I miss the 1970s

March 24, 2009 2:29 PM

Times Square before Disney: Ads for 1970s "Leisure Spas" (SLYT)
posted by CunningLinguist (33 comments total)

I liked the last one's easygoing narration of practical comparison shopping: 2 minutes with a hooker or three top-quality hardcore porno features? Wow, I know how I'm gonna spend my $2.49!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:54 PM on March 24, 2009

Ironically, at the new Disney "leisure spa" the massages don't have happy endings.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:06 PM on March 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yeah, that last guy really was the Billy Mays of smut.
posted by Rhomboid at 3:11 PM on March 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

I believe your hooahs tag should be spelled ho's, but I haven't consulted the Oxford English Dictionary on this yet.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:19 PM on March 24, 2009

I thought maybe whooah, but that looked too much like whoah.
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:21 PM on March 24, 2009

(That's a "New Yorkah" accent, twoleftfeet.)
posted by applemeat at 3:22 PM on March 24, 2009

Please. It's Noo Yawkuh
posted by CunningLinguist at 3:23 PM on March 24, 2009

Hoohahs.
posted by avocet at 3:26 PM on March 24, 2009

None of those places were on Times Square.
Only the last one was even off Times Square.

But it did bring back fond memories of stuff I never considered doing.
posted by hexatron at 3:33 PM on March 24, 2009

The dude in Caesar's palace was really enjoying the waterboarding by his two "slaves".
posted by rabbitsnake at 3:33 PM on March 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

I love the one that appeals to thriftyness at 2:20: "If you're a sex fan, you know the price you pay is getting higher every day. For example, what can you get in the sex entertainment field for $2.49?"
posted by delmoi at 3:36 PM on March 24, 2009

Just another example of why I hate the Baby Boomers. I was a kid during the sixties free love era. Then slightly too young to enjoy this disco-era sleaze. And when I finally reached young adulthood in the early eighties? Hello AIDS!

And then I was too old when the ecstacy, hugging, and this 'hooking up' thing came along. I hate everyone, young and old alike. Unless you were born around 1961. Then I just feel sorry for you.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 3:37 PM on March 24, 2009 [10 favorites]

It was a simpler time. A better time.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:38 PM on March 24, 2009

I'm surprised so many lovely guys came out of the 1970s.
These furtively mainstream sex promos are depressing (if you misplace your sense of humor!).
posted by Jody Tresidder at 3:40 PM on March 24, 2009

Turtles, born in '64 and felt the same way.
posted by octothorpe at 3:40 PM on March 24, 2009

Lemon-cream facials. Lemon-cream facials.
posted by MrMoonPie at 3:47 PM on March 24, 2009

BorntoolateFilter
posted by Senor Cardgage at 3:59 PM on March 24, 2009

Boomer here. Remember a hawker handing out flyers for "The Dating Room" on 42nd St. Just up a flight of stairs...
posted by kozad at 4:20 PM on March 24, 2009

Hi, I'm Electra - Buk Buk BuKAW!?

And I'm sorry, but that sorry ass Roy Orbison impersonator is no gladiator.

What a great and terrible time to be alive.
posted by Muddler at 4:20 PM on March 24, 2009

Ugh, I need a shower just from watching that. A hot one.
posted by DU at 4:43 PM on March 24, 2009

If we didn't have the 70's we never would have had "Barney Miller."
posted by digsrus at 4:49 PM on March 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

Ditto Turtles. Totally cheated.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:50 PM on March 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

Trailer [SLYT] for the new Live-Action Leisure Suit Larry movie.
posted by JibberJabber at 5:47 PM on March 24, 2009

Disco era rub and a tug.
posted by pianomover at 6:09 PM on March 24, 2009

eponysterical?
posted by bashos_frog at 6:10 PM on March 24, 2009

ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI!!!
posted by pianomover at 6:14 PM on March 24, 2009

Yes, but do they have taters?
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:51 PM on March 24, 2009

"Come, Caesar. We await you."

hahahahahahahah!

Thanks, CL. This is a keeper.
posted by jason's_planet at 9:36 PM on March 24, 2009

/me shakes fist at previous generation.

I wouldn't have gone here, but would have loved having the choice to not go here.

Even the regular movie theater in my somewhat square US hometown showed X-rated movies in the 1970s.
posted by zippy at 10:52 PM on March 24, 2009

I don't know which one is funnier. The fat guy being fed grapes off his crotch by "Roman slave girls" is pretty great, but the simple deadpan delivery of the "three top quality hardcore porno films for only $2.49!" may be greater. It reminds me of the "Cock Ring Warehouse" sketch from Mr. Show.
posted by DecemberBoy at 1:44 AM on March 25, 2009

70's New York? It's no different today. All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I think someone should just take this city and just... just flush it down the fuckin' toilet.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:08 AM on March 25, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'd take Grime Square over the santised consumerist/bad taste porn emporia it has become any day. Not enough record out there of NYC in grime/decline. Times Square Red/Times Square Blue is interesting, Tales from Times Square is as well. Shows the less luxurious reality of the sex palaces. Sleazoid Express is the best account overall IMHO. But I wasn't there.
posted by The Salaryman at 6:46 AM on March 25, 2009

Dog carcass in alley last night, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are gutters and the gutters are filled with blood, and when the drains scab over--wait, did you say $2.49? Hrm. On a budget. Must think this over.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:05 AM on March 25, 2009 [6 favorites]