Asserting Your Social Status With Your Facebook Status

September 1, 2009 2:37 PM

There are five key rules to using your status update to maximum status-signifying effect. Learn from the masters: "(to the dude on the A train who said he was NYLON's digital director, attempting to impress some girl 1. Nice try but that's my job 2. And I'm flattered but that's some wishful thinking, babe, because it's an amazing job but it's sadly never gotten me laid!)" By placing her bragging in the lying mouth of a subway stranger, this updater covertly asserts the prestige of her position and at the same time insulates herself against similar claims. Particularly masterful is the covert assumption here that her position is one sufficiently grand to be the ethereal stuff of A train boasting.
posted by geoff. (41 comments total)

New York Magazine once again ascends the heights of utter vacuity.
posted by nj_subgenius at 2:53 PM on September 1, 2009 [6 favorites]

A whole new way to hate people! Thanks man!
posted by ardgedee at 2:54 PM on September 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh man, people are ragging on my new article published on nymag.com on MetaFilter again. They're so mean to great writers with cutting social insights!
posted by GuyZero at 2:55 PM on September 1, 2009 [5 favorites]

Note: I did not write that article.
posted by GuyZero at 2:55 PM on September 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

"To the dude who was claiming on the 21A that he swept up the McDonald's at 15th and University SE every night in order to impress the chickie in the goth make-up and ripped stockings, STFU. That's my job and the only time it got me laid was when my lady boss had her way with me."
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:56 PM on September 1, 2009 [4 favorites]

And once again, the people who don't care about status can look down upon those who do...
posted by doctor_negative at 2:57 PM on September 1, 2009 [6 favorites]

GuyZero - You're the Tim Gunn of perversity.
posted by Artw at 3:01 PM on September 1, 2009

I'm tweeting this right now.

It hurts so much!
posted by blue_beetle at 3:21 PM on September 1, 2009

I'm tweeting this from the Jitney!
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 3:22 PM on September 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

There goes what was left of the neighborhood.
posted by fourcheesemac at 3:24 PM on September 1, 2009

I Will certainly mention this the next time I'm eating in Nobu with Ghostface Killah and Steve Jobs, and GK asks how it's going down at the BMW test track.
posted by WPW at 3:27 PM on September 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

I am sitting on the porch.
posted by thanotopsis at 3:43 PM on September 1, 2009

I have a lot of money and a large penis.

Hey, am I doing this right?
posted by qvantamon at 3:49 PM on September 1, 2009 [6 favorites]

I was just complaining to mathowie about this, and he said the Mozilla board was intrigued by my analysis, but I didn't have time to talk to them as I had to loan my private plane to cortex for his upcoming Meta meetup tour.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:03 PM on September 1, 2009 [1 favorite]

The fine art of pretending you have a life that doesn't revolve around letting the others know about your life is in itself a statement: I can afford not earning a living.
posted by elpapacito at 4:03 PM on September 1, 2009

I don't understand your mammalian social games at all.

Facebook status: account deleted because I was constantly spammed by horny Egyptian guys searching for "egypt+female".
posted by egypturnash at 4:08 PM on September 1, 2009

I do my best to focus my status updates on cute things my cats are doing.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:16 PM on September 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

Feeding my cats last night's caviar. Ugh, hate leftovers.
4 minutes ago · Comment · Like
posted by naju at 4:20 PM on September 1, 2009 [19 favorites]

I'd had much better standing to criticize this kind of behaviour, if I weren't commenting about it in Metafilter.
posted by Free word order! at 4:22 PM on September 1, 2009

> I am sitting on the porch.

I am sitting in a room.
posted by ardgedee at 4:30 PM on September 1, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh I love I am sitting in a room. One of my professors in college was the guy who did that.
posted by taliaferro at 4:49 PM on September 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

I am sitting in a room. It is pitch dark. I am likely to be eaten by a grue.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:50 PM on September 1, 2009 [5 favorites]

Some days I pray for Skynet to become self-aware, because battling killer androids from the smoking rubble of civilization has to be better than this.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:28 PM on September 1, 2009 [3 favorites]

Guyzero: You know who else didn't write this article.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 6:05 PM on September 1, 2009

Oh I love I am sitting in a room. One of my professors in college was the guy who did that.

