Metal on Metal "BASTARD"

December 10, 2009 12:22 PM

Metal on Metal (sl-vimeo) - may be considered NSFW for some.
posted by h0p3y (39 comments total)

Clearly the makers of the video have no idea about the workings of a hand grenade.
posted by pjern at 12:42 PM on December 10, 2009 [7 favorites]

Well executed (heh), but I have to say the illusion was destroyed for me by the fact that hand-grenades are heavier than you think, they're not supposed to bounce like that.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:45 PM on December 10, 2009

There are no naked people, so I'd say it's SAFE FOR WORK.
posted by chunking express at 12:45 PM on December 10, 2009

thanks Chunking - i was referring to the blood

and it's my first post so did not want to breach any etiquette
posted by h0p3y at 12:47 PM on December 10, 2009

What kind of sissy workplace can't stand the sight of blood?
posted by mannequito at 12:49 PM on December 10, 2009

What kind of sissy workplace can't stand the sight of blood?

I'm the HR director at the New York Home for the Terminally Squeamish, you insensitive clod!
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 12:53 PM on December 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

The lack of lever flyin' and, as stated, vastly incorrect weight and bounciness really kinds of ruins the illusion. Even if you know nothing of levers, a grenade doesn't look like something that could be knocked back and forth like that. Interesting idea, though.
posted by Bovine Love at 12:55 PM on December 10, 2009

I was really expecting some sort of surprise ending. The grenade goes over the glass wall, or it explodes... flowers or...something other than the it-just-blows-up one of the players bit. Tad to grim for me.
posted by ecorrocio at 12:56 PM on December 10, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yeah, bit weird there. My thought process went something like "Why a grenade? Interesting.. Wait, why didn't the lever pop? Uh, grenades don't bounce like that. Is it a game of hot potato? Geez, this grenade sure is cooking for a long time."
posted by splice at 1:01 PM on December 10, 2009

This video is a really great metaphor for how rich old white people like to put young asian girls in a glass cage and fight to the death playing grenade pong. WAKE UP PEOPLE, THE GRENADE PONGERS HAVE SUFFERED LONG ENOUGH
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 1:06 PM on December 10, 2009 [10 favorites]

Yeah, totally unrealistic. The spoon never fell away from the grenade, so there's no reason it would have ever gone off. The crowd isn't behind thick enough glass to be protective. There was no bone or tissue in the blood spatter (notice how the explosion conveniently took place off camera!). The weight and bounce of the grenade is completely wrong, and everyone knows that when you play hand grenade ping pong you play with an M-67 fragmentation grenade.

And don't even get me started on Asian's and ping pong! Why do we keep perpetuating these hurtful stereotypes?
posted by cjorgensen at 1:11 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I was expecting an Anvil video. I guess this was pretty cool too though.
posted by spilon at 1:20 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I just hoped the blue girl won.
posted by valkyryn at 1:22 PM on December 10, 2009

Wow. Some of you guys must've been real buzzkills when your parents read you bedtime stories...
posted by Thorzdad at 1:45 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

You are in an open field west of a ping pong table and a 
liberally fictional representation of a hand grenade.

There is a plate of beans here.

>

posted by kaseijin at 1:48 PM on December 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

> overthink beans

You take a moment to ponder this plate of beans.  
What sort of beans are they?  
They look like they might be pinto beans, but of what cultivar?  
Where were they grown?  
Are they organic?  Sustainable?
How did they come to be here, in this field, west of this ping pong table?

>

posted by kaseijin at 1:50 PM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

Arrrgghghggg - I kept hoping the final return would send the grenade over the protective glass and into the midst of that loathsome audience.

also the spoon didn't pop
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:59 PM on December 10, 2009

Also - my dad never spoke much about Vietnam but he did tell me a story once of pulling the pins on a bunch of grenades, stuffing them in mess hall tumblers to keep the spoons stationary and then dropping them out of helicopters as make-shift mini daisy cutters.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 2:01 PM on December 10, 2009

I think the deadpan build up and wholly expected gruesome death was a great choice. I'm sick of cutesy, message-laden Sony Vaio bouncing ball-lite.
posted by fire&wings at 2:02 PM on December 10, 2009

Baby_Balrog, I've heard other people describing something similar - hand grenades in an empty jar.

