When you have a flat this cool, you don't need a bed
May 8, 2009 8:02 AM Subscribe
"After his wife left him, Tony Alleyne set out to create the ultimate bachelor pad, painstakingly turning his flat into a Star Trek set... The 500-square-foot apartment features voice-activated lighting, LED lighting, running lights, air-conditioning—but no bed... A few years ago Mr Alleyne suffered from sciatica and was advised by his GP to sleep on the floor. 'It cured the sciatica and gave me the opportunity to convert the bed area into the Transporter area,' he says. 'Bed space is overrated...' His wife—who owns the flat—put it up for sale, but it fell through.
'It cured the sciatica and gave me the opportunity to convert the bed area into the Transporter area,' he says.
and he's still not getting anywhere, is he?
posted by pyramid termite at 8:06 AM on May 8, 2009 [5 favorites]
and he's still not getting anywhere, is he?
posted by pyramid termite at 8:06 AM on May 8, 2009 [5 favorites]
"the ultimate bachelor bad"
Um. No, not really.
posted by oddman at 8:07 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
Um. No, not really.
posted by oddman at 8:07 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
'Bed space is overrated...'
Yes, he would say that wouldn't he....
posted by Floydd at 8:07 AM on May 8, 2009
Yes, he would say that wouldn't he....
posted by Floydd at 8:07 AM on May 8, 2009
Does this mean "bachelor pad" in the sense of "never getting laid again in this or anyone else's apartment?"
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 8:09 AM on May 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 8:09 AM on May 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
Alleine is German for alone - eponysterical!
posted by Glow Bucket at 8:10 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Glow Bucket at 8:10 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I bet it still has that new spaceship smell.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:10 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:10 AM on May 8, 2009
I imagine it must be pretty stale in there, I see no windows at all.
posted by Dragonness at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Dragonness at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009
Yeah, I actually think "ultimate bachelor pad" works very well. Mostly because it implies a sense of finality.
Also, this is insanely cool
posted by hifiparasol at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009 [13 favorites]
Also, this is insanely cool
posted by hifiparasol at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009 [13 favorites]
Wow. I know you just told me that this was a Star Trek pad, but I really wasn't expecting this.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by iamkimiam at 8:11 AM on May 8, 2009
His marriage wore a red tunic.
posted by Bummus at 8:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
posted by Bummus at 8:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [6 favorites]
As much as I want to hate this guy this is too cool.
I think his wife leaving him was his destiny.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think his wife leaving him was his destiny.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
It can be argued that a human is ultimately the sum of his experiences.
posted by gman at 8:13 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by gman at 8:13 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Also, its really kind of odd to look at that room, and to think of him spending all his evenings alone, on the deck of the faux Starship Enterprise, sleeping.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:14 AM on May 8, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by iamkimiam at 8:14 AM on May 8, 2009 [4 favorites]
I bet it still has that new spaceship smell.
Is that what that is? I was going to go with a combination of internet porn, quasi-futuristic vinyl clothing, and sorrow.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:15 AM on May 8, 2009 [7 favorites]
Is that what that is? I was going to go with a combination of internet porn, quasi-futuristic vinyl clothing, and sorrow.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:15 AM on May 8, 2009 [7 favorites]
Kirk: Singles life is great, Homer. I can do whatever I want. Today I drank a beer in the bathroom.
Homer: The one down the hall.
Kirk: Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?
Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Kirk: Oh. Yeah.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:16 AM on May 8, 2009 [15 favorites]
Homer: The one down the hall.
Kirk: Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?
Homer: I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Kirk: Oh. Yeah.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:16 AM on May 8, 2009 [15 favorites]
It's the ultimate bachelor pad in the sense that it will preserve its inhabitant's status as a bachelor indefinitely. Especially because it's Voyager. Ew.
Also, because we have a Star Trek topic, I need to say this: The new movie was freaking awesome. It was fun and action-packed, yet still kept the 'feel' of Star Trek quite well.
