"Good seltzer should hurt. It's the truth."

September 26, 2009 3:37 PM

“How do I get delivery?” I asked. “Who is this?” Ronny asked, as if I were a crank caller. “How’d you get this number?"

With video of The Gomberg Seltzer Works

posted by R. Mutt (67 comments total)

Oh, man. A tall glass of cold seltzer on ice with a quarter lemon or a sprig of mint: that would go down great right now.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 3:48 PM on September 26, 2009

I love seltzer and am insanely jealous to find out that there's such a thing as home delivered seltzer in hand blown Czech pre-WW2 bottles. Is there nothing you can't get in New York??
posted by contessa at 3:51 PM on September 26, 2009 [8 favorites]

Thank god there's finally a classy way to wash from one's face the gooey remains of an artisanal bourbon custard pie with rustic crust, creme fraiche and boysenberry coulis.
posted by SassHat at 4:01 PM on September 26, 2009 [35 favorites]

Is there nothing you can't get in New York??

Yeah, the fresh strawberries that you can buy at the San Rafael farmer's markets, which I'm perpetually desiring, but hey, try to find a honeycrisp apple in the Bay area.

Oh, and thanks for this post, brings back a LOT of memories of growing up in Brooklyn, and my grandparents getting those deliveries. Some U-Bet chocolate syrup, milk and that amazing seltzer made for the perfect egg cream. Sigh.
posted by dbiedny at 4:02 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is there nothing you can't get in New York?

A parking space.
posted by rokusan at 4:03 PM on September 26, 2009 [15 favorites]

It's stories like these - more than science fiction or florid travel writing - that keep me believing that life has many possibilities. Thank you for posting this.
posted by voronoi at 4:03 PM on September 26, 2009 [7 favorites]

A friend's dad used to get these delivered, and it's true - the plastic stuff at the supermarket is somehow less seltery than the old fashioned kind.
posted by 1adam12 at 4:07 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is there nothing you can't get in New York?

A parking space.

Pssst... you gotta read the manual:

Calvin Trillin's Tepper Isn't Going Out

And draw attention to myself? Not a chance. I always park in front of hydrants. The secret is to park smack in front of them rather than just too near them. You have to go all the way. If you're smack in front of them, the cop rolling down the street can't see that there's a hydrant there at all. You have to be brazen. That's my motto, in parking and in life: be brazen.

posted by R. Mutt at 4:23 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is there nothing you can't get in New York?

A parking space.

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.

The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
posted by netbros at 4:32 PM on September 26, 2009 [92 favorites]

Honey Crisp Apple in the Bay Area. Nothing to it, go to Whole Foods. Bought one there today and I am in the Bay Area. next...
posted by jcworth at 4:55 PM on September 26, 2009

A short, but wonderful, article. Thanks!
posted by JHarris at 4:56 PM on September 26, 2009

That might be the worst joke ever, netbros:

a.) Banks don't take goods as collateral -- and especially not on $5k loans.
b.) Do New York banks even have underground car parks?
c.) The punch line was obvious right from the start
d.) It wasn't even funny!

Maybe it worked in the 1940's or something?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:58 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

The restaurant I work at had a bunch of those old bottles in wooden cases in the creepy, dirt-floored basement attached to the more recent one. I'm sure seltzer deliveries are long gone in Philadelphia, however, as are most things that involve middle-class families staying in one place for a long time.
posted by deafmute at 5:00 PM on September 26, 2009

But Ronny Beberman had a good reason. Having tumbled eight feet off his own seltzer truck, Mr. Beberman, 62... bleeding from a head gash and having broken a foot and several vertebrae...

Hang in there, Seltzerman.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:09 PM on September 26, 2009

I liked the joke.
posted by shockingbluamp at 5:21 PM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

When was the last GOOD joke you heard that made a lick of sense?

Yeah, a priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into bars together all the time.

