Okay, everybody takes a drink whenever Isabella Rosselini says the word "penis"...
April 11, 2009 11:57 AM Subscribe
Sundance and Isabella Rosselini present season two of Green Porno. Most definitely NSFW. Previously.
Although, now I think about it, it won't stop her being screwed by the Bear, just successfully mating with it. Unless Bears have an innate understanding of the lack of compatibility of the various, erm, "intricate tunnels" that puts them off sufficiently.
posted by Brockles at 12:09 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by Brockles at 12:09 PM on April 11, 2009
Wow. Episode 2 (Whale) is surreal perfection. It's what you would get if Michel Gondry met a dominatrix, she slipped him some acid, and forced him to make a documentary about whale sex.
posted by diogenes at 12:10 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by diogenes at 12:10 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
I don't know who Isabella Rosselini is, but there's something a little creepy about her. Particularly when she does that "hand in a glove" thing towards the end of the first short.
Still, it's strangely compelling. Cool post.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:12 PM on April 11, 2009
Still, it's strangely compelling. Cool post.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:12 PM on April 11, 2009
I don't know who Isabella Rosselini is
Rossellini is the daughter of Swedish actress Ingrid Bergman and the Italian director Roberto Rossellini. One of the finest actresses of her generation, she was also a Lancôme model for years. see the wiki
posted by netbros at 12:18 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
Rossellini is the daughter of Swedish actress Ingrid Bergman and the Italian director Roberto Rossellini. One of the finest actresses of her generation, she was also a Lancôme model for years. see the wiki
posted by netbros at 12:18 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
These are fantastic, but too short. 1.30 of awesome shadow puppetry and constumes and paper sculptures, and then 2 minutes of credits. Humph. But still, they are delicious.
posted by jokeefe at 12:22 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by jokeefe at 12:22 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
I don't know who Isabella Rosselini is
Only the most beautiful love child created in the history of film...
posted by jonp72 at 12:30 PM on April 11, 2009 [10 favorites]
Only the most beautiful love child created in the history of film...
posted by jonp72 at 12:30 PM on April 11, 2009 [10 favorites]
Rossellini is the daughter of Swedish actress Ingrid Bergman and the Italian director Roberto Rossellini.
She was also Mrs. Martin Scorsese from 1979 to 1982.
posted by jonp72 at 12:32 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
She was also Mrs. Martin Scorsese from 1979 to 1982.
posted by jonp72 at 12:32 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
Daddy wants a fuck!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:41 PM on April 11, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:41 PM on April 11, 2009 [5 favorites]
and had a romantic relationship with David Lynch
posted by namagomi at 12:41 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by namagomi at 12:41 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
The candy-colored clown they call the sandman
Tip-toes in my room every night...
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:43 PM on April 11, 2009
Tip-toes in my room every night...
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:43 PM on April 11, 2009
I would make it species specific... so that I'm not screwed by a bear.
oh man. I pretty much never laugh out loud at stuff I see on the web, but that line did it.
posted by juv3nal at 12:50 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
oh man. I pretty much never laugh out loud at stuff I see on the web, but that line did it.
posted by juv3nal at 12:50 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
Anglerfish was brilliant. That it's also true of how they mate only adds to the enjoyment.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:05 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:05 PM on April 11, 2009
5 seconds in I'm thinking, I have to post this as a FPP.
10 seconds in I'm thinking, Oh that's right, I clicked on a FPP
Kind of like the kid in elementary school raising his hand and simultaneously blurting out the same answer as the kid who followed the correct protocol, correctly giving the right answer an instant before. "Oh, did somebody say that already?
Nicely played.
posted by Rafaelloello at 1:09 PM on April 11, 2009
10 seconds in I'm thinking, Oh that's right, I clicked on a FPP
Kind of like the kid in elementary school raising his hand and simultaneously blurting out the same answer as the kid who followed the correct protocol, correctly giving the right answer an instant before. "Oh, did somebody say that already?
Nicely played.
posted by Rafaelloello at 1:09 PM on April 11, 2009
and had a romantic relationship with David Lynch
In other words, you won't have a chance with Isabella Rossellini unless you workshop a few short films and a decent feature-length at Sundance first.
posted by jonp72 at 1:25 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
In other words, you won't have a chance with Isabella Rossellini unless you workshop a few short films and a decent feature-length at Sundance first.
posted by jonp72 at 1:25 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
Don't look at me!