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:16 AM on May 8, 2009
Also, because we have a Star Trek topic, I need to say this: The new movie was freaking awesome. It was fun and action-packed, yet still kept the 'feel' of Star Trek quite well.
posted by Jon_Evil at 8:16 AM on May 8, 2009
Can someone please contact the reporter or photographer and find out what it smells like in there? I'm sorry kuujjuarapik but I'm guessing new spaceship smell isn't quite right. Something more like new Cheetos smell, maybe.
posted by Outlawyr at 8:18 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Outlawyr at 8:18 AM on May 8, 2009
He could make some scratch renting the space out as a set for Trekkie Porn. and other such endeavors.
posted by The Whelk at 8:18 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 8:18 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
I was going to go with a combination of internet porn, quasi-futuristic vinyl clothing, and sorrow.
you forgot the warm smell of hot pockets in the microwave, er, replicator.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:20 AM on May 8, 2009
you forgot the warm smell of hot pockets in the microwave, er, replicator.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:20 AM on May 8, 2009
Is there a Klingon word for 'loneliness'?
[consults dictionary]
Ah, yes: G'arr D'aK!
posted by Ratio at 8:20 AM on May 8, 2009 [5 favorites]
[consults dictionary]
Ah, yes: G'arr D'aK!
posted by Ratio at 8:20 AM on May 8, 2009 [5 favorites]
Is it the ultimate bachelor pad in that it ensures one's status as bachelor?
posted by I Foody at 8:22 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by I Foody at 8:22 AM on May 8, 2009
Is there a Klingon word for 'loneliness'?
Just like the no-doubt elaborate Klingon mating ritual (aka slash fiction), I'm sure it was one of the first entries into the Klingon lexicon.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:24 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just like the no-doubt elaborate Klingon mating ritual (aka slash fiction), I'm sure it was one of the first entries into the Klingon lexicon.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:24 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
It's good to have a hobby.
What I liked were the little incongruous domestic touches, like the sink in the kitchen, and the kettle (images 4 & 8). Looking at the kettle I think it's one of the spiffy ones with colour-changing LEDs, so maybe that fits with the theme.
posted by Tapioca at 8:27 AM on May 8, 2009
What I liked were the little incongruous domestic touches, like the sink in the kitchen, and the kettle (images 4 & 8). Looking at the kettle I think it's one of the spiffy ones with colour-changing LEDs, so maybe that fits with the theme.
posted by Tapioca at 8:27 AM on May 8, 2009
Girls like a guy who's passionate about his hobbies -- or anything really.
That's beyond 'passionate', verging on psychotic.
posted by gman at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009
That's beyond 'passionate', verging on psychotic.
posted by gman at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009
i'm going to paint my apartment metafilter blue and to hell with what the landlord says about it
posted by pyramid termite at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by pyramid termite at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
Covered in Wired here and here, and on techblog here.
And are you guys sure that's a disco ball?
posted by cjorgensen at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
And are you guys sure that's a disco ball?
posted by cjorgensen at 8:28 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
From his website bio:
In 1994 I had, like most people, a run of bad luck that left me unable to carry on as a DJ.
It's true, back in '94 unemployment was at an all-time high thanks to the Great DJ Luck Crisis. You couldn't walk past an abandoned warehouse without seeing a few homeless rave DJs pushing their boxes of vinyl and glowsticks around in old rusty shopping carts, and if you drove through a bad neighborhood at night there was a good chance a DJ would jump on your hood and start a 24-hour trance mix that wouldn't stop unless you paid him to go away.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:29 AM on May 8, 2009 [51 favorites]
In 1994 I had, like most people, a run of bad luck that left me unable to carry on as a DJ.
It's true, back in '94 unemployment was at an all-time high thanks to the Great DJ Luck Crisis. You couldn't walk past an abandoned warehouse without seeing a few homeless rave DJs pushing their boxes of vinyl and glowsticks around in old rusty shopping carts, and if you drove through a bad neighborhood at night there was a good chance a DJ would jump on your hood and start a 24-hour trance mix that wouldn't stop unless you paid him to go away.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:29 AM on May 8, 2009 [51 favorites]
I think you guys are all full of shit. I know a bunch of girls who would totally think this was rad. Girls like a guy who's passionate about his hobbies -- or anything really.
Like this guy.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 8:29 AM on May 8, 2009
Like this guy.
posted by foxy_hedgehog at 8:29 AM on May 8, 2009
I'll bet he knows that if the diboridium cloaking is down all he has to do is control the multisynaptic memory purge with tantulus converter assembly.
posted by Sailormom at 8:30 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Sailormom at 8:30 AM on May 8, 2009
Not hard to believe: his wife left him.
Hard to believe: he had a wife to begin with.
posted by tommasz at 8:33 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Hard to believe: he had a wife to begin with.
posted by tommasz at 8:33 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Girls like a guy who's passionate about his hobbies -- or anything really.