Joke was good.
posted by waitingtoderail at 5:52 PM on September 26, 2009 [8 favorites]

I also liked the joke.
posted by dsquid at 6:00 PM on September 26, 2009

3 parts seltzer and one part fresh OJ over crushed ice is the perfect thing to drink on those 90+ degree days when its too early to start drinking iced tea with a lot of lemon.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:04 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Do you have a better joke about New York, McDermott?
posted by clockzero at 6:05 PM on September 26, 2009

Maybe you can't (or maybe you can, vide jcworth supra) get a honeycrisp apple in the sf bay, but you can get pink pearls and ashmead's kernels, so what's to miss?
posted by kenko at 6:12 PM on September 26, 2009

I believe a seltzer works recently shut down in Philly.
posted by kenko at 6:17 PM on September 26, 2009

a.) Banks don't take goods as collateral -- and especially not on $5k loans

When I was collecting start-up cash to open my old business, I got exactly a $5,000 loan from a bank using my car as collateral. I guess, though, you might be implying that a car title does not constitute a "good," or that owning the title does not necessarily equate with owning the physical car.
posted by joechip at 6:42 PM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

They have Honeycrisps at the Redwood City Safeway. I buy them, and then hide them from the kids. They can eat Galas and Fujis, and they're not observant enough to notice my apple looks subtly different.

But crappy bagels and definitely no secret seltzer delivery. I might be willing to trade my CSA box for good bagels and a seltzer guy.
posted by padraigin at 6:50 PM on September 26, 2009

I also liked the joke.

But crappy bagels and definitely no secret seltzer delivery. I might be willing to trade my CSA box for good bagels and a seltzer guy.

I dunno about this. I'd have to think about it. I miss good bagels though. Hmmm.
posted by rtha at 7:05 PM on September 26, 2009

"Thank god there's finally a classy way to wash from one's face the gooey remains of an artisanal bourbon custard pie with rustic crust, creme fraiche and boysenberry coulis."

I been saying for years that vaudeville is coming back.
This is proof of it.
posted by Iron Rat at 7:12 PM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Thank you R. Mutt.
I remember by grandmother's apartment on Tiebout Ave. in the Brornx, where there was always a huge seltzer bottle in the icebox. That's how she liked her scotch and soda. My spinster Aunt Rose (the worst person in the world) used Cott club soda for hers because she 'felt like a Jew' using a seltzer bottle. I swear.

I saw this and wonder if I won't ask for one for an upcoming birthday. Seems you control the level of carbonation, plus the CO2 canisters are exchanged with the company.
posted by nj_subgenius at 7:24 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

We've got a Sodastream. It's good - we were getting increasingly horrified at the number of plastic fizzy water bottles we were going through every week (recycling, yeah, but still) - and this is wonderful in large part because we never run out. There's no opening of the fridge and realizing that, as much as you'd like some fizzy water + grapefruit juice + Campari, you can't have any unless you go to the store to buy seltzer.
posted by rtha at 7:29 PM on September 26, 2009

I've never had Brooklyn seltzer, but I just got a Sodastream for my bday. I'm really happy with it....it makes the good burny kind of seltzer, takes no batteries or electricity, and I've had like 3 liters a day for a month, and the CO2 bottle is still going strong. Nothing better on a hot day, and first thing in the morning...
posted by nevercalm at 7:31 PM on September 26, 2009 [3 favorites]

Oh my god, sodastream. That brings back memories. They were all the rage in south county Dublin in the eighties, haven't thought about them for years!
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:46 PM on September 26, 2009

My wife brought home honeycrisps from SF Whole Foods. Finally got to try them! They were pretty good. Not a revelation like pluots at Ferry Farmer's Market
posted by jcruelty at 7:49 PM on September 26, 2009

Memories! My grandparents (in Bensonhurst) used to get weekly visits from the seltzer man (their neighborhood also had a junk man and a knife man).

Allan Sherman put it best:

Seltzer Boooooy!
If you don't bring that seltza
Gonna tell Mistah Meltza on youuuuu
posted by adamg at 7:50 PM on September 26, 2009 [3 favorites]

> Yeah, a priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into bars together all the time.

