Oh, God, here we go again.

August 28, 2001 11:38 AM

Oh, God, here we go again. Maybe he can go next door and ask Wilson for some advice?
posted by sassone (39 comments total)

turning 18 with a 33 year old wife? must be love.
posted by the_ill_gino at 11:44 AM on August 28, 2001

The best part is he has a 31 year old wife ( he just turned 18 in April ) who is being blamed for everything. Money, thank god I have none of it.
posted by remlapm at 11:44 AM on August 28, 2001

hole similar thought t_i_g
posted by remlapm at 11:45 AM on August 28, 2001

I had to click on the link to know what it was about. I hate that :(
posted by geir at 11:49 AM on August 28, 2001

Sounds like the restless ghost of Dana Plato is haunting him.....
posted by briank at 11:51 AM on August 28, 2001

holy proximity! he's only about 10 minutes away from me if he's in Lawrence.
posted by winterdrm at 11:55 AM on August 28, 2001

Ok, this is weird, his 33 year old wife's name is Heidi Van Pelt.
posted by tiaka at 11:56 AM on August 28, 2001

Maybe he should talk to Uncle Willie instead. He seems to have made it out of child stardom mostly alive
posted by Octaviuz at 11:56 AM on August 28, 2001

Turning 18 with a 33 year old wife who has known their lawyer for 17 years.

Advise: Get a new lawyer.
posted by DBAPaul at 11:57 AM on August 28, 2001

Remlapm: no, he's not 18 yet. He's still 17. He won't turn 18 til April 2002.

Tiaka: who is Heidi Van Pelt. Why is that weird?
posted by sassone at 12:11 PM on August 28, 2001

holy shite... this must be an example of reverse white trash!
posted by moz at 12:12 PM on August 28, 2001

Heidi Van Pelt: Lucy and Linus's dark secret. Raised chained up in the basement, mercilessly taunted by Rerun, until one day she emerged from the cellar, Kaspar Hauser-style and let forth a mighty bellow "Bring me the kid from Home Improvement!"
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:18 PM on August 28, 2001

What is it about child/teen actors marrying older women? Wil Wheaton, Patrick Dempsey - younger than his manager/wife by nearly 30 years - Jason Bateman, now Taron whoever whatever. Weird.
posted by Dreama at 12:38 PM on August 28, 2001

I think a lot of female teen actresses marry older men, too. But for some reason, it seems more "normal" for a 33 year old man to marry a 17 year old girl. Hmmm.
posted by witchstone at 12:57 PM on August 28, 2001

"'He had to take the car when his parents were down in Mexico on their new boat that was bought with his money,' said David Scott Whinery, the Lawrence attorney who is helping Smith with his case."
David Scott Whinery -- a positively Dickensian name!
posted by Allen Varney at 1:11 PM on August 28, 2001

What's weird about Heidi Van Pelt? It sounds like a name you make up when someone asks you what your name is, and you happen to be looking at a leopard-skin coat.
posted by Hildago at 1:12 PM on August 28, 2001

Prediction: Ten years from now Taran Noah Smith will replace Macaulay Culkin as Sipowicz's partner in NYPD Blue.
posted by jacknose at 1:18 PM on August 28, 2001

Here is the Lawrence Journal-World article. It even includes a photo of the happy couple. As a resident of Lawrence, I'll be on the lookout for said Lincoln.

Dave
posted by daveleck at 1:30 PM on August 28, 2001

"Within weeks of meeting Heidi, Taran completely changed his spiritual beliefs, his outlook on society, his feelings toward higher education, his attitude toward his family, his diet, his image, and even his feelings toward video games, movies and other things he used to enjoy as a 16-year-old kid."

...Sounds like somebody got some for the first time. That first piece can be powerful I guess.
posted by srw12 at 1:34 PM on August 28, 2001

Tangent !--

Speaking again of Will Wheaton, I just realized his two sons' name's are Nolan and Ryan.