I'm really passionate about sexual harrasment and misogyny; doesn't seem to be working for me in the dating department though. Dumb broads.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:35 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
I'm really passionate about sexual harrasment and misogyny; doesn't seem to be working for me in the dating department though. Dumb broads.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:35 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
What about the bathroom?
I really want to see a Star Trek bathroom!
But there isn't one, 'cause they don't go to the bathroom in the future, right?
posted by bartleby at 8:40 AM on May 8, 2009
I really want to see a Star Trek bathroom!
But there isn't one, 'cause they don't go to the bathroom in the future, right?
posted by bartleby at 8:40 AM on May 8, 2009
Zoom screen indicates Disco Ball presence in two views.
-would probably deflect a phaser, but not photon torpedos.
posted by buzzman at 8:42 AM on May 8, 2009
-would probably deflect a phaser, but not photon torpedos.
posted by buzzman at 8:42 AM on May 8, 2009
I'm really passionate about sexual harrasment and misogyny; doesn't seem to be working for me in the dating department though
Aww, you sound so nice.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:45 AM on May 8, 2009
Aww, you sound so nice.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:45 AM on May 8, 2009
What about the bathroom?
Image 10. The fecal dematerializer is shown on the lower right.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009
Image 10. The fecal dematerializer is shown on the lower right.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009
Also, its really kind of odd to look at that room, and to think of him spending all his evenings alone, on the deck of the faux Starship Enterprise, sleeping.
Wearing that Star Trek outfit he has, rubbing his bald head again and again, sobbing aloud rambling entries into his 'captain's log.'
posted by shakespeherian at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
Wearing that Star Trek outfit he has, rubbing his bald head again and again, sobbing aloud rambling entries into his 'captain's log.'
posted by shakespeherian at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
You know, if you took out the expressly Star Trek stuff like the panels that say "SCIENCE" next to a picture of Voyager and the teleporter pad and all that, it's actually a pretty cool apartment.
posted by Pseudoephedrine at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Pseudoephedrine at 8:46 AM on May 8, 2009
But there isn't one, 'cause they don't go to the bathroom in the future, right?
that's what the transporter's for
posted by pyramid termite at 8:47 AM on May 8, 2009
that's what the transporter's for
posted by pyramid termite at 8:47 AM on May 8, 2009
Well, he could really probably do quite well as a set-builder or designer. I mean, that's some pretty good work in there, really.
posted by Happy Dave at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Happy Dave at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009
He paid for it using benefit cheques.
I want my money back.
Or the disco ball.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I want my money back.
Or the disco ball.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
But there isn't one, 'cause they don't go to the bathroom in the future, right?
that's what the transporter's for
So where do they transport all the poo to?
posted by Pollomacho at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009
that's what the transporter's for
So where do they transport all the poo to?
posted by Pollomacho at 8:50 AM on May 8, 2009
The NCC-1701 had a single bathroom, which is where Khan first saw Chekhov, who had taken too long and had used all the toilet paper.
posted by mkb at 8:51 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by mkb at 8:51 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
I have always wondered this about Star Trek: If they had transporters, then why did they need spaceships?
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:56 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:56 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
But there isn't one, 'cause they don't go to the bathroom in the future, right?
What about the Captain's log?
/never left the third grade
posted by Ratio at 8:57 AM on May 8, 2009
What about the Captain's log?
/never left the third grade
posted by Ratio at 8:57 AM on May 8, 2009
that's what the transporter's for
Normally when Starfleet issues travel warnings or closes off a planet to the outside world, it's some tantalizing mystery or secret cover-up or vast treasure or planets so backward they'd be easy pickings for plunder, but not so Zeta-Zeta 5.
Zeta-Zeta 5 is a superdense moon orbiting a lonely Brown Dwarf somewhere to the east of nowhere. No ship has ever landed on her. Again, normally this would mean it's harboring some flavor of adventure or mystery, but you have to understand that while the "private" transporters say they're set to WASTE ELIMINATION, they're really set to WASTE REMOVAL.
Zeta-Zeta 5 is the place they are removed to.
Do not go to Zeta-Zeta 5.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Normally when Starfleet issues travel warnings or closes off a planet to the outside world, it's some tantalizing mystery or secret cover-up or vast treasure or planets so backward they'd be easy pickings for plunder, but not so Zeta-Zeta 5.