Totally. I wish they'd stop already. I'm just trying to chill out and have a drink and there's this big commotion at the door about animals in the bar. And the duck's not cooperating either.
posted by ardgedee at 7:57 PM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

A broke, unemployed -- but still breathing -- person walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he wanted to buy a million dollar home and needed to borrow $1,000,000. The loan officer said 'No problem!' and signed him up for a 40 year interest-only ARM.

There was nothing to check out and the loan officer wrote up the loan.

5 years later the interest rate readjusted and the person was no longer able to make the payments.

The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are unemployed and mostly broke. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $1,000,000?"

The person replied: "Where else can I live in a millon dollar mansion for five years at $800/month?"




Wait a minute, that's not funny.
posted by mazola at 8:04 PM on September 26, 2009 [30 favorites]

A Pat Sajak impersonator walks into a giant mushroom forest. No, wait...
posted by Meatbomb at 8:24 PM on September 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Reading this story made me want to drink seltzer.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:24 PM on September 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: Reading this story made me want to drink seltzer
posted by mazola at 8:31 PM on September 26, 2009

Note that it's easy, and inexpensive, to make your own soda/seltzer water. All you need is a soda syphon of the type that take little disposable carbon dioxide bulbs.

You unscrew the top of the syphon, you fill it to the line with water (plus any flavouring you like; a squeeze of lemon, a shot of lime cordial; go ahead and make carbonated milk if you want...), you put the top back on, you put a bulb in the little screw-on bulb-holding doover, you screw it on until the needle punctures the end of the bulb, there is whooshing and bubbling, and you've got yourself some soda water. (For really authentic seltzer flavour, I'm told you need to add a pinch of salt.)

(The abovementioned "Sodastream" is a soda syphon that carbonates whatever's inside a standard plastic soft-drink bottle. A normal soda syphon has its own glass or metal bottle, out of which the carbonated beverage is pushed by gas pressure. The difference is, as mentioned above, that the syphon won't go flat if you use half of its contents and then let it sit for a week. I bought a Jokari "Fizz Keeper" pump gadget the other day, though, and that really does seem to stop normal fizzy drinks from going flat. Needs a lot of pumping, though.)

The most common home-refillable syphons are the Sixties-anodised-aluminium type (I like the round ones!), and the glass type with metal mesh wrapped around it to protect it from bumps and drops. Both are easy to find in second-hand stores, but if you buy one there, make sure the little needle in the bulb-receiver is present, and also make sure the screw-on bulb-holding doover is present. If it's really old, the rubber seals may have perished. You can also just buy a new one, of course; they're not very expensive.

I think pretty much all soda syphons use the same eight-gram CO2 bulbs that're used in smaller air pistols and rifles; the bulbs, too, should be easy to find.

Note also that soda syphons and their CO2 bulbs look very similar to, but are not interchangeable with, whipped cream dispensers and their nitrous oxide bulbs. Which are a whole other story.
posted by dansdata at 8:49 PM on September 26, 2009 [12 favorites]

Sodaclub (a.k.a. Sodastream) FTW. If I only had some of those beautiful antique seltzer bottles to fill, it'd be perfect.
posted by dudeman at 9:28 PM on September 26, 2009

Kenko: Any more info on this? A brief googling turned up nothing.

This is the kind of thing that makes me sad about how far our cities have fallen. There used to be hundreds of unique little things that contributed to life, culture, and traditions in neighborhoods. A WPA book about Philadelphia described horseradish vendors going through the streets calling out what they were selling as late as the 1930s.

But maybe these people represented the poorest of the poor, and maybe it's good that people aren't forced into jobs that have them roaming the streets peddling wares and services. Maybe it's not.

A truck used to drive around my Brewerytown neighborhood every Thursday morning selling fish. I can still hear in my head the weird, annoying announcement from the loudspeaker that used to wake me up. I wish more places in America still had strange and unique little features like that, or like seltzer delivery, or a million other little things, instead of everyone driving to the megamart once a week to stock up on frozen food and prepared pizza and etc.
posted by deafmute at 10:22 PM on September 26, 2009 [7 favorites]

The difference is, as mentioned above, that the syphon won't go flat if you use half of its contents and then let it sit for a week.