Also, don't pull the pin out of a hand grenade with your teeth - you'll probably damage your teeth. Hold the grenade against your thigh with one hand, and pull the pin with your other hand. You will probably have to put down your plate of beans ping pong paddle to do this.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 2:15 PM on December 10, 2009

I thought about including the pulling the pin with your teeth thing in my list of inaccuracies, but then got to thinking, If you're playing ping pong with a grenade, are you likely to be the type of person to engage in good oral hygiene? then I opened a beer with my teeth and decided to not add this to the list.

And I need to apologize to any that were offended of my use of the term "Asian's" above. I totally know that was supposed to be singular and not possessive.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:22 PM on December 10, 2009

I found the climax\money shot oddly placed WRT the music.
posted by autodidact at 2:39 PM on December 10, 2009

I don't know why so many people are interpreting this as an attempt at serious scholarship concerning munitions.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 2:59 PM on December 10, 2009 [5 favorites]

With China's massive numbers of desperate poor and terrible human rights record you'd think they'd at least have started to make something like televised bloodsport by now. Hell, they have a goddamn truck that executes criminals and harvests their organs! WHERE IS THE BLOODSPORT ALREADY
posted by tehloki at 3:24 PM on December 10, 2009

I appreciated the facial expressions of the rich multiethnic old people. I could see the direction: "Start of horrified, but slowly develop bloodlust. If a few of you could have your tongues out by the end, that's be great. And Phil? Why don't you try having an orgasm about half of the way through, and we'll see if that works."
posted by deliquescent at 3:37 PM on December 10, 2009

Can you say weird. It is a entertaining 3 minutes though.
posted by ilovecomix at 4:38 PM on December 10, 2009

You should have seen the landmine tap-dancing competition video they wanted to do. /spinaltap
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:00 PM on December 10, 2009

That was loathsome and pointless.
posted by tkchrist at 5:39 PM on December 10, 2009 [4 favorites]

That was really good. I don't get the anti-bean crowd here, though. How *else* am I supposed to interpret it?
posted by DU at 5:41 PM on December 10, 2009

3:33 of meh.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:41 PM on December 10, 2009

Personally I found the execution pretty interesting to watch, but the soundtrack was (horribly horribly intolerably) repetitive and unlistenable. You people promised me metal, and all I got was a stuck CD player, someone too in love with their sampler, and a drum machine.
posted by majick at 6:38 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oops..thought it was Anvil
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:12 PM on December 10, 2009

I want to punch so many of you in the face.

No wait, I want to play grenade ping pong with you. Except, I suck at ping pong, so i'd be the person getting blown up. God damn it.
posted by chunking express at 7:16 PM on December 10, 2009

I want to punch so many of you in the face.

You're doing it wrong. It's not the face. Punch 'em in the dick!
posted by cjorgensen at 7:38 PM on December 10, 2009

As this post was ukulele-free, I approve.
posted by chairface at 7:47 PM on December 10, 2009

You people promised me metal, and all I got was a stuck CD player, someone too in love with their sampler, and a drum machine.

No shit, I had to go listen to "Sisterfucker" by EyeHateGod to cleanse my ears after that.
posted by 445supermag at 8:31 PM on December 10, 2009

Motherfuckers talk shit? I'm a punch 'em in the dick.
posted by chunking express at 8:36 PM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would like to pretend I was never in this thread. That I never visited here. That I missed the video. But I cannot. I cannot.
posted by humannaire at 9:35 PM on December 10, 2009

Wow. Some of you guys must've been real buzzkills when your parents read you bedtime stories...

Well, YEAH. Duh. We are the kind that immediately spotted the numerous issues with Santa Clause and the whole BS air about it and generally exasperated and exhausted our parents. What, you didn't?
posted by Bovine Love at 7:12 AM on December 11, 2009