Zeta-Zeta 5 is a superdense moon orbiting a lonely Brown Dwarf somewhere to the east of nowhere. No ship has ever landed on her. Again, normally this would mean it's harboring some flavor of adventure or mystery, but you have to understand that while the "private" transporters say they're set to WASTE ELIMINATION, they're really set to WASTE REMOVAL.
Zeta-Zeta 5 is the place they are removed to.
Do not go to Zeta-Zeta 5.
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
So where do they transport all the poo to?
the space family robinson's compost units
posted by pyramid termite at 9:03 AM on May 8, 2009
the space family robinson's compost units
posted by pyramid termite at 9:03 AM on May 8, 2009
and to fuel all the jetsons' flying cars - i thought everyone knew that
posted by pyramid termite at 9:04 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by pyramid termite at 9:04 AM on May 8, 2009
I'm waiting for somebody to convert their house or apartment into a replica of the Battlestar Galactica CIC.
posted by thewalrus at 9:06 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by thewalrus at 9:06 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
My place is decorated as an exact replica of a holodeck, which is running a program called "crappy apartment".
posted by orme at 9:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [43 favorites]
posted by orme at 9:12 AM on May 8, 2009 [43 favorites]
My apartment is beige.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:14 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by dirigibleman at 9:14 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I bet he spent a shitpile of gold plated latinum bars.
posted by digsrus at 9:23 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by digsrus at 9:23 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
So where do they transport all the poo to?
Why, the food replicators, of course! Waste not, want not.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:25 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Why, the food replicators, of course! Waste not, want not.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:25 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Wow. I didn't expect it to be impressive, just sad.
However, as someone above said, picturing someone sleeping there? Sad. Spare room? Awesome. Hell of a den.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:27 AM on May 8, 2009
However, as someone above said, picturing someone sleeping there? Sad. Spare room? Awesome. Hell of a den.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:27 AM on May 8, 2009
I know a bunch of girls who would totally think this was rad.
I was going to say that there is indeed a line between passion and psychosis and that lacking the self-awareness necessary to know when to stop is not an attractive quality, and then I saw
I'm waiting for somebody to convert their house or apartment into a replica of the Battlestar Galactica CIC.
and I'm thinking oh god, you could play air hockey with all the little Raider models! You could hobble around and pretend to be Gaeta! You could shoot at every guest who came over! You could put your bathtub in it and pretend to be a cybrid! Oh my god this would be SO GREAT.
And this does not make me a hypocrite in any way shape or form. No sir.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:31 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
I was going to say that there is indeed a line between passion and psychosis and that lacking the self-awareness necessary to know when to stop is not an attractive quality, and then I saw
I'm waiting for somebody to convert their house or apartment into a replica of the Battlestar Galactica CIC.
and I'm thinking oh god, you could play air hockey with all the little Raider models! You could hobble around and pretend to be Gaeta! You could shoot at every guest who came over! You could put your bathtub in it and pretend to be a cybrid! Oh my god this would be SO GREAT.
And this does not make me a hypocrite in any way shape or form. No sir.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:31 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
Dormant Gorilla: Holidays would be exciting, what with trying to figure out which relative is a Cylon. Plus, all the whiskey you can drink!
Side Question: Should I give in to my partner's demand that we wear the Tunic Tees we got for Christmas when seeing the new movie? I don't want to be That Guy but I suspect I'm married to That Guy and I have a deeper suspicion that I am, fundamentally, That Guy.
Captian yellow and Ops Red, respectfully.
posted by The Whelk at 9:33 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Side Question: Should I give in to my partner's demand that we wear the Tunic Tees we got for Christmas when seeing the new movie? I don't want to be That Guy but I suspect I'm married to That Guy and I have a deeper suspicion that I am, fundamentally, That Guy.
Captian yellow and Ops Red, respectfully.
posted by The Whelk at 9:33 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Cookiebastard, this has been addressed on a couple shows. It has to do with range. That's why they are always out of transporter range when the plot demans someone be trapped on a planet.
One episode of Enterpise (I believe) had a researcher who was trying to use subspace bands to transport anywhere. He end up turning his son into a subspace ghost.
I am so shutting up now.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:41 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
One episode of Enterpise (I believe) had a researcher who was trying to use subspace bands to transport anywhere. He end up turning his son into a subspace ghost.
I am so shutting up now.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:41 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
He paid for it using benefit cheques.