Yeah, boy is that not a problem in this house!
posted by rtha at 10:35 PM on September 26, 2009

the weird, annoying announcement from the loudspeaker that used to wake me up

This. In the third world it still happens, and I would prefer organised commerce and less shouting going on outside my window.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:46 PM on September 26, 2009

This is the kind of thing that makes me sad about how far our cities have fallen.

Exactly, I can't even get coal delivered to my chute anymore. And the last tailor selling ruff collars in my neighborhood closed almost 400 years ago.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:53 PM on September 26, 2009 [6 favorites]

Is there nothing you can't get in New York?

A decent salad?
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:52 PM on September 26, 2009

I miss this New York Seltzer.
posted by anazgnos at 2:01 AM on September 27, 2009 [4 favorites]

the weird, annoying announcement from the loudspeaker that used to wake me up

This. In the third world it still happens...

My friends, this still happens in Japan, where we all supposedly live IN THE FUTURE. My favorite has to be the gyoza (potsticker, dumpling, jiao zi, etc) van, but the dudes coming around to remind us all to turn off the gas stove are a distant second.

The US, hm, what could it be that keeps this industry down. We have to choose between: fear of being shot or robbed on the street, walmart, lack of health insurance from informal sector work, suburban sprawl, onerous food safety regs, ... what else?
posted by whatzit at 3:26 AM on September 27, 2009

Exactly, I can't even get coal delivered to my chute anymore.

Actually, I bet you can. At least in you live in an east coast US city.

My neighbor in the Italian market in Philly had coal deliveries. Got several over the course of the winter. I asked him, and he said that he still had a coal boiler for his radiators--it'd never been worth it to switch over to anything else. This was less than ten years ago.
posted by Netzapper at 4:14 AM on September 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

Ah this brings me back to my Grandma and Papa's house in Queens. I miss you guys so.
posted by poppo at 4:34 AM on September 27, 2009 [3 favorites]

Man, I love seltzer and I love all of you that love seltzer, even the word itself is great, seltzer, selllllttttzerrrr, so bubbly. I'm going to get me one of them home seltzer jammies, I'm a five bottle a week vintage man currently and it does seem silly and wasteful even at 45 cents a bottle.
posted by Divine_Wino at 5:07 AM on September 27, 2009

Unlike plastic-bottle seltzer, which loses carbonation the instant it’s cracked, vintage bottles retain their fat bubbles for up to a month.

I Did Not Know That! </johnny carson>
posted by Jubal Kessler at 6:07 AM on September 27, 2009

I get Seltzer delivered. This post reminds me I've been disappointing my seltzer man by not consuming it quickly enough. I used to almost exclusively use it for mixed drinks.
My landlord saw me hauling a case up the stairs and asked what I was doing with them.

"They're dangerous!"
"What are you talking about, Jacob?"
"If one drops, they're very sharp! I had one break my toe when I was a child..."

Scarred for life, apparently.

My favorite thing about getting them (besides egg cremes, of course) is seeing the old advertisements on the bottles for local businesses, long gone.

My guy (Eli) would be happy to get more business.
Anyone in Brooklyn who's interested, lemme know via MeFi Mail, I'll give you his number.
He'll even sign the book one of his customers wrote about him, if you like (and you find one).
posted by Busithoth at 6:16 AM on September 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

"Welcome to my blog and podcast about writing the first definitive history of seltzer. Pour yourself a fresh glass, kick back, and join us! "
--Barry Joseph, The Effervescent Jew
posted by Mike Buechel at 6:27 AM on September 27, 2009 [2 favorites]

I also wanted to say that I was raised on seltzer and orange juice, my hippie mom called it healthy kid soda. My friend's dad would prescribe it for every stomach ailment, he would say "It's good for the greps, ya gotta have the greps, take some seltzer!" I believe it to this day, good for the greps.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:44 AM on September 27, 2009

