like $120 and I told her I would have expected it to cost 3x that much, if not 5x. She wanted another tattoo on her shoulder, but didn't want to pay over $100.
I don't WANT a $100 tattoo on my body. If the artist doesn't respect their work enough to charge me a reasonable fee for it, they can keep it.
Also, is it not regular practice to "draw" the tattoo on the skin first before committing it to ink????
posted by Ynoxas at 11:56 AM on March 17, 2009
Ynoxas... What they can charge is limited by the market.
Those tattoos aren't that bad, provided they were all done in prison with nothing more than a needle, an ink pen and some patience.
posted by banished at 12:03 PM on March 17, 2009
Those tattoos aren't that bad, provided they were all done in prison with nothing more than a needle, an ink pen and some patience.
posted by banished at 12:03 PM on March 17, 2009
I don't WANT a $100 tattoo on my body. If the artist doesn't respect their work enough to charge me a reasonable fee for it, they can keep it.
do you have any tattoos? artists charge what the market will bear, for the most part, and tattoo prices go up the larger and more complicated they are. I recall a friend getting a tattoo on his shoulder that was done in an hour and cost $150. original art, too (though simple in design), not off the wall. is there some problem with the artist charging $150/hr for simple work? shit, I don't earn near that. seems reasonable to me. are you saying you would only want a tattoo if it was really expensive, regardless of the size and time it would take? or are you saying you would only want a tattoo that was large and time-consuming to create? I'm really having difficulty understanding your logic, here.
posted by shmegegge at 12:05 PM on March 17, 2009
do you have any tattoos? artists charge what the market will bear, for the most part, and tattoo prices go up the larger and more complicated they are. I recall a friend getting a tattoo on his shoulder that was done in an hour and cost $150. original art, too (though simple in design), not off the wall. is there some problem with the artist charging $150/hr for simple work? shit, I don't earn near that. seems reasonable to me. are you saying you would only want a tattoo if it was really expensive, regardless of the size and time it would take? or are you saying you would only want a tattoo that was large and time-consuming to create? I'm really having difficulty understanding your logic, here.
posted by shmegegge at 12:05 PM on March 17, 2009
This is probably the most amazingly executed tattoo I've ever seen: The tattoo-ee's flash has been ripped to reveal Spiderman's costume underneath.
posted by crickets at 12:07 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by crickets at 12:07 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
Dr-Baa, that last link is of a DEVO fan...that's Turkey Monkey, flanked by Bomb logos.
posted by retronic at 12:13 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by retronic at 12:13 PM on March 17, 2009
I don't WANT a $100 tattoo on my body. If the artist doesn't respect their work enough to charge me a reasonable fee for it, they can keep it.
I've seen artist that charge 250 + an hour and you know what? Some of their work is terrible.
The lines are thin and blown out, the color is inconsistent and splochy....they just look fucking awful.
Granted, I would shy away from any artist that charges 50.00 an hour and works out of their garage cause more often than not, the work is poor quality. I'm not saying ALL the time, but often enough that I would stay away from it. But 100.00 an hour is pretty standard for what artists will charge. My artist charges 150.00 an hour and he's a fairly well known artist.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2009
I've seen artist that charge 250 + an hour and you know what? Some of their work is terrible.
The lines are thin and blown out, the color is inconsistent and splochy....they just look fucking awful.
Granted, I would shy away from any artist that charges 50.00 an hour and works out of their garage cause more often than not, the work is poor quality. I'm not saying ALL the time, but often enough that I would stay away from it. But 100.00 an hour is pretty standard for what artists will charge. My artist charges 150.00 an hour and he's a fairly well known artist.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 12:17 PM on March 17, 2009
Oh, these aren't all so bad. I kind of like this one. It's sort of like he drew a picture of his mom when he was about 9 but then she tragically disappeared in a very shallow flood and this is just all, you know, he has to remember her by. At least that's what I think happened.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:23 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:23 PM on March 17, 2009 [3 favorites]
a lot of those looked like they were drawn with ball point pen. I hope so, anyway.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:28 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:28 PM on March 17, 2009
I just got back from Brazil, where a terrible clothing shortage has been plaguing the country for decades. Brazilians try to hide the bareness of their skin by tattooing over it instead. Unfortunately, there is a parallel and just as devastating dearth of people who can draw.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 12:29 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think the Swayze Chippendale Centaur is the greatest thing I have ever seen...EVER.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:30 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:30 PM on March 17, 2009
banished and shmegegge: I am aware of the economic forces of supply and demand.