I want my money back.
Or the disco ball.
Naw, this guy should get an Arts Council grant. There may be a small post-industrial town in northern England he can convert into Risa. That'ld be worth it.
posted by Sova at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2009
I want my money back.
Or the disco ball.
Naw, this guy should get an Arts Council grant. There may be a small post-industrial town in northern England he can convert into Risa. That'ld be worth it.
posted by Sova at 9:43 AM on May 8, 2009
I'm waiting for somebody to convert their house or apartment into a replica of the Battlestar Galactica CIC.
You know, this actually sounds cool.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:46 AM on May 8, 2009
You know, this actually sounds cool.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:46 AM on May 8, 2009
Side Question: Should I give in to my partner's demand that we wear the Tunic Tees we got for Christmas when seeing the new movie? I don't want to be That Guy but I suspect I'm married to That Guy and I have a deeper suspicion that I am, fundamentally, That Guy.
I dunno, but I'm wearing this shirt when I go.
posted by Lucinda at 9:46 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I dunno, but I'm wearing this shirt when I go.
posted by Lucinda at 9:46 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
So where do they transport all the poo to?
posted by Pollomacho at 8:50 AM on May 8
Republican National Committee
310 First Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003
posted by Yer-Ol-Pal at 9:59 AM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
"I would like to take on another science fiction project here in the UK. Perhaps a TV show called 'Extreme Movie Makeovers'. Now that would be interesting. Based on all the email enquiries I get from Star Trek and science fiction fans from around the world, I'm sure there's someone out there who would also like to live the experience."
Then how come he hasn't been abre to sell the place?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:00 AM on May 8, 2009
Then how come he hasn't been abre to sell the place?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:00 AM on May 8, 2009
'After' his wife left him? Really?
He does look a bit like Mr.Clean. Maybe he should have gone with the 'clean apartment' theme. White t-shirts are cheap.
Still, I do think this is pretty cool. I'm with Pseudoephedrine, just make it futuristic rather than Star Trekish and it's a very nifty place. I'd keep that background starship hum though. Soooothing.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:03 AM on May 8, 2009
He does look a bit like Mr.Clean. Maybe he should have gone with the 'clean apartment' theme. White t-shirts are cheap.
Still, I do think this is pretty cool. I'm with Pseudoephedrine, just make it futuristic rather than Star Trekish and it's a very nifty place. I'd keep that background starship hum though. Soooothing.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:03 AM on May 8, 2009
Synecdoche II: The Wrath of Divorce.
posted by minifigs at 10:05 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by minifigs at 10:05 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Narrator: And so, the cycle of life continues, as the larval Trekkie emerges from its parents' basement and finds a new home, in its wife's apartment.
posted by zippy at 10:14 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by zippy at 10:14 AM on May 8, 2009
Would Kirk have a bed? Yes Kirk would have a bed. Kirk would rip out the damn transporter pads to have a bed if he needed too.
posted by Artw at 10:20 AM on May 8, 2009 [4 favorites]
posted by Artw at 10:20 AM on May 8, 2009 [4 favorites]
Divorce: The final frontier.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:24 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:24 AM on May 8, 2009
Pollomacho : So where do they transport all the poo to?
On the edge of the Romulan Neutral Zone there is a small cluster of stars where a very singular alien race lives. They once were warriors of the highest order, but centuries of combat took its toll, and after their last battle, they swore to rise above the base instincts that drove them and they rededicated their attention to attaining spiritual enlightenment. To this end, they took their exceptionally high technology, and built a magnificent cathedral.
In this cathedral is a room where, it is rumored, that the first among them to reach a higher plane of existence crossed over. The room is their holiest place and it is considered the highest honor to be allowed to stand in the doorway and gaze in (an act, which is believed to speed up the process of becoming one with the next level.)
Later, after the incident, outside observers remarked that is was astonishing how quickly these spiritual aliens reclaimed their warrior instincts by tearing down their cities to provide the raw materials for the warships they would send across space to exact revenge for the unspeakable desecration and defilement.
If you want to know where the poo got sent, just wait for the warrior alien's armada to arrive. I'm sure they'll be happy to give us all the details.
posted by quin at 10:24 AM on May 8, 2009
On the edge of the Romulan Neutral Zone there is a small cluster of stars where a very singular alien race lives. They once were warriors of the highest order, but centuries of combat took its toll, and after their last battle, they swore to rise above the base instincts that drove them and they rededicated their attention to attaining spiritual enlightenment. To this end, they took their exceptionally high technology, and built a magnificent cathedral.
