It was a dark and stormy night...
June 30, 2010 3:50 PM Subscribe
The 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Winners. That is all.
Oh great. Now I have to call my mother and tell her she didn't win. Wonderful.
posted by greekphilosophy at 3:56 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by greekphilosophy at 3:56 PM on June 30, 2010
Bulwer Lytton was actually quite well regarded in his day, despite dark and stormy nights. Lovecraft was quite fond of him. He also has a place in Fortean history.
posted by Artw at 3:59 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 3:59 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
Molly Ringle is from Seattle, and there was a rather sweet local news story about her and her win today.
posted by bearwife at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by bearwife at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2010
“Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”
This needs to be explained to me.
posted by griphus at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2010
This needs to be explained to me.
posted by griphus at 4:04 PM on June 30, 2010
is there an award for worst formatting of text?
posted by reverend cuttle at 4:09 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by reverend cuttle at 4:09 PM on June 30, 2010
The inestimable Jess Nevins for the defense.
posted by kipmanley at 4:10 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by kipmanley at 4:10 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
I understand that the award is for the worst single sentence, but the first runner-up was robbed. A schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur? How can you top that? With a really sloppy kiss? Pfft.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:10 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by filthy light thief at 4:10 PM on June 30, 2010
griphus, try singing it.
posted by fleacircus at 4:11 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by fleacircus at 4:11 PM on June 30, 2010
“Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”
This needs to be explained to me.
Really? Okay.
"Strangers in the night, exchanging glances." cf. Frank Sinatra, "Strangers in the Night," 1966.
posted by That's Numberwang! at 4:13 PM on June 30, 2010
This needs to be explained to me.
Really? Okay.
"Strangers in the night, exchanging glances." cf. Frank Sinatra, "Strangers in the Night," 1966.
posted by That's Numberwang! at 4:13 PM on June 30, 2010
I understand that the award is for the worst single sentence, but the first runner-up was robbed. A schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur? How can you top that? With a really sloppy kiss? Pfft.
Nah, I prefer a really good bad metaphor to the runner up's jokey entry.
Speaking of which, I tried and failed to find the FPP about the awful fantasy description of an elf queen (or some such). Anyone help?
posted by Bookhouse at 4:14 PM on June 30, 2010
Nah, I prefer a really good bad metaphor to the runner up's jokey entry.
Speaking of which, I tried and failed to find the FPP about the awful fantasy description of an elf queen (or some such). Anyone help?
posted by Bookhouse at 4:14 PM on June 30, 2010
The inestimable Jess Nevins for the defense.
Turns out I've been over to his house, and you've probably all seen it too.
posted by Artw at 4:19 PM on June 30, 2010
Turns out I've been over to his house, and you've probably all seen it too.
posted by Artw at 4:19 PM on June 30, 2010
One of these winners is both (a) a published novelist and (b) a friend of mine for decades now. I called him this afternoon and listened to him hoping fervently that this contest victory will not be the in the first line of his obituary many years hence.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:19 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:19 PM on June 30, 2010
I was actually one of the Lyttle Lytton finalists this year. Pretty proud o' that one.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:29 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by Navelgazer at 4:29 PM on June 30, 2010
The winning gerbil simile is no worse than any of the paragraphs that used to be pegged as astute descriptions of heterosexual lovemaking in John Updike's novels.
posted by blucevalo at 4:31 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by blucevalo at 4:31 PM on June 30, 2010
Bookhouse: "Speaking of which, I tried and failed to find the FPP about the awful fantasy description of an elf queen (or some such). Anyone help?"
Ask and ye shall receive.
posted by specialagentwebb at 4:38 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
Ask and ye shall receive.
posted by specialagentwebb at 4:38 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
And of course, the journal entry was suspended. Here's a low-res scan of the offensive pages.
posted by specialagentwebb at 4:41 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by specialagentwebb at 4:41 PM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
Molly Ringle is from Seattle, and there was a rather sweet local news story about her and her win today.
