The plant crime of the century

October 28, 2014 6:38 AM

In January, one of the last remaining specimens of a nearly extinct water lily was stolen from Kew Gardens. Collectors and nursery owners continued to beg Magdalena for the plant. “All the time,” he said. “All the time.” He sensed that people were willing to break the rules. “When there is no way of getting it, people grow sick and obsessed.” When the water lily was taken from the Princess of Wales Conservatory, Magdalena wasn’t shocked in the slightest. “What surprised me is that it took so long,” he said.
posted by Horace Rumpole (24 comments total)

Only half way through the article, but I have to say that picture of Carlos Magdalena is the best.
posted by Thing at 6:56 AM on October 28, 2014 [6 favorites]

This is a plot from a Batman comic.
posted by Sangermaine at 6:56 AM on October 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

People are terrible. Leave the fucking plants alone. Jesus.

But since that doesn't address the problem, botanists should probably take the approach of widely sharing/selling seeds and cuttings of rare things rather than hoarding them. If a plant is everywhere, at least it survives; if it's rare, it gets stolen by assholes and goes extinct. Of course, you have to hope you don't end up with a kudzu situation where it ends up in the wrong habitat and wreaks havoc. So basically, you can't win. Because people are assholes.
posted by emjaybee at 7:00 AM on October 28, 2014 [7 favorites]

posted by Horace Rumpole

Another famous detective, Nero Wolfe of New York City, was asked to consult, but was far too busy attending to his Phalaenopsis Aphrodite, saying "Do not waste my time if it does not concern orchids."
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 7:01 AM on October 28, 2014 [12 favorites]

This should be the plot of Ocean's 14; Magdalena will be played by Jordi Molla.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:01 AM on October 28, 2014

This is why we can't have nice things plants
posted by The Whelk at 7:07 AM on October 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

emjaybee, in the article they do say they'd like it to go commercial but to do it such that a portion of the profit, as per regulation, goes to rebuilding the original habitat. The last paragraph recounts how such a plan for another plant went nowhere because a colleague took the plant and went commercial.

I dunno. I'm okay with not restoring it in its original habitat. Species survive where they can and if that means a new home in people's homes, that's fine by me.
posted by linux at 7:21 AM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

“This is capitalism.”

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 7:43 AM on October 28, 2014

"Alright. Well, in all honesty, I don't feel that what I've done is a crime. And I think it's illogical and irresponsible for you to sentence me to prison. Because, when you think about it, what did I really do? I crossed an imaginary line with a bunch of plants."
posted by resurrexit at 7:51 AM on October 28, 2014

Yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about this hoarding to release the plant as part of the management plan. I see why it's an interesting idea, but also think that it's inpractical and at a certain point not very helpful to the plants in question. We have this problem in the hobby I'm involved with and plankton (copepods, specifically). Well sort of, the organisms aren't endangered but are not common in captivity. And businesses will often only sell them with an agreement the customer won't resell or even give the cultures away. And because of that, we've lost a few from captivity. Not only that, but it's usually someone else who discovers them, then are initially shared or imported from another country. It might not be so bad except there have been losses because of this, while non-restricted species are widely distributed.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 8:23 AM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

From the article:

Not everyone was moved by the theft of the thermal water lily. “Got to say what’s the point,” tweeted Louise Mensch, the former Conservative MP. “Ordinary looking plant hardly worth saving. #Darwin.”

FLAMES

FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:28 AM on October 28, 2014 [11 favorites]

Yeah, Louise Mensch is an absolute fucking idiot.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:41 AM on October 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

BOTANICAL CREATURE STIRS

SEEKING REVENGE
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:46 AM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

This sort of acquisitive nonsense is one reason the seed vault exists...
posted by jim in austin at 9:47 AM on October 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Susan Orlean and her toothless swamp beau stole it, obviously. Because drugs.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:30 AM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah, Louise Mensch is an absolute fucking idiot.