In this cathedral is a room where, it is rumored, that the first among them to reach a higher plane of existence crossed over. The room is their holiest place and it is considered the highest honor to be allowed to stand in the doorway and gaze in (an act, which is believed to speed up the process of becoming one with the next level.)
Later, after the incident, outside observers remarked that is was astonishing how quickly these spiritual aliens reclaimed their warrior instincts by tearing down their cities to provide the raw materials for the warships they would send across space to exact revenge for the unspeakable desecration and defilement.
If you want to know where the poo got sent, just wait for the warrior alien's armada to arrive. I'm sure they'll be happy to give us all the details.
posted by quin at 10:24 AM on May 8, 2009
So this guy doesn't have a bed and sleeps on the floor, I'm wondering does he just lay down anywhere when he wants to go to sleep? He's standing on the deck and...time for bed! Plonk Next night he's on the transporter. Plonk Wherever looks comfortable, I guess.
That said, what a fucking nutjob.
posted by slogger at 10:28 AM on May 8, 2009
That said, what a fucking nutjob.
posted by slogger at 10:28 AM on May 8, 2009
Where in the UK is this? If he did have a bed, it would make an awesome bed and breakfast. Assuming he can get the stench of solitude and loneliness properly purged from it.
posted by jabberjaw at 10:38 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by jabberjaw at 10:38 AM on May 8, 2009
> I dunno, but I'm wearing this shirt when I go.
In stock, except for
the following item(s):
Red/Black, S (Est. 5/10)
Red/Black, XXXL (Est. 5/10)
How am I not surprised they ran out of XXXL's
posted by mrzarquon at 10:48 AM on May 8, 2009
In stock, except for
the following item(s):
Red/Black, S (Est. 5/10)
Red/Black, XXXL (Est. 5/10)
How am I not surprised they ran out of XXXL's
posted by mrzarquon at 10:48 AM on May 8, 2009
"the ultimate bachelor bad"
Well...if by "bachelor" you mean "doomed to be single and celibate for the rest of your natural life", then, yeah.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:49 AM on May 8, 2009
Well...if by "bachelor" you mean "doomed to be single and celibate for the rest of your natural life", then, yeah.
posted by Thorzdad at 10:49 AM on May 8, 2009
Where in the UK is this? If he did have a bed, it would make an awesome bed and breakfast.
You should check out the art hotels in Berlin.
posted by Artw at 10:52 AM on May 8, 2009
You should check out the art hotels in Berlin.
posted by Artw at 10:52 AM on May 8, 2009
So where do they transport all the poo to?
Children, please. There is only one answer to this question, and it's in the form of a semiSocratic dialogue.
KIRK: [feels his abdomen] Where are our feces?
SCOTT: I used the transporter, Captain.
KIRK: You used the transporter?
SCOTT: Aye.
KIRK: Where did you transport it? Scott, you didn't transport it into space, did you?
SCOTT: Captain Kirk, that would be inhuman, and it'd be a hazard to navigation.
KIRK: Where is it, then?
SCOTT: I gave it to the Klingons.
KIRK: You gave it to the Klingons?
SCOTT: Aye. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole shit and caboodle into their engine room, where it will explode out of thin air and shower those fucking Klingons with our crap, and possibly give them severe infections.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:55 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
Children, please. There is only one answer to this question, and it's in the form of a semiSocratic dialogue.
KIRK: [feels his abdomen] Where are our feces?
SCOTT: I used the transporter, Captain.
KIRK: You used the transporter?
SCOTT: Aye.
KIRK: Where did you transport it? Scott, you didn't transport it into space, did you?
SCOTT: Captain Kirk, that would be inhuman, and it'd be a hazard to navigation.
KIRK: Where is it, then?
SCOTT: I gave it to the Klingons.
KIRK: You gave it to the Klingons?
SCOTT: Aye. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole shit and caboodle into their engine room, where it will explode out of thin air and shower those fucking Klingons with our crap, and possibly give them severe infections.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:55 AM on May 8, 2009 [3 favorites]
I've never seen the show. Outside of a "dork" context, this looks pretty much like a nightclub.
posted by aquafortis at 10:56 AM on May 8, 2009
posted by aquafortis at 10:56 AM on May 8, 2009
Can we arrange an introduction between Mr. Alleine and Ms. Bujold?
posted by mwhybark at 11:09 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by mwhybark at 11:09 AM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
He really needs to have Kirk's bed, or the cabin in Mirror, Mirror (scroll down), if only for the bed & breakfast or Bachelor Parties option. Also needs this.