I like how she confesses that her metaphor about Hot Ravenous Making-Out was inspired by the sight of her son breastfeeding.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 4:48 PM on June 30, 2010
I like how she confesses that her metaphor about Hot Ravenous Making-Out was inspired by the sight of her son breastfeeding.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 4:48 PM on June 30, 2010
The winner in the adventure category, Adam McDonough: "...he dug feverishly in the hot sand with the ivory shoe-horn his mother had given him before the homecoming game with Taft..."
Taft sucks. Go Hotchkiss Bearcats!
posted by ericb at 4:55 PM on June 30, 2010
Taft sucks. Go Hotchkiss Bearcats!
posted by ericb at 4:55 PM on June 30, 2010
my favorites from this group:
The Sherlock Homely detective runner-up ending with: "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead."
The Adventure winner that went from "blazing equatorial sun" to "cold sucking mud" in one sentence. (And almost the runner-up, if only for the reference to "La Victoria chunky salsa" instead of some other brand)
Among the Random Dishonorables, the tongue-twistable but almost-naturally-occurring "Chester Nestor’s constant quest for Mr. Lester’s sister Hester’s monster keister" sounded almost like a GOOD humorous opening line (with extra points for NOT including "molester"), as did the entry immediately following, the Ethel/Tiffany conundrum.
And, yes, I enjoyed the “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances” pun and the "fly in the ointment" pun. (I'm a glutton for pun-ishment, but those stood head, shoulders and three-inches-of-torso above the rest)
LEAST favorites:
The inclusion of a " – but that’s not our story; ours is about ..." the oldest gag in the Bulwer-Lyttony. The second-oldest gag, using a semi-colon followed by a "the point is..." over-explaining a plate of beings. And the third-oldest, finishing with an "assuming..." clause, declaring that neither the narrator nor author had done minimal research.
Still, I look forward to the Lyttle Lyttons even more.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:29 PM on June 30, 2010
The Sherlock Homely detective runner-up ending with: "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead."
The Adventure winner that went from "blazing equatorial sun" to "cold sucking mud" in one sentence. (And almost the runner-up, if only for the reference to "La Victoria chunky salsa" instead of some other brand)
Among the Random Dishonorables, the tongue-twistable but almost-naturally-occurring "Chester Nestor’s constant quest for Mr. Lester’s sister Hester’s monster keister" sounded almost like a GOOD humorous opening line (with extra points for NOT including "molester"), as did the entry immediately following, the Ethel/Tiffany conundrum.
And, yes, I enjoyed the “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances” pun and the "fly in the ointment" pun. (I'm a glutton for pun-ishment, but those stood head, shoulders and three-inches-of-torso above the rest)
LEAST favorites:
The inclusion of a " – but that’s not our story; ours is about ..." the oldest gag in the Bulwer-Lyttony. The second-oldest gag, using a semi-colon followed by a "the point is..." over-explaining a plate of beings. And the third-oldest, finishing with an "assuming..." clause, declaring that neither the narrator nor author had done minimal research.
Still, I look forward to the Lyttle Lyttons even more.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:29 PM on June 30, 2010
I understand that the award is for the worst single sentence, but the first runner-up was robbed. A schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur? How can you top that? With a really sloppy kiss? Pfft.
It's a really fine line -- they're not supposed to sound like they're purposefully being funny, but are the legitimate products of bad writing. The ventriloquist one just sounds like the opening to a clever book.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:38 PM on June 30, 2010
It's a really fine line -- they're not supposed to sound like they're purposefully being funny, but are the legitimate products of bad writing. The ventriloquist one just sounds like the opening to a clever book.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 5:38 PM on June 30, 2010
From the Nevins link:
no sober critic would read Walter Scott or Fenimore Cooper, and then read Bulwer-Lytton, and declare that Bulwer-Lytton is more deserving of derision
Hmmm. Speaking as a critic who is not just sober, but actually teetotal, I will give Nevins Fenimore Cooper, but not Sir Walter. (Like Nevins, I wrote an encyclopedia entry on B-L.)
