Clam Smackdown

February 8, 2014 3:10 PM

Deceptively simple, but infuriatingly addictive, everyone's playing the hottest game to rocket up the App Store charts: CLAM SMACKDOWN. created by porpentine.
posted by Greg Nog (42 comments total)

WE'RE ALL TRAPPED IN HELL TOGETHER
posted by griphus at 3:16 PM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]

Yay for porpentine!
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 3:17 PM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Those look like scallops to me
posted by aubilenon at 3:22 PM on February 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

I do love behaving aggressively towards clams.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 3:22 PM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

That's a lotta simoleons.
posted by The White Hat at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Stupid Clam!
posted by Navelgazer at 3:29 PM on February 8, 2014

i slapped 5 clams
posted by mullacc at 3:31 PM on February 8, 2014

we are all in hell together
posted by Sebmojo at 3:35 PM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]

The next time you kids laugh at us old folks because we thought "Pong" was neat, I'm just going to point at this and shake my head.
posted by HuronBob at 3:39 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

CLAMAZAMA.

That is all.
posted by Etrigan at 3:45 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

What do I have to spend my clams on to make my clams click on clams
posted by oceanjesse at 3:46 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Maybe you should take me to SMALL CLAMS COURT
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:46 PM on February 8, 2014 [17 favorites]

Next game needs to have open clams slapped closed by a rubber hand.

I approve of clam games.
That is all.
posted by BlueHorse at 3:50 PM on February 8, 2014

It sent me on a secret mission to CLAMAZONDOTCOM but that just redirected me to regular Amazon. Please advise.
posted by ob1quixote at 4:22 PM on February 8, 2014

Don't forget, clams have it coming to them. (Clamminess about 4 minutes in, but it's all bat-good).
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 4:25 PM on February 8, 2014

Context: it was made in response to this tweet, then followed shortly by PIG SPANKDOWN.
posted by picklenickle at 4:31 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

So it's not a sequel to Grog's Revenge?
posted by ceribus peribus at 4:33 PM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

I think this is a good time to mention HUGPUNX.
posted by moonmilk at 4:58 PM on February 8, 2014

Poor little clams!
Snap! Snap! Snap!
Poor little clams!
Snap! Snap! Snap!
posted by delfin at 5:17 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

ceribus peribus WINS. Friendship. (Friendship?!)
posted by JHarris at 5:35 PM on February 8, 2014

Computer was disappointingly weak against all queen's pawn clambit variations.
posted by 0bs01337 at 5:51 PM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

Was kind of hoping the red band at the bottom of the screen would rise ever upwards with every clam that evaded smacking, like the blood of clams that have plummeted to their doom.
posted by ardgedee at 6:37 PM on February 8, 2014

Today, I learned that one can use "porpentine" without prepending "fretful".
posted by Wolfdog at 6:41 PM on February 8, 2014

It looks like I'm smacking them clams with either a menorah or that creepy monkey's paw. Either way, totally supernatural.
posted by limeonaire at 7:06 PM on February 8, 2014

it's a CALAMITY

(sorry)
posted by mattoxic at 7:13 PM on February 8, 2014

Waiting for the In-App Purchases to see how many clams I need to shell out to get all the things.
posted by nubs at 7:15 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

Guys, I'm going to make a fortune off of my next app - flappy clam smack it.
posted by allen.spaulding at 7:26 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

CLAMAZON DOT COM

(Redirects to amazon.com, which is outstanding. Seriously. Try it.)
posted by elmer benson at 7:32 PM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]

The whois on CLAMAZON DOT COM indicates that they are, in fact, owned by amazon.com. And have been since at least September 30th of last year. How did they see this coming?
posted by teh_boy at 8:14 PM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]

It's that dorky theme music that makes it so addictive.
posted by straight at 9:22 PM on February 8, 2014

The next time you kids laugh at us old folks because we thought "Pong" was neat, I'm just going to point at this and shake my head.

Did they not have satire in your day, grandpa?

*DUCKS*
posted by JauntyFedora at 9:54 PM on February 8, 2014

I smacked so many clams I must be totally free of thetans by now.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:59 PM on February 8, 2014 [6 favorites]

porpentine (previouslies)
posted by victory_laser at 10:56 PM on February 8, 2014

More like ROU_Xenuphobe am I right?
posted by zippy at 1:02 AM on February 9, 2014 [3 favorites]

Now I'm hungry for chowder.
posted by Pudhoho at 3:16 AM on February 9, 2014

I was really hoping this was the next Frog Fractions.
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:31 AM on February 9, 2014 [2 favorites]

Adam Clambert
posted by mintcake! at 8:16 AM on February 9, 2014

I was really hoping this was the next Frog Fractions.

I think the context (first tweet, and then, a short hour and a half later, second tweet) is really what makes this interesting and funny, though the little anti-jokes that pop up upon CLAM SMACKDOWN are good on their own.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:47 AM on February 9, 2014

Then, of course, the conversation continued. Rainbow Satan asked for Pig Spankdown, and Porpentine provided said Pig Spankdown in a half-hour.

Join Twitter and you, too, can write such sentences as the above
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 10:54 AM on February 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

Did they not have satire in your day, grandpa?
*DUCKS*

DUCK FLAPDOWN.
posted by JHarris at 3:33 PM on February 9, 2014

(Or QUACKDOWN. Quackdown is better. Pretend I said Quackdown.)
posted by JHarris at 3:33 PM on February 9, 2014 [1 favorite]

I can't get past the boss in level 3. Anyone got tips?
posted by Legomancer at 12:04 PM on February 11, 2014