He went $174000 into debt building his apartment set.
posted by misha at 11:11 AM on May 8, 2009
He went $174000 into debt building his apartment set.
posted by misha at 11:11 AM on May 8, 2009
This dude was on the Graham norton show. Heres the bit, starting at 4:30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYeNJ-_l84&feature=related
posted by Catfry at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQYeNJ-_l84&feature=related
posted by Catfry at 11:16 AM on May 8, 2009
That lighting would give me a headache within hours. No way I could live there.
That being said, it actually looks pretty nifty, and it might be nice to visit, and tour. And then leave, before I went blind from the head-pain.
posted by sandraregina at 11:49 AM on May 8, 2009
That being said, it actually looks pretty nifty, and it might be nice to visit, and tour. And then leave, before I went blind from the head-pain.
posted by sandraregina at 11:49 AM on May 8, 2009
How am I not surprised they ran out of XXXL's
Your logic is flawed, as they are also out of size small.
posted by Lucinda at 12:25 PM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
Your logic is flawed, as they are also out of size small.
posted by Lucinda at 12:25 PM on May 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
There were a couple of redshirts at the Arclight showing last night ohwhothehellamikidding
I just had to go somewhere to say holy fucking shit, the movie was awesome!
Whew. Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.
posted by Space Kitty at 12:45 PM on May 8, 2009
I just had to go somewhere to say holy fucking shit, the movie was awesome!
Whew. Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.
posted by Space Kitty at 12:45 PM on May 8, 2009
This would be cool until a guy who looks like you but has a goatee trashes the place and kicks your landlord's ass.
posted by Smedleyman at 12:49 PM on May 8, 2009 [8 favorites]
posted by Smedleyman at 12:49 PM on May 8, 2009 [8 favorites]
What amazes me is how clean the place is. He'd have to hit it with Windex like every day.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:42 PM on May 8, 2009
posted by cjorgensen at 1:42 PM on May 8, 2009
I know a bunch of girls who would totally think this was rad.
I'm sure. We call those "unattractive losers."
posted by tkchrist at 2:53 PM on May 8, 2009
I'm sure. We call those "unattractive losers."
posted by tkchrist at 2:53 PM on May 8, 2009
I remember reading about this in a magazine (I think it was the Wired bit linked earlier) and the same story - trying to sell the flat, no takers. Which means it's been on the market for 3 or 4 years now (or more?). Wonder when they'll reach the point where they decide it's unsellable, then dismantle the parts that can be moved out? I suppose it depends on how pricey real estate is in Leicestershire. Any locals to the area have any conjectures on that?
Looking at the photos all I can think is how small the place looks - and dark.
Did you read on his website the motto?
"Bliss is a room without wires."
Also remember there are many many Trek fans who are totally normal looking. I mean, so I own a toy phaser that I used to shoot at the tv news when it annoyed me - there's nothing terribly odd about that. (Better than the nerf gun, it would always run out of ammo.)
posted by batgrlHG at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2009
Looking at the photos all I can think is how small the place looks - and dark.
Did you read on his website the motto?
"Bliss is a room without wires."
Also remember there are many many Trek fans who are totally normal looking. I mean, so I own a toy phaser that I used to shoot at the tv news when it annoyed me - there's nothing terribly odd about that. (Better than the nerf gun, it would always run out of ammo.)
posted by batgrlHG at 4:07 PM on May 8, 2009
Wasn't this guy's flat featured in Trekkies or its sequel?
posted by cribcage at 8:15 PM on May 8, 2009
posted by cribcage at 8:15 PM on May 8, 2009
I thought the apartment was cool, blah, blah, blah.....
Just thought I'd second someone's 'The new movie is effing awesome' comment up thread. Saw it last night with the wife - I kinda sorta like Abrams and walked in not really trying to set the bar high. Fringe = awesome. Lost = what? Cloverfield = waver, waver.
