“He took an umbrella to fight me”

October 3, 2009 7:05 AM

For those of you who haven't been following the ongoing saga of Cambodia's Biting Monk, the Department of Cults and Religious Affairs failed to find sufficient evidence to defrock him and passed the matter on to the monk management board. After two weeks of silence, the accused monk denied the charges. However, there are those who claim the the monk is protected by his fearsome street rep.
posted by ActingTheGoat (26 comments total)

That's one way to bring people back to the present moment.
posted by phrontist at 7:21 AM on October 3, 2009

This is my biting comment.
posted by zippy at 7:22 AM on October 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

And I always thought the Drunken Master prestige class was kind of crap, but I guess if you're a 12th level Monk already it can allow you to get some decent rampaging in.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:39 AM on October 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think biting is OK if you can do it with perfect compassion.
posted by RussHy at 7:42 AM on October 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

If you meet the Buddha in the road, bite him.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:01 AM on October 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

I am sure I saw this movie back in the seventies.
posted by Iron Rat at 8:10 AM on October 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

this is one of my favorite folk songs from the 60's:

Everyone must bi-i-te/
the monk says so!

Everyone must fi-i-ight/
with their mouths on this day!

When the people (all the peo-ple!)
gather to sing and bite and praise
We will be One, for one and for always...

Bite the people, bite the Man!
Bite the people, bite the Man!
Bite the Man, make him understand!
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 8:12 AM on October 3, 2009

Maybe has something to do with Buddha's tooth?
posted by alteredcarbon at 8:20 AM on October 3, 2009

Hey, It's still better than shagging alter boys like Catholic or Protestant Priests!
posted by jeffburdges at 8:21 AM on October 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

He must have missed that bit of the Vinaya about not biting folks.
posted by everichon at 8:31 AM on October 3, 2009

Hey, It's still better than shagging alter boys like Catholic or Protestant Priests!

One of Jodorowsky's memoirs has an account by a Japanese Buddhist monk talking about being raped by an older monk, and claiming it was quite common. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens in Cambodia too. Men, overweening authority, enforced celibacy and captive innocents: the results are probably the same the whole world over. I actually wouldn't be surprised if this guy has done a damn site more than try to bite his colleagues, but this is all they're comfortable bringing forward.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:29 AM on October 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

"does a dog have buddha nature or not?"

*CHOMP*
posted by pyramid termite at 9:30 AM on October 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

Om nom nom nom.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:36 AM on October 3, 2009 [15 favorites]

In other news, there's a monk management board.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 9:50 AM on October 3, 2009 [8 favorites]

Here they come,
walkin' down the street,
sinking their teeth in
everyone they meet.
Hey hey they're the Monkees ...
posted by zippy at 10:02 AM on October 3, 2009

Isn't it comforting to know that the entire globe has the same problems with some segment of their out-of-control religious folk? It's getting hard to tell the difference between performance art and clergy with issues. Maybe he should make a big wooden tunnel, with a white light at the end, then just bite anyone who tries to come through.
posted by adipocere at 10:05 AM on October 3, 2009

I don't even want to know if this dude starts streaming.
posted by effluvia at 10:17 AM on October 3, 2009

Hence the famous koan:

Two rows of teeth clench and there is a harrowing scream; what is the sound of one row of teeth clenching?
posted by JeNeSaisQuoi at 10:20 AM on October 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Department of Cults and Religious Affairs

Excellent classification.
posted by Mr. Anthropomorphism at 10:42 AM on October 3, 2009

Biting Monk sounds like a mediocre indie rock band. The Department of Cults and Religious Affairs could be a band with some potential. But I would definitely catch a set by the monk management board.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 10:51 AM on October 3, 2009 [7 favorites]

"If monks are found to drink wine or bite people, they must be defrocked"

We await your findings, sir.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:46 AM on October 3, 2009

Schism and export is the answer. I'm sure there's a wealthy, seeking set who'd pay to get bit.
posted by eegphalanges at 1:13 PM on October 3, 2009

I just came into this thread to say that defrock/defrocked/defrocking is one of the most inherently hilarious words in the English language.
posted by orange swan at 5:23 PM on October 3, 2009

An old Buddhist Parable:

H: You can tell the quality of the monk by the quality of his frock.
C: Uh Huh ... You have to work this stuff a bit to get it soft.
H: Actually, I just like to say frock.
C: See, just knead it like so, and then it can be modeled.
H: Frock Frock Frock Frock Frock Frock!
C: What on Earth is wrong with you?!
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:59 PM on October 3, 2009

MMBI: Hello, I'm the Monk Management Board Inspector. You called the office about your monk?
Housewife: Yes, it's horrible, he's been biting, and I think he's been drinking, and I just don't know what to do.
MMBI: Hmmm ... that can be tricky. Has he achieved enlightenment?
Housewife: I don't know, the rest of the time he just sits there and hums!
MMBI: I think I'll have to take a look at him.
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:08 PM on October 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

Change comes from within... along with rabies.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:31 AM on October 4, 2009 [1 favorite]