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 1:46 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by rageagainsttherobots at 1:46 PM on April 11, 2009
These are fantastic, but too short. 1.30 of awesome shadow puppetry and constumes and paper sculptures, and then 2 minutes of credits.
Well, it is a commentary on sex.
posted by chrismear at 2:31 PM on April 11, 2009 [27 favorites]
Well, it is a commentary on sex.
posted by chrismear at 2:31 PM on April 11, 2009 [27 favorites]
Good stuff ... but why is there a full minute and a half of credits for a 90 second flick?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:32 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:32 PM on April 11, 2009
Man I haven't thought about Rosselini in a long time...loved her appearances on Letterman back in the 80's. She seemed so exotic and cultured.
posted by aerotive at 2:46 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by aerotive at 2:46 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
This is fun! But the limpet episode is total bullshit. Limpets do not mount each other. The eggs are fertilized externally.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:00 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:00 PM on April 11, 2009
Isabella Rossellini once sat next to me at a pizza shop in the Village and wolfed down a slice as I tried not to stare. She is completely awesome in so many ways.
posted by tristeza at 3:08 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by tristeza at 3:08 PM on April 11, 2009
This is fun! But the limpet episode is total bullshit. Limpets do not mount each other.
Except, of course, during their epic territorial contests:
(cut to shot of two almost stationary limpets) Here we see two limpets locked in a life or death struggle for territory. The huge bull limpet, enraged by the rock, endeavours to encircle its sprightly opponent.
posted by yoink at 3:13 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
Except, of course, during their epic territorial contests:
(cut to shot of two almost stationary limpets) Here we see two limpets locked in a life or death struggle for territory. The huge bull limpet, enraged by the rock, endeavours to encircle its sprightly opponent.
posted by yoink at 3:13 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
OK, completely terrified of Isabella Rossellini. But in a good way.
posted by emelenjr at 3:19 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by emelenjr at 3:19 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
Ingrid Bergman, Ingrid Bergman
Let's go make a picture
On the island of Stromboli
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman, you're so perty
You'd make any mountain quiver
You'd make fire fly from the crater
Ingrid Bergman
This old mountain it's been waiting
All its life for you to work it
For your hand to touch its hard rock
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman
If you'll walk across my camera
I will flash the world your story
I will pay you more than money
Ingrid Bergman
Not by pennies dimes nor quarters
But with happy sons and daughters
And they'll sing around Stromboli
Ingrid Bergman
This old mountain it's been waiting
All its life for you to work it
For your hand to touch its hard rock
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman
Also, this is awesome.
posted by felix betachat at 3:26 PM on April 11, 2009
Let's go make a picture
On the island of Stromboli
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman, you're so perty
You'd make any mountain quiver
You'd make fire fly from the crater
Ingrid Bergman
This old mountain it's been waiting
All its life for you to work it
For your hand to touch its hard rock
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman
If you'll walk across my camera
I will flash the world your story
I will pay you more than money
Ingrid Bergman
Not by pennies dimes nor quarters
But with happy sons and daughters
And they'll sing around Stromboli
Ingrid Bergman
This old mountain it's been waiting
All its life for you to work it
For your hand to touch its hard rock
Ingrid Bergman
Ingrid Bergman
Also, this is awesome.
posted by felix betachat at 3:26 PM on April 11, 2009
On the bottom right corner of the main page, there's a link to get your Green Porno name. Mine is Stainer!
posted by diogenes at 3:27 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by diogenes at 3:27 PM on April 11, 2009
I used to live across the street from Ms. Rossellini. She lived in a normal house in a normal neighborhood, would say kind things about your dog, would stand in line for Italian ices. A very nice person. So I've taken a proprietary interest in her career since then. She does not disappoint. Even a movie like "The Saddest music in the World" (2003), a movie I didn't much care for, has the indelible image of Isabella Rossellini with two artificial legs filled with beer.
posted by acrasis at 3:40 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 3:40 PM on April 11, 2009 [4 favorites]
Dave Foley kinda messed with [Mister_A]'s aesthetic appreciation of Isabella Rossellini by pointing out how much he looks like her.
Wahoo! Season 2! Thx miss lynn!
posted by cavalier at 3:50 PM on April 11, 2009
Wahoo! Season 2! Thx miss lynn!
posted by cavalier at 3:50 PM on April 11, 2009
That's so funny about Dave Foley - I always thought they looked alike.