Can I get carbon sequestering credits for drinking this stuff?
posted by wobh at 8:22 AM on September 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

Not if you burp.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:38 AM on September 27, 2009 [2 favorites]

Deafmute: my mistake, it wasn't Philly but Pittsburgh.
posted by kenko at 8:55 AM on September 27, 2009

What is it about the glass bottles that makes them keep the bubbles longer after they've been opened? Is it just a cap thing? If so, then really, the hassle of lugging glass bottles up the stairs (with the danger of them falling and cutting you) seems to be only for the artistry (and nostalgia). Or am I missing something here?
posted by ErWenn at 9:12 AM on September 27, 2009

I also wanted to say that I was raised on seltzer and orange juice, my hippie mom called it healthy kid soda.

I'm drinking a seltzer and cranberry juice right this minute. It really did help me drop a crushing soda habit.

I buy it in cans, out of some possibly misguided belief that the cans are more eco-friendly than the bottles, and with the side benefit of not having it go flat once it's opened because the cans are single-serving. I've been eyeing those Sodastreams though.
posted by padraigin at 9:37 AM on September 27, 2009

What is it about the glass bottles that makes them keep the bubbles longer after they've been opened?

The glass bottles are pressurized and use a siphon system to dispense the drink. When you pour a glass of seltzer from one, you lose a little bit of pressure, but not too much. On the other hand, plastic bottles, you open them up completely and let out all of the pressure, every time you open it. The carbonation remains in the liquid because the pressure is high enough that it can't escape; glass siphon bottles will keep that pressure, plastic "regular" bottles don't.
posted by explosion at 9:44 AM on September 27, 2009

Sodastream changed my life. All hail Sodastream!
posted by tristeza at 2:27 PM on September 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

padraigin: Cans are way more eco-friendly than plastic bottles. Aluminum is pretty much infinitely recyclable, and it's actually cheaper to recycle aluminum than mine it, so odds are that the aluminum in cans you're using has been recycled many times over. Plastic, on the other hand, is pretty awful recycling-wise.
posted by zsazsa at 2:27 PM on September 27, 2009

SSShhhinnng!
I'm now long one SodaStream Penguin, charged up two carafes which are now in the icebox waiting
WOOF WOOF
posted by nj_subgenius at 2:53 PM on September 27, 2009

Sodastreams are neat, my brother got one and raves and raves about it. But there just isn't any replacement for the entertainment of watching someone finish a bottle of seltzer, then pick up a fresh one, and spray themselves in the face, stooge-style, when they press too hard on the nozzle.
Fun fact: at nearly ANY angle you hold the glass, it WILL hit you in the face.
posted by Busithoth at 2:56 PM on September 27, 2009 [2 favorites]

This article's set in Brooklyn - I live there, and the parking's excellent here.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 3:00 PM on September 27, 2009

All you need to know about DIY carbonation. Been meaning to do this for a while instead of stockpiling Jarritos.

The siphon seltzer bottles make perfect sense... can't believe I didn't think of that before. Now if we could only figure out what kind of fitting would be required when applying the above technique to a siphon bottle.
posted by butterstick at 7:44 PM on September 27, 2009

These links and thread made me want to try this seltzer in the od bottles so bad. I'm a long way from Brooklyn, though. I think I might end up getting a sodastream, though...
posted by I, Slobot at 10:08 PM on September 27, 2009

While the home brew solution linked above really interests me, I know I'll not get around to building it any time soon. So, I am looking at the commercial offerings.

I've seen the Soda Stream, but I don't like the bottles so much. I love the soda siphon style bottles (with the dispenser top rather than the screw top. Is there a comfortable mix of the two? Bigger canisters than all of the siphon systems reference, but with the cool (and functional) top?
posted by ydant at 5:38 AM on October 1, 2009

Basically it looks like you'd just need a valve system to fit on bigger bottles that hooks up to the siphon. There has to be something like that but without the DIY.
posted by ydant at 6:12 AM on October 1, 2009