Moo.

August 18, 2010 11:50 AM

"You know that moment when you are at your favourite restaurant and you bite into a juicy steak? Well, we create those steaks by sharing the wine with the cattle." So says the mission statement for Sezmu Meats. You've probably heard of Kobe beef which according to popular belief is fed one beer per day, massaged with sake daily, brushed to set their fur, and fed on grain fodder. "The cattle at Semu Meats are raised in the beautiful Okanagan Valley located in British Columbia, Canada. They enjoy a diet of grass until they reach a desirable size at which point their diet matures. Then they are fed a proprietary blend of grains with a cow sized glass of red BC wine every day until production. A cow sized glass is well over a bottle of wine! Then the beef is dry aged for 21 days to achieve maximum flavour." Check out their blog: Okanagan Daily Special to view some pictures that compare beef fed without wine and those with.
posted by Fizz (46 comments total)

People! We must party with the cows. It is the only way.
posted by The Whelk at 11:53 AM on August 18, 2010 [5 favorites]

I just think this completely changes the very concept of "cow-tipping".
posted by Fizz at 11:54 AM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, I guess that's about all BC wine is good for.

I kid! I kid!
posted by GuyZero at 11:55 AM on August 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

Well, I guess that's about all BC wine is good for.

I kid! I kid!

Sacrilege! B.C. Wine is some of the best tasting in the world!
posted by Fizz at 11:56 AM on August 18, 2010

This sounds interesting, but I only consume grass-fed beef.

I'm talking about marijuana
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:58 AM on August 18, 2010 [10 favorites]

BOSSIE the COW: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

Given where they are, though, the ranchers could at least throw some pinot noir their way.
posted by adipocere at 11:58 AM on August 18, 2010

"Farmer Brown! Are you trying to get me drunk, then take advantage of me?"
"Yes. Yes I am."
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:00 PM on August 18, 2010 [13 favorites]

I did a few winery tours in BC a few years ago and found a lot of very drinkable pinot gris and chardonnays, but not many reds at all.

Now we find out that huge amounts of red were going to beef cattle. If I ever go back and get offered red, I'm running like hell all the way back east.
posted by maudlin at 12:01 PM on August 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

Bovino?
posted by zippy at 12:10 PM on August 18, 2010 [6 favorites]

They enjoy a diet of grass until they reach a desirable size at which point their diet matures.

Isn't that the same for your standard beef cow? Only by "maturing" they mean "won't totally die from the mixture of corn and chemicals we feed him while he's living waste deep in shit."
posted by bondcliff at 12:12 PM on August 18, 2010 [4 favorites]

I was listening to a radio program on the CBC interviewing the family and their first test subject cow was humorously called "Wino". She said that the cows do not get drunk.
posted by Fizz at 12:13 PM on August 18, 2010

I wonder how much more water and petroleum this puts into the production of beef? It's already obscenely high, so incorporating other layers of production can only raise it to even more unsustainable levels. But I'm sure it's tasty.
posted by msbutah at 12:25 PM on August 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

The growing of wine can be done largely without water (and stressed vines produce more sugar in their grapes, which I hear is a good thing), but I'm sure there is plenty used in the production of the wine itself. Plus the producing and shipping of "cattle wine," making these even less of "energy efficient" cattle than their non-imbibing ilk.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:33 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I wonder how much more water and petroleum this puts into the production of beef?

I think having water and petroleum in your beef is only an issue for Fort McMurray ranchers.
posted by GuyZero at 12:33 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

This changes the meaning of "party 'til the cows come home" entirely, in that the party now stops when the cows come home because the cows proceed to consume the rest of the wine.
posted by ilana at 12:33 PM on August 18, 2010

(Dry farming vineyard information, from the Napa Sustainable Winegrowing Group and UC Davis Viticulture & Enology department.)
posted by filthy light thief at 12:36 PM on August 18, 2010

Well, I guess that's about all BC wine is good for.

I did a few winery tours in BC a few years ago and found a lot of very drinkable pinot gris and chardonnays, but not many reds at all.

Burrowing Owl makes some great stuff. I am partial to their Pinot Noir & Cabernet Franc, but it may be just that I am partial to those grapes in general. Their Syrah is not bad either.
posted by juv3nal at 12:36 PM on August 18, 2010

...and, yes, hilariously, their url is bovwine.ca
posted by juv3nal at 12:38 PM on August 18, 2010

I hope they give them at least two cow-sized glasses of wine before they get knocked on the head by the stunner.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 12:40 PM on August 18, 2010

I had this just last week at the Cobblestone in Naramata. I don't eat much red meat, but it was pretty good.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:42 PM on August 18, 2010

Yeah, pretty much all the good reds come from the Black Sage Bench in the south Okanagan... outside of there, it's rare to find good red wine.

Anyway, I am horribly embarassed that I did not know of this farm and am probably going to go buy a freezer pack right now. Pepsi Blue success.
posted by mek at 12:49 PM on August 18, 2010

A cow sized glass is well over a bottle of wine!

Pedantryfilter: If an average cow weighs 1,200 lbs, an average human weighs 150 lbs, and a typical glass of wine contains 5 oz - - then wouldn't a cow sized glass contain more than 2 bottles of wine?
posted by fairmettle at 12:49 PM on August 18, 2010

Now we find out that huge amounts of red were going to beef cattle.

You never serve white wine with to beef.
posted by hal9k at 1:00 PM on August 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

Apparently, cows don't really explode after munching on alfalfa. But what do they do if they over-imbibe BC alfalfa wine with their alfalfa?
posted by drogien at 1:04 PM on August 18, 2010

The secret ingredient is fat.
posted by killdevil at 1:06 PM on August 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

People! We must party with the cows. It is the only way.