One of your professors was Alvin Lucier? That must've been amazing.
posted by Magnakai at 6:05 PM on September 1, 2009

fuq loves it when people make fun of facebook!
about an hour ago - comment - like - bloat
posted by fuq at 6:17 PM on September 1, 2009

... the sorta link that should get posted on Facebook ... jk/;p)#
posted by mrgrimm at 6:36 PM on September 1, 2009

taliaferro wins
posted by nax at 6:37 PM on September 1, 2009

4. SELF-AGGRANDIZE VIA SELF-DEPRECATION


Drank 1982 Château Lafite from buttcrack of half-wit Afghanistan private security contractor.

5 minutes ago · Comment · Like
posted by digsrus at 6:41 PM on September 1, 2009

4. SELF-AGGRANDIZE VIA SELF-DEFECATION

Dammit! Another Diesel jeans ruined. Damned Alli, it's not like I need it with my perfect body.
posted by qvantamon at 6:57 PM on September 1, 2009

Some days I pray for Skynet to become self-aware, because battling killer androids from the smoking rubble of civilization has to be better than this.

Skynet's updates:

- Killing all humans.
- Killing all humans.
- Watching Jr Mint Seinfeld episode. LOL! No, is joke for crush spirit of remaining humans (which I am killing).
- Killing all humns.
- Sorry, typo. Killing all humans.
posted by No-sword at 9:13 PM on September 1, 2009 [11 favorites]

Can someone tell me if facebook has an eyeroll emoticon? I just signed up two days ago at the insistence of some of my "high school was the apex of my existence" friends, and while it's proving to be really interesting sociologically, I must admit that I'm already wanting to bitch slap most of the people in my pathetically small list of friends. But God help me, I keep going back for more.
posted by cowpattybingo at 11:12 PM on September 1, 2009

Some days I pray for Skynet to become self-aware, because battling killer androids from the smoking rubble of civilization has to be better than this.

Heh. I'm sorry to disappoint you but people often seem to have gotten a falsely spectacular impression of the kind of work we do with the system.
posted by Anything at 1:12 AM on September 2, 2009

Can someone tell me if facebook has an eyeroll emoticon?

Just click "like". After you've done that enough times, people will figure out what you're using it for.
posted by effbot at 1:21 AM on September 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

The lady at the library said I needed something with my current address on it to get a library card, but luckily I had brought an envelope with me. Life is good!
posted by Hollow at 2:07 AM on September 2, 2009

gompa is wondering if this is something he would have to use Web 2.0 social networking applications to understand.
posted by gompa at 2:30 AM on September 2, 2009

Typcial NY Mag cruft worth a skim, but the comments are priceless. Seriously. Check out the comments.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:35 AM on September 2, 2009

Yeah...the comments aren't that great, either.
posted by limeonaire at 5:49 AM on September 2, 2009

don't understand your mammalian social games at all.

Hear hear. Doesn't anyone appreciate a fully inflated, bright red bluster of neck spines anymore?
posted by The Whelk at 8:00 AM on September 2, 2009 [3 favorites]

All Facebook does is make me feel glad I'm not living in my home town - everyone seems to have two kids and no ability to write in anything other than txtspk. I really don't think about it all that much.
posted by mippy at 8:58 AM on September 2, 2009

Hear hear. Doesn't anyone appreciate a fully inflated, bright red bluster of neck spines anymore?

I smell a NEW COMIC FROM THE WHELK! "Iguana Game"! In which a lizard coaches hapless men in reptilian mating strategies.

Hey, it's got to work better than Dmitri the Lover.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:19 AM on September 2, 2009