I saw her in that new Joaquin Phoenix movie last night. She was great (and kept all her clothes on).
posted by serazin at 4:03 PM on April 11, 2009
I saw her in that new Joaquin Phoenix movie last night. She was great (and kept all her clothes on).
posted by serazin at 4:03 PM on April 11, 2009
In 82 or 83 I lent her my BMX and when I got it back the back wheel was flat. She said nothing about it. I didn't follow it up - I should have. Then I asked her who her favorite was in "Battle of the Planets" and she picked Jason, so I thought she was cool.
posted by Elmore at 4:09 PM on April 11, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by Elmore at 4:09 PM on April 11, 2009 [3 favorites]
cavalier: " messed with [Mister_A]'s aesthetic appreciation of Isabella Rossellini by pointing out how much he looks like her."
This nice guy I work with has completely ruined Sarah Silverman for me by looking like her twin brother.
posted by Joe Beese at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2009
This nice guy I work with has completely ruined Sarah Silverman for me by looking like her twin brother.
posted by Joe Beese at 4:11 PM on April 11, 2009
My Green Porno name is Jeanne Triplewart.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by miss lynnster at 4:13 PM on April 11, 2009
Sorry, got that wrong. I once fucked a girl called Jeanne.
posted by Elmore at 4:15 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Elmore at 4:15 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
I would have a tunnel, a labyrinth. And you would put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me strong.
There is a lot of awesomeness in her creepiness. Feminist, humaninst, funny awesomeness.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:35 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
There is a lot of awesomeness in her creepiness. Feminist, humaninst, funny awesomeness.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:35 PM on April 11, 2009 [1 favorite]
As a teenager, I too had a relationship with Isabella Rosselini... sure, it had more to do with a certain poster, than an actual "relationship" but hey... I'm not complaining.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:33 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by R. Mutt at 5:33 PM on April 11, 2009
I found the first batch interesting... these, sort of "more of the same"... after one or two, it was "meh".....
posted by HuronBob at 6:46 PM on April 11, 2009
posted by HuronBob at 6:46 PM on April 11, 2009
paging Robyn Hitchcock
posted by celerystick at 6:53 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by celerystick at 6:53 PM on April 11, 2009 [2 favorites]
Good stuff ... but why is there a full minute and a half of credits for a 90 second flick?
To make you wait for the Samuel Jackson cameo.
posted by rokusan at 7:04 PM on April 11, 2009
To make you wait for the Samuel Jackson cameo.
posted by rokusan at 7:04 PM on April 11, 2009
To make you wait for the Samuel Jackson cameo.
Get that motherfuckin' whale penis off my motherfuckin' plane!
posted by jonp72 at 8:10 PM on April 11, 2009
Get that motherfuckin' whale penis off my motherfuckin' plane!
posted by jonp72 at 8:10 PM on April 11, 2009
I'd go straight for Isabella Rossellini.
Read that however you'd like.
posted by darkstar at 9:40 PM on April 11, 2009 [3 favorites]
Read that however you'd like.
posted by darkstar at 9:40 PM on April 11, 2009 [3 favorites]
Slipper limpets do something similar to what she describes. Man mounts female, mates, tehn turns female himself. Another man comes along, mounts the new female, and so it goes. You find them in long stacks, all female, except for the last man on board. I have no idea where I know this from, perhaps I dreamed it, but the stacks of slipper limpets are easy to find.
posted by stonepharisee at 2:18 AM on April 12, 2009
posted by stonepharisee at 2:18 AM on April 12, 2009
I just want to use this opportunity to say that I met Isabella Rosselini once. She seemed friendly. I am pro-Isabella and all her freakazoid indie-film porn biology lessons.
This occurred in 1995, when she was (I guess) dating Gary Oldman, whom I also met (and urinated next to) on that day. He was so wispy-thin and small that you could knock him over with a well-aimed sneeze.
posted by Dr. Wu at 8:44 AM on April 12, 2009
This occurred in 1995, when she was (I guess) dating Gary Oldman, whom I also met (and urinated next to) on that day. He was so wispy-thin and small that you could knock him over with a well-aimed sneeze.
posted by Dr. Wu at 8:44 AM on April 12, 2009
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Wise words, Isabella. Wise words.
posted by Brockles at 12:06 PM on April 11, 2009 [9 favorites]