The "dark and stormy night" is actually a nineteenth-century cliche, even though everyone seems to blame poor B-L for it. The problem is really the rest of the sentence, which is on the clunky side.
No disagreements with anything else that Nevins had to say, however--B-L is one of the Victorian era's most significant novelists.
posted by thomas j wise at 5:49 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
no sober critic would read Walter Scott or Fenimore Cooper, and then read Bulwer-Lytton, and declare that Bulwer-Lytton is more deserving of derision
Hmmm. Speaking as a critic who is not just sober, but actually teetotal, I will give Nevins Fenimore Cooper, but not Sir Walter. (Like Nevins, I wrote an encyclopedia entry on B-L.)
The "dark and stormy night" is actually a nineteenth-century cliche, even though everyone seems to blame poor B-L for it. The problem is really the rest of the sentence, which is on the clunky side.
No disagreements with anything else that Nevins had to say, however--B-L is one of the Victorian era's most significant novelists.
posted by thomas j wise at 5:49 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
Congrats, Navelgazer!
posted by Iridic at 5:56 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Iridic at 5:56 PM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
I like the ones that don't rely on a loopy similie best. The ventriloquist one, for instance.
posted by not that girl at 6:05 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by not that girl at 6:05 PM on June 30, 2010
The Sherlock Homely detective runner-up ending with: "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead."
That is truly a piece of mad genius.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:02 PM on June 30, 2010 [4 favorites]
That is truly a piece of mad genius.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:02 PM on June 30, 2010 [4 favorites]
As always, the runners up and the dishonorable mentions are better than the winners. :)
posted by zarq at 8:56 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by zarq at 8:56 PM on June 30, 2010
I still prefer Little Lytton
I was just about to say what we need is a simpler contest, with truly bad writing. Bad so that you can't tell if it's intentionally or accidentally bad.
The problem with the Bulwer-Lytton contest is that all the entries are obviously lovingly crafted sentences, with a fair amount of thought and energy behind them. The punny sentences are a perfect example of this. Truth is, may of the Bulwer-Lytton sentences wouldn't be out of place at the beginning of a good comic novel, say by Jasper Fforde or the late Douglas Adams.
Anyway, Little Lytton FTW!
posted by zardoz at 9:05 PM on June 30, 2010
I was just about to say what we need is a simpler contest, with truly bad writing. Bad so that you can't tell if it's intentionally or accidentally bad.
The problem with the Bulwer-Lytton contest is that all the entries are obviously lovingly crafted sentences, with a fair amount of thought and energy behind them. The punny sentences are a perfect example of this. Truth is, may of the Bulwer-Lytton sentences wouldn't be out of place at the beginning of a good comic novel, say by Jasper Fforde or the late Douglas Adams.
Anyway, Little Lytton FTW!
posted by zardoz at 9:05 PM on June 30, 2010
You know, the winner in the Detective category actually has avery Lyttle Lytton feel to it.
posted by kenko at 10:03 PM on June 30, 2010
posted by kenko at 10:03 PM on June 30, 2010
I know the winner in the science fiction category. We ate at a sushi place on Tuesday to celebrate his winning. We'd eaten there last November (during NaNoWriMo, naturally), but a few things had changed.
Walking in, a customer says "hi" to him. The staff greets him by name. He points out his Foosball trophies they have on display. His picture is on the wall. After we sit down, the waitress hands him a box with his name on it- his own set of chopsticks. He decides to splurge on the blue sake, and a cook joins us in the toast.
When we were leaving, I said, "I feel like I know you more now than when we went in."
"Really?" he says. "I don't think I said anything important."
posted by Monday at 1:28 AM on July 2, 2010
Walking in, a customer says "hi" to him. The staff greets him by name. He points out his Foosball trophies they have on display. His picture is on the wall. After we sit down, the waitress hands him a box with his name on it- his own set of chopsticks. He decides to splurge on the blue sake, and a cook joins us in the toast.
When we were leaving, I said, "I feel like I know you more now than when we went in."
"Really?" he says. "I don't think I said anything important."
posted by Monday at 1:28 AM on July 2, 2010
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