Hahahaha that one goes in the Ironic Names vault
posted by Mooseli at 10:31 AM on October 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

Reminds me of the equally bizarre English hobby of (illegally) collecting eggs from nests.
posted by crazy with stars at 10:45 AM on October 28, 2014

crazy with stars: "Reminds me of the equally bizarre English hobby of (illegally) collecting eggs from nests."

I was just about to link the same post ... this seems like a peculiarly English sort of madness, people who love nature so much THEY MUST OWN IT AND COLLECT IT even if that destroys it.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:05 AM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

We're in a great extinction era. I don't think it's really important to worry about whether a phenomenally rare water lily escapes into a new environment. Everything is changing at a whirlwind pace. Nothing remains static. More species is better than fewer: more propagation/sharing of this plant is better than having it go extinct.

I reserve the right to change my mind tomorrow, when I get upset about frigging zebra mussels and asian carp killing the Great Lakes.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:19 AM on October 28, 2014

It's interesting to me how the nicheness of the field almost enables the thieves - they want the plant so bad (out of avarice or greed) but rely on the larger community's lack of interest or appreciation of the items as special/valuable to shield their actions with a lack of concern. If they were stealing a gadget or a formula or even a piece of art, the theft would be more meaningful to more people. But a plant - which doesn't bear obvious hallmarks of a person's effort/work/production - is a generic concept for a lot of people. At least animals are adorable or useful. Plants just sit there. The work of saving/cultivating/reviving a species or a plant seems more academic than passionate or emotional or personal. It can seem like a victimless crime - both to those who take the plants and to those who would ostensibly find/punish the thieves.

I know the larger, splashier lilies are often the stars of a pond and more desirable, but the tiny lilies are so adorable, and contrast so beautifully with the bigger plants that it sometimes seems inexplicable that they aren't more popular (outside of rarity-based collectors) - they fit beautifully into kettle pots and barrels, are generally free of spikes on the undersides of the leaves, and can really make a small pond look bigger.
posted by julen at 12:10 PM on October 28, 2014

Goodness, Magdelena's metaphor for the loss of these plants moved me to tears,

We ended up next to a slender, unhappy looking tree – a Zanthoxylum paniculatum, also from Mauritius – which is the plant that Magdalena cannot grow. It has been at Kew for 28 years, and never produced a fruit. There is only one other specimen left on earth. But even standing there, next to this doomed plant, I admitted to Magdalena that I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t know what to feel. He tried to explain extinction in terms that I might understand. Each chromosome is a letter. Each gene is a word. Each organism is a book. “Each plant that is dying contains words that have only been spoken in that book,” he said. “So one plant goes, one book goes, and also one language goes and perhaps a sense of words that we will never understand. What would have happened with Shakespeare with no roses? And Monet with no water lilies?”

posted by gladly at 1:00 PM on October 28, 2014 [4 favorites]

when I get upset about frigging zebra mussels and asian carp killing the Great Lakes.

I still think we could just eat the Asian carp (or grind them up and make petfood or something), but the zebra mussels, those little fuckers are impossible. There are several businesses my company works with to evaluate status of lakes and propose "solutions" for infestation, but I think "dude who cleans zebra mussels off your water pipe intake" is going to be a job for a long time.
posted by emjaybee at 1:09 PM on October 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

When I was allowed to set out plants in an alpine house at a public garden I was instructed carefully to not set out plants in small pots within arms reach of the public. Because if you leave small pots near the public the public will steal them.

In the year and a half I spent interacting with the alpine house, there were more than half a dozen plants stolen. Some were clearly by people who knew what they were doing (interesting plants that are difficult to cultivate but not necessarily pretty) while others were just stolen on a whim (pretty and easy to cultivate).

It really is a problem in the world of gardening. Even in the much less rarefied world of gardening where you're dealing with plants that aren't extinct in the wild.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:01 PM on October 28, 2014

this seems like a peculiarly English sort of madness, people who love nature so much THEY MUST OWN IT AND COLLECT IT even if that destroys it.

there's an imperialism joke in here somewhere
posted by poffin boffin at 5:37 PM on October 28, 2014 [2 favorites]