Party 'til the cows come home, then party with the cows.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:09 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was listening to a radio program on the CBC interviewing the family and their first test subject cow was humorously called "Wino". She said that the cows do not get drunk.

Hmmm .... how are their livers?
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:15 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

All I know is that I have to get me some of those cow-sized glasses.
posted by Decani at 1:15 PM on August 18, 2010

Sounds like the food equivalent of audiophiles and $10,000 chunks of wood to rest their speakers on.
posted by delmoi at 1:20 PM on August 18, 2010 [4 favorites]

All I know is that I have to get me some of those cow-sized glasses.

Let's get tasty!
posted by Kirk Grim at 1:22 PM on August 18, 2010

Decani: here ya go.
posted by bink at 1:25 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I wonder how much more water and petroleum this puts into the production of beef?

I strongly doubt that any of this wine that is going into cows would ever make it to market. It's probably fresh, flawed stuff that they are buying on the cheap. It's the kind of stuff that ends up being blended into some Cellared in Canada shit or outright tossed. I wouldn't be surprised if it was unlicensed homebrew, since why pay tax on wine that is never going to go to market? Just buy the cheapest grapes around (there are plenty of grapes on the market) and make some schlock for the cows. At this time of year there is more fruit on the market than there is labour to harvest it, and quite a bit of it is just left to rot. Thanks to the Great Recession, on a drive around the Okanagan you will see hundreds of acres of totally untended vines with for sale signs up.

Adding to all that, in BC we currently have quite a wine glut, due to tariffs which make it prohibitively expensive to sell out-of-country. As a result the market relies almost entirely on local sales, and the vast majority of local wineries don't even make enough wine to market to the government stores: they sell via restaurants, private stores, locally and online. Many wineries are sitting on large amounts of very good wine simply because there isn't enough demand available to empty their cellars without glutting this artificially limited market. International sales are pretty much out of the question, as a $15CDN bottle would cost $35US in the States, and the opposite is also true: a $15 bottle of California red costs $40 here. That's because all wine coming in and out of BC is subject to over 100% of its value in duty. That's the real scandal: so much agricultural product is going to waste that we have to find weird alternative disposal methods (like feeding wine to cows) because of a total failure of NAFTA to actually uhhh, allow free trade.

Anyway, the price of the meat these guys are selling is pretty competitive - $350 for a >50lb freezer pack = less than $7 per lb, which is extremely reasonable for premium-quality beef. Those cows are drinking on the cheap.
posted by mek at 1:28 PM on August 18, 2010 [4 favorites]

Pedantryfilter: If an average cow weighs 1,200 lbs, an average human weighs 150 lbs, and a typical glass of wine contains 5 oz - - then wouldn't a cow sized glass contain more than 2 bottles of wine?

2 is more than 1.
posted by electroboy at 1:29 PM on August 18, 2010

Hmmm. The analysis in that blog post seems a bit faulty. Although they credit the Sezmu steak with having superior yield and juice retention, it was also thicker and squarer (giving it a smaller surface area)

By the basic laws of physics, the steak on the left was guaranteed to retain more juices if cooked for the same amount of time as the one on the right, all else being equal.

A commenter in the blog also noted that the steaks were two somewhat different cuts, which can also have a tremendous impact on the quality of the steak (not to mention the variations you'll see from animal to animal).

The only way to get a good result here is to do a blind taste test, with several testers, and samples from multiple steaks. I'll gladly volunteer myself as a taster....for science.
posted by schmod at 1:33 PM on August 18, 2010

the lost me at proprietary blend of grains cause all i can think of monsanto. also, arent they creating alcoholic cows? that's kinda sorta not healthy.
posted by liza at 2:10 PM on August 18, 2010

getting killed and cut into steak isn't the healthiest thing ever, either
posted by sonic meat machine at 2:21 PM on August 18, 2010 [5 favorites]

Their "proprietary blend" is probably something like 45% corn, 25% wheat and 30% rye or something equally banal. Don't overthink it.
posted by GuyZero at 2:40 PM on August 18, 2010

If I were going to be killed and cut up for steaks, I would INSIST on cowsized glasses of wine.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 2:48 PM on August 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

"The cattle at Semu Meats are raised in the beautiful Okanagan Valley..."

Don't steer us in the wrong direction--that's "Sezmu", as in "Says Moo".
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:58 PM on August 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Food all right? Try the wine."

--A Clockwork Orange
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:25 PM on August 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

And here I thought the secret ingredient was love.
posted by Spatch at 3:47 PM on August 18, 2010

"Food all right? TRY THE WINE."

Alex the Cow looks warily at the bottle.
posted by benzenedream at 4:50 PM on August 18, 2010

I was listening to a radio program on the CBC interviewing the family and their first test subject cow was humorously called "Wino". She said that the cows do not get drunk.

Hmmm .... how are their livers?

Udderly delicious!
posted by swell at 8:41 PM on August 18, 2010

Sacrilege! B.C. Wine is some of the best tasting in the world!

As a Canadian in the wine industry, I very much disagree. Perhaps you are thinking of Greek or Croatian wine in the comparison.

Also, let the cows get drunk. Give them far more.
posted by converge at 1:29 AM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Decani: here ya go.
posted by bink at 9:25 PM on August 18

My life is now complete.
posted by Decani at 5:00 AM on August 19, 2010

Pshaw, that's nothing. On my ranch in BC I've been taking agricultural castoffs, leftover pizza and Cheetos. You want to see some fat, relaxed cattle, come on by. We'll be watching Cartoon Network.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:12 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]