It is hard to describe what I am feeling. Basically, buying a tattoo is not (or at least should not be) like buying a poster for your bedroom wall. It is permanent, and therefore has an automatic higher "worth" in my estimation.
I do not have any tattoos, but my wife has three. Each was done at well-known, reputable tattoo parlors (one in Nashville, two in Chicago), and were still surprisingly cheap. I'm not necessarily meaning to say they "SHOULD" cost more... I am more expressing my great surprise that they don't happen to cost more, much more. And that I would automatically be suspicious of someone wanting to permanently mark me for a pittance.
I see great, great disparity of talent as it comes to tattoo artists. Regular market forces fall apart around other artworks, why not tattoos? Some paintings are worth $10, some are worth $10,000,000. Is there any such thing as "a million times better"?
I apologize for the difficulty making my point. I guess I'm just shocked, amazed, and a little revolted that someone would expect to get a fantastic tattoo for $100.
Let me try to turn this around and pose it another way: how do you discern if a tattoo artist is any good? You can look at a portfolio, but there's not necessarily any proof that those works were actually done by their hand. Does price not figure in at all?
foxy moxie: I think that's part of my difficulty understanding... charging by the hour. That strikes me as profoundly odd. It seems like a tattoo is just a finished item, not a "by the hour" type of creation. Is a great artist not going to almost always be slower and more methodical? Isn't that alone going to cause "great tattoos" to be quite a bit more expensive?
In other words... didn't the spiderman tattoo take several orders of magnitude longer to do than all those bad tattoos linked above combined?
I guess maybe if I want to get a tattoo one day, I want to be sure I can pay my way away from some of the artwork in the link.
posted by Ynoxas at 12:31 PM on March 17, 2009
It is hard to describe what I am feeling. Basically, buying a tattoo is not (or at least should not be) like buying a poster for your bedroom wall. It is permanent, and therefore has an automatic higher "worth" in my estimation.
I do not have any tattoos, but my wife has three. Each was done at well-known, reputable tattoo parlors (one in Nashville, two in Chicago), and were still surprisingly cheap. I'm not necessarily meaning to say they "SHOULD" cost more... I am more expressing my great surprise that they don't happen to cost more, much more. And that I would automatically be suspicious of someone wanting to permanently mark me for a pittance.
I see great, great disparity of talent as it comes to tattoo artists. Regular market forces fall apart around other artworks, why not tattoos? Some paintings are worth $10, some are worth $10,000,000. Is there any such thing as "a million times better"?
I apologize for the difficulty making my point. I guess I'm just shocked, amazed, and a little revolted that someone would expect to get a fantastic tattoo for $100.
Let me try to turn this around and pose it another way: how do you discern if a tattoo artist is any good? You can look at a portfolio, but there's not necessarily any proof that those works were actually done by their hand. Does price not figure in at all?
foxy moxie: I think that's part of my difficulty understanding... charging by the hour. That strikes me as profoundly odd. It seems like a tattoo is just a finished item, not a "by the hour" type of creation. Is a great artist not going to almost always be slower and more methodical? Isn't that alone going to cause "great tattoos" to be quite a bit more expensive?
In other words... didn't the spiderman tattoo take several orders of magnitude longer to do than all those bad tattoos linked above combined?
I guess maybe if I want to get a tattoo one day, I want to be sure I can pay my way away from some of the artwork in the link.
posted by Ynoxas at 12:31 PM on March 17, 2009
these are hilarious. totally made my day.
posted by metastability at 12:31 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by metastability at 12:31 PM on March 17, 2009
My fave father-and-son tat pair. What absolute morons. On the back of Dad's head is another tat: GOT 'R' DID.
You can't make this stuff up.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:32 PM on March 17, 2009
You can't make this stuff up.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:32 PM on March 17, 2009
There's this terrific Louise Erdrich story, "The Bingo Van" that almost inspired me to get my first tattoo. It would probably ended up looking like one of these.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by From Bklyn at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
foxy moxie: I think that's part of my difficulty understanding... charging by the hour. That strikes me as profoundly odd. It seems like a tattoo is just a finished item, not a "by the hour" type of creation. Is a great artist not going to almost always be slower and more methodical? Isn't that alone going to cause "great tattoos" to be quite a bit more expensive?
Why is it profoundly odd? People don't just get small little tattoos and call it a day. I have full sleeves, my whole back and thighs done (unfinished as of now). I can't do that all in a day. So far, it's maybe 60 + hours of work? That's why artist charge by the hour on larger pieces.
