No word on whether she heard the voice of Johnny Cash
May 31, 2016 4:46 PM Subscribe
That fox was obviously rabid and asparagus-water phobic.
posted by machaus at 5:16 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by machaus at 5:16 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Yeah, but I heard that Kim Gordon was bitten by a coyote in a Whole Foods parking lot, so there are clearly two sides to this story, both equally true.
posted by ernielundquist at 5:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by ernielundquist at 5:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [11 favorites]
I'm glad this has "news" in the URL.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 5:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 5:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Yeah, but it's followed by a question mark.
posted by Pinback at 5:22 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Pinback at 5:22 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
The college dropout with dreadlocks who's bagging for lane 5 is not a coyote, but he's been mistaken for one before.
posted by delfin at 5:25 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by delfin at 5:25 PM on May 31, 2016 [4 favorites]
What about the coyotes Kim Gordon, notorious coyote gnawer, has bitten? WHAT ABOUT THEM, METAFILTER?
Won't someone think of the coyotes?
posted by prismatic7 at 5:27 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
Won't someone think of the coyotes?
posted by prismatic7 at 5:27 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
Was she really bitten by a talking dog?
Wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog!
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:02 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog!
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:02 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Meanwhile, the dude from the Mountain Goats is trolling around the local Trader Joe's in a white van hoping to lure a wolf inside.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:05 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:05 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]
You can get a wolf bite at Trader Joe's for way less.
posted by srboisvert at 6:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 6:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [9 favorites]
Oh yeah. Gimme a break. Like I'm so sure Corin Tucker totally was not glared at by a coy-dog at Fred Meyer either, right?
posted by Bob Regular at 6:25 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Bob Regular at 6:25 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
If this fake account gets removed by Instagram I will never shop at whole foods again.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:30 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:30 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
You can get a wolf bite at Trader Joe's for way less.
I was bitten by a flat-pack of coyotes at Ikea
posted by zippy at 7:07 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]
I was bitten by a flat-pack of coyotes at Ikea
posted by zippy at 7:07 PM on May 31, 2016 [10 favorites]
I had to bite myself at Wal-Mart.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:26 PM on May 31, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:26 PM on May 31, 2016 [8 favorites]
If it's not the coyote then something else... Like... Is it just me? You ever feel like chasing down Kim Gordan and just taking a bite out of her? I get that way.
posted by uraniumwilly at 7:31 PM on May 31, 2016
posted by uraniumwilly at 7:31 PM on May 31, 2016
This story resembles the celebrity-flat-tire stories in everyone's hometown. Snopes.
posted by Brian B. at 7:37 PM on May 31, 2016
posted by Brian B. at 7:37 PM on May 31, 2016
I'd love to be harassed by a coyote in the parking lot of my local co-op.
I wouldn't want it to bite me or threaten to bite me or anything, but I'd be fine with it sneaking up and ripping the bottom out of the bag and running off with the stir-fry meat as I cursed impotently.*
*(a mild version of this happened to me once, only it was a wolf/domesticated dog hybrid, the bag was in the carrier of my bike and the dog didn't bother to sneak at all ... oh, and I was too busy laughing and trying to reassure the horrified owner to do much cursing. Meeting that dog's eyes and locking gazes as her ears flew back comically when I was locking my bike to go into the store was my only real experience of love at first sight, and the dog somehow knew that.)
posted by jamjam at 7:57 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't want it to bite me or threaten to bite me or anything, but I'd be fine with it sneaking up and ripping the bottom out of the bag and running off with the stir-fry meat as I cursed impotently.*
*(a mild version of this happened to me once, only it was a wolf/domesticated dog hybrid, the bag was in the carrier of my bike and the dog didn't bother to sneak at all ... oh, and I was too busy laughing and trying to reassure the horrified owner to do much cursing. Meeting that dog's eyes and locking gazes as her ears flew back comically when I was locking my bike to go into the store was my only real experience of love at first sight, and the dog somehow knew that.)
posted by jamjam at 7:57 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
You can get a wolf bite at Trader Joe's for way less.
Where wolf at Trader Joe's? Was he drinking piña colada? How was hair?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:57 PM on May 31, 2016 [15 favorites]
Where wolf at Trader Joe's? Was he drinking piña colada? How was hair?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:57 PM on May 31, 2016 [15 favorites]
I can neither confirm nor deny getting gnawed by the wallaby in my dining room.
posted by arcticseal at 8:21 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by arcticseal at 8:21 PM on May 31, 2016 [2 favorites]
You can get a wolf bite at Trader Joe's for way less.
The Silver Lake Trader Joe's? That wasn't a wolf that bit you. That was someone trying to get your parking spot.
posted by cazoo at 8:35 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
The Silver Lake Trader Joe's? That wasn't a wolf that bit you. That was someone trying to get your parking spot.
posted by cazoo at 8:35 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
Whole Foods? Trader Joes?
Up here, we go to our local farmers market, where we get bitten by a good, honest beaver or moose.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:56 PM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]
Up here, we go to our local farmers market, where we get bitten by a good, honest beaver or moose.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:56 PM on May 31, 2016 [5 favorites]
At my EarthFare parking lot, I was bitten by a capybara. I feel kind of conflicted recommending it, though, as I've heard increased North American demand has made it almost impossible for the rural poor in South America to afford their traditional capybara attacks.
posted by biogeo at 9:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 9:20 PM on May 31, 2016 [3 favorites]
I only get bitten by artisanal Chupacabras at my hyperlocal brassica food truck. Why do you hate nature?
posted by freebird at 9:47 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by freebird at 9:47 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
Meanwhile, the dude from the Mountain Goats is trolling around the local Trader Joe's in a white van hoping to lure a wolf inside.
There's gonna be a party when the wolf comes home.
posted by curious nu at 10:59 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
There's gonna be a party when the wolf comes home.
posted by curious nu at 10:59 PM on May 31, 2016 [1 favorite]
"calming herbs"
posted by drlith at 6:02 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by drlith at 6:02 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm pretty sure I was bitten by a vampire at Costco. It hurt like the Dickens. But maybe I'm immortal now? Hard to say. Whatever the case, that's the last time I buy hot sauce in bulk.
posted by thivaia at 6:22 AM on June 1, 2016
posted by thivaia at 6:22 AM on June 1, 2016
If you actually are immortal not buying in bulk is a huge mistake.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:04 AM on June 1, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:04 AM on June 1, 2016 [12 favorites]
we get bitten by a good, honest beaver
Perhaps you need to update your foreplay regimen.
posted by fairmettle at 7:58 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
Perhaps you need to update your foreplay regimen.
posted by fairmettle at 7:58 AM on June 1, 2016 [1 favorite]
« Older “...in which he repeatedly referred to the penis... | The Pizzle Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by ejs at 5:00 PM on May 31, 2016 [15 favorites]