I was hooked the moment it started. From start to finish, the movie was just completely excellent. They were right on with the casting, the movie manages to fit itself into the cannon even though it completely fucks it. It's just... it's just rad. That's all. Rad. Even my wife agrees, and she's never seen an episode of Star Trek. ANY of them. So yep. That's all I'm gunna say.
posted by Bageena at 10:20 PM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Just thought I'd second someone's 'The new movie is effing awesome' comment up thread. Saw it last night with the wife - I kinda sorta like Abrams and walked in not really trying to set the bar high. Fringe = awesome. Lost = what? Cloverfield = waver, waver.
I was hooked the moment it started. From start to finish, the movie was just completely excellent. They were right on with the casting, the movie manages to fit itself into the cannon even though it completely fucks it. It's just... it's just rad. That's all. Rad. Even my wife agrees, and she's never seen an episode of Star Trek. ANY of them. So yep. That's all I'm gunna say.
posted by Bageena at 10:20 PM on May 8, 2009 [2 favorites]
Yea, this seems like somewhere I could get an informed opinion..I saw the movie yesterday, and it was great. Made me feel like I should watch the rest of it. Where should I start?
posted by jacalata at 11:56 PM on May 8, 2009
posted by jacalata at 11:56 PM on May 8, 2009
I've never seen the show.
Is there an emoticon for Invasion of the Body Snatchers-esque pointing and screeching?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:33 AM on May 9, 2009 [1 favorite]
Is there an emoticon for Invasion of the Body Snatchers-esque pointing and screeching?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 12:33 AM on May 9, 2009 [1 favorite]
I was in Hinckley the other week. It seemed like an immensely dull town. I might be tempted to do something similar, if I lived there.
posted by altolinguistic at 2:18 AM on May 9, 2009
posted by altolinguistic at 2:18 AM on May 9, 2009
I know a bunch of girls who would totally think this was rad.
Fascinating.
posted by Tenuki at 3:13 AM on May 9, 2009
Fascinating.
posted by Tenuki at 3:13 AM on May 9, 2009
Where should I start?
Watching "the rest of it" would be a big undertaking. I'm a bigger Trek fan than your average person, and I don't think I've ever sat through an episode of DS9. I've only seen three episodes of Enterprise.
I think you can start anywhere; most episodes are self-contained and you're not really missing anything by jumping in randomly. The original series and The Next Generation are sort of the heart of Trek on TV, where the other series are like spinoffs. TNG evolved a lot over seven seasons, but there are great episodes scattered throughout. I like "The Inner Light" and "Darmok" a lot. From the original series, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" is one of the classic episodes that everybody talks about because of its social commentary.
Probably for most people coming out of the new movie, who have never before seen Trek but now want to check it out, I'd suggest trying another movie. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is generally acknowledged to be the best.
posted by cribcage at 7:47 AM on May 9, 2009
Watching "the rest of it" would be a big undertaking. I'm a bigger Trek fan than your average person, and I don't think I've ever sat through an episode of DS9. I've only seen three episodes of Enterprise.
I think you can start anywhere; most episodes are self-contained and you're not really missing anything by jumping in randomly. The original series and The Next Generation are sort of the heart of Trek on TV, where the other series are like spinoffs. TNG evolved a lot over seven seasons, but there are great episodes scattered throughout. I like "The Inner Light" and "Darmok" a lot. From the original series, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" is one of the classic episodes that everybody talks about because of its social commentary.
Probably for most people coming out of the new movie, who have never before seen Trek but now want to check it out, I'd suggest trying another movie. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is generally acknowledged to be the best.
posted by cribcage at 7:47 AM on May 9, 2009
the movie manages to fit itself into the cannon even though it completely fucks it.
Would that be the one that shoots photon torpedoes?
posted by fourcheesemac at 8:36 AM on May 9, 2009
Would that be the one that shoots photon torpedoes?
posted by fourcheesemac at 8:36 AM on May 9, 2009
Would that be the one that shoots photon torpedoes?
i thought you shot pictures with a canon
posted by pyramid termite at 9:30 AM on May 9, 2009
i thought you shot pictures with a canon
posted by pyramid termite at 9:30 AM on May 9, 2009
Where should I start?
This is what I'm doing...
I am about half-way through "The Empath" right now.
posted by Lucinda at 8:05 AM on May 10, 2009
This is what I'm doing...
I am about half-way through "The Empath" right now.
posted by Lucinda at 8:05 AM on May 10, 2009
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Sounds like a perfectly healthy relationship and there's no certainly no indication of mental issues here.
posted by DU at 8:05 AM on May 8, 2009