I don't know of many artist that would ask for 15,000 up front to complete a piece which is what they would have to do if they didn't charge by the hour.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
Why is it profoundly odd? People don't just get small little tattoos and call it a day. I have full sleeves, my whole back and thighs done (unfinished as of now). I can't do that all in a day. So far, it's maybe 60 + hours of work? That's why artist charge by the hour on larger pieces.
I don't know of many artist that would ask for 15,000 up front to complete a piece which is what they would have to do if they didn't charge by the hour.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
It almost looks as if the majority were done by the same person. They all have that high-school-art-class-charcoal-drawing look.
posted by mnb64 at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by mnb64 at 12:48 PM on March 17, 2009
Maybe something like this repesents a branching out of tattoo art style to include folk art? At least that's what I would tell people if it were MY arm....
posted by Failure31 at 12:50 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by Failure31 at 12:50 PM on March 17, 2009
Some of these tattoos look like my contributions to Broken Picture Telephone. I think I may have a new sideline. How much do ink works go for?
posted by ob at 12:55 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by ob at 12:55 PM on March 17, 2009
I'm reminded of a story that was told to me when I was about 14/15 in line for a rock concert by a much older guy (he was like 17 and he bought me and my friend beer so we thought he was awesome) about a guy who had previously made fun of us and walked off (I really can't remember what happened, but he probably was just ragging on us for being young.) The nice guy told us that the other guy had gotten a massive tattoo on his upper arm of his favourite member of Guns N' Roses. Steven Adler. Who was kicked out of the band the week after the guy got his tattoo finished. I don't care whether it was true or not, it was an awesome way to make a 14 year old feel better. Here's to you nice guy who bought us beer sometime in the very early 90s!
posted by ob at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by ob at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2009
A few of these have a quality that is, to my eyes, a bit reminiscent of Neckface. And Neckface makes ART!!
posted by incomple at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by incomple at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I always wonder about the tattoos that are words, written in all-caps decorative Gothic letters. Could they not see that it was totally illegible?
posted by not that girl at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by not that girl at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2009
I guess maybe if I want to get a tattoo one day, I want to be sure I can pay my way away from some of the artwork in the link.
And this makes much more sense. I understand what you're getting at, now. I hope I didn't offend you earlier, I was really just trying to express my confusion over what you'd said.
If it helps to explain things: yes, a good tattoo artist CAN take longer to do better work than a quick one, and charging by the hour actually helps him to not only charge more for the better work, but also justify the additional charge. It's not so much that the pay scale cheapens the work, as it helps justify the cost. if you're concerned, then rest assured that you can in fact go to a more expensive tattoo artist to ensure better work being done, and I've had many many people tell me (regarding a tattoo I have yet to get, but am planning on getting done) that going to a cheaper place would be something I'd regret doing for the fairly difficult work I'd like to have done. Cheaper places fill a niche, and that niche is largely for people that don't have a lot of money but want a tattoo anyway. Much as cheap television advertised ambulance chaser lawyers are cheap but poor quality litigators making the easy money, cheap tattoo artists are making what they can as easily as they're able.
On the other side, there are real artists out there (who, as a for instance, refuse to do "tramp stamps" and maori tribal tattoos out of principle) who charge more, will happily lose customers who just want ed hardy style cheap flash, and who make their living off very expensive incredible quality original work. But still, they will do smaller, less expensive pieces because they know most people start small and develop into more robust work as they get more comfortable with the process.
posted by shmegegge at 1:23 PM on March 17, 2009
And this makes much more sense. I understand what you're getting at, now. I hope I didn't offend you earlier, I was really just trying to express my confusion over what you'd said.
If it helps to explain things: yes, a good tattoo artist CAN take longer to do better work than a quick one, and charging by the hour actually helps him to not only charge more for the better work, but also justify the additional charge. It's not so much that the pay scale cheapens the work, as it helps justify the cost. if you're concerned, then rest assured that you can in fact go to a more expensive tattoo artist to ensure better work being done, and I've had many many people tell me (regarding a tattoo I have yet to get, but am planning on getting done) that going to a cheaper place would be something I'd regret doing for the fairly difficult work I'd like to have done. Cheaper places fill a niche, and that niche is largely for people that don't have a lot of money but want a tattoo anyway. Much as cheap television advertised ambulance chaser lawyers are cheap but poor quality litigators making the easy money, cheap tattoo artists are making what they can as easily as they're able.