--!
posted by Hankins at 1:41 PM on August 28, 2001

It's obvious the 17-year-old and his suspiciously much older wife will take far better care of the money than his parents. Duh. What's wrong with you people?
posted by kevspace at 2:12 PM on August 28, 2001

"I think a lot of female teen actresses marry older men, too. But for some reason, it seems more "normal" for a 33 year old man to marry a 17 year old girl. Hmmm."

naah. i don't think it's normal at all. what the hell does a 17 year old have that a 33 year old can find in their own age group.

besides money, fame, and young flesh.

damnit, i had a point. but i lost it. nevermind. i'm going to end this post with:

FREE WIL WHEATON
posted by jcterminal at 2:25 PM on August 28, 2001

wait a sec, if he's still 17, isn't he technically under the age of consent?

so... that would make Ms. van Pelt a statutory rapist! but they're married...

I'm so confused.
posted by mjane at 2:26 PM on August 28, 2001

if he's still 17, isn't he technically under the age of consent?

Maybe that's why they moved to Kansas, where the age of consent is 16.
posted by kindall at 2:46 PM on August 28, 2001

Somehow I think the wife and lawyer (both mid-thirties who have known each other since their first lay) will end up with the money and all the kid will have is the pimpmobile. Should make for a great TV movie someday, where the washed up, broke former child star can play himself for union rate.
posted by msacheson at 3:05 PM on August 28, 2001

So, she's 33, has pink hair, and is married to a 17-year-old former child star... why can't I find a girl who is so stable? I guess Mary Kay Letourneau wasn't available.
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 3:14 PM on August 28, 2001

bah, nothing new for those of us who read the tabloids... ::looks around:: oh wait, i guess it's just me.
posted by lotsofno at 3:30 PM on August 28, 2001

Hmm.. what about him getting all his money from the parents, perusing education and starting his own law firm where somewhere along the lines his so called wife leaves him because they don't party enough and at the same time his renews his ties to his family, he then meets a girl of his age, preferably with normal hair and they have a baby. Or, right, the broke, ex-child actor robbing a liqueur store for crack money. Either, which.
posted by tiaka at 3:32 PM on August 28, 2001

Wait a sec -- the caption of the pic says she's his "common-law wife", and i'm sorry, generally to be a common-law spouse one needs to have lived together for a certain amount of time - like at least 5 years. What the hell does an "affadavit of common-law marriage" mean? That they've had sex? They've picked out a china pattern? The hell?

So it seems to me that they're not actually married.
posted by meep at 3:42 PM on August 28, 2001

Wait a sec -- the caption of the pic says she's his "common-law wife", and i'm sorry, generally to be a common-law spouse one needs to have lived together for a certain amount of time - like at least 5 years. What the hell does an "affadavit of common-law marriage" mean? That they've had sex? They've picked out a china pattern? The hell?

So it seems to me that they're not actually married.
posted by meep at 3:42 PM on August 28, 2001

Oh, I'm so taking the "Free Wil Weaton" meme and running with it.
posted by Neale at 5:00 PM on August 28, 2001

rock on neale!
posted by jcterminal at 5:32 PM on August 28, 2001

I'll put up a FREE WIL WHEATON homepage soon. Until then, here are some text ideas...

Here.

Here.

Here.

Here.

And Here.
posted by Neale at 5:37 PM on August 28, 2001

oh what the heck? i have to register for this?

oh thanks mr. NYTimes.

:P
posted by jcterminal at 5:57 PM on August 28, 2001

meep: there is no legislated time period for common-law marriage, even in the states where it's formally recognized. The law simply recognizes that they are acting as if married, including points such as using the same last name and filing joint tax returns. If it's been recognized by a judge, I'd imagine it's legal.
posted by dhartung at 6:11 PM on August 28, 2001

I would just like to point out that (to paraphrase snarkout (was it?)) "there is no such thing as WIL WHEATON. There is only TV's WIL WHEATON".

Come on, folks. Let's get that referrer traffic working in our favour.
posted by Succa at 8:06 PM on August 28, 2001

what's a wil wheaton?
posted by lotsofno at 9:01 PM on August 28, 2001

FREE TV's WIL WHEATON.
posted by Neale at 6:09 AM on August 29, 2001

Hey Neale, I don't suppose you could whip up a small pdf of this, like say a half sheet that we could slip into the video tape case of The Curse before returning it to Blockbuster....
posted by eckeric at 9:44 AM on August 30, 2001