On the other side, there are real artists out there (who, as a for instance, refuse to do "tramp stamps" and maori tribal tattoos out of principle) who charge more, will happily lose customers who just want ed hardy style cheap flash, and who make their living off very expensive incredible quality original work. But still, they will do smaller, less expensive pieces because they know most people start small and develop into more robust work as they get more comfortable with the process.
posted by shmegegge at 1:23 PM on March 17, 2009
20 years ago or so, a co-worker got a very poorly done tattoo of a tall, skinny Marvin the Martian on his calf. It was all kinds of bad. The worst part was the awkward lying we all had to do instead of the pointing and the laughing that he deserved. "Um, yeah, Rich, it's really cool."
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:50 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by Cookiebastard at 1:50 PM on March 17, 2009
I wish I had a picture of this one I heard about...it was the poet/artist' first tattoo. It was a dragon, on the guy's back...and he ran out of room so he had to scrunch it up...boy, was the victim pissed.
posted by kozad at 2:33 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by kozad at 2:33 PM on March 17, 2009
Sorry, but when I see ink on skin I cannot tell the difference between what's supposed to be good and what supposed to be bad.
posted by Zambrano at 2:47 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Zambrano at 2:47 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
"I have to guess the people wearing these poorly drawn images are pleased with them, because I don't know how one gets to the permanently-inked-into-skin stage without having looked at the not-permanent-just-drawn/stenciled-on stage and thought to oneself 'My gods! That's hideous!' Unless one wants a tattoo that looks just like these."
I think some people just don't know the difference. It looks good to them, so who am I to pop their bubble? But I won't compliment a tattoo unless it's a really good one.
posted by krinklyfig at 3:22 PM on March 17, 2009
I think some people just don't know the difference. It looks good to them, so who am I to pop their bubble? But I won't compliment a tattoo unless it's a really good one.
posted by krinklyfig at 3:22 PM on March 17, 2009
Wolfsnake is fucking dope, I don't care what you say.
posted by Mister_A at 3:22 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister_A at 3:22 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think that's part of my difficulty understanding... charging by the hour. That strikes me as profoundly odd. It seems like a tattoo is just a finished item, not a "by the hour" type of creation. Is a great artist not going to almost always be slower and more methodical? Isn't that alone going to cause "great tattoos" to be quite a bit more expensive?
Tattoo artists are usually considered designers or illustrators rather than original artists, because the person wearing the art is going to have a major interest in what is inked into their skin. In a large percentage of cases, people getting tattoos will bring the art for what they want with them when they go to see a tattoo artist, so that the tattoo artist's job is skill in application, an awareness of how the design will translate onto skin, etc, but not original rendering. In cases where the person just brings an idea, or even comes in unsure what they want, the tattoo artist still doesn't have the same level of creative freedom that fine artists have, since their canvases are human beings with distinct limitations and demands.
If you're surprised tattoos are cheap, remember that lots of logos, corporate designs and illustrations were created for only a few hundred bucks or whatever - it's the world of fine art that is unusual, really, and it's very much set up around being able to buy and sell the pieces for future profit, which you could never do with tattoos (or logos, illustrations, etc) - it's kind of a weird stock market situation.
posted by mdn at 3:41 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
Tattoo artists are usually considered designers or illustrators rather than original artists, because the person wearing the art is going to have a major interest in what is inked into their skin. In a large percentage of cases, people getting tattoos will bring the art for what they want with them when they go to see a tattoo artist, so that the tattoo artist's job is skill in application, an awareness of how the design will translate onto skin, etc, but not original rendering. In cases where the person just brings an idea, or even comes in unsure what they want, the tattoo artist still doesn't have the same level of creative freedom that fine artists have, since their canvases are human beings with distinct limitations and demands.
If you're surprised tattoos are cheap, remember that lots of logos, corporate designs and illustrations were created for only a few hundred bucks or whatever - it's the world of fine art that is unusual, really, and it's very much set up around being able to buy and sell the pieces for future profit, which you could never do with tattoos (or logos, illustrations, etc) - it's kind of a weird stock market situation.
posted by mdn at 3:41 PM on March 17, 2009 [1 favorite]
I wish we knew the stories behind the tattoos, and how the wearers feel about them. For example, this could be a cringeworthy mistake, or it could be a heartwrenching memento of the last drawing the guy's 6-year-old daughter made before she died of leukemia. (My money is on the former, but you never know ...)
posted by Quietgal at 3:42 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by Quietgal at 3:42 PM on March 17, 2009
This one kind of looked like a Margaret Kilgallen, I rather enjoyed that one.
posted by Sreiny at 4:31 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by Sreiny at 4:31 PM on March 17, 2009
The strangest (and worst-executed) tattoos I've ever seen in person were two small objects on a guy's forearm which depicted a corn silo and a cow pat. I don't know why.
posted by frobozz at 5:13 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by frobozz at 5:13 PM on March 17, 2009
the one of the woman does not look like a mistake. the actual tattoo work looks pretty clean - the detailing shows evidence of skill. i bet that's the art that the person wanted on their skin.
the one with the motorcycle and the little beer bottles and girlfriend blob? it is bad. so bad. i love it. so punk rawk.
and that t-rex is glorious. too bad it isn't green.
posted by lapolla at 5:34 PM on March 17, 2009
the one with the motorcycle and the little beer bottles and girlfriend blob? it is bad. so bad. i love it. so punk rawk.
and that t-rex is glorious. too bad it isn't green.
posted by lapolla at 5:34 PM on March 17, 2009
Two silly tat stories:
A million years ago, when my sister and I were running a comics publishing business, and working part time for a radio station (under pseudonyms) in Austin, one of the artists we published got very popular amongst a certain demographic.
So, on a radio station sponsored trip to a concert (P.I.L), one of the contest winners on the bus found out that she and I were tangentially tied to this particular artist. He went crazy, ripping off clothes, and telling us how much he loved the character, and then proceeded to show us various places upon his body where the character had been tattooed.
To this day, anytime we see the artist in question, we have to run up and say "OMG! I love X SO MUCH, I have him tattooed on MY ASS!". He hates that.
About the same period, we had a trip to the first Lollapallooza. Great fun was mostly had by all, but at some stage, we were given instructions to go and try and find some kid that had been on the bus, but was apparently not supposed to be there...or something. I don't remember the details, but off were were sent from the relative safety of backstage into the masses to try and find a random 14 year old kid in the crowd. The only identifying information we had to go on was that said kid had tattooed...in 60 point gothic type on his chest:
I SUFFER
We finally found him by getting one of the interstitial acts to announce that we were looking for him because the sacrifice couldn't go on without him. The crowd surfed him up to us, whereupon we made fun of him until we handed him off to someone in authority. Because really...suffer? Dude...let me introduce you to Gibby.
In retrospect, it was cruel. But it's still freaking funny.
posted by dejah420 at 5:59 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
A million years ago, when my sister and I were running a comics publishing business, and working part time for a radio station (under pseudonyms) in Austin, one of the artists we published got very popular amongst a certain demographic.
So, on a radio station sponsored trip to a concert (P.I.L), one of the contest winners on the bus found out that she and I were tangentially tied to this particular artist. He went crazy, ripping off clothes, and telling us how much he loved the character, and then proceeded to show us various places upon his body where the character had been tattooed.
To this day, anytime we see the artist in question, we have to run up and say "OMG! I love X SO MUCH, I have him tattooed on MY ASS!". He hates that.
About the same period, we had a trip to the first Lollapallooza. Great fun was mostly had by all, but at some stage, we were given instructions to go and try and find some kid that had been on the bus, but was apparently not supposed to be there...or something. I don't remember the details, but off were were sent from the relative safety of backstage into the masses to try and find a random 14 year old kid in the crowd. The only identifying information we had to go on was that said kid had tattooed...in 60 point gothic type on his chest:
We finally found him by getting one of the interstitial acts to announce that we were looking for him because the sacrifice couldn't go on without him. The crowd surfed him up to us, whereupon we made fun of him until we handed him off to someone in authority. Because really...suffer? Dude...let me introduce you to Gibby.
In retrospect, it was cruel. But it's still freaking funny.
posted by dejah420 at 5:59 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Did I miss something? All of these bad tatts and no Pillsbury Doughboy having his way with Little Debbie atop a Hostess cupcake (NSFW)
posted by MikeMc at 6:10 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by MikeMc at 6:10 PM on March 17, 2009 [2 favorites]
Just one more, not a fancy tattoo buy you have to love the humor.
posted by MikeMc at 6:30 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by MikeMc at 6:30 PM on March 17, 2009
Question about Tubes link: Why would it be hard to tattoo leather?
posted by dejah420 at 6:34 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by dejah420 at 6:34 PM on March 17, 2009
I will never recover from being shown the rainbow nazi unicorn tattoo.
posted by djfiander at 6:40 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by djfiander at 6:40 PM on March 17, 2009
i actually know a guy who wanted a tattoo of a coyote. holding a beer. and riding a mountainbike. he's lucky - the tattoo artist told him no.
posted by lapolla at 6:44 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by lapolla at 6:44 PM on March 17, 2009
All of these bad tatts and no Pillsbury Doughboy having his way with Little Debbie atop a Hostess cupcake (NSFW)
Dear God, that looks like the kind of thing my ex would get.
posted by limeonaire at 7:14 PM on March 17, 2009
Dear God, that looks like the kind of thing my ex would get.
posted by limeonaire at 7:14 PM on March 17, 2009
"I will never recover from being shown the rainbow nazi unicorn tattoo."
That's actually a great tattoo, but you have to be pretty brave to get something offensive and ironic at the same time, covering one entire butt cheek, and it probably took a while and cost a bit. It's funny, but definitely some people aren't going to get it. That's some commitment to the joke there, but at least it's good work.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:29 PM on March 17, 2009
That's actually a great tattoo, but you have to be pretty brave to get something offensive and ironic at the same time, covering one entire butt cheek, and it probably took a while and cost a bit. It's funny, but definitely some people aren't going to get it. That's some commitment to the joke there, but at least it's good work.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:29 PM on March 17, 2009
Wow, well, the tattoos below that unicorn one on the same page are pretty crazy and disturbing. Almost missed it.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:34 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by krinklyfig at 7:34 PM on March 17, 2009
Pshaw. Tattoos are only for people who want to be easily identified by the police.
posted by IvoShandor at 7:48 PM on March 17, 2009
posted by IvoShandor at 7:48 PM on March 17, 2009
No mention of "I'm Going To Kill You, Ray Romano"?
As for prices, my 4x4 compass rose (based on the cover image of House of Leave) cost me $200AU for maybe 45 minutes work.
posted by cerulgalactus at 9:09 PM on March 17, 2009
As for prices, my 4x4 compass rose (based on the cover image of House of Leave) cost me $200AU for maybe 45 minutes work.
posted by cerulgalactus at 9:09 PM on March 17, 2009
I'll never get tired of laughing at terrible tattoos.
I've seen multiple versions of the Pillsbury Doughboy/Little Debbie love match. Which makes me ask, did these develop independently or did the idea appear out of the ether?
posted by sugarfish at 10:29 PM on March 17, 2009
I've seen multiple versions of the Pillsbury Doughboy/Little Debbie love match. Which makes me ask, did these develop independently or did the idea appear out of the ether?
posted by sugarfish at 10:29 PM on March 17, 2009
Thanks for the Doughboy/Debbie pix. Now I can reply with that image when someone asks what's a superpoke on Facebook.
BTW, Pillsbury was just getting back at his old girlfriend, Jane Dough...
Hey, I didn't know that Little Debbie was a turnover...
Hey, I always thought he was a little flaky...
Hey, does Little Debbie now have a bun in the oven?
Hey, these one liners are rottener than the tats.
posted by forrestal at 5:49 AM on March 18, 2009
BTW, Pillsbury was just getting back at his old girlfriend, Jane Dough...
Hey, I didn't know that Little Debbie was a turnover...
Hey, I always thought he was a little flaky...
Hey, does Little Debbie now have a bun in the oven?
Hey, these one liners are rottener than the tats.
posted by forrestal at 5:49 AM on March 18, 2009
This one is only missing the Tasmanian devil but hits the Trifecta of played-out tattoos. I kind of marvel at it.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 10:09 AM on March 18, 2009
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 10:09 AM on March 18, 2009
Some ugly tats and comments from tattoo artists & fans:
1 & 2
posted by forrestal at 11:23 AM on March 18, 2009
1 & 2
posted by forrestal at 11:23 AM on March 18, 2009
These are great! And by great, I mean completely awful. This post has reminded me to see what's been going on lately over at Hanzi Smatter.
posted by Mountain Goatse at 12:04 PM on March 19, 2009
posted by Mountain Goatse at 12:04 PM on March 19, 2009
To eliminate these bad tats, some options are hot iron and laser in a jar.
posted by forrestal at 3:05 PM on March 24, 2009
posted by forrestal at 3:05 PM on March 24, 2009
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posted by Faint of Butt at 10:31